The Warlock Queen: Book 13 of the Grey Wolves Series

by Quinn Loftis

  “I believe you have your answer,” Peri said. “Although this shouldn’t have to be declared again, I’ll do it anyway. “I present to you of the warlock race”—she gestured around at them—“Lilly of the sprites, mate to Cypher, mother of Jacquelyn, Alpha female of the Romania pack, grandmother of Slate, Prince of the Romania pack, and Queen of the warlocks.”

  Chapter 16

  “Endings are painful. They usually mean there is some sort of loss to be felt. They bring change that, even if welcome, means saying goodbye to something else. But endings are also beginnings. Interestingly enough, beginnings aren’t always joyous, hopeful, or wanted. They are simply inevitable. Every day is an ending, and every new day is a beginning. As soon as a new life is brought into this world, it has already begun marching toward its ending, leading to its eventual death. So, perhaps it isn’t only endings that are painful. Beginnings, too, come with their own bit of anguish.” ~Lilly

  Lilly entered her chambers and closed the door slowly behind her. Her eyes were on the floor, her mind lost in thought. It had been two days since she’d killed Lysander, and the other clans had once again assembled in her mountain. Since Lysander had conveniently left them in the dark, they had to be informed of all that had happened, and they needed to be present to witness Clan Lowthorne’s appointment of a new leader.

  The meeting had been a success. Eliminating Lysander had proven to the other clan leaders and the warlock people Lilly could and would lead them, especially in this uncertain time of dealing with the Order. Without hesitation, they’d all pledged their fealty to her. The queen was grateful. She was humbled. And even with the presence of Perizada, who represented the fae, and Lucian, who spoke for the Romanian Canis lupus, Lilly still felt alone. She continued to wonder how she was going to do this.

  “You are never alone, Lilly. I haven’t lost sight of you.”

  Lilly raised her head at the sound of the goddess’s voice. The Great Luna stood in the middle of the room, her glory painful to look at. Lilly dropped her eyes as tears formed in them.

  “Your heart hurts,” the Great Luna said.

  Lilly nodded. “It does.”

  “I know your pain. I’ve cried every tear with you.”

  “Can I ask why?” Lilly said, her voice filled with the pain that was her constant companion even now, over two months since losing her love. “Why him? Our time together was too short.”

  “Would it ever have been long enough?” the goddess asked.

  Lilly laughed, though it was humorless. “No,” she answered, shaking her head. “An eternity would not have been enough.” Her stomach clenched as thoughts of her mate assaulted her mind. She missed him with every cell in her body.

  “There is no answer I can provide that will give you peace, Lilly. It was Cypher’s time to come home. Every one of my children has an appointed time. What I do, why I do it, will not always make sense to you. You can only see a piece of the puzzle, while I see the entirety. What I can offer you is my love and knowledge that I always have your best interest at heart. That since I formed you, my thoughts and plans for you have only ever been for your good.

  “It might not feel like it now, but the pain will get better. He will forever be a part of you, and one day you will be reunited. His tasks are finished. Yours are only beginning. And you are going to do great things, Lilly of the warlocks. I have placed you where you are for such a time as this. You shall lead your people. You will keep them focused on the path I have set for them, and they will be a light in a world filled with darkness. Let nothing cover that light. Let nothing put it out. And never forget that I love you. I have loved you since before you were born, and I will love you when I call you home.”

  Lilly felt arms around her as the warmth of the Great Luna’s presence faded. Cypher was there. She cried harder and wrapped her arms around him as he pulled her tightly against his body. “This is it, isn’t it?” she whispered into his chest.

  “I told you I would be with you for as long as you needed me,” Cypher said, his lips touching her hair as he spoke.

  “I will never stop needing you.” Lilly clung to him, as if she could somehow keep him with her. “Never.”

  “You are so much stronger than you realize, my precious Lilly.” Cypher released her and cupped her face in his large hands. He tilted her head back so she was looking up at him. His unusual yellow eyes, which now matched her own, stared intently at her, searching for something. “I’m never truly gone, beloved. My soul is a part of yours. You carry a piece of me inside of you, and I will be waiting for you. But I can’t keep you stagnant when you must move forward.”

  Lilly wanted to tell him he wasn’t holding her back. He wasn’t tying her down. He was keeping her going. But she knew in some ways that was a lie. She lived every day waiting for nights so she could be with him.

  “Life is more than simply waiting around on what we want,” Cypher said as he pressed his forehead to hers. “It is every single moment we experience. It is past, present, and future. The joy of life is walking, step-by-step, on the path your Creator has set before you. For a time, we walked hand-in-hand on that path. Now you will continue with our people, Jacque, Peri, Slate, and all those whose time is still in this life.”

  Lilly reached up and ran her fingers across his face, memorizing every line. She pressed her lips to his and tasted her own tears. She wanted to be strong. And one day she would be. But tonight there was too much pain. She was losing him all over again. “I love you,” she whispered against his lips.

  “Always,” Cypher whispered back, and this time she felt his tears. He pressed his lips to hers again, his hands holding her face as if she was precious glass that might break at any moment. When he pulled back, his lips turned up in a small smile. “I lived a very long life, and every second with you was the brightest part of it. I waited a long time for you, Lilly Pierce, and I would wait all over again, even if all I received was a single day with you.”

  She nodded. “Me, too.” And she would. Even knowing the pain she was feeling now, she wouldn’t change a thing.

  “It’s time,” he said, and she could hear the pain in his voice. “Promise me you will live, you will love, and you will accept the will of the Great Luna. Promise me.”

  Lilly’s jaw clenched, but after several heartbeats, she relaxed her face and nodded. “I promise.”

  “Until I see you again. I love you now and always.” Cypher kissed her forehead one last time and then, with her hands on his face, he slowly faded, like a shadow as the sun set. Finally, he was gone, and she was left standing with her hands in the air, holding only a memory.

  She turned her hands over and looked at how empty they were before slowly dropping them. Lilly knew she would never see Cypher again, at least not in this life. She’d been angry the first time she’d laid eyes on his soul because she’d so badly wanted him to be alive, to be returned to her. Then she’d just been glad to have what she could of him, even if that was only the manifestation of his soul. Lilly had known it wouldn’t last. She knew it would hurt when he left again.

  As if in slow motion, her body sank down. She landed on the couch and pulled her legs up, curling her arms around them just to have something to hold on to. Her body shook as sobs wracked her. Lilly was sure she was splitting apart at the seams. At any moment, she was simply going to fall apart. The pain started on the surface but continued to sink deeper and deeper until her very bones ached with her loss. It was easy to say time would heal the wounds. It was easy to say that one day she’d breathe and no longer feel like she wanted this breath to be her last. But to actually believe those things would happen felt as likely as the sun ceasing to rise.

  Lilly felt arms come around her again but knew instantly that they weren’t her mate’s. These were smaller, though they held her just as tightly. “Crying alone sucks.” Peri pulled Lilly close to her.

  “What are you doing here?” Lilly asked through her tears, her voice quivering as she tried to compo
se herself.

  “My friend needs me. Where else would I be? There are different kinds of soul mates, Lilly. I might not have lost Lucian, but I know the pain you’re feeling. I lost two pieces of my soul. No one who is feeling what we feel should be alone.”

  “What about Lucian?”

  “He’s keeping an eye on his nephew. It seems men like to feel useful when they’re dealing with loss. I say screw it. I’m hurting, I’m pissed, and I want to be as useful as a drop of water in hell. So, you and I will be two drops of water in hell.”

  “Sounds pleasant.” Lilly leaned closer to Peri.

  “Can you add three more drops of water to your bucket?”

  Lilly lifted her face and saw Jacque, Jen, and Sally standing there staring down at her.

  “Elle,” Peri growled. “Seriously?”

  The fae standing next to the girls shrugged. “Jen threatened me. Her threats are never idle.” Then the woman disappeared.

  Jacque climbed onto the couch on the other side of Lilly and wrapped her arms around Lilly. “I love you, Mom,” she whispered and pressed her face against Lilly’s shoulder.

  “I love you too, Jacquelyn.”

  Jen and Sally both sat on the floor, huddled against the couch. Jen rested a hand on Lilly’s ankle and gave it a gentle squeeze. “We all love you, Mrs. P.”

  Sally placed her hand on Lilly’s calf, and Lilly felt the warmth of the gypsy’s magic wash over her. It was peaceful and full of the hope Lilly couldn’t seem to muster on her own. “If you want to be alone, we’ll respect that.”

  “No, we won’t,” Jen said.

  Sally just kept talking as if her blonde friend hadn’t said a word. “But we’d like to be here for you, as you’ve always been there for us.”

  Lilly thought about it for a moment. Peri’s arms were wrapped tightly around her, Jacque was on her other side pressed close, and the two girls, who were practically daughters to her, were holding onto her. “I don’t want to be alone,” she said with a small smile.

  “Good thing, ’cause we weren’t leaving,” Jen muttered as she leaned her head against the couch, her hand still holding Lilly’s ankle.

  Lilly let her head rest against the couch. Tears continued to stream down her face, but she didn’t feel like she was splitting open anymore. Maybe it was because the arms holding her simply weren’t going to let her fall apart. They were going to hold her together. Even as they hurt with her, they were going to be strong while she needed to be weak.

  “So this is what pack is,” Lilly said, her voice shaky.

  “Pack is whatever we need it to be,” Jacque said quietly. “Sometimes it’s fighting together on a battlefield. Sometimes it’s holding each other when we fall apart.”

  “Sometimes it’s kidnapping a lactation specialist,” Jen added.

  Lilly couldn’t help but smile, remembering when Jacque had informed her of the high faes stunt to help Jen with her breastfeeding.

  “Sometimes it’s reminding us who we are,” Sally whispered.

  “Pack is the steady presence of those who love every part of you,” Peri said as she wiped a tear from her face. “The good, the bad, the broken, the unlovable.”

  They sat in silence. Lilly soaked up the love she could feel from the four women around her. There would be more tears. There would be moments when she knew she would feel like she couldn’t breathe. There would be more pain. But she wouldn’t face any of it alone.

  “This is why I created my children.” She heard the Great Luna’s voice in her mind. “The wolves represent what all of you are meant to be. The humans call it family. Fellowship, unity, a common purpose, a united front, a support system in time of pain, a light when everything around us is dark. We call it pack.”

  Gerick’s warriors had all gone, leaving the general alone. He was always the last one out of the weapons’ room. He liked to check and make sure everything had been cleaned and stored properly, even if his soldiers had simply been sparring. The old warrior wanted to know everything was in its place the next time armaments were needed. It was, yet he lingered.

  After a few moments of silence, Gerick grabbed a polishing rag and attacked an already shiny sword blade. He no longer bothered trying to convince himself he was simply going about his duties. He’d given up that lie a week ago after Myanin disappeared following Lilly’s defeat of Lysander. Now, Gerick could only wonder when he’d see her again. For days, to keep from pacing and worrying, he’d been doing everything he could to stay busy. Even so, he snapped at anyone who dared bother him. To say he’d been on edge was an understatement. His thoughts kept jumping to the worst-case scenario. What if something had happened to Myanin and Tenia? What if they’d been found out? He’d played out every possible scenario in his mind, and none of them had ended with her coming back to him.

  All of a sudden, he felt her presence. It was unmistakable, as if the air had been sucked out of the room. He fought the urge to jump to his feet. Instead, while continuing to polish the blade, he let his eyes roam the room. Then he saw her, crouched behind a weapons’ rack. She was staring at him, but she made no move to approach.

  The moments stretched into minutes. He wanted her to show herself on her own, but she’d been watching him long enough now that he was afraid she was going to leave again without saying a word. He needed to see her up close, to verify with his own eyes she was okay. Gerick needed to touch her, to hear her voice.

  “Myanin,” he said finally, trying to keep the growl of frustration out of his voice. “Please, come out and speak with me.” His words sounded like an order and a plea at the same time. He didn’t care. All he knew was that he was certain he was going to lose his damn mind if he didn’t see her.

  After what felt like an eternity, the djinn stepped from the shadows into the dimly lit room, the general having extinguished all the torches save two. Gerick preferred softer lighting, especially at the end of a day when he was trying to clear his mind. Myanin took three more steps. Though her approach was slow, the djinn didn’t run away, which was encouraging. When she was only a couple feet away, he clenched his fists at his sides to keep from reaching out and grabbing her to pull her to him. She was so damn beautiful. Myanin was tall, though less than his own six foot, four inches. She had long, thick, brown hair and bright green eyes. She was trim and fit. Her body was obviously that of a well-trained warrior. He could see the definition in her arms and through the fitted leggings she wore.

  “I’ve been worried about you,” he said after checking her over and not finding any visible injuries.

  “Why?” she asked, sounding honestly confused.

  Gerick frowned. “Because you’re in a den of vipers who will turn on you simply if they don’t like you, let alone if they knew you weren’t actually on their side.”

  “Oh,” she muttered as her eyes dropped to the ground, sounding a little disappointed. But he wasn’t finished.

  “You’re my mate, Myanin. You’re the most precious thing in my world. Why wouldn’t I worry about you? You left without so much as a goodbye, and I haven’t heard a word from you in a week. Of course, I’m worried. I would be devastated if anything happened to you.”

  Her eyes snapped back up to meet his. Yes, stubborn female. He stared into her stunning eyes. I would miss you. I would hurt if I lost you. I would mourn you. He wished she could hear his thoughts the way the wolf mates could. For some reason, he thought saying such intimate things into her mind might make him less vulnerable than if he said them out loud.

  “We don’t even know one another,” she pointed out.

  Gerick shrugged. “I know enough for now. I know the Great Luna made us for one another. I know I have waited my entire existence to meet you.” He was trying not to scare her away with the intensity of his feelings. He had no idea how djinn handled the whole mating thing. Did they mate for life? Could they walk away from their mates, or would it be their downfall like with the wolves? For a warlock, mating was both a choice and sometimes desti
ned by the Great Luna. Some matings, like Cypher’s, were blessed by the Great Luna because of their importance. Regardless, once the souls had joined, their bond was strong, unbreakable, and only death would separate them.

  “You also know what I’ve done. The mistakes I’ve made.” Her voice was soft as she spoke, even though she never looked away from him. His female was strong. She was willing to face her demons even though he could see the shame in her eyes.

  Gerick stepped closer, unable to bear only a couple feet of distance between them. She didn’t step back, a promising sign. “I know we all make mistakes.”

  She snorted, the sound full of disgust. “Murder isn’t just a mistake. It’s abhorrent.”

  “You obviously feel great remorse over what you’ve done,” he pointed out. “Does that count for anything?”

  Her eyes took on a faraway look, as if she was remembering something. It was a memory that, based on her crestfallen look, must have been painful. “Maybe,” she finally answered. “I wanted you to know that I will understand if you don’t want me as your mate. You’re a respected warrior, the leader of your queen’s army. It would disgrace you to have one such as myself at your side. I will not bring that upon you.”

  Gerick felt his stomach tighten at the thought of losing her. He’d only just found her. On impulse, he reached out and grabbed her hand, pulling her close so that their bodies were nearly touching. He took several deep breaths, attempting to calm his raging emotions. When he was sure he could speak and not simply growl at her like a possessive beast, he said, “I need you to listen, and listen closely. Can you do that for me?”

  She nodded.

  “Words, mate. I want your words.”

  “I can do that.”

  “Good girl,” he said as he reached up with his free hand and ran a thumb across her bottom lip. “There is nothing that could keep me from your side. Nothing. I would be honored to have you at my side, where you belong. The Great Luna has given you to me as my mate, and I am choosing to gratefully accept the amazing gift that you are. You don’t have to like it. You don’t have to want it. You can even deny me. But you might find it incredibly awkward to have a warlock general following you around all day, glaring at any male that gets near you. You are mine, Myanin. I care not for your past. Whatever you’ve experienced has shaped you into the woman you are today. The woman standing before me now is the woman I want.”