Lost in Paradise

by Rachel Lacey

  “Mm.”

  “So anyway, I’ve been trying to leave the office on time, spend more time with my friends, that kind of thing. I’ve got a ton of vacation time stored up, and I’m going to use it, even if I just stay home and read a book.”

  “You could take up yoga,” Fiona suggested.

  “Maybe you could teach me.”

  “I don’t teach.”

  “Not even for me?”

  “Especially not you. The ocean between us makes things difficult.”

  “It doesn’t have to.”

  Fiona was quiet, and the ocean was indeed making things difficult right now, because Nicole couldn’t see her to read whether this was a comfortable silence or an uncomfortable one.

  Finally, Fiona said, “I have to go.”

  FIONA WAS AT HER DESK, stylus in hand as she sketched a rough design on her tablet, when her phone rang. Her first instinct was to let it go to voicemail. She rarely answered her phone, hated making idle conversation. Except that tingle in the pit of her stomach reminded her there was someone in the world now she did enjoy talking to, someone she couldn’t stop thinking about no matter how hard she tried to shut her out of her mind.

  So she pressed the button on the stylus and set it down, leaving the outline on her screen half-formed, ten minutes of concentration wasted. She was going to be so pissed if the caller wasn’t Nicole.

  But it was.

  Fiona grabbed her phone, rubbing self-consciously at the huge grin on her face even though no one was here to see it. “Hi.”

  “Hi,” Nicole replied. “How are you?”

  “Why do Americans always ask that question?” She stood from her desk and walked toward the back door, stretching as she went.

  “Sorry,” Nicole said, laughter in her voice. “It’s ingrained in us at birth.”

  “Well, if you really want to know, I’m a bit frustrated with the design I’m working on at the moment, but otherwise fine.” She walked into the garden and lay on the chaise by the patio, letting the sun warm her skin.

  “Glad to hear it. I went on a date last night.”

  Fiona’s smile withered. “Oh?”

  “She was nice. We had dinner at this new dim sum place in Midtown. It was delicious. The mooncakes—”

  “She?” Fiona interrupted, trying to sound nonchalant. She closed her eyes against the glare of the sun.

  “You insisted that I date,” Nicole reminded her.

  “Yes, well, I don’t recall asking you to phone me up after and tell me about it.” And now her mood was ruined, imagining Nicole and her date laughing and flirting over dim sum. That was what she got for answering the phone. She should have let it go to voicemail after all.

  “Why, Fiona, are you jealous?” Nicole teased.

  “Perhaps,” she admitted, deciding there was no point in denying the obvious.

  “I called because I wanted to prove a point to myself, and maybe to you too.”

  “And what’s that?”

  “That feeling I get when I hear your voice,” Nicole said, her tone dropping. “Like a jolt, you know? Right in the pit of my stomach.”

  “Oh,” Fiona breathed as the same sensation rippled through her, like it had when she’d first heard the phone ring, but stronger this time.

  “And I didn’t feel that with her,” Nicole said. “No spark.”

  “Well, you only just met her.”

  “I felt it with you the first moment I saw you.”

  Fiona sucked in a breath, turning her face away from the phone so Nicole wouldn’t hear.

  “Anyway,” Nicole said. “Now that I’ve proved my point, what are you up to?”

  “Working.”

  “And later?”

  “I don’t have plans,” Fiona said, annoyed and not even sure why.

  “I’ve been keeping busy,” Nicole said, undeterred. “Although I’m still resisting my former workaholic ways. I went for a few sessions with a therapist to sort through the divorce, and I even had dinner with Brandon the other night.”

  “You had dinner with your ex-husband?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “Closure, I guess? We kind of hashed things out. He seems happy with Claire—she’s the woman he left me for.”

  Fiona rubbed a hand over her brow. “And you’re okay with this?”

  “I am,” Nicole said. “I mean, he fucked up. Big time. But I’m happier now than I was when we were married, so I guess I’m just ready to put it all behind me.”

  “Mm.” Fiona had no idea what to say. Why hadn’t Nicole moved on from Fiona the same way she had with Brandon? Or was this call providing her with that closure? It didn’t feel like closure, though, at least not to Fiona. It felt like an opening, an opportunity for more.

  “Anyway,” Nicole said with a sigh, as if she’d just settled into a comfortable chair. Or maybe her bed. “What kind of graphic are you working on?”

  “A fucking teddy bear, of all things,” Fiona said, feeling a smile tug at her lips.

  Nicole giggled. “Why are you drawing a teddy bear?”

  “Because that’s what I was hired to do. I’ll paint something more mature later, to compensate.”

  “Will you show me, once you’re finished?”

  “The teddy bear?” Fiona asked.

  “Or the painting,” Nicole said. “Either. Both.”

  “Maybe.”

  “I’ll let you get back to it, then,” Nicole said with a yawn. “I’ve got to get ready for work. But I’ll be waiting for that text.”

  “Okay.” After she hung up the phone, she sat in the chaise in her garden for a long time, attempting to corral her thoughts, trying not to obsess over what Nicole was doing in her apartment right now or why she’d called, why she kept calling long after Fiona had expected her to lose interest.

  Finally, she went back inside and drew the rest of the ridiculous pink teddy bear that the local children’s boutique had hired her to create for their new website. And then, before she could change her mind, she took a screenshot and sent it to Nicole.

  14

  I miss your face. Send me a picture?

  Nicole sent the text, holding her breath as the little dots on the screen began to bounce. It had been two months since they returned from Greece, and they’d settled into a routine of texts and occasional phone calls, although Fiona always balked at anything romantic and had so far refused to extend an invitation to France or acknowledge Nicole’s open invitation to visit her in New York.

  So Nicole was expecting a coy response, some excuse to deflect her request. Instead, she got…

  You first.

  Her heart leaped, and a giddy grin covered her face. Challenge accepted. She rolled over in bed, surveying her tank top and plaid pajama shorts. Her hair was kind of a mess, but Fiona had certainly seen it worse, and there was no way she was letting this opportunity pass her by. She lifted her phone overhead and snapped a photo, squinting at it. Was it sexy or just silly?

  She pushed Send.

  God, you’re adorable.

  Nicole pressed her face against the pillow, still grinning like an idiot. Adorable’s not exactly what I was going for.

  The little dots started jumping again, and this time, an image popped up. Fiona was in bed wearing a silky blue tank top that dipped ridiculously low into her cleavage. Her hair was a mess of curls against the pillow, eyes narrowed behind black-rimmed glasses, and Nicole’s whole body went haywire at the sight. Her heart sped, and heat rolled over her skin as if she’d just stepped outside into bright sunshine.

  Glasses? she typed.

  That’s what you get for texting me at 4 a.m. I don’t have my contacts in.

  Nicole slapped a hand to her forehead. I forgot the time difference. I’m so sorry!

  It’s all right. I was still awake, or I wouldn’t have answered.

  Why are you up at 4 a.m. looking like that? Should I be jealous?

  Don’t be ridiculous. I was in my studio
, painting.

  Nicole scrolled the text box so she could look at the photo of Fiona again. God, she was gorgeous. And sexy. And Nicole wanted her so badly she could hardly breathe. I’ve gone on dates. I’ve spent two whole months here alone in my new apartment, sorting things out, and all I can think about is you. We can take it as slow as you want, be as casual or long distance or whatever you want, but please let me see you again, Fi. I can’t stand another minute of pretending you’re not the person I want to be with.

  The silence that loomed in the wake of her text was deafening. No dots bounced. Tears spilled over Nicole’s cheeks, and she cursed herself for laying it all out there like that. If friendship was all Fiona would let her have, she’d have to find a way to be okay with it, because no matter what, she couldn’t lose her entirely.

  Dots bounced, and Nicole hardly dared breathe.

  Come, then. France is lovely this time of year.

  FIONA PACED the designated spot in the airport where passengers greeted the people waiting here to meet them. Her heart was trying to force its way out of her chest, and she simply couldn’t stand still, no matter how hard she tried.

  It was infuriating. And embarrassing. And miserable.

  And then Nicole was walking toward her, and their arms were around each other, and they were kissing, right here in the middle of the airport for the whole world to see. Nicole’s kiss was a homecoming, a sensory memory so vivid that Fiona’s brain was flooded with images of them together on the deck of the Cyprus Star, timid and yearning, huddled on the lifeboat, terrified and wanting, lying beneath the crumbling columns of an ancient civilization, naked and satisfied.

  Fiona’s heart tripped over itself, and tears stung her eyes. She wound her fingers into Nicole’s top, holding on to her tighter than she could ever remember holding on to anything in her whole life. She’d let her go, and Nicole had come back, and Fiona had no idea what to do or think, could hardly breathe past the emotions clogging her throat.

  Nicole drew back after a long moment, smiling so widely, her eyes crinkled. “Hi.”

  “Hi.” Fiona gave her one last squeeze before dropping her arms, missing the contact immediately.

  “You look good,” Nicole said, still smiling. “Different. Even more gorgeous than I remembered.”

  Fiona gave her shoulder a playful nudge. Nicole’s hair was straight again. She looked different too. And ridiculously beautiful. “Makeup and real clothes and all that. We’re not used to seeing each other this way.”

  “It’s just so good to see you.” Nicole grabbed her in another hug, arms tight around her, face pressed against Fiona’s neck, and she was hugging her right back, unable to pretend she wasn’t as affected by their reunion as Nicole was. “You smell good.”

  “Mm, so do you.” Fiona closed her eyes and breathed her in.

  “Like sunshine and wildflowers, like what I imagine the French countryside smells like.”

  “Would you like to see if you’re right?”

  “Later.” Nicole pressed a kiss against her cheek before pulling away. “Right now, I just want to see your house.”

  “Gladly.” Fiona was prepared to be a proper hostess and show Nicole anything and everything she wanted to see while she was here in France, even if all she really wanted to do was take her home and keep her there. So she definitely wasn’t going to argue if Nicole wanted to go straight to her house too. Fiona glanced down at the little rolling suitcase beside her. “Do you have other bags?”

  “Only this one.”

  “Let’s get out of here, then.” She threaded her fingers through Nicole’s as she led the way out of the airport. Outside, the sun shone brightly, and a light breeze stirred, tossing Fiona’s curls over her shoulders. “I’m parked over here.”

  Nicole followed her to her little red Fiat. She stowed her suitcase and opened the passenger door. As Fiona sat in the driver’s seat, she couldn’t stop stealing glances at Nicole. She had on jeans and a flowy pink top with a silver necklace that dipped into her cleavage, and the sight of her was like a shot of adrenaline buzzing through Fiona’s veins.

  “Do you live near the beach?” Nicole asked as they pulled onto the road leading out of the airport.

  “I’m afraid not.”

  “That’s okay.” Humor laced Nicole’s voice. “I’d say we’ve already done the beach. But maybe we should visit while I’m here, just for old time’s sake.”

  “Dip our toes in the surf?” Fiona darted another glance and found Nicole watching her intently.

  “Mm-hmm.”

  It was all Fiona could do to keep her hands on the steering wheel and her eyes on the road until they’d made it to her house. Usually, the drive relaxed her, all the lush green hills and pastures. Today, she was driven to distraction by the woman beside her.

  “It’s so beautiful,” Nicole said as they turned onto Fiona’s street. “The houses are so adorable. No wonder you love it here. You must want to paint everything you see.”

  “I do.” Fiona glanced over at Nicole again. She wanted to paint her most of all. At last, her cottage came into view, and she turned into the drive, rolling down the dirt path to her garden.

  “I love it already,” Nicole said as she climbed out of the car. “It’s so…you.”

  “Well, I should hope so. I live here.” Fiona gave her a hand lifting her suitcase out of the boot before leading the way inside. They went in through the door into the kitchen, and almost immediately, Nicole was in her arms again.

  “I missed you so much,” she murmured between kisses, her hands in Fiona’s hair, bodies pressed together, skin touching everywhere, and Fiona felt her world shift into alignment for the first time since she’d come home from Greece.

  She slid her hands up to cup Nicole’s face, brushing away the tears that dampened her lashes as she kissed her breathless. When they finally came up for air, Nicole’s nipples had hardened beneath the thin material of her top.

  Fiona trailed her fingers down Nicole’s chest to the silver pendant she wore around her neck. “Pretty.”

  “A gift from one of my friends. It’s supposed to be good luck.”

  “Pity you weren’t wearing it that night on the boat.”

  “She gave it to me after I got home.”

  “Friend, hm?” Fiona couldn’t help the note of jealousy that had entered her tone.

  “I don’t kiss any of my other friends, Fi,” Nicole said, tightening her arms around her.

  “Are we friends?” Fiona asked. She didn’t have many of those. Acquaintances, mostly. People she’d meet in town for a cup of tea and then not talk to for another month. Nothing like her obsessive need to see and talk to Nicole every moment of every day.

  “Friends. Girlfriends. Both, I hope.” Nicole brushed her lips against Fiona’s. “I didn’t kiss any of my dates either, just so you know.”

  “No?” Fiona felt an odd sort of relief at the news, although she was the one who’d insisted Nicole date. “I haven’t either…kissed anyone. Or gone on a date, for that matter.”

  “Such an adorable hermit.” Nicole cupped her cheek, eyes warm and teasing.

  “Do you want anything? Are you hungry?” Fiona had gone shopping earlier to fulfill her role as hostess, hoping Nicole wouldn’t mind staying in.

  “Only for you,” Nicole answered. “It’s been a long, lonely couple of months.” Her hands slipped beneath Fiona’s top, sweeping around to palm her breasts.

  “Tell me about it.” Fiona arched into her touch, and they were kissing again, hands groping, clothes flying everywhere as Fiona guided her toward the bedroom. They just barely made it, falling naked onto the bed, and there were so many things Fiona wanted to do with her now that they had the time and opportunity to do them, but Nicole had her pinned to the bed, kissing her way down her body, and Fiona couldn’t think past the pleasure of her touch.

  “So pretty,” Nicole said, twirling Fiona’s belly ring. “It matches your eyes.”

  Fiona had chosen i
t because it reminded her of the ocean at their island, had wondered if Nicole would comment on it, but hadn’t expected her to compare it to her eyes.

  “And this,” Nicole continued, sliding lower, “is the most beautiful scar I’ve ever seen.”

  “Is it?” Fiona asked, squirming slightly, aroused to the point of distraction.

  Nicole’s fingers traced the reddened area below Fiona’s right knee, and she shivered. “Does it hurt?”

  “No,” she whispered. “Just sensitive.”

  “I’m so glad to have you whole and healthy.”

  “And able to get on my knees?” Fiona joked, her fingers twining in Nicole’s hair.

  Nicole laughed. She pressed a kiss against the scar before settling between Fiona’s thighs, and she was already halfway gone on anticipation alone. Nicole stroked her first, her fingers sliding over Fiona’s sensitive flesh, and she exhaled deeply, eyes closed, surrendering herself to the sensation of being touched and the pleasure Nicole could bring.

  “You always do that,” Nicole murmured.

  “Do what?” she gasped, because she was having a hard time forming words right now.

  “Sigh like that when I first touch you.” Nicole stroked her again. “Like you’ve been waiting for it forever.”

  “It feels like I have.”

  “You don’t have to wait anymore.” Nicole’s tongue pressed against her clit, and Fiona arched off the bed. She wondered briefly how Nicole could be so good at something she’d only done once before, and then she was pulled under the growing tide of pleasure inside her, gasping and writhing, hips moving against Nicole’s tongue as she worked her magic.

  Fiona closed her eyes and held on for the ride. Nicole licked, sucked, and plunged, eventually focusing the attention of her mouth over Fiona’s clit while she pushed two fingers inside her.

  “Yes,” Fiona moaned as everything inside her tightened.

  Nicole repeated the action once, twice, and Fiona shattered, release flowing through her in blissful waves, obliterating everything from her mind but peace and pleasure and the overwhelming beauty of this thing she shared with Nicole.

  “You are really fucking good at that,” she whispered, drawing Nicole up against her. Their bodies slid together like two halves of a whole, and Fiona had no idea how she was supposed to let her go again at the end of the week.