Comfort Side Of Heaven

by Vera Quinn

  “I think the first time I saw you in town it was blonde, but you changed it to this light/ blondish look. It looks better this way.” I didn’t like the blonde, but I would never tell any woman that I didn’t like her hair color or anything else about her looks I didn’t like. That is just rude and to each their own.

  “Tomorrow Haddie and I are going to San Antonio and I’m going to the hair salon and get it back to its natural color. If I hadn’t been hiding in plain sight, I would have never done anything to my hair. Haddie and I are going to have a spa day. I’ve never had a real friend to do things like that with. Haddie is excited and if Haddie can get someone to watch the bed-and-breakfast we are taking Rita along with us. She is going to the barn dance with Trask again and wants to wow him with her looks.” I am still battling with the thing about her being drugged and then raped. It seems like she has dealt with it the best way she can.

  “So, who is this Zane, and do I need to hunt him down and kick his ass? Is there something still between the two of you?” I am curious, and I am dreading the answer, but I need it.

  “Zane is my best friend. His dad is the drummer in TALK Kraze. We’ve known each other since we were in diapers and he was my first kiss at a very young age and we never crossed that line again. I thought of Zane as my brother and Zane has known he was bi-sexual from a very young age—he likes a female and a male in his bed. I accept him as he is and anyone with me must do the same. We have been through a lot of growing pains through our lives together and I will never give him up.” Well, that is one thing that Lyric is certain on.

  “I can handle that, but it might be hard to live up to the high standards he has set, but I think he and I, will get along just fine.” I think we will if both of us think of Lyric first. “When can he come and visit so I can meet him?”

  “I already invited Zane for the Fourth of July. My turn to ask a question-have you ever been in love?” It’s my turn to stiffen up. “I mean you don’t have to tell me.” I sit back and release Lyric.

  “It’s not that I don’t want to tell you, it’s just hard to talk about but I will for you.” I think about where to start. “Several years ago, I was engaged to be married. The woman’s name was Talia. I was crazy about that woman. I was determined to get our ranch in top shape, so we could make the most money out of it. My dad was on board with it but he had a heart attack and that slowed our progress. I think we worked so hard that he was under too much stress. I was trying to be everything to everyone. I was helping Dad cope with his new exercise regime and diet. I was helping Mom deal with Dad. Talia encouraged me every step of the way, or I thought she did. My brother Hawkins was here then, but he was no ranch hand. He never wanted anything to do with the ranch. He had his own things going on. I was spending hours working and then I noticed Talia was never around when I was home. How could that be? She moved into my parent’s house right after high school when her parents left for another tour overseas—both of her parents were in the military. One was being sent to Germany and the other to Italy. Neither of us wanted to be separated, so my family took her in. Talia liked to party with the younger crowds and I couldn’t stay out until two in the morning if I had to be at work at five. It just wasn’t possible, and she did get resentful, but I thought we worked through it—that is until Hawkins announced he was leaving and Talia was going with him. Hawkins and I ended up in a fist fight and it was lucky that Trask was there to help break us apart. Talia left with Hawkins and I was so angry—so were my mom and dad but after a year or so they missed their younger son. I missed my brother, but male pride wouldn’t let me forgive him. Because of you I called him today and invited him and Talia for our family’s Fourth of July celebration. Which you are invited to and if Zane is here, he is invited as well. Haddie and Nick are always there and half the countryside.” I didn’t take a breath or hesitate to look at Lyric, I just wanted to get it out, but I feel the air has changed and Lyric has turned her head to stare at me. “Did I say something to upset you?”

  “I am just not sure why I would have anything to do with making you want to talk to your brother. I am mad at both him and Talia. You are a very forgiving soul if you can forgive that and I don’t know if I can trust my mouth around either one.” Lyric stops and calms herself. “Am I your runner-up girl? Do you want me to be there, so you can show them both you’ve moved on or do you really want me there to spend the day with you and give you support for what I could only guess would be a stressful day?” I guess I can understand the reason she would ask such a thing, but it pisses me the fuck off. I don’t use women that way and anyone that knows me should know that. I stand up from the couch.

  “Is that what you think of me since I have bared my soul to you and laid out my feelings for you? Have I not shown you how I feel about you?” Lyric has tears running down her face. I am no good at relationships. I ask a woman to be my girl and lose her all in the same night. How stupid am I? “You don’t need to show me to the door and consider the invitation to be my girl and the invitation to my family’s barbeque rescinded. All women are the same, batshit crazy and no woman is wrapping me around their little finger again.”

  “Fine, I would have never lived up to your goody-two-shoes standards anyway. Do you still plan to work on my barn tomorrow or not?” Lyric is letting her feelings fly. Two can play at that game sweetheart and I am better at it.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Lyric/Sage…

  I don’t know where this night went wrong. Botie was so sweet bringing flowers and dessert. Our talk was light in some places and a little heavier in others, but we were getting to know each other and then it took a bad turn into the Twilight Zone and I can’t stop myself from keeping it going.

  “We’re in the middle of an argument and breaking up and you want to know if I am going to be here in the morning to work on your damn barn. I tell you what honey, you spread those pretty legs for me tonight and I will think about giving you some labor tomorrow. This isn’t Dallas, you can’t just use people.” I can’t believe he said that.

  “Botie, the only thing I want from you is a good day of work. You act like I am declaring my undying love and want to have your baby. I don’t have a heart to give anyone, so it’s a moot point. Either say you will help me with the barn or leave and get over yourself.” I know I sound like a spoiled child but that is what Botie does to me. Botie gets so close to me I can smell his sweat and I am ashamed to say I would love to feel it on my body. He gets down in my face.

  “You’re not fooling me darling—you are so hot for me that you want to climb me like a damn tree. Not happening. I may want your body beneath mine, but I won’t allow any woman to use me again, especially some inexperienced naïve little girl. I’m leaving and call Trask when you need help because he is the type of man to give you exactly what you are asking for.” That is the last straw. Botie walks towards the front door and I run to the kitchen and get his flowers and fried pies. I hurry back out the front door and Botie is in the truck with the window down. I throw the flowers at him through the window and I take the two pies and smear them down the side of his white truck and then I stick my tongue out at the man that is infuriating me and making me act like a raving lunatic. I don’t know what has come over me.

  “If that leaves a stain you are paying to have it cleaned,” Botie grits out.

  “Don’t worry, I can afford it.” I stomp my way back in the house and I slam the screen and the front door and lock it. I fall in the middle of the floor and roll up in a fetal position and cry until I can’t cry any more. My head hurts, my nose has snot for days and my eyes are swollen and puffy. I don’t know how one night can be the best and worst rolled up in one. I know I am feeling sorry for myself. I won’t do this to myself again. When I was young, and my dad was on the road I would cry to be close to my mom, but she was always gone or told me she didn’t have time. I didn’t know what I did wrong just like now. If this is what people go through to be in a relationship, then I don’t want any pa
rt of it. Maybe I can talk to Zane into coming early. That’s a great idea but he may be too busy. I can always try. I make myself get up and I go and clean the kitchen. I throw everything away. I don’t want to remember any of it. My new dishwasher gets its first load of dirty dishes. I think about that and I sound pathetic. I’m thinking about my dishwasher. I lock my house up and climb the stairs and go straight to the shower, so I can wash this night away. The hot water makes my eyes feel a little better. I am sure cold water would help them more. My body is aching from lying on the floor and the water does help that. I get out of the shower and wrap a towel around me. I find one of dad’s old t-shirts to put on and I brush my hair out. I know tomorrow I get to go to the spa and it can’t come soon enough. Maybe, Zane would have enough time to meet us. I pick up my phone and text him. I don’t get a reply, so I climb under my covers and drift off into a restless night’s sleep.

  At seven o’clock, I can’t take any more and I get up and make coffee. I don’t bother with a robe, I’m too tired, or depressed. I just don’t feel anything. I have disconnected. It’s not long before my coffee machine signals it’s done. I make a cup of coffee and I drink it straight and hot. I need the burn to know I am still here. I sit at my table and my mind closes everything out. I go back over my life and wonder when my life became a haze from circumstances beyond my control. It seems like I have been running in a fog ever since. Sometimes I can almost feel and see the light at the end of my journey. I only hope when I reach that light that there is a good life beyond it. It is a thought that keeps going through my head. I keep trying to keep a brave face, but it’s hard sometimes. I don’t know how long I sit here going over thoughts in my mind when I hear a light knock on my kitchen door. I figure it’s Haddie wanting to get an early start. I open the door and there stands the last person I expected to see—Zane. He has the same lop-sided grin I have wanted to see for over four years and I jump in his arms. He takes a step back to brace us.

  “Hey there, cupcake. I heard your voice on the voicemail and I knew something was wrong. Now that I know where you are, I can come find you and so I did. What’s wrong darlin’? Is that bitch of a mom of yours mixing shit up for you again? I’ll put that bitch in her place.” That’s my best friend. Always slaying my dragons for me.

  “I have missed you so dang much. I should have taken you with me when I left. I left my better half at home.” Zane takes a step further in the house and sets me down. I look into Zane’s deep brown eyes and at his beautiful mocha skin. This is my brother from another mother and I didn’t know how much I needed him until right now. I feel safe with Zane and I can tell him anything—he will never judge me. I step closer and kiss him on the cheek. He pulls me into another bear hug.

  “Let it out girl. I see the pain in your eyes. Let them roll until it is all out.” That’s all he has to say. I break down and cry for everything I am worth. I cry from missing my friend for four years, I cry from missing my dad, I cry from the pain my mom has caused me all these years, and then I cry from the loss of Botie. I can’t believe the dreams I put in that man in one day and it was all gone the same night. I don’t know when Zane picks me up and carries me to the couch and sits down with me. I cry for what seems forever just like last night but then I just stop. I can’t keep acting like this.

  “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be crying since I haven’t seen you in over four years. We should be making the most of our time,” I apologize to Zane.

  “Hush it, woman. You needed a good cry and I am man enough to let you have it. I don’t run from crying women. I cuddle them and show them the Zane love.” I laugh and snort out my nose and I feel the snot running. “Cupcake, go and clean your face. I don’t run from tears, but snot is a different thing. Put your ass in some clothes too. Those legs are too tempting for any man.” Zane is right. I probably look a mess.

  “I will jump in the shower and clean up and be back down in a few minutes. There is coffee in the kitchen. How long are you here for?” I ask hoping he can stay awhile.

  “Coffee sounds great—I never went to sleep last night. I drove straight here, good thing I was sober. I had been at a party, but I was the designated driver. I am staying the night, but I have class at noon, so I need to get back on the road early tomorrow.” I am glad to get Zane for any amount of time. “You know every one of us miss you. We need to make a trip to the beach or up to your cabin, just the family.” I know I need that too.

  “You set it all up with coordinating everyone’s schedules and I will do the rest. I would love it. I miss everyone and to tell you the truth it’s exactly what I need—to have our family back together. It just needs to be after my birthday.”

  “I will get all the schedules synced as soon as I take that test tomorrow. I am having to take one class in the summer semester and it’s a pain. Now go on up and get your shower so we can get to the spa. I haven’t had a spa day since you left.” Good memories—no—the best memories.

  “I’ll be down in just a few minutes,” I tell Zane and run up the stairs. I feel a little better. I don’t know if it was the crying or having my best friend here. Today is going to be a better day than I thought.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Botie…

  I wake up to a banging on the side of my truck. “Wake up asshole! Your dad sent me out looking for your sorry ass and it’s too early in the damn morning. This better be a damn good story. Your dad was worried that you were going to give that woman a bad reputation by having your truck parked in her front yard overnight and I was wondering what decade your dad was living in, but I came looking for you anyway and guess where I find you—at our fishing hole smelling like you spent your night in a damn brewery. I can smell you from here and you didn’t invite me. How dare you treat your lifelong buddy that way.” I just want Trask to shut up so I can remember what happened. My mouth is as dry as the damn desert and my head is pounding. I try to sit up and my stomach contents lurch, but I am able to keep it down. I sit up and pull myself up and over by the steering wheel and open the door. I then look at the passenger side floor board and that is all it takes. I lunge from the truck and make it out in time for everything in my stomach to come up. “Damn, Botie, you just threw up all over my work boots.” I couldn’t care less. I just want him to shut up. “What the hell happened to you? The last thing I knew you were seeing Lyric at her house for a homecooked meal.” The night comes rushing back to me all at once. What the hell did I do? I am ashamed for the things I said to that sweet woman. I empty my stomach again but it’s more like dry heaves. When I am through, Trask hands me a bottle of water. I first swish some in my mouth and wash my nasty mouth out and then I take a long drink. I think I am going to up-chuck again, but it stays down and then I take a slower drink. It goes down better and it helps with the dry mouth for a few seconds. I feel like I could cry but there is no way I am crying in front of anyone.

  “Tell me what happened?”

  “I went to dinner at Lyric’s and we were having an enjoyable time and getting to know each other. I know she is my one. I had her and then I blew it. I asked her to be my girl and we had the sex talk. You know the awkward one about our first, only she didn’t want to know my first sex experience, but my first love and it went downhill from there. We talked about Hawkins and Talia and I didn’t know I was still so raw about it. I told her that I invited them for the Fourth of July and she said something—I don’t even remember what it was—and I got nasty with her.” I stand up and stretch my back. “My mom and dad would be ashamed of me and I am ashamed of myself. She asked me about helping with the barn and I told her if she spread her legs for me then I would do the labor for her. I told her you could give her exactly what she wanted.” I don’t see it coming. Trask slams his fist in my face and he doesn’t stop until I start throwing up the water I consumed. Then Trask backs off and catches his breath and starts yelling at me.

  “You are a total ass, Botie. Lyric has been through enough without throwing Hawkins and Talia’s
shit at her. What did she say? Was she taking up for you and you got your little feelings hurt because Lyric was talking bad about your precious Talia? You did the same damn thing to me right after it happened, but I’m a man and I can whip your ass any day of the week. Did you leave her crying by herself? Don’t you even know that’s what her mom did to her all her life—taking everyone else’s side but Lyric’s. When you screw things up, you do it good. I should tell your mom and dad, so they can chew your ass. Don’t forget that Haddie and Nick are going to be on your ass too.” Trask is disappointed at me but by this afternoon he will be helping me figure out a way to fix this. What the hell happened to the side of your Truck? I pick myself up and look at my truck and the memory of Lyric smearing those fried pies down my truck with fire in her eyes comes to mind. She was so beautiful.

  “That would be what is left of my mom’s fried blackberry pies that I took for dessert last night. Lyric was so enraged that she smeared them down my truck and it was the most beautiful sight I have ever seen even though I was busy spewing garbage out of my mouth.” I need to make her forgive me.