A Ticket to the Boneyard

by Lawrence Block

Page 14

 

  When he left Elaine closed the door after him and engaged all the locks. "I feel silly doing this," she said, "but Ive been doing it anyway. "

  "There are people all over town with half a dozen locks on every door, and alarm systems and everything else. And they dont have somebody whos threatened to kill them. "

  "I suppose its comforting to know that," she said. "Hes a nice kid, Ray. I wonder if hell stay a cop. "

  "Hard to say. "

  "Was there ever anything else you wanted to be? Besides a cop?"

  "I never even wanted to be a cop. It was something I drifted into, and before I was out of the Academy I realized it was what Id been born for. But I never knew that early on. When I was a kid I wanted to be Joe DiMaggio when I grew up, but thats what every kid wanted, and I never had the moves to go with the desire. "

  "You could have married Marilyn Monroe. "

  "And sold coffee makers on television. There but for the grace of God. "

  She carried our empty glasses into the kitchen and I trailed along behind her. She rinsed them under the tap, placed them in the strainer. "I think Im getting stir-crazy," she said. "What are you doing tonight? Do you have anyplace you have to be?"

  I looked at my watch. I usually go to St. Paul s on Fridays for the eight-thirty step meeting, but it was too late now, theyd already started. And I had caught a noon meeting downtown already that day. I told her I didnt have anything planned.

  "Well, how about a movie? How does that sound?"

  It sounded fine. We walked over to Sixtieth and Third to a first-run house. It was the weekend so there was a line, but there was a pretty decent film at the end of it, a slick caper movie with Kevin Costner and Michelle Pfeiffer. "Shes not really pretty," Elaine said afterward, "but theres something about her, isnt there? If I were a man, Id want to fuck her. "

  "Repeatedly," I said.

  "Oh, she does it for you, huh?"

  "Shes all right. "

  " Repeatedly, " she said, and chuckled. Around us, Third Avenue was thronged with young people who looked as though the country were every bit as prosperous as the Republicans kept telling us it was. "Im hungry," Elaine announced. "You want to get a bite? My treat. "

  "Sure, but why is it your treat?"

  "You paid for the movie. Can you think of a place? Friday night in this neighborhood, wherever we go were going to be up to our tits in yuppies. "

  "Theres a place in my neighborhood. Great hamburgers and cottage fries. Oh, wait a minute. You dont eat hamburgers, do you? The fish is good there, but I forget if you said you eat fish. "

  "Not anymore. Hows their salad?"

  "They serve a good salad, but is that enough for you?"

  She said it would be plenty, especially if she stole a few of my cottage fries. There were no empty cabs and the streets were full of people trying to hail one. We started to walk, then caught a bus on Fifty-seventh Street and got off at Ninth Avenue. The place I had in mind, Paris Green, was five blocks downtown. The bartender, a lanky fellow with a brown beard that hung down like an orioles nest, gave a wave as we cleared the threshold. His name was Gary, and hed helped me out a few months ago when Id been hired to find a girl whod done some of her drinking there. The manager, whose name was Bryce, had been a little less helpful then, but he was helpful enough now, greeting us with a smile and showing us to a good table. A waitress with a short skirt and long legs came over to take our drink order, went away, and came back with Perrier for me and a Virgin Mary for Elaine. I must have been watching the girls departure, because Elaine tapped my glass with hers and advised me to stick to Michelle Pfeiffer.

  "I was just thinking," I said.

  "Im sure you were. "

  When the girl returned Elaine ordered the large garden salad. I had what I generally have there, a Jarlsberg cheeseburger and well-done fries. When the food came I had what felt like d?j? vu until I realized I was getting echoes of Tuesday night, when Id had a late bite at Armstrongs with Toni. The two restaurants werent that much alike, and neither were the women. Maybe it was the cheeseburgers.

  Halfway through mine I thought to ask her if it bothered her that I was eating a cheeseburger. She looked at me as though I were crazy and asked why it should bother her.

  "I dont know," I said. "You dont eat meat, and I just wondered. "

  "You must be kidding. Not eating meat is just a choice I make, thats all. My doctor didnt order me to quit, and it wasnt an addiction I had to struggle with. "

  "And you dont have to go to the meetings?"

  "What meetings?"

  "Carnivores Anonymous. "

  "What a thought," she said, and laughed. Then her eyes narrowed and she looked appraisingly at me. "Is that what you did? AA?"

  "Uh-huh. "

  "I thought that was probably how you did it. Matt, would it have bothered you if Id ordered a drink?"

  "You did. "

  "Right, a Virgin Mary. Would it have-"

  "You know what the British call it? Instead of a Virgin Mary?"

  "A Bloody Shame. "

  "Right. No, it wouldnt have bothered me if youd ordered a real drink. You can order one now if you want. "

  "I dont. "

  "Is that why you ordered a Virgin Mary? Because you thought it might bother me otherwise?"

  "It didnt even occur to me, as a matter of fact. I hardly ever drink alcohol these days. I hardly ever did. The only reason I asked was because you asked about the cheeseburger, and while weve been discussing meat and drink Ive been sneaking your cottage fries. "

  "While my attention was diverted elsewhere. We could probably arrange to get you some of your own. "

  She shook her head. "Stolen sweets are best," she said. "Didnt your mother ever tell you that?"

  She wouldnt let me take the check, and then rejected my suggestion that we split it. "I invited you," she said. "Besides, I owe you money. "

  "How do you figure that?"

  "Ray Galindez. I owe you a hundred bucks. "

  "The hell you do. "

  "The hell I dont. Some maniacs trying to kill me and youre protecting me. I ought to be paying your regular rate, you know that?"

  "I dont have a regular rate. "

  "Well, I ought to be paying you what a client pays. I certainly ought to be covering the expenses. Speaking of which, you flew to Cleveland and back, you stayed over at a hotel-"

  "I can afford it. "

  "Im sure you can, but so what?"

  "And Im not just acting on your behalf," I went on. "Im his target at least as much as you are. "

  "You think so? Hes probably a lot less likely to fuck you in the ass. "

  "You never know what he learned in prison. Im serious, Elaine. Im operating in my own interest here. "

  "Youre also acting in mine. And its depriving you of income, you already said how youre not working at the detective agency in order to make time for this. If youre contributing your time, the least I can do is cover all the expenses. "

  "Why dont we split them?"

  "Because thats not fair. Youre the one running around, youre the one putting your regular work on the shelf for the duration. Besides, I can afford it better than you can. Dont pout, for Christs sake, its no reflection on your manhood, its just a simple statement of fact. Ive got a lot of money. "

  "Well, you earned it. "

  "Me and Smith Barney, making our money the old-fashioned way. I earned it and I kept it and I invested it, and Im not rich, honey, but Ill never be poor. I own a lot of property. I own my apartment, I bought right away when the building went co-op, and I own houses and multiple dwellings in Queens. Jackson Heights, mostly, and some in Woodside. I get checks every month from the management company, and every now and then my accountant tells me Ive got too big a balance in my money-market account and I have to go out and buy another piece of property. "

  "A woman of independent means. "

  "You bet your ass. "

  She paid the check
. On the way out we stopped at the bar and I introduced her to Gary. He wanted to know if I was working on a case. "He let me play Watson once," he told Elaine. "Now I live in hope of another opportunity. "

  "One of these days. "

  He draped his long body over the bar, dropped his voice low. "He brings suspects here for grilling," he confided. "We grill them over mesquite. "

  She rolled her eyes and he apologized. We got out of there, and she said, "God, its glorious out, isnt it? I wonder how long this weather can last. "

  "As long as it wants, as far as Im concerned. "

  "Its hard to believe its something like six weeks until Christmas. I dont feel like going home. Is there someplace else we can go? That we can walk to?"

  I thought for a moment. "Theres a bar I like. "

  "You go to bars?"

  "Not usually. The place Im thinking of is kind of lowlife. The owner- I was going to say he was a friend of mine, but that may not be the right word. "

  "Now youve got me intrigued," she said.

  We walked over to Grogans. We took a table, and I went over to the bar to get our drinks. They dont have waiters there. You fetch what you want yourself.

  The fellow behind the stick was called Burke. If he had a first name, Id never heard it. Without moving his lips he said, "If youre looking for the big fella, he was just here. I couldnt say if hell be back or not. "

  I brought two glasses of club soda back to the table. While we nursed them I told her a couple of stories about Mick Ballou. The most colorful one involved a man named Paddy Farrelly, whod done something to arouse Ballous ire. Then one night Ballou went in and out of every Irish saloon on the West Side. He was carrying a bowling bag, so they said, and he kept opening it to show off Paddy Farrellys disembodied head.

  "I heard that story," Elaine said. "Wasnt there something about it in the papers?"

  "I think one of the columnists used it. Mick refuses to confirm or deny. In any event, Farrellys never been seen since. "

  "Do you think he did it?"

  "I think he killed Farrelly. I dont think theres any real question of that. I think he went around showing off a bowling bag. I dont know for sure that he ever opened it, though, or that there was anything in it. "

  She thought it over. "Interesting friends you have," she said.

  Before our club soda ran out, she got a chance to meet him. He came in with two much smaller men in tow, two men dressed alike in jeans and leather fliers jackets. He gave me a slight nod as he led the two the length of the room and through a door at the rear. Some five minutes later the three reappeared. The two smaller men walked on out of the bar and headed south on Tenth Avenue, and Ballou stopped at the bar, then came over to our table with a glass of twelve-year-old Jameson in his hand.

  "Matthew," he said. "Good man. " I pointed to a chair but he shook his head. "I cant," he said. "I have business. The man whos his own boss always winds up working for a slavedriver. "