Not a moment later, Lyr’s arms were splayed out, and his pale hair whipped around his head. The crowd was still shouting for me, wild with euphoria. At last, Lyr chanted the final words of the portal spell, and I felt the ground rip open beneath my feet.
As I slipped into the cold water, I grabbed Salem, holding him tight to me.
* * *
Gina looked dead. Lying with her head in Shahar’s lap, she wasn’t moving. The firelight danced over her ashen cheeks, and I was certain for a moment that I was looking at a corpse. Her lips had gone blue, and it didn’t look like she was breathing anymore. I wanted to be sick all over again. I clutched my stomach, trying to stay in control.
My heart was ready to leap out of my chest. I was supposed to protect her, dammit. The frost had spread all the way up her neck, climbing her jaw line.
Ossian stood before the fireplace, his birds flapping frantically around his head. “What took you so long, Aenor? We were waiting for you.”
I didn’t have time to answer that. Already, the guilt was cutting through me.
“She’s still alive,” said Shahar, her fingers on Gina’s throat. “Did you find Salem?”
I ignored Shahar’s question and touched Gina’s throat. I felt the faintest pulse beneath the surface, and I wanted to leap into the air with joy. “You’re right. She’s alive.”
Before I could waste another moment, I pressed my hand against her shoulder blade and breathed in deeply, channeling my sea magic. I felt it trickle and flow from my heart, through my shoulder, down my arm, and into my fingers. It was like a warm stream, flowing toward the Ollephest’s toxic magic.
Slowly, relief unclenched my chest as I watched the blooms of frost recede from her face and retreat down her throat.
“It’s working,” I whispered. “Ossian, it’s working.”
“What happened to Salem?” asked Ossian. “You left his bleeding body on the rocks outside.”
“What?” shouted Shahar.
“She slit his throat,” Lyr said from behind me. “But it was his idea. He’ll be fine.”
Shahar stared at Lyr, her face softening.
Now, I could feel Gina’s heartbeat growing stronger. She took a deep breath, filling her lungs, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“Gina?” I said quietly.
“Why are you pressing your hand against my back?” she murmured. “Whose lap am I in?”
“I’m healing you.” I tugged the back of her top down to see the entry wound. But instead of the blooms of frost I’d seen before, I saw smooth expanse of her brown skin. “It worked.”
Slowly, she sat up and rubbed her eyes slowly. “I feel, like, incredibly hung over. Like after drinking all those little bottles in the hotel room. Everything is too loud already… I might vom.”
“You drank all the bottles in the hotel room?” I asked, frowning.
Shahar stood. “I’ll go check on Salem.”
I was glad she was checking on him, because I needed to pull Gina in for a hug, breathing in the beautiful, human smell of her.
“Stop,” she murmured. “I’m going to spew if you don’t back off.” She made a retching noise and put her hand to her mouth. “Ossian! Ossian, please get me some of that tummy-soothing tea you have before I ruin your living room.”
Ossian was already swooping in with a glass of water and a bucket, shooing me away.
I stepped away from her, taking a long, slow breath. I looked down at my own hands, watching the magic flicker around them. Thank the heavens, it was good to have it back.
But my mind was already back on Salem. I wanted to see how he was doing. I hurried past Lyr and rushed out the door to find Salem where we’d left him, propped up against a plum tree. Shahar crouched next to him, examining the scar on his neck. His eyes had opened now—a deep shade of indigo, locked on me.
When he flashed me one of his wicked smiles, I grinned back at him. “Feeling better?” I asked.
He quirked an eyebrow. “Only a little, my queen.”
Shahar stood, frowning at us. “Guess I’ll leave you two alone for a minute.”
I watched as she crossed back into the house. I wondered why she was spending so much time here.
Salem’s lips curled. “I do like when you heal me.”
Smiling, I slid into his lap. Already, his warmth was enveloping me, and when he wrapped his strong arms around me, I fought the desire to lean in and kiss him. I’d heal him, yes. But he was leaving me soon, and maybe I wasn’t in the mood for kisses. Still, his seductive scent was curling around me, skimming my body.
I pressed my palm against his beating heart, my hands splayed over his bloodstained shirt.
“Aenor.” My name sounded seductive on his lips. “For a little while, I wasn’t sure what I would remember when I returned to the heavens. I wasn’t sure if this was all I had. But now I’m certain of it—that I will remember every second I spent with you.”
I leaned forward, resting my forehead against his as I healed him, my palm pressed against him. His chest felt warm. I always wanted to feel him near me. But when I closed my eyes, I could almost see him walking away from me, and the anger that spilled through me was dark as night.
My jaw tightened, and I slid off his lap.
“You’re leaving soon,” I said quietly.
“Shahar just told me she’s staying.”
“Why?”
“I think she has taken a shine to Lyr.”
“What?”
“It’s grotesque, I know.”
“And you don’t want to stay with her?” I asked.
“I do. But I can’t. I’ve never had the strength that she has. As long as I’m here, the divine order is twisted.”
I understood what he was saying, but the pain of it was excruciating. “Okay. But maybe it would have been better if we’d never crossed paths. Maybe it would have been better if we’d never met.” Shadows seemed to grow longer around us.
I’d never seen him look hurt before, but he flashed me a look that was like I’d slapped him across the face.
But instead of wanting to soothe him, I just felt more enraged. An electric tension was crackling the air, my hair standing up on the back of my neck. I wanted to hurt him more, to draw blood. Nothing would appease my wrath except total destruction, complete annihilation of the person who’d hurt me. I wanted to walk over the cursed bones of the one who would leave me.
Was something happening to my thoughts again?
“That’s right,” I said, my voice furious. “I wish I’d never met you, because you are a monster. And I will find a new lover who isn’t a twisted beast. And now that I’m queen, I will sow monsters’ teeth into the soil and raise an army of the dead whose sole purpose will be to erase your memory from the world. When you leave, it will be as if you never existed.”
He stared at me, eyes glinting. “What’s happening to you?”
The sound of footfalls pulled me out of my red haze of rage, and I turned my head to see dark mist billowing over the rocks, roiling across the ocean. Goosebumps prickled my skin, and as I heard her music, I started to understand.
Only now was some of my anger was starting to ebb, and I knew my outburst had been caused by Anat’s malign presence.
“Salem,” I whispered. “I think your mom is coming.”
In the dark mist, he rose. I stood by his side, my legs shaking, blood lust still clouding my thoughts.
Anat glided from the billowing smoke, her translucent body gleaming with red. She was formed of glowing wisps of magic, like smoke, body strapped with weapons. Red hair snaked around her head, and her lion prowled up behind her. He opened his mouth to roar, and I only felt more fury.
This time, I didn’t fall to my knees.
Shahar stepped outside, standing on the other side of me. “I’m not going with you, Anat.”
The world went quiet around us. “You what?”
“I decided I want to stay.” Shahar’s gaze darted between her mother and
brother. “I like it here. I like having a body and eating food. And I like people.” She shrugged. “This is my home.”
The mist started to thin around us, now tinged with the wild red light of the setting sun. Anat’s eyes blazed the same color. “Then you are dead to me, daughter.”
A cold, grave silence fell over us.
Shahar shrugged. “Okay.” She turned, crossing through the mist, back into the house.
The goddess’s gaze turned to her son, and it was like the sun was beaming on him. “Salem, my evening star. My only child. It is time. The gods will allow you to return to your divine state, and to restore order to the universe.”
Salem turned to look at me, and my mind whirled with all the things I wanted to say to him, but I couldn’t figure out where to start. I could explain, maybe, that what I’d just said hadn’t been the truth. That I loved him and didn’t think he was evil. And that I hadn’t meant what I said when I told him he was a monster.
But before I could, the boom of his magic pounded around me, and his wings spread out behind him. His body gleamed with a heavenly light, and his wings began to beat the air.
Cracks opened in my heart.
As he flew for the skies, his body grew more insubstantial, like wisps of clouds rising high above, until Salem as I knew him was no more.
Watching him go, the pain was indescribable, and I wondered how he could do it. Tears streaked my cheeks. I brushed them away, still staring up at him.
I’d nearly forgotten his mother was still here, watching me.
This time, when I turned to look at her, I felt the full force of her divinity. Her lion roared, the sound shaking me down to my bones. I fell hard to my knees on the rocky soil.
I stole a look up at her—at the white plumes crowning her head, the gleaming Ankh. But that was all I saw before I had to tear my eyes away again. It wasn’t that I was afraid—not this time—but she was too blinding, too garish.
“That is my son’s blood on your gown,” she said.
I didn’t answer her. I didn’t really care what she thought at this point. I’d just watched my soul mate fly away, so I didn’t give a fuck about much of anything.
“A corporeal form is a revolting thing,” she went on. “Made of bones and blood, like an animal. You, Aenor, are like an animal, filthy and dumb. My former daughter is the same—a beast who could be slaughtered. And my son feels the same way about you, animal. Did you really think he would stay here for you? You are not good enough, creature.”
A moment ago, I’d been thinking nothing else could hurt me, but there it was.
I tried to think of a retort, but she was already fading into the mist. The fog receded around her, and I now found myself kneeling in an inch of blood.
Salem was gone. I wanted to drown the whole world in my sorrow.
Aenor
In my bedchamber in Nova Ys, a plate of hot cross buns sat on the table, steam curling out of them.
Gina and Ossian crowded around the small wooden table in my room, chewing away. Ossian’s birds swooped around his head, then soared up to the high arched ceilings. I watched as they circled beneath the sandstone arches, then landed on the flowering vines that climbed my walls.
I looked back down at my two friends, who were eating in silence.
“What do you think?” I asked, pointing at the lumpy baked goods. They bulged in strange places, and I’d messed up the crosses so that they looked like random smears.
“They look like shit,” said Gina. “But they taste amazing.”
“You really made these?” asked Ossian. “I didn’t think queens baked.”
“Yep.” I took a sip of my wine. “I explained to the kitchen that I needed to learn more about the process of providing food for the people of Nova Ys, but really needed something fun to do after having to adjudicate four farming disputes this morning.”
Gina frowned. “I thought being a queen would be, like, more exciting. Like lots of balls and battles. Making decrees.”
I twirled my wineglass between my fingers. “I have learned a great deal about farming practices and disputes between shopkeepers. Did you know there’s something called strip farming?”
Ossian perked up, cocking his head. “Like hot, naked farming?”
I shook my head. “Oh, no. It’s narrow strips of wheat, and something about crop rotation.”
“And the shop disputes?” Gina asked.
I waved a hand. “The scent of meat pies ruined the fabric in a dress shop. It was a whole thing.”
Ossian blinked. “Fascinating.”
“Who did all this before you were here?” asked Gina. “Who was mediating the meat pie drama a month ago?”
“A system of democratically elected magistrates from the guilds.”
Ossian grimaced. “I mean… that does seem like a better system, really. Because they were properly elected and probably have actual experience.”
I nodded. “The magistrates can’t stand me, yes.”
“So, no battles?” asked Gina. “No speeches before a war and riding around on a white horse?”
“We have no enemies, no competing kingdoms or courts. No one knows we exist. It’s really just… all about crops, and some drama between guilds. I’m sure some days will be more interesting than others. We could throw a fae fête of some kind.” I felt halfhearted about the situation. I’d liked everyone I’d met, but I thought Ossian was probably right about the elected magistrates.
Still, the adjudicating wasn’t the worst thing in the world. It kept me from wallowing in my room all day. I could focus on other people’s problems instead of mine. Honestly, I was happy to have something to keep my mind off Salem most days. And if it had to be listening to the ins and outs of stone wall construction, so be it.
Ossian pinched the bridge of his nose. “Is there a reason you’ve played ‘Always on My Mind’ five times in a row?”
“No,” I shot back. I hadn’t realized he’d noticed.
In the afternoons and evenings, when I returned to my room, I stewed on thoughts of Salem. And yes, that involved playing “Always on My Mind” repeatedly.
I jumped up abruptly and pulled my blue hula hoop off my bed. I slung it around my hips and started rocking them back and forth to the music. “I listen to this song repeatedly because it’s the best for hula hooping.”
That was a lie. Of all Elvis songs, “That’s All Right” was perhaps the best for hula hooping. It had maybe the perfect pace for a good hula-hooping rhythm.
But I didn’t want to admit I was pining for Salem every night, because that was pathetic. He wasn’t coming back, and no one needed to know how sad I was.
I rocked my hips back and forth, listening to the comforting swoosh, swoosh of the hula hoop. “Lyr has been giving me instructions in queenly behavior,” I said, trying to change the subject. “No hula hooping, of course, so I do it in private. I need to adjust my accent so I sound like proper fae nobility again. And I’m learning to use the proper cutlery, according to Ysian customs. Did you know there is a specific goat curd spoon?”
“Sounds amazing,” Gina deadpanned.
Ossian crossed his arms. “But have you heard anything from Salem?”
I let my hula hoop clatter to the floor. “No, Ossian. I have not heard from Salem, the God of Twilight. How am I supposed to hear from him? He’s in the sky. He doesn’t have a body. He’s pure light or something.” I sounded defensive, and I poured myself a glass of wine, trying to calm down.
“Well, his mum showed up, remember?”
“Yes, I remember.”
Ossian frowned. “I don’t see why he couldn’t.”
I sipped my wine. “Probably because he doesn’t care to see me, Ossian.” That defensive, angry tone again. Still, his mom’s words rolled around my head. He thinks you’re a filthy, dumb animal. You really thought he would stay for you? You’re not good enough.
Ossian leaned back in his chair, and his birds landed on his shoulders. He shook his he
ad. “Nah, that’s bollocks. He loves you, Aenor.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I just swallowed hard. “I don’t know. Guys, I’m going to get a little bit of air, okay? I’ll be back in a few. You can change the music.” I lifted my glass. “I’m taking this with me.”
Two wooden doors were inset in the walls of my room. One of them led out into a corridor, and the other into a twisting stairwell that spiraled up to the top of the Tower of Salt. This was my new home.
I opened the door to the stairwell and began my ascent. I did this many nights in the late afternoon before the sun set—I crawled up the stairs with a glass of wine and watched as Salem unfurled his magic over the skies. I imagined that it was for me somehow, a display of his beauty before me.
I could feel his magic at twilight, the rush of him skimming around me. Some days, when the sun set with particularly lurid colors, I felt like Salem was speaking to me through the setting sun, but I couldn’t make out what he was saying. And when I breathed in, I smelled pomegranates and smoke.
The stairs seemed to go on forever, and my thighs ached by the time I reached the top.
Once I got to the door at the top, I caught my breath for a moment, then pushed through. A balcony ringed the spire, and from there, I had a view of everything. The canopy of the setting sun above me, the city and sea spread out beneath me. On the other side of this tower, I had a view of the farmland that rolled over the other side of Nova Ys. It was from this balcony that I’d spied a twisted Cornish oak by one of the cliffs, though I still hadn’t made the time to go visit it.
The wind whipped at my hair, and I pulled it into a knot behind my head. Crossing to the edge of the parapet, I sipped my wine, staring up at the sky. It had started to shift to a deep shade of rose streaked with indigo. Already, I could feel Salem’s magic gathering around me. Would I ever stop coming up here to watch him? I didn’t think so. Even if it was a freezing winter night.
Salem gleamed in the heavens as the evening star, and the sight took my breath away. I marveled that he’d ever been in my arms.
I guess I understood why he had to leave. I hoped he felt whole again.
Sea Fae Trilogy Page 68