by E. M. Leya
"There's nothing wrong with honesty, or even a little obsession when it comes to this. I'm the same way. Hell, I just broke out of jail and should be laying low, but here I am jumping right back in. There is a high you get from taking the power from the men and women we hunt. We take that control from them and make them the prey. Right or wrong, it's impossible for that not to give you a rush. I think even the guys on the computers get a rush when they hand over the evidence to us. We all want to take them down. I won't lie, the look of fear in their eyes when I kneel in front of them with my knife is powerful. I love seeing them fear me the way the children have feared them." D took a sip of his coffee. "We're only human."
"Well, at least I know I'm not alone in my hatred of these pedofucks." She folded her arms over her chest. "My next question is, I have a day job. Can I limit my late nights to weekends or do an early sting?" Jessica asked.
"We can work around your schedule. It will be easier once we have a full team, and I can't promise there won't be nights, especially if it will take more than one of us, that I won't ask you to work late even if you have to be up early the next day. I do promise to do my best to make it that way. Honestly, this is a paid position and once we get going, it pays very handsomely. I would think you might reconsider your day job once the money starts coming in." He told her, aware that she'd make more in a month than her job as a secretary paid in a year. "This is life changing, but it's also possibly soul stealing. You can't unsee what we see, and you can't take back the things we do. It's stuff you'll have to live with."
"It can't be worse than what I already live with." Jessica stared at him.
Understanding the statement all too well, he nodded. "I'll give you time to think about everything and check back with you. I hope you'll understand why I can't give you a way to contact me until I have your answer."
"I don't need time. I'm in. If I can't make a difference in the laws, then I can make a difference this way. You just tell me where to be and when to be there," Jessica said.
"Let me talk to the other members and we'll do lunch or dinner. Whatever works for you. If they agree, we'll give you all our information and you can start training as soon as you're available," D told her.
"Do I have to quit pushing for the death penalty for pedofucks?" She raised a brow.
"Nope. I don't want you to change a thing. Don't do anything outside the normal. If we can help your cause in any way, let us know. I'm sure you know that I can't be out in the public eye much, but hopefully that will change in time."
"You should dye your hair or something," Jessica said.
D sighed. "Not an option." He stood and walked toward her. "Thanks for taking the time to talk with me. I'm excited to have you on the team."
"If the others agree."
"They will. I have no doubts." He offered his hand. "I'll be in touch soon."
"Need my number?"
He grinned. "Already have it."
"Of course you do." She rolled her eyes. "I'll walk you out."
As he left the house, he hid his excitement, but once in the car he smiled and threw his fist into the air in celebration. They had enough members for a working team. That meant they could start officially hunting as soon as they were trained. He couldn't wait.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Jeremy gasped as D pushed him up against the wall, kissing him hard. He had just walked into the STK house when D all but tackled him. "That's some kind of hello." Jeremy arched his neck as D's mouth moved under his jaw.
"I've missed this." D's hands caressed down his arms as he pressed his hips forward, rubbing his cock against Jeremy's. "Why have you been going home every night?"
It was hard to think when D was all over him like this. Just his touch made Jeremy dizzy with need. He'd been good about leaving early in the evening, telling D he wanted to work around his house, but the truth was, he went home and sat around doing nothing but thinking about D and what they could be doing if he'd stayed. "Because I'm stupid." Jeremy tangled his fingers in D's hair and brought his head back up for another hard kiss.
When D pulled back, he stared at Jeremy. "Talk to me."
Jeremy closed his eyes and rested his head against the wall. "It was too much. I was getting too involved in us."
"And that's a bad thing?" D asked.
Jeremy opened his eyes. "It could be."
D shook his head. "We can't do this here. Come on." He didn't bother telling Rani they were leaving as he tugged Jeremy back out the front door and to his Jeep. "Get in. We're going to my house." D opened the passenger door, waited for Jeremy to get in, then shut it before going around to the driver's side and getting in.
"What are you doing, D? We have work to do. Jessica is coming over tonight." They'd met with her two days ago, and all agreed she was a perfect fit for the team. Tonight they'd all sit down and plan a training schedule that would work for all of them.
"We'll be back in time, but you and I need to figure out a few things." D glanced over at him as he pulled out of the driveway. "I don't want any interruptions, so we're going where we can be alone."
Jeremy stared out the window, wondering if he'd made a mistake saying something to D about his feelings. They had to work together, and the last thing they needed was to feel awkward around each other. "It's okay, we don't have to talk about it."
"The hell we don't." D looked at him after stopping at a red light. "This is important. But I'm not doing this while driving. When we talk, I want to be able to look you in the eye. I want you to know what I have to say is the truth. So let's just drop it until we get to my place."
Jeremy bit his lip. This wasn't going to be good. He tried to focus on other things as they drove, but his mind kept drifting back to the kiss as he walked in the door, and D's reaction when he'd admitted he was feeling something. It hadn't been disgust or anger, it had been hurt and worry. What did that mean?
"Did we get the case of motor-oil in?" D asked, obviously changing the subject.
"Yeah, but I'm not sure what you need it for. None of our vehicles use that kind." He'd ordered it without question, but wondered what D could want with it.
"It's to put in the dummy that we castrate. The oil is messy like blood. It gets all over everything, smears on your skin, makes it hard to see where you're working. Plus, it won't stain everything while we practice, and it's easy to clean up with a little Dawn dish soap. We tried several different things when we trained, but found this worked the best. The part that we can't seem to find a way to practice is the stench of burning flesh."
Jeremy shook his head. "I'm glad you get that part of the job. I don't know that I could stomach that. The blood I can deal with, but smells, they get me every time."
"Yeah, out of all of it, that was the hardest part to get used to. I just keep remembering that the pedophile can smell it too. He feels the burn of the flame, smells the flesh burn. It's amazing no one has died of shock yet."
"Have any died?"
"Not from the castrations we've done. We've had to shoot people before to save our own lives, but we haven't had one die yet from the castration going wrong. Of course, I don't know how long they live after. Trenton once told me the suicide rate was high once the people we go after get out of prison. I read that hormone replacement helps, but I really don't know. Don't really care honestly as long as they can't hurt anyone again."
"Has anyone reoffended when they've gotten out of prison?"
"A few of them have. One woman got out and kept grooming young girls. Of course, with the women, we don't do anything to imbalance their hormones, so it's different for them. When someone reoffends after we've already gone after them, there isn't much more we can do. I know that Carter gets the information he finds to the police, but since we have a no kill unless our own life is at risk policy, we can't go in again." D turned down a small country road. "My house is the one straight ahead."
Jeremy stared at the large home. It was as nice as his own, surrounded by trees and set
back away from the street. D had several large windows facing the west. "Bet you have an amazing view of the sunset."
D parked in the driveway. "I haven't been home really to check it out."
Jeremy followed D out of the Jeep and up the front path to the steps. "You're more secluded than I am. I have close neighbors."
D nodded. "Bryon probably knew better than to put me too close to people. My music and my sex can get loud at times."
Jeremy laughed. He had heard how loud things could get when they were having sex. D was very vocal. "You don't have to tell me."
D pushed the door open and walked inside. "They did the decorating, so don't judge."
Jeremy grinned. "It's not bad. Not what I'd pick for you, but at least it isn't horrible." The furniture and artwork were all very modern. He saw D as more a rustic kind of person. "This reminds me more of Rani than it does you. Maybe when he gets a place you can give him all this and get new stuff."
"Yeah, that's not a bad idea." D walked into the kitchen. "Beer?"
"Sure." Jeremy looked around. Not surprising the place was spotless. D had hardly spent any time here since they'd met. "I like this place a lot. Wanna trade homes?"
D laughed as he handed Jeremy a beer. "Why don't you just come over here all the time and keep me company?"
"D…" Jeremy sighed.
D gestured with his head. "Let's go sit out back."
Jeremy followed him out the back sliding glass doors and onto a large deck. It overlooked a huge lawn below with forest behind that. "Nice."
"Thanks. It's my favorite place on the property." D sat down, straddling the bench of a large picnic table. "So let's get to the point. Why don't you want to spend time with me anymore?"
Jeremy took a seat across from him, setting his beer on the table. "It's not that I don't want to, it's that I find myself wanting it too much."
"What do you mean?" D stared at him.
"You're going to make me say it?" Jeremy sighed.
D laughed. "We're both adults who have gone through hell the last few months. I think we can handle a simple conversation about our relationship."
Jeremy shook his head. "See, that's exactly it. It's not a relationship, it's casual sex. Fucking great casual sex, but I'm finding it hard to keep it casual." He ran his fingers through his hair. "I know I said I was fine with casual at first, but then the more time we spent together, the harder it got to not feel more for you. It started to feel like a relationship with us. I had to back away for my own protection."
D smiled. "You don't think I was feeling the same things? We stopped being casual when we would end up making out in the kitchen as we cooked dinner. Things changed when we started to share a bed together every night. Do you think I'd do any of those things if I wasn't interested in something more with you?"
"I don't know. Beau mentioned you’re a sex addict, and you even confirmed it. I figured I was just there to feed your need. I mean, at first, I didn't mind. I was getting something from it too, but then I realized that as soon as it was safe, you'd probably go right back out and hit the clubs again to get a little variety. When you did that, I would have to let you go and if we kept doing what we were doing, it was going to be painful." Jeremy sighed. "I've never been in an open or causal relationship. I've been with three men in my entire life. I swore after the last one I wouldn't let myself get involved again, but you were always right there, we were so close, it was so easy to pretend we were more."
"Listen, I went into this thinking we could have some fun. You're hot and we clicked. Sex between us is amazing, and trust me, I know good sex when I have it. At first, I figured the same thing. We'd be with each other, work off some of the stress of building a team, have some fun. But then, you're right, things changed. It was easy to fall into relationship-like habits. I didn't want to hide us once Rani showed up. I was happy to show affection in front of others, in a way, show them that you were mine. I know we never talked about it, and we should have, but I feel everything you do. I have no urge to go hit the clubs and pick up someone I don't even know for five minutes of fun in a club bathroom. I like that we can talk, laugh, and have great sex. I haven't had a relationship in a long time. I'm usually careful about letting anyone close because of the work I do, but I didn't have to hide that side of my life from you. I could be me. And right now, with having to leave Dyson behind and become D, being myself is a huge deal. When I'm with you, I have nothing to hide. You know my secrets. Even more, you know how it feels to leave who you are behind and become someone else. Don't push me away because you're feeling things. Talk to me about it. I'm not some callous jerk who is going to push you away because of it. I'm up for us dating, taking things to a more personal level. I was just going with it. I didn't think much about it because it all felt so right. We should have talked. I should have told you how I feel."
Jeremy nodded. "I should have said something too, instead of just running away from it. It's just after what happened with my ex, what brought me here, I guess I'm a little unsure of myself. He fucked with my head bad, and my reaction to it was out of control. Now I'm nervous to settle down again, I guess."
D lifted a leg over the bench so he could turn and look at Jeremy straight on. "What happened?"
Jeremy sighed. It was time to talk about it. He'd talked to Carter a bit, but hadn't really let his emotions show. It was more the facts with Carter, now, with D, he was comfortable getting a little more personal. "I was with Chad for six years. I thought everything was perfect. We talked about getting married, but we were both content with what we had. I worked a lot, and he worked from home doing web design. We made good money, had a good life. Then it all crumbled." He took a drink of his beer, giving himself a minute to mentally prepare to tell his story. "I came home early from work one afternoon. I was home about three hours early, hoping to surprise Chad since it was our anniversary. I walked into the apartment, figuring I'd find him in the office like I always did when I came home. Instead, I walked in and I heard a young boy's muffled cries coming from the bedroom."
"Fuck." D closed his eyes.
"Yeah. It was bad. It wasn't unusual for the neighbor kids to visit. Chad loved to bake, so we always had cookies and such around. We knew their parents, and had even babysat for them a few times when they wanted a night out. I never dreamed that Chad could do something like this. I'd seen no signs of it at all in the time we were together. Anyway, I walk into the bedroom and catch Chad holding the eight-year-old boy down, raping him. The six-year-old was on the bed, naked, and crying. I lost my mind. I don't even remember going after Chad, but I did. When I was done, he was on the floor with his head gashed open from me hitting him with a small, heavy statue we had on the nightstand. The coroner said he died almost instantly. The kids were screaming and scared, I was in shock. I managed to call 911 and get help. That whole afternoon was such a mess. I told them what happened. I thought I'd be okay. I mean, who would fault me for what I did. I didn't mean to kill him. I just reacted. I don't even remember most of it. They arrested me and charged me with manslaughter. I was booked into jail but released on bail. I didn't even spend a night there. Then, while investigating, Chad's brother started to say that I'd been wanting Chad dead for a long time and had planned everything. The investigation took a turn, and before I knew what was happening, I heard they were looking to up the charges to second-degree murder and implying I had known about the abuse for years. The boys told them I was never part of it, never there, but the district attorney, who happened to be a friend of Chad's brother, said they were too young to understand everything. One thing spiraled into another, and I thought for sure I was going to be arrested again. That was when Carter called me and said it was time for me to get out if I wanted to. I didn't hesitate. A few days later Rob picked me up and we spent the next three days driving to Colorado." Jeremy stood, walking over to the edge of the deck, and looking out over the yard. "There was a chance I could fight it and win, but there was always that what-if I didn't win
. Chad's brother and the D.A. were determined to take me down. I couldn't trust the system. I was scared and I ran."
D was suddenly behind him, wrapping his arms around him. "You did the right thing. I would have done exactly what you did." D kissed the back of Jeremy's neck. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."
"You know, the worst part is that anyone would defend Chad after something like that. How could his brother protect him? I just don't understand." Jeremy leaned his head back, resting it on D's shoulder.
"I don't know. I've seen it too. Parents defending their children, even victims defending their rapist. It makes no sense. The world is fucked up in many ways." D pulled back enough so he could turn Jeremy to face him. "What about the murder? Are you okay? I know how it feels to take a life. Even if you were protecting others, it's not easy."
Jeremy's eyes filled with tears. He blinked, wanting to hold them back, but couldn't. He used the back of his hand to wipe at them. Out of all the conversations, all the interviews, all the times he'd had to replay the horrible scene in his mind, no one had ever cared enough to ask him that, and in truth, it was the one thing he had the hardest time dealing with.
D smiled sympathetically. "It's the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. It takes a piece of your soul and you never can get it back. I killed my first person in the Army. There was no time to process it. It was war, it had to be done. There wasn't time to think about it. I ended up killing seven while in the Army, then four more since I joined STK. Each one hits me hard. I cry myself to sleep some nights remembering their faces. I know I had to do it, there wasn't another option, but each one haunts me." D reached up and wiped away the tears from Jeremy's eyes, using the pad of his thumbs.
"No one ever asked me that before. It was as if they didn't think I cared. I loved Chad, and while I hate what he did, who he must have become right under my nose, I still loved him. I'd planned on spending my life with him. I think back on it, and I did have other options. I didn't have to kill him. I just reacted. My anger and disgust for what he was doing took over, blinding me from being rational. I could have knocked him out, thrown him off the kid and just called the cops, there were other options. I remember staring at his body after, before the police came. The kids were curled up on the bed crying, I was on the floor, the statue still in my hand as I stared at Chad, watching the life fade from his eyes. I didn't even try to save him." The memories overwhelmed him and he lost it, sobbing hard as D pulled him close and let him cry on his shoulder.