by E. M. Leya
"Tell me about it. You weren't the one sitting in a jail cell wondering if you'd ever see freedom again. Still, even now, I'm paranoid. I almost got arrested again a while back. Jessica, one of our new members, her brother saw me and recognized me. He's a cop. Had me at gunpoint until Jessica talked him down. It's all blown over now, but it was really fucked up when it happened."
"Fuck, you didn't report that to Bryon?" Xander stared at him.
"I don't need to report everything to Bryon now. This is my team. I'm in charge of it. While I'll always turn to Bryon with questions, what happens here is up to me and Jeremy. The two of us decide what happens, who we trust, what we share. Besides, running one team is hard enough. I'm not putting more stress on Bryon's shoulders when he's got enough going on. We're okay here. Jeremy is the best person I could have to help me run the team, and the new members are slowly finding their place."
"Jeremy seems great. You two are serious?" Xander asked.
"Yeah, I love him. Never thought I'd say those words about another man, but I fucking love him. He just makes everything okay. No matter what it is, I turn to him and it's suddenly all okay. He's been through some shit too. I think that helps us understand each other. We've had to create new lives together in the most literal sense of the words. We get what the other is going through. He's just amazing." D laughed. "I sound like Becca talking about Bryon."
"You do sound like a girl, but you know what? I get ya. I was the same way with Matt, I just wasn't that great at expressing it. Faith and Matt changed my life. I hope that things work for you and Jeremy. You need someone in your life." Xander looked out over the yard. "It's nice here. I guess there are worse places you could've ended up."
D snorted. "I'll let you know come December when I'm up to my waist in snow."
"Yeah, winter is going to suck. No offense, but I'll limit my visits to summer." Xander grinned. "Who knows, you might take up skiing or something."
D raised a brow.
"Okay, so maybe not."
D laughed. "It's not bad here. I haven't had a chance to really go out and see the area too much. I'm trying to lay low still, but in time, I hope to get to know the area better. Outside of dump spots, I haven't really been anywhere."
"Yeah, I don't blame you. I thought for sure you'd have your tats covered up by now." Xander nodded to D's biceps.
"Yeah, I need to, but we've been busy, and I'm not sure what I want. I'll get there. Mostly, I've been wearing long-sleeved shirts to cover them up. I couldn't handle the blonde hair though. That was just too much. I'm growing it out. Hopefully, with the small beard and mustache, that will be enough of a change. Things aren't as risky as they were when I first got here. The media's moved on to new stories."
"Thank God. It sucked seeing your face on the news every night." Xander shook his head. "Fuck, that was the worst night of my life."
"Yours?" D laughed. "Try being me. I turned around and saw those cops and was sure my life was over. I figured I'd be continuing STK behind bars. Figured I was already arrested, taking out the pedophiles locked up couldn't hurt."
Xander grinned. "I can so fucking see you doing that. All the ones we couldn't get hold of, you do. Might not be a bad idea. Who do we know that's locked up?"
D shook his head. "Don't get any ideas."
"So you're happy here?"
"Yeah, I am. I was nervous and scared at first, to be honest. I didn't think I could run a team, let alone in a new place. Jeremy helped keep me calm and together we were able to focus. I'm not happy with how it all happened, but the change is what I needed. It's helped me focus, helped me grow up." D smiled. "Jeremy's shown me what was missing in my life."
"Not missing the random hookups?" Xander grinned.
"Not a fucking bit."
"Good. I'm glad. It helps put me at ease. You can ask Matt. I was a wreck when you got arrested. I was ready to bust in and break you out myself somehow."
"I'm glad you didn't. Waiting sucked, but Carter and Bryon came through. It's good to know that they're able to work their magic. I just hope if it ever happens again, they can pull it off again."
"Yeah, me too, but our best bet is not to let it happen again." Xander blew out a long breath. "I'm glad you're happy and okay. I miss the fuck out of you, but at least knowing you're here and safe makes it easier."
"We'll still see each other. I can't come to you, but you can come here, and we can always meet up on vacation somewhere else."
"Matt and I have talked about what we're going to do when Faith goes off to college. Can you believe it's less than two years away now? I don't know where the time has gone." Xander sighed. "Faith and Beau have been talking about what schools she needs to apply for. I'm glad she's got him because Matt and I don't have a clue where it's best for her to go."
"She'll do amazing no matter where she ends up. And my advice, talk to Faith about her moving. She might want to be on her own for a change. As much as I know that scares you, it might be good for her."
"It's just hard to let her go."
D nodded. "But if anyone can do it, she can. She's overcome a lot."
"She has." Xander shook his head. "So much has changed."
"Not all bad."
"No, but changes still aren't easy. I want you back on our team."
D smiled. "Me too, but that's not possible. You know I'll always have room for you here if you want."
"I know, and the thought crosses my mind often. Let us see what Faith does, then we can make decisions." Xander stood. "We okay?"
D nodded. "Of course. We always will be, even when you are a knucklehead." D grabbed Xander and hugged him. "Let's get inside before Faith worries and comes to check on us."
Xander smiled weakly. "I am sorry."
"I know. It's over with. We move on. We've always been good at that."
"Yeah, we have." Xander pushed the sliding glass door open.
As he walked inside, D still couldn't find peace with his father's death, but he had peace with Xander, and that was more important than his father was any day.
CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
Jeremy climbed into bed after locking up and turning all the lights off. He smiled as D held the covers back for him. It was almost strange being in his own bed since they spent most of their time at D's house or the team house, but there was something about having D in his bed that he loved. "Hi there." Jeremy scooted closer, curling his body around D's as the blankets settled over them.
"Hi." D kissed him softly. "Feels good to finally relax."
"It does. It's been a long week." Jeremy relaxed against the pillow. They'd said goodbye to Xander and his family earlier in the day, then focused on work the rest of the afternoon, until D had gone out and done a sting with Patrick. "Are you doing okay after all the stuff that went on this week?" He'd decided not to push D to talk about his father, but he needed to know that he was okay. Over the week since Xander had told him, D had barely even mentioned it.
"Yeah, I'm okay. At first, I was pissed at Xander and Carter for hiding things from me, but the more I started to think about it, the more I realized I was kinda pissed at my parents more than I thought I was. Hearing my dad died made me grieve for the childhood that was stolen from me, if that makes any sense."
"It does." Jeremy caressed a hand down his chest. "You said life was good until they started abusing you. Those memories deserve to be acknowledged too. Maybe even mourned a little."
D sighed. "For years, I dreamed of killing my father for what he did to me, then I just sorta refused to think about it anymore. At least that's what I told myself. But after talking about it with you, then hearing that my dad had died, I realized that I never really forgot. I found ways to distract myself from the thoughts. I used sex as a way to block the pain. Finding some guy and fucking was my distraction from dealing with my past."
"And now?" Jeremy asked softly.
"I think I'm going to take Faith's advice and write a letter to my parents. I won't bother sending it t
o my mom, but I think writing what I feel will be enough. Then I think I'll burn the letter. In a way, representing letting go of the past. For so long, I haven't been able to admit how much it fucked me up. I mean, I wanted to be stronger, be tough enough to handle everything, but the truth is, I was just running from it, refusing to face it. I see that now."
Jeremy brushed a kiss over D's chest. "You'll let me know if you need anything from me?"
"You give me everything I need already. Things I didn't even know I wanted or needed." D wrapped his arm tighter around Jeremy. "How about you? You adjusting okay?"
"Yeah, I am. I still wonder at times what would have happened if I'd stuck it out and gone to trial, but then the fear that it wouldn't have gone my way sets in and I realize I made the right choice coming here. If I'd stayed, even if I'd been found innocent, I wouldn't have met you, and I'd still be working a job where I never felt appreciated or found satisfaction. As much as I gave up, I've gained more. I don't know if I'll ever come to terms with the fact that I killed Chad, but like everything in my life, it's a work in progress." Jeremy traced a line of tattoos on D's chest.
"You know I'm always here for you." D's fingers moved over his spine.
"I know, and I'm here for you. I know together we can face anything. Look at what we've created already."
D laughed. "You mean our little team of castrators?"
"You say it that way and it doesn't sound so sweet."
"Sweet is not a word I'd use for the team."
"No, me neither. Still, I'm proud of what we've accomplished and all that we've done. I know we've only just started, but there is a sense of pride in knowing that we're saving kids, even if not everyone agrees on how we do it." Jeremy closed his eyes. "As much as I enjoy the work we do, I wish we didn't have to do it."
"What would you do if not this?" D asked.
"Feed your addiction. I wouldn't even charge. I'd do it free."
D laughed. "You're doing that anyway."
"Hmm, I am, aren't I? Living the good life then."
"I can't get enough of you." D slid his hand between them, cupping Jeremy's cock, flicking the piercing gently.
"What are you doing?" Jeremy grinned as he started to harden. It didn't take much to turn him on when it came to D, just the thought of sex with D was enough to get him hard, with his hand teasing him, it was impossible not to react.
"Just playing."
"Careful what you play with, you might end up being poked."
D laughed. "I was actually kind of in the mood to do the poking tonight." He traced his fingers over Jeremy's balls, then back farther to his ass.
Jeremy parted his legs, making it easier for D to reach. "You take what you want."
"I want you." D threw the covers off them and rolled so that he was straddling Jeremy.
"You ever thought about getting your nipples pierced?" Jeremy asked as he tugged on them.
D's breath caught. "No, but I'm not against the idea. You might kill me with as sensitive as they already are, but I'm game for anything. Maybe we can look into it when I go get my new ink."
"I think you should get my name right here." Jeremy ran his finger up the bottom of D's shaft.
"I love you, but this is one time I'll say no. Not a fucking chance. I love my ink, but I'm not as brave as you. Needles near my cock are a no go. I've tried to talk myself into getting it pierced like yours, but I just can't see myself doing it. I know all too well what sharp objects around cocks can do."
Jeremy laughed. "That's okay. I love you just the way you are."
"Do you?" D leaned down, kissing him hard, rubbing their bodies against each other as his hands explored his body.
Jeremy ran his hands up D's chest, then down again until he could take D's cock in a tight fist and stroke it. "You know I do." Jeremy's thumb slid over the slick head. "You going to let me taste this?"
"I might if you ask nicely." D smiled down at him.
"What am I, your sub?" Jeremy grinned. "William, will you let me suck your cock?"
D growled. "Use that name and I might shove it down your throat to shut you up."
"I was kinda hoping." Jeremy tugged D's body up his chest as he tried to scoot lower so he could reach D's cock.
"Fuck, you make me so hard." D gripped his cock as he lifted up on his feet and moved so he was aimed right at Jeremy's lips. "I can't promise gentle."
"I didn't ask for gentle, I asked to taste you. Just don't come. I want to feel you do that in my ass." Jeremy licked his lips, then bent his head just slightly so he could wrap his mouth around D's cock.
D groaned as he started to thrust deeper into Jeremy's mouth, not going deep enough to choke him, but close.
Jeremy swallowed around him, sucking, and licking when he could as his fingers teased D's balls. He watched D's face as he pleased him, enjoying the look of pleasure as D's thrusts grew harder and faster until D really was fucking his throat, nearly making him gag.
Tears filled Jeremy's eyes, but he didn't want it to stop. He kept his throat open, trying his hardest to take D as deep as he could, wishing he could see how they looked like this together. Nothing turned him on more than rough sex, and D gave it as good as he took it. They were like magic in bed together.
D held onto the headboard with one hand as he worked his cock between Jeremy's lips. It was wet, and saliva dripped down his chin, but he didn't stop. He loved this, loved feeling the force of D's need, the hardness of his cock, and most of all, seeing the desire in his eyes.
His own cock ached, but he couldn't reach it well with the position he was in. It bobbed and leaked with D's thrusts. Unable to stand it, Jeremy turned his head, causing D to fall from his mouth. "Fuck me." Jeremy was desperate for some kind of release, and the best way he knew to get that was to have D inside him.
"How?" D asked as he eased back, going to his knees beside Jeremy. He reached over, grabbing the lube from the nightstand.
"On my knees." Jeremy rolled, going up on his knees, bracing himself on his arms. "Hard. Make me feel it."
"Whatever you need." D slathered lube over Jeremy's ass, sliding his fingers in and out of him several times before stroking the lube over his own cock. Without warning, D moved between his legs, then pressed forward, the head of his cock pushing into him.
Jeremy pushed back, sucking in a breath at the slight burst of pain as he stretched. D eased in with little effort, holding still once he was deep.
"You're so needy." D reached around with his still slick hand and grasped Jeremy's cock.
"Fuck yes!" Jeremy rotated his hips to try and gain some friction.
D's fingers scraped down Jeremy's back, causing him to arch. "You're so fucking tight." He continued to stroke him with one hand as he used the other to grip his hip. "I'm going to cum all over this sexy ass."
Jeremy shook his head. "In me. Want you to come inside me." He moved his hips, sliding his ass over D's cock, hoping it would get him to move.
"Maybe." D started to thrust, his fingers digging into Jeremy's skin.
"Harder." Jeremy moved D's hand away from his cock and replaced it with his own. He needed D to grip him tighter, take him faster and more forcefully. "You know what I need."
D's thrusts came harder and faster until the bed rocked beneath them and the headboard banged against the wall. They both moved, working together to bring them both what they needed. It was like a dance, a violent one that bordered on being a battle as they gave and took what they needed from one another.
Jeremy's cock pulsed against his palm, and he bit back a cry as he tried to hold back his orgasm, but the way D was fucking him made it impossible. Every inch of his body was on fire, his nerves alive and buzzing with erotic energy. He threw back his head, gasping out a grunt as cum shot from his cock, coating his hand.
"Fuck, I felt that." D moved even faster, stabbing into him almost violently.
All Jeremy could do was hold on. Trying to ride out his own aftershocks of pleasure, he bowed his head
to the pillow, giving himself up to D to use how he wanted. His heart pounded, almost matching the beat of D's thrusts. They were so perfect together. It was almost more than Jeremy could comprehend.
"I love you." D slammed deep then held, his hips jerking, cock pulsing as he filled Jeremy with his release.
Jeremy clenched D's cock in his ass, milking the last of his release from him, enjoying the small shiver that it seemed to cause to flow over D's body. "I love you too." He smiled, his face still against the pillow.
"It's like the first time every time. There is no bad sex between us. I swear your ass was made for my cock." D eased out, teasing the bit of cum at the entrance to Jeremy's body with his finger.
"Maybe it was. I know I don't want anyone else touching it but you."
"Better not. Any other man takes an interest and I'll be quick to remind them what I do for a living." D flopped onto the bed beside Jeremy.
Jeremy laughed. "Now if that isn't a blunt enough warning, I don't know what is." He reached over and draped his arm against D's chest as he eased his body down on the bed, ignoring the sticky mess he'd made beneath him. "Good thing you insisted I learn how to do it too. I'd hate for anyone to think they had a chance with you."
"No one but you has a chance with me. I'm content right where I am." D smiled.
"So am I." Jeremy closed his eyes. "I can't move."
"Then don't. We'll rest, and shower later." D rolled and turned off the lamp before pulling the covers over them as he wrapped himself around Jeremy's body. He kissed the back of his shoulder. "I really do love you."
"I love you too." He smiled into the darkness, hoping that nothing ever took this happiness away.
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Jeremy glanced over at D, trying to give him as much support as he could while they waited for Jessica to get back from her first solo sting. After months of training, D had let her go out alone, and now they sat nervously, waiting for the text that everything was done and she was on her way to the dump site.