by Karen Rock
Only this wasn’t a game.
No takebacks.
Her moon sister, best friend and rival lay beneath Cassidy’s feet while she stood above, one hand clasped in Noah’s, the other with Emma. Daryl brushed some fallen leaves from the top of the white marble plaque, straightened and stepped back. “Your ma always loved fall,” he said, gruff. He shoved his hands in his pockets and blinked hard at the blue sky. Overhead, a single white cloud scuttled by.
His grief struck Cassidy hard enough to bruise her heart.
He loved Leanne.
Really loved her. In the isolated setting of a college campus, where life was more theoretical than experienced, the love she and Daryl shared had been a hothouse flower, not meant to withstand life’s realities. Choices. His feelings for Leanne, however, were sturdy, tested and real. Cassidy ached to see him grieve. How could she wish to ease his suffering all while resenting it?
“Apple season was her favorite.” Cassidy shivered and wished for the borrowed jacket she’d forgotten this morning.
“Are we still going to make pies after we pick apples?” Noah angled his head to look up at her and his brown hair slid back from his forehead.
“Is that all you care about? Pie?” Emma yanked her hand free and stomped off. In the distance, a trio of crows cawed as if passing dark judgment.
Noah’s shoulders shook, and he moved into Cassidy’s arms, crying. “I care about Mama.”
She smoothed a hand over his hair. “Of course you do.”
“Emma, apologize.” Daryl’s voice was deep and grave and brooked no argument.
“Sorry,” she muttered, dragging her feet as she rejoined the group. “How long do we have to be here?”
Daryl’s features tensed. When he opened his mouth, Cassidy stopped him with a hand on his arm. “How long do you want to stay?”
Emma pulled the pumpkin she’d painted yesterday from her backpack. A red heart wove around its stem. “Can I be alone?”
Daryl squeezed her shoulder. “Take as much time as you need.”
“I didn’t give Mama her candy!” Noah plunged his hands in his pockets and pulled out a fistful of Tootsie Rolls. “These were her favorite.”
After he lined them up along the perimeter of the plaque, he followed Daryl and Cassidy to a bench beneath an ancient maple. Brittle green leaves mixed with orange rustled crisply in the autumn breeze blowing off Mount Sopris. It carried the heady scent of fresh roses arranged beside a nearby headstone.
“Can I get some more acorns?”
At his father’s nod, Noah scampered off to the nut-laden ground beneath an oak.
“She’s doing worse,” Daryl murmured, his eyes on Emma. The young girl sat with her legs folded beneath her, her head bowed.
“Give her time. This is a shock.”
“Thanks for stopping me from reprimanding her. I didn’t know she’d brought the pumpkin. How did you...?”
“I didn’t. She must have painted the heart this morning and put it in her bag when she ran back in the house.”
“You’re good with them, Cass.” The warm appreciation in his eyes made her slightly light-headed. “A natural with kids.”
“I haven’t spent much time around children,” she deflected. Was she a natural? Mom material?
“No evil child dictators to expose?” His left eyebrow quirked, and his full mouth curled slightly in the corners.
Despite herself, she smiled. “Not yet anyway, though at this point, nothing would shock me.”
A stocky man with cropped silver hair and dark-framed glasses strode their way. “Forgive me for interrupting, but are you one of the Loveland boys?”
Daryl nodded and stood. “Daryl Loveland.”
Even white teeth, revealed in an easy smile, contrasted with the man’s weather-beaten skin. “Thought I recognized you from a family photo my mother had of you.”
Daryl’s eyes creased in confusion. “Your mother had a picture of us?”
The man stuck out a hand. “Sorry to make this awkward. Suppose I’m nervous. I’ve been hoping to meet more of the family but your pa’s been opposed. I’m Neil Wharton, Clarence Loveland’s eldest son. Boyd’s half brother.”
Daryl sucked in a harsh breath and bristled. “Emma! Noah! Time to go.”
“But you said—”
“Now!” Daryl cut off the children.
“I didn’t mean to intrude.” Neil’s face fell. “I’m here to pay my respects to family, same as you.”
“You don’t have family here.”
The lethal edge in Daryl’s voice took Cassidy aback. He’d always been easygoing and courteous; this dark side made him seem like a stranger.
“My father’s buried there.” A gold wristwatch gleamed when Neil pointed to a gravestone.
“Don’t come near my family again,” Daryl growled. He hustled her and the children down the path and into his truck.
“Who’s that, Pa?” Emma asked, craning her neck to watch the waving man through the rear window.
“No one.” Daryl jabbed on the radio and the children donned their respective headphones.
“Your dad didn’t have a brother.” Cassidy twisted forward in her seat when they passed through the cemetery’s gates.
“Correct,” Daryl bit out, his knuckles blanching against the steering wheel.
“I don’t understand.”
“Neil claims my grandpa fathered him while stationed in Germany and that he’s owed a stake in Loveland Hills.”
“Poor Boyd!” Cassidy leaned the side of her head against the truck window’s warm glass. “What’s he going to do?”
“We’ve hired a lawyer. Right now, there’s no direct paternity link other than he has my family’s watch, which we thought Grandpa lost in the war, and letters Neil’s mother exchanged with Clarence referencing a child. They don’t specifically say the baby is or isn’t Grandpa’s.”
“So it’s his word against Boyd’s.”
“Unless he gets the judge to grant his request to have my grandfather’s body exhumed for a paternity test.”
She gasped. “That’s horrible.”
“Neil challenged Pa to do a DNA test, but Pa says he won’t cooperate with that grifter. He’s already got a lot on his plate as it is.”
First Joy’s health scare and now a new threat to Loveland Hills? She touched Daryl’s leg briefly. “This must be so difficult. I know how much the ranch means to you.”
More than me.
“Pa’s the one who’s deserving. He’s worked it all his life whereas Neil... What’s he done before crawling out from under a rock to stake a claim?” Daryl shook his head in disgust. “The will states ownership is to be split evenly between offspring. Since Pa’s sister and brother passed early, the entire ranch went to him. If Neil wins his case, he’ll gain fifty percent, which he plans to sell, and we don’t have the cash to buy it back.”
“Is that why Leanne was opening a country store? To bring in more revenue to the ranch?”
“I don’t know. She never mentioned her reasons, but I’d like to think so.”
Cassidy did, too. Had Leanne asked Cassidy to come home and help with the store? It seemed unlikely, but no other reason made sense other than, perhaps, a wish to reconcile... Cassidy’s resolve intensified. She wouldn’t stay on Loveland Hills indefinitely, but she’d see her sister’s plan to fruition and leave the ranch, and Leanne’s family, in a better place. Stronger. “Has Joy gone in for her biopsy yet?”
“Tomorrow. I’ll wait with Pa for her if you don’t mind watching the kids. I’ve been putting a lot on you lately.”
“It’s no problem.” Daryl lapsed into silence and the tires hummed in the quiet as they drove. When they passed a spot where a guardrail bent inward, her heart stopped.
“Please! Let me go!” Leanne’s voice rev
erberated in Cassidy’s head. She squeezed her eyes shut and gasped, “Is that where...”
“Yes,” he said quietly, then blasted the radio’s volume, his profile stone.
Her lungs seemed to fill with water and she forgot how to breathe as she searched the dark, blank spots in her memory for more of what sounded like an argument with Leanne. Burning exhaust, a wave of heat, screaming...then nothing, as if her mind had hit a wall she couldn’t get past.
When would she get the answers, the closure she sought?
Hours later, Cassidy rocked on the back porch, listening to the bullfrogs sing from the edges of a burbling stream. Tendrils of warmth emanated from the dying fire inside a chiminea. They’d toasted marshmallows after dinner, speaking little after their emotional day. To her surprise, Emma announced she wanted to go to bed—on her own—and Noah asked his father to read him a story, leaving her with her thoughts.
Which wasn’t a good thing.
Leanne Marie Loveland, Beloved Wife and Mother.
Cassidy’s fingers tightened around the glider bench’s armrest as she pictured her sister’s grave marker.
What would Cassidy’s headstone read?
Pulitzer Prize Winner?
Maybe...and maybe not.
If she didn’t earn her profession’s highest accolade, had she really been successful? Did her life have meaning? Worth?
And what was an award compared with a child? A marriage?
The former recorded your name in a file whereas the latter kept you in his or her heart forever.
Would she ever be a wife? A mother?
She hadn’t seriously considered those roles until now. The work, sacrifice and rewards of helping Noah and Emma revealed motherhood to be one of life’s greatest achievements.
Were her goals just as worthy?
A door opened behind her, breaking her from her thoughts.
“Fire’s nearly out.” Daryl paused by the glider. “Head in. I’ll throw some more dirt on it.”
“I’m fine.” She tipped her head back. “It’s peaceful out here.” It’d been a long time since she’d stopped her life long enough to simply soak it in.
“Thought you preferred conflict.” The glider squeaked when Daryl lowered himself in it beside her.
This close, the subtle spice of his aftershave teased her nose and the brush of his shoulder against hers pitched her heart into a funny rhythm. “Only when I’m working.”
“What were you working on before—before you came back to Carbondale?”
“An exposé on government corruption in the Philippines.” She stared up at the stars, marveling at how frantic she’d been to uncover a truth that seemed far removed from the tragedies unfolding here in the Rocky Mountains.
Her editor dubbed it her strongest piece yet and advised Cassidy to take the time she needed to heal and grieve. Was she losing out on the next big scoop spinning her wheels in Carbondale?
Granted, her ribs and pinkie hadn’t fully healed, and her left eye vision was still poor, but she could hire a photographer. What if she lost her peers’ respect and her father’s pride in her...? Who would she be then?
“Your piece on child trafficking in Malaysia was eye-opening.”
“You read my stuff?” She stared at him in surprise.
“Don’t miss an article.” His eyes slid from hers, back to the house. The lights in Emma’s room flicked off. “I need to do something about Emma, but she’s not talking to me.”
Her throat ached at the quiet despair in Daryl’s voice. “Why do you think she’s withdrawing?”
Something rustled in the dark, shaking a berry bush just beyond the deck. “Maybe she blames me.”
“You?” She glanced at him in surprise. “That’s crazy. Emma misses her mother. She’s mad at the world.”
“Noah’s not doing much better. He just asked me when I’m going to die.”
Her heart squeezed for the little boy trying to make sense of such a big concept as loss. “What’d you tell him?”
“God only calls the angels home early. He doesn’t want a tough piece of boot leather like me around, mucking up the place. At least, not for a long, long time.”
That drew a reluctant smile from her. “What’d Noah say?”
“That he’s glad I suck.”
Despite the somber moment, she chuckled, and Daryl joined her, their brief laughter weaving in the cool, dark air.
“You do kind of suck,” she teased before she thought better of it.
When she turned to Daryl, he was staring at her, regret swimming in his dark eyes. “I know you’ve never wanted to hear my apology before, Cassidy...”
When she started to rise, he held out a hand. “Please. Just this once, will you hear me out?”
Pain on pain. What was a bit more on this difficult day? Besides, they couldn’t keep tiptoeing around the topic forever. “Okay.”
“I’m sorry for betraying and hurting you.”
“Forget it. I have.”
Liar.
“I was a complete ass. I won’t make any excuses. There are none. I destroyed your relationship with Leanne, as well.”
“And now I’ll never get to reconcile with her.”
Daryl scrubbed a hand over his eyes. “Were you hoping to?”
“Not until it was too late. I should have forgiven her...and you.” A dull ache flared behind her eyes. “You can’t help who you fall in love with.”
“But I didn’t...”
Her heartbeat grew faster, heavier, a painful percussion. “Didn’t what?”
“Love Leanne.” Daryl’s voice was so low she had to lean closer to hear it. “Not at first. She was a friend, a kind soul who let me ramble on about you, who listened and sympathized since she knew you as well as I did. When my letters went unanswered and one came back return to sender, I lost faith. I thought you’d made up your mind about not marrying me and were waiting to come home to tell me in person. The night Leanne and I—ah...” He cleared his throat. “I’d gotten drunk and...”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to hear specifics.”
He twisted her way and their knees bumped. “Her pregnancy resulted from a moment of extreme stupidity and weakness. Nothing drove me but my doubts. I’d regret it completely except we got Emma and I wouldn’t change that.”
“I wouldn’t either.” Their eyes locked for a breath-stealing moment. Some things were meant to be, especially the niece and nephew she adored with all her heart. She’d give up Daryl a hundred times to have them, as much as she loved him.
Had loved him.
Some of her old anger dissipated. Daryl and Leanne had been destined to create those beautiful little lives just as she’d been fated to uncover injustices and save lives, neither of which would have happened if Daryl had waited for her and she’d given up her career to help him on the ranch. In the end, everyone followed the right path after all.
Daryl shooed away a nagging mosquito. “I married Leanne to do right by her, but it was an obligation initially...not love. That came over time.”
Cassidy strove not to read too much into Daryl’s confession. It was like watching a door to a life she hadn’t dared dream of slam shut in her face. “Either way, you chose her. And it was the right decision.”
He angled his head and his dark eyes pierced hers through the dim light. “What would your answer have been if Leanne and I hadn’t gotten together?”
A trickle of unease formed in her belly. She didn’t like where this conversation was going. “What’s it matter now?”
He stopped rocking and his stare lingered on her face with enough intensity to feel like a physical caress. “It shouldn’t, but it does. It’s always mattered.”
Had she always mattered to him? For one night, she hadn’t...
“I’d planned to move to
Carbondale rather than lose you.”
Daryl seemed to stop breathing and an unforgiving pang hit her in the chest at his stricken face. Counting to ten, she forced a casual shrug. “It all turned out for the best.” She scrubbed the emotion from her voice. Daryl had enough pain without digging up old ones. “I love my career and Leanne was happy, an excellent wife and mother.”
“Leanne wasn’t happy.” Three simple words, yet they seemed to tear out of Daryl, taking a part of him with it.
Pressure clamped down on her chest. “Is that what the kids meant when they said she wasn’t around a lot? Was drinking?”
“We were having troubles.”
She peered into his handsome, pain-filled face. His dark brown eyes were wide, the pupils dilated. His wavy brown hair, which he’d chopped off, lay flat against his skull, accentuating his cheekbones. His full lips were parted, his white teeth contrasting with his thick, trimmed beard. “Were you separated?”
“No. Yes.” Daryl cleared his throat, but when he spoke, his voice was deeper and rougher than normal. “I don’t know. She asked me to sleep at the main house on nights when she wasn’t going out with friends.”
Cassidy balled her hands and dug her fingernails into her palms to keep from reaching for him. Consoling him. “When did that start?”
“A year and a half ago.”
“Were you arguing?”
His brows rose as he scrubbed his hand down his jaw. “We hadn’t been until...”
She remained quiet, not wanting to push...not even sure if she wanted to know or get involved. The longer she stayed in Carbondale, the more entangled she became.
“I didn’t like her going out,” Daryl concluded.
“Ever?”
“No. Just not as much.” He blew out a long breath as he shook his head. “And I wished sometimes it’d be with me. I—I couldn’t make her happy anymore.”
“Why?”
“She accused me of still caring for you.”
“And what’d you say?” Despite herself, the huskiness in her voice exposed the growing ball of emotions filling her belly.
“No. That was over years ago.”