Hate Sober

by T. L Smith

  I want to smile, but I don’t as I continue to read.

  Everly, I WILL change for you. I WILL give you everything in this life you ever need.

  It’s four hours between that message and this one.

  I miss you. I’ve always missed you.

  And two minutes between that last and this one.

  I love you.

  Wetness falls onto my phone. I didn’t even realize I was crying. Wiping at my face, I crawl back into bed and fall asleep.

  Maybe tomorrow will be different.

  25

  Gunner

  Space. It’s a strange, obscure word for me. And what does it really mean? I’ve never been good at not getting what I want. Somehow, I always find a way to get it. I’ve been lucky like that, but I have never wanted something, or should I say someone, as much as I want Everly. She is what makes me happy. She is what makes me see a clearer tomorrow. She is what makes me a better man. And for her I will change. I will change everything she asks for.

  “Are you sure she’s okay?” Everly’s manager asks me the following day.

  I’ve come in to make sure everything’s going smoothly. The last thing she needs is her business going bust, especially with how much she loves it.

  “Yes, Everly—”

  “Is here.”

  We both turn to Everly as she walks up behind me. She nods her head to the manager, and I notice her body is completely covered from neck to toe. She has on jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. Her hair is down, covering her neck, and she has on more makeup than she usually wears, to cover her facial bruising, but her lips are a tell-tale sign something’s wrong.

  I pinch my brows together thinking of what pain she must be enduring and I’m amazed with how strong she is. What happened to her could have broken her, and I think it almost did. But she’s a survivor, and I have to give credit where it’s due.

  “Thank you, Mary.” Everly watches as her manager walks away before she turns to me. Her eyes harden. I can see her fighting over which emotion will win in the long run. “Why are you here, Gunner?” she asks while she crosses her arms over her chest.

  “I didn’t know you would be back so soon. I came to check that everything was going okay and nothing was needed.”

  She sighs, blowing out a heavy breath, which makes her hair flicker.

  “Thank you. But it’s not necessary. I can handle my own business affairs.”

  “I—”

  She holds up a hand, stopping me from speaking. I fight back the retort that wants to leave and look up at her instead.

  “You wanted me to sell this, remember? What games are you playing at now?” she hisses, leaning in close.

  Oh God, her scent wraps around me and I instantly want her. My cock stirs and I smile, not just because of how beautiful she is when she’s angry, but because it’s been so long since I’ve been happy. “It was because I wanted you. Just you. Nothing else. I was wrong.”

  She shakes her head at my words. “This is me. All of this…” she waves her hands around, “… is me. You don’t want me. You want the idea of me.” She goes to walk past me, and before I grab her arm, I think better of it, and instead step in front of her. I don’t want to touch her and make her more upset than she already is. My intentions are not to make her angry, my intentions are purely to try and make her see I’ve changed, and I want her back.

  “The idea of you is such a lovely thing,” I say. “But it’s you who makes me truly happy.”

  “Happy?” she scoffs, then leans in. “Tell me, how was it fucking that bitch from your office? Was she everything you hoped for? Why don’t you go marry her and see where that gets you? I…” she pushes past me, “… I need to work.”

  I smile despite myself.

  Jealousy looks good on her.

  Very good.

  “Everly…” She’s two steps ahead of me, trying her best to get away. “Everly…” I say louder this time, making her stop. I walk up behind her and touch her arm ever so softly. “You are the only woman for me. I never slept with her. All I could think about was you, and how much I want… you.”

  She shakes her head and keeps on walking.

  I smile knowing she cares.

  That despite everything, somehow, she still cares.

  “Gunner, you piece of shit.” My grandmother’s standing right in front of me. I’m guessing she’s heard the news about her beloved grandson, Roberto. I look up to her from my desk and smile. “You think it’s funny? Do you think it’s fucking funny?” she screams.

  I look at my cell in the hopes Everly will reply. I sent her a message asking if she would like to meet, or if she needs anything. It’s been five hours since I sent the text message and six since I saw her this morning.

  My need for her is strong—I think it always will be.

  “What do you want?” I ask, getting tired of listening to her rant and rave. I’m sure she has said more since her outburst, but I don’t give two flying fucks about what she has to say.

  Grandmother’s hand goes to her hip as her lips thin. “You think you can do that? Just take his life?”

  My head rises. “I did,” I say with a smirk.

  She pulls out a gun and raises it to my head.

  I don’t care. I know she won’t use it. She has motives. She will always have motives.

  She isn’t the great woman I once thought she was.

  “I should make you visit him. Pay your respects.”

  “You could try.”

  The gun shakes in her hand.

  I cock my head to the side, daring her. “But if you think you can shoot me, don’t think I won’t shoot you right back. Do you honestly think there’s not a gun in my hand right now?” Her eyes go wide. “You gave that bastard my house when it wasn’t yours to give,” I say, referring to my parents’ home.

  Roberto should never have been allowed in that sacred place. Ever.

  “You didn’t care for it. Don’t act like you did,” she snips back at me.

  I slam my fist on my desk as I stand and look her straight in the eye. “It was the very last thing I had of them, and you made me destroy it. I suggest you leave before I destroy you too.”

  The gun in her hand drops to her side and she looks at me in confusion, like she can’t understand the words that have just left my mouth.

  “You’ve really fallen for her, haven’t you? You love that silly bitch.”

  Reaching up, I snatch the gun from her hand so fast she doesn’t register until it’s laid on my desk.

  “Watch your words when it comes to Everly. I will have no hesitation to kill you for them.”

  “You wouldn’t,” she says, taking a step back.

  “Oh, make no mistake. I will.” I sit back down on my seat as she starts to back away with her head shaking as she retreats. “And Grandmother…” she pauses, “… I don’t want to see you ever again.” I stand, walking behind her as she heads out through my office door, and I shut it behind her.

  She looks at me through the glass with all hope gone from her eyes.

  It’s nothing less than she deserves.

  26

  Everly

  The week passes quickly, so quickly that I manage to dodge Gunner every chance I get. He comes to my apartment, but I don’t open the door. He comes to my work, but I don’t speak to him. He sends me messages that I don’t reply to.

  I need a clear head when it comes to Gunner Reid, and seeing him does not give me a clear head. It muddles my mind more than necessary.

  Most of my bruises have started to heal. Some are now faint, while the bite marks are still evident but healing. I managed to wear a skirt today, which I haven’t done all week. Every day I leave for work I check my surroundings, afraid the same thing could happen to me again. It scares me to think about that fact.

  The first few days after I went back home, it was hard to leave the house. My hand would get stuck on the door handle, and I couldn’t move it no matter how much I tried. That was ha
rd. I knew I was stronger than that, and I could do it, I just had to find the courage and conviction to make myself feel safe. To feel like my old self again. With a lot of internal soul-searching, eventually I was able to turn the handle and step outside, feeling the freedom of the cool breeze brushing my hair and the soft sunlight on my skin.

  I’ve managed to dodge May’s phone calls and reply only with text messages. Today, however, I’ve agreed to meet with her. I couldn’t risk meeting with her when I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror. I needed to be in the right headspace, so I can talk with her. Because I know she will push for all the answers, but she’s only going to get what I can give her, and nothing more.

  I spot her straight away and, thankfully, she’s by herself. I wasn’t sure if she was going to bring Ryan or not, but I’m glad she didn’t. It’s going to be hard enough to talk to May, having Ryan there would complicate things. The minute she sees me, she waves me over and envelops me in a cuddle.

  “Why does it feel like it’s been so long?” she asks, pulling back and giving me a hard stare. “I came into the café last week, and they said you were having some days off. Why? You don’t have days off.”

  I realize right now I don’t want to tell her. This is something I don’t want to share, even with my best friend. So, I shrug and sit.

  “You back with Gunner?” she asks.

  “No.”

  “Okay, but do you want to be?” she questions. I raise an eyebrow at her. “He was at the café when I came in to see you. He was speaking with your manager. I assumed…” she shrugs her shoulders.

  “No. He helped out while I was busy at my parents’.” The lie rolls easily off my tongue, but it’s only a half-lie because I was busy at my parents’ getting better.

  “Okay. So, I have some news.” She claps her hands together. “Ryan asked me to move in with him…” She pauses then continues, “So I am.” I smile at her.

  “That’s so good.” And it is. May hates where she lives, so I know she will prefer it with Ryan.

  “I know it’s soon. But when you know, you just know, right?” she says in a sing-song voice. “Was it like that with Gunner?”

  Ah, fuck!

  Stab.

  Straight in the heart.

  I did know, though. I knew pretty much straight away that Gunner Reid would change my life. As it turned out, it was drastically changed. I just didn’t expect it to be life-changing the way it has been. I don’t regret Gunner coming into my life, but I regret the way we went about it. I still love him, and I’m afraid no other man will ever compare to the love I have for Gunner Reid.

  “Sure,” is all I can manage to say, which, of course, isn’t enough for May.

  She stares me down, waiting for me to speak. I can’t—I don’t know what to say.

  “You seeing him again?” she asks, leaning in a little closer.

  “No,” I tell her honestly. “I’ve seen him around, but nothing’s going on.”

  She nods her head, happy with my answer. “I mean, if he’s who you want—”

  “I don’t know what I want,” I interrupt before she says something I don’t want to hear.

  “Are you going to your parents’ today?” she asks, changing the subject.

  “Yes.”

  She smiles. “Buck’s been asking about you.”

  I shake my head. “I don’t think that will work. At all.”

  Her smile drops. “Maybe you just need to give him a try?” She tries to persuade me with a wiggle of her eyebrows.

  “No. It won’t work. I’m not ready… for anything. I’m not sure I will be for a long time.” It’s the truth. I don’t know when I will be ready to date again, or if I even want to.

  She proceeds to tell me all about her relationship with Ryan. I listen because I’ve been a shit friend lately, but I’ve had so much going on that it’s hard to focus on anyone else when Gunner takes up all my headspace.

  As we go to stand, she looks to the floor, shyness taking over before she asks me her next question, “How’s Alec?”

  I look at her, surprised. I thought that she was over him, and that he was just a phase she went through. Maybe I’m wrong.

  “I met his fiancée. She’s good for him.”

  A blush takes over her cheeks as she waves me off. “That’s good. I’m happy for him.” She doesn’t seem happy at all for him, but I don’t question her. I had that my whole life, so I know what it’s like to be questioned about every move you make. “You’ll tell me if you go back to Gunner, right? I won’t have to find out elsewhere?”

  I nod my head, smiling. “Of course I will.” I don’t blame her for asking, there’s a lot I’ve kept from her lately. She’s my best friend, and even if I can’t tell her about my whole world, I can share some of it with her. I learned that early on. It’s one of the reasons Alec and I were so close. I could share everything with him and have no worries about consequences because he’s part of the family. Obviously, he didn’t share everything with me, though. I see that now.

  Alec lives close to my parents, he always has. I pull up to his house before I head to my parents’. He’s waiting at the door for me with a smile on his face when I walk up. I called ahead to see if he was home.

  “Squirt, it’s good to see you.”

  I throw my arms around his chest and I hear him breathe me in. Pulling back, I give him a huge smile.

  “Are you coming for dinner?” I ask in the hopes he is, but he shakes his head.

  “Jacinta’s family gets me on Sundays now.”

  The smile drops from my face. I didn’t expect to not have him around anymore. He touches my chin, lifting it up to look at him in the eyes. “You know I’ll always be here for you, right? No matter what, you come first.”

  A tear leaves my eye and runs slowly down my cheek. “That will change. And maybe it needs to. But I appreciate you saying it nonetheless.”

  He smiles one of his friendly smiles at me, the one I have come to love throughout my life. “Squirt…” He steps closer, just as I hear a car pull up. “If you need to run, say the word.” He says the words in a low voice as footsteps come up behind me. Turning around, I see Jacinta who looks uneasy with us standing so close together, but she covers her insecurity with a smile as I step back.

  “Everly, we didn’t expect you.”

  Before I can say anything, Alec does instead, “She told me she was coming by before dinner with her parents.”

  “Oh,” she says, and I can feel the disappointment in her voice. She steps past me and up the steps until she’s next to Alec. “Why don’t you come in?”

  “I should get going.” I turn, pointing to my car.

  “Just one drink. We have to head off soon anyway.” She looks at the time, and I nod my head. Jacinta walks in first, and Alec waits for me to go in after her. I look back at him and raise my eyebrow, but he simply smiles and shrugs his shoulders. Sitting in his living room, Jacinta makes a drink then brings it over to me. “Alec said you like to drink this.” She hands me a tequila on ice.

  I smile, holding the tumbler in my hand, but not drinking it. She pours Alec a scotch and sits next to him, her hand going directly to his leg as she stares at me.

  “How have you been?” I ask in an attempt to make small talk.

  Damn! This is uncomfortable.

  Clearly, she doesn’t want me here.

  But being around Alec is normal for me.

  Well, I can see how it used to be my normal, but maybe not now, because I don’t want to intrude on their life and cause issues for her. Jacinta’s a good person, and if I make her uncomfortable, then I shouldn’t be here.

  “Good,” she replies. “I guess it’s best I tell you both because you will tell her anyway.” She crosses her hands in her lap and looks from me then to Alec.

  “What’s wrong?” Alec asks, unsure of what’s happening.

  She looks down to the floor, and when she looks back up, she has a smile so wide it really does look
good on her. “I’m pregnant.”

  I’m sure my jaw hits the floor, and I’m fumbling around trying to find it to pick it up.

  Did she just say?

  Holy shit.

  I look at Alec to see he’s having the same reaction as me. He stands, then sits, then stands again.

  “You’re sure?” he finally manages to say.

  Jacinta nods her head, her blonde hair bouncing as she stands and throws her arms around Alec’s shoulders. He hugs her back, but looks at me with his eyes wide. I manage to close my mouth and offer him a small smile.

  I don’t know what else to say in this situation.

  Should I go?

  Would that be weird?

  Should I congratulate them?

  Would that be weird too?

  I don’t know why she thought it was best I stay here for this announcement.

  Isn’t this meant to be personal?

  Between the two of them?

  My phone buzzes in my hand and I look down to read the message, hoping for a little reprieve from the uncomfortable situation I now find myself immersed in.

  Where are you?

  It’s Gunner, so I ignore his message.

  “I should go.” I point to the door as they pull apart. Jacinta’s wiping her face and smiles at me.

  “You two are so close, so I wanted you here for the announcement. We want you to be a part of this baby’s life.” She touches her belly and I don’t even know what to say or do. “You want Alec to be happy, don’t you?”

  I narrow my eyes at her.

  Things are becoming clearer.

  She’s jealous.

  Jacinta thinks my intention is to take him away.