Delphi Complete Works of Lucian

by Lucian Samosata

  (3) The title Nero is included in the Suda’s list of the works of the first Philostratus. (It must however be borne in mind that the Suda’s evidence is often unreliable, and in this instance it arouses misgivings by describing the first Philostratus as a contemporary of Nero, while in an adjacent article describing his son as alive almost 200 years later. Furthermore it is not quite certain that Θεατής which follows Nero other speaker, Menecrates, is usually taken to be an imaginary character. Nero, however, had a favourite lyre-player of that name (cf. Suetonius, Nero, 30, Dio Cassius 63.1 and Petronius 73.19), so that it is a strange coincidence that the Menecrates of this dialogue should ask about Nero’s musical accomplishments. The Menecrates of Nero could therefore he the historical Menecrates; if so, it is most unrealistic for him to ask questions to which he knows the answers; more probably the writer has forgotten Menecrates’ connection with Nero, just as he blunders in other ways (cf notes on cc. 2 and 5).

  NERO; OR, THE DIGGING OF THE ISTHMUS

  MENECRATES

  1. Tell me, Musonius, about the digging of the Isthmus, for people say that you took part in it with your own hands. Did that enterprise reveal a Greek spirit on the part of the emperor?

  MUSONIUS

  I can assure you, Menecrates, that Nero’s intentions were even better than Greek; for by breaking through two and a half miles of the Isthmus he proposed to save seafarers the voyage round the Peloponnese past Cape Malea. This would have benefited not only commerce but also the coastal and inland cities; for the inland cities find their home produce sufficient for their needs when the seaboard prospers.

  MENECRATES

  Tell us about this, Musonius, for we are all of us eager to hear, if you’ve no other serious business in mind.

  MUSONIUS

  I’ll tell you, since it is your wish; for I don’t know any better way of obliging those who have come for serious study to such an austere schoolroom.

  2. Nero, then, had been brought to Greece by the call of music and his own exaggerated conviction that even the Muses could not surpass the sweetness of his song. He even wished to win a victor’s crown for song at the Olympic games, where if anywhere the contests are for athletes; for the Pythian games he regarded as belonging to himself more than they did to Apollo; for he believed that not even Apollo would dare play the lyre or sing in competition with him. But the Isthmus had no part in the plans which he had formed from far away; it was only when he had seen what the place was like that he fell in love with a grandiose scheme, when he thought of the king who once led the Achaeans against Troy and how he severed Euboea from Boeotia by digging the Euripus at Chalcis, and when moreover he thought how Darius had bridged the Bosporus to attack the Scythians. Perhaps even before either of these he had thought of the feat of Xerxes, the mightiest of all mighty works, and how moreover by giving men a short route of access to each other he would make it possible for foreigners to enjoy the glorious hospitality of Greece. For tyrannical natures, though intoxicated, yet somehow thirst to hear praises of this sort.

  3. He advanced from his tent and sang a hymn in honour of Amphitrite and Poseidon and a ditty addressed to Melicerte and Leucothea. After the governor of Greece had handed him a golden fork he fell to digging amid clapping and chants of applause. When he had directed blows at the ground to the number of three, I believe, and exhorted those delegated to start the work to tackle their task with energy, he went to Corinth believing he had surpassed all the feats of Heracles. The men from the prison started toiling away at the rocky and difficult ground, while the army worked where there was soil and flat ground.

  4. When we had now been chained to the Isthmus for seventy-five days, an unconfirmed report came from Corinth that Nero had changed his mind about cutting the Isthmus. They say that the Egyptians when calculating the features of both seas had found they were not both at the same level but thought the sea on the Lechaeum side was higher and were afraid for Aegina; for they thought it would be swamped and carried away if so mighty a sea poured over the island. But Nero would not have been dissuaded from cutting the Isthmus even by Thales, the wisest of men and greatest natural philosopher; for he had a greater passion for cutting it than for singing in public.

  5. But the revolt of the Western nations and the fact that the energetic Vindex has now joined it have forced Nero to leave Greece and the Isthmus after his inane calculations; for I know that the seas keep the same level as the land and as each other. They say that affairs at Rome too are now slipping and receding from his grasp. This you heard for yourselves yesterday from the military tribune whose ship ran aground.

  MENECRATES

  6. But tell me, Musonius, about that voice of his which makes him mad about music and enamoured of Olympian and Pythian victories. What is the tyrant’s voice like? For some of those who have sailed to Lemnos expressed admiration for it, while others laughed at it.

  MUSONIUS

  But in fact, my dear Menecrates, his voice deserves neither admiration nor yet ridicule, for nature has made him tolerably and moderately tuneful. His voice is naturally hollow and low, as his throat is deep set, and his singing has a sort of buzzing sound because his throat is thus constituted. However, the pitch of his voice makes him seem less rough when he puts his trust not in his natural powers but in gentle modifications, attractive melody and adroit harp-playing, in choosing the right time to walk, stop and move, and in swaying his head in time to the music; then the only disgraceful feature is that a king should seem to strive for perfection in these accomplishments.

  7. Should he ape his superiors, then, good heavens, what laughter emanates from the audience despite the countless threats hanging over the head of anyone laughing at him! For he holds his breath and sways his head immoderately, and stands on tiptoe with feet apart and with his body bent back like men bound to a wheel. Though his complexion is naturally ruddy, he grows redder still and his face burns, but his supply of breath is short and insufficient.

  MENECRATES

  8. But how do the competitors yield to him? For I imagine they have craft enough to humour him.

  MUSONIUS

  They show the craft of wrestlers who fall down on purpose. But bear in mind, my dear Menecrates, how the tragic actor was killed at the Isthmus. For craft too carries no less danger if its practitioners carry it too far.

  MENECRATES

  What’s all this, my dear Musonius? I’ve heard nothing at all about it.

  MUSONIUS

  Listen then to a tale that may be extraordinary but yet took place before the eyes of Greeks.

  9. Although custom ordains that there should be no comic or tragic contests at the Isthmus, Nero resolved to win a tragic victory. This contest was entered by several including the man from Epirus, who, having an excellent voice which had won him fame and admiration, was unusually ostentatious in pretending that he had set his heart on the crown of victory and wouldn’t give it up before Nero gave him ten talents as the price of victory. Nero was mad with rage; for he had been listening under the stage during the actual contest. When the Greeks shouted in applause of the Epirote, Nero sent his secretary to bid him yield to him. But he raised his voice and went on competing as if they were all free and equal, till Nero sent his own actors on to the platform as though they belonged to the act. For they held writing tablets of ivory and double ones indeed poised before them like daggers and, forcing the Epirote against the pillar near-by, they smashed his throat in with the edge of their tablets.

  MENECRATES

  10. Did he win the tragic prize, Musonius, after perpetrating so monstrous a deed before the eyes of the Greeks?

  MUSONIUS

  That was child’s play to the youth who had murdered his mother. Why need one be surprised that he killed a tragic actor by cutting out his vocal chords? Why he even set out to seal the Pythian cavity from which the oracular utterances came wafting up, so that not even Apollo should have a voice. And yet the Pythian god had merely classed him with men like Orestes an
d Alcmaeon, to whom matricide even gave some claim to renown, since they had avenged their fathers. But he, though quite unable to say whom he had avenged, considered himself insulted by the god, though he had been described in kinder terms than the truth warranted.

  11. But what is this ship which has been approaching while we have been talking? It seems to bring good news, for they have garlands on their head like a chorus that has good tidings to tell. Someone is stretching out his hand from the prow, bidding us be of good courage and rejoice. He is shouting, unless my ears deceive me, that Nero is dead.

  MENECRATES

  Yes, he is shouting that, and all the more clearly the nearer he draws to the land. The gods he praised.

  MUSONIUS

  No, let us not thank the gods, for they say we should not do so where the dead are concerned.

  EPIGRAMS — Ἐπιγράμματα

  Translated by W. R. Paton

  FIFTY-THREE epigrams in all have been attributed to Lucian. Some of these are without doubt the work of others; but those who reject all fifty-three as non-Lucianic are perhaps going too far, as at least a few are not un-Lucianic in style and thought. The epigrams are presented here under their corresonpding Teubner numbers.

  CONTENTS

  I.

  II.

  III.

  IV.

  V.

  VI.

  VII.

  VIII.

  IX.

  X.

  XI.

  XII.

  XIII.

  XIV.

  XV.

  XVI.

  XVII.

  XVIII.

  XIX.

  XX.

  XXI.

  XXII.

  XXIII.

  XXIV.

  XXV.

  XXVI.

  XXVII.

  XXVIII.

  XXIX.

  XXX.

  XXXI.

  XXXII.

  XXXIII.

  XXXIV.

  XXXV.

  XXXVI.

  XXXXVII.

  XXXVIII.

  XXXIX.

  XL.

  XLI.

  XLII.

  XLIII.

  XLIV.

  XLV.

  XLVI.

  XLVII.

  XLVIII.

  XLIX.

  L.

  LI.

  LII.

  LIII.

  I.

  This is the work of Lucian’s pen,

  Who follies knew of bygone men.

  For e’en the things considered wise

  Are nought but folly in mine eyes.

  No single thought that men embrace

  Can merit have or pride of place.

  For what seems wonderful to thee

  Others deride with mockery.

  II.

  Thero, the son of Menippus, in his youth wasted his inheritance shamefully on prodigal outlay; but Euctemon, his father’s friend, when he saw that he was already pressed by parching poverty, strove with tears to cheer him, and gave him his daughter to wife with a large dowry. But when wealth got the better of Thero’s wits, he began to live again in the same extravagance, satisfying disgracefully every lust of his vile belly and the parts beneath it. Thus the returning wave of baneful poverty buried Thero the second time, and Euctemon wept a second time, not for Thero, but for his daughter’s dowry and bed, and learnt that a man who has made ill use of his own substance will not make honest use of another’s.

  III.

  ENJOY thy possessions as if about to die, and use thy goods sparingly as if about to live. That man is wise who understands both these commandments, and hath applied a measure both to thrift and unthrift.

  IV.

  ALL that belongs to mortals is mortal, and all things pass us by; or if not, we pass them by.

  V.

  FOR men who are fortunate all life is short, but for those who fall into misfortune one night is infinite time.

  VI.

  IT is not Love that wrongs the race of men, but Love is an excuse for the souls of the dissolute.

  VII.

  SWIFT gratitude is sweetest; if it delays, all gratitude is empty and should not even be called gratitude.

  VIII.

  A BAD man is like a jar with a hole in it. Pour every kindness into him and you have shed it in vain.

  IX.

  IF thou doest any foul thing it may perchance be hidden from men, but from the gods it shall not be hidden, even if thou but thinkest of it.

  X.

  NOTHING more noxious hath Nature produced among men than the man who simulates pure friendship; for we are no longer on our guard against him as an enemy, but love him as a friend, and thus suffer more injury.

  XI.

  LET a seal be set on the tongue concerning words that should not be spoken; for it is better to guard speech than to guard wealth.

  XII.

  THE wealth of the soul is the only true wealth; the rest has more trouble than the possessions are worth. Him one may rightly call lord of many possessions and wealthy who is able to use his riches. But if a man wears himself out over accounts, ever eager to heap wealth on wealth, his labour shall be like that of the bee in its many-celled honeycomb, for others shall gather the honey.

  XIII.

  I Was once the field of Achaemenides and am now Menippus’, and I shall continue to pass from one man to another. For Achaemenides once thought he possessed me, and Menippus again thinks he does; but I belong to no man, only to Fortune.

  XIV.

  IF thou art fortunate thou art dear to men and dear to gods, and readily they hear thy prayers; but if thou meetest with ill-fortune thou hast no longer any friend, but everything goes against thee, changing with the gusts of fortune.

  XV.

  HEAVEN can do many things even though they be unlikely; it exalteth the little and casteth down the great. Thy lofty looks and pride it shall make to cease, even though a river bring thee streams of gold. The wind hurts not the rush or the mallow, but the greatest oaks and planes it can lay low on the ground.

  XVI.

  SLOW-FOOTED counsel is much the best, for swift counsel ever drags repentance behind it.

  XVII.

  SIX hours are most suitable for labour, and the four that follow, when set forth in letters, say to men “Live.”

  XVIII.

  If you are quick at eating and tardy in running, eat with your feet and run with your mouth.

  XIX.

  Why do you wash in vain your Indian body? Give up that device. You cannot shed the sunlight on dark night.

  XX.

  His competitors set up here the statue of Apis the boxer, for he never hurt anyone.

  XXI.

  I, Androleos, took part in every boxing contest that the Greeks preside over, every single one. At Pisa saved one ear, and in Plataea one eyelid, but at Delphi I was carried out insensible. Damoteles, my father, and my fellow-townsmen had been summoned by herald to bear me out of the stadion either dead or mutilated.

  XXII.

  Hail, Grammar, giver of life! Hail, thou whose cure for famine is “ Sing, O goddess, the wrath”! Men should build a splendid temple to thee, too, and an altar never lacking sacrifice, “For the ways are full of thee, and the sea and its harbours are full of thee,” Grammar, the hostess of all.

  XXIII.

  The exorcist with the stinking mouth cast out many devils by speaking, not by the virtue of his exorcisms, but by that of dung.

  XXIV.

  Not Homer’s Chimaera breathed such foul breath, not the fire-breathing herd of bulls of which they tell, not all Lemnos nor the excrements of the Harpies, nor Philoctetes’ putrefying foot. So that in universal estimation, Telesilla, you surpass Chimerae, rotting sores, bulls, birds, and the women of Lemnos.

  XXV.

  A POET coming to the Isthmian games to the contest, when he found other poets there said he had paristhmia (mumps). He is going to start off for the Pythian games, and if h
e finds poets there again he can’t say he has parapythia as well.

  XXVI.

  Tell me, I ask you, Hermes, how did the soul of Lollianus go down to the house of Persephone? If in silence, it was a marvel, and very likely he wanted to teach you also something. Heavens, to think of meeting that man even when one is dead!

  XXVII.

  You know the rule of my little banquets. To-day, Aulus, I invite you under new convivial laws. No lyric poet shall sit there and recite, and you yourself shall neither trouble us nor be troubled with literary discussions.