This is Not a Double Date

by Grace Risata

  Scraping my teeth along Roman’s jawline like some rabid vampire, I nibbled my way down to his neck and began to softly trace circles with my tongue. In response, he moaned and pulled away.

  I began to protest this move by running my fingers through his hair and attempting to urge him closer. After it became apparent that his intention was to explore my lower body to a previously untouched destination, I relaxed and let him have at it.

  “Yes, right there,” I demanded, dropping my head against the pillow and arching my back as his face found its way between my legs.

  Eager and willing, I spread apart to give Roman better access to my long neglected, yet extremely significant lady parts. With no hesitation, he plunged his tongue inside and savagely plundered what clearly belonged to him. Writhing and moaning underneath his skilled movements, I clutched his head and relished each and every sensation as an electric current flowed through my body like a raft careening over raging river rapids.

  Roman picked up the pace as an intense euphoria washed over me and I knew my release was imminent.

  “Don’t stop…please…fuck…right there,” I begged hoarsely, not recognizing my own voice as everything seemed to happen in slow motion. A rhythmic pounding hummed through my veins, time stopped entirely, and I fell into the abyss where pleasure meets rapture and they explode like a bomb detonation.

  Clinging to this miracle worker who just elicited the most powerful orgasm of my entire life, I had but one more request.

  “Inside me…now…I need to feel you…” I pleaded desperately. If he was this skilled with his tongue, I couldn’t even begin to imagine the heights we might reach if our two bodies joined as one.

  Roman slowly worked his way upward, patiently kissing every single spot as he went along, until reaching my face. Resting his forehead against mine, he sighed dramatically.

  “I can’t…we shouldn’t…no, Andi.”

  What the hell?

  Wrapping my arms around the stubborn man and suggestively squeezing his ass, I began a logical debate.

  “Correct me if I’m wrong, sir, but isn’t that enormous rock hard object pressed against my leg undisputable proof that you can do this?”

  While I hadn’t yet gotten the opportunity to give proper attention to his rigid manhood, I knew that it was massive in size and definitely ready for action.

  “Technically, yes,” he replied, “but I think we should stop before things progress to a point of no return.”

  “Aren’t we there already?” I asked aloud, voicing my internal thoughts.

  “No. This just seems…like we’re in a big hurry. I want more for you, Andi. You’re a wonderful woman and classy as hell. You’re smart, beautiful, and you deserve a lot better than you’re getting with me. I don’t have anything to offer you. I’m a gypsy with a bad reputation and a deplorable family.”

  “So…are you breaking up with me? Because this seems like a really, really bad time for that.”

  If he truly is trying to let me down easy, this is really not the place to do that. You don’t dump someone after giving them a thorough tongue fucking while sporting a raging boner. This might possibly top Hailey’s Jacuzzi incident with ‘Ivan the Incontinent.’

  “Hell no,” he declared vehemently. “Nothing even close to that. I think you’re amazing. I would just prefer to make our first time something memorable and romantic. I don’t want you to look back and think, ‘Oh yeah, we fucked after I met his alcoholic bastard of a father. Good times!’ The experience should be special. I’m not a ‘one and done’ kind of guy anymore. I’ve grown older and wiser since my rebellious youth. I want to do things the right way with you. If that makes me sound like a pussy, then so be it.”

  “But what does that mean exactly?” I complained, not requiring candles, roses, or a suite at the Ritz. “All I really need is you.”

  “That’s why I care about you so much…you’re low maintenance, Andi. Do you realize we haven’t even gone on one single proper date yet?”

  “Yes, we have. I consider the night at the pit to be a date. You picked me up, we went to a bar, and you brought me home. That qualifies.”

  “Wow. So romantic. Watching barbarians suck down wings and nearly beat someone to death in the parking lot. I think our views on what constitutes quality time together might differ just a little bit, sweetheart.”

  “Touché. Fine. Then let me plan the next date and I’ll make sure it’s full of swoonworthy moments, glamour, charm, and something worthy of a cliché movie scene where your heart skips a beat at the cuteness of it all. How’s that?”

  I have no clue how I’m going to manage such an endeavor, but I’ll do whatever it takes to get in the man’s pants at this point. Unless…there’s another reason he doesn’t want to have sex and he’s just stalling so I won’t get suspicious. Perhaps Roman really does have a secret fiancé after all?

  “Not necessary,” he replied, kissing me softly, lips lingering on mine. “I have an idea that I’ve been floating around. Are you free on Saturday night?”

  “Yes,” I answered without hesitation. Maybe I’m just jumping to conclusions for no reason and the guy is simply old fashioned about rushing into sex.

  “Good. Then I’ll finalize all the details and make it happen.”

  “What should I wear?”

  “Something comfortable, preferably running shoes,” he suggested, voice taking on a strange tone…almost…resembling sadness and resignation. That’s odd. If he’s excited to plan a date for us, why does he seem unhappy about it?

  “Are we entering a marathon? Because…I’m woefully unprepared for that.”

  I figured I would lighten the mood and try to tease the guy a little bit.

  “You never know when you’ll need to make a quick getaway, Andi.”

  While I pondered what the heck his cryptic comment might actually mean, Roman spooned me and quickly drifted off to sleep. Within a matter of seconds he began to snore, effectively preventing me from asking any more questions. I guess he’s staying over?

  What an unusual ending to a very extraordinary evening. As far as I’m concerned, Saturday can’t come soon enough.

  Chapter Twenty

  Andi - Saturday Evening

  I’m about thirty seconds away from a temper tantrum/hissy fit of epic proportions. Today is turning into the day from absolute hell, and it’s going to take all my willpower to keep my emotions in check tonight.

  Should I be excited and focused on my surprise mystery date with Roman? Yes. Am I instead completely consumed with the fact that everything is going wrong for me? Absolutely.

  Waking up in a cold sweat after a horrible nightmare where cops chased me, guns drawn, insisting I turn myself in after biting all the heads off the yellow peeps in the grocery store and putting them back in the opened packages, I couldn’t help but wonder what crazy shit I’d eaten before going to sleep.

  I then tried on a random assortment of outfits in an effort to find something attractive for my date. After deciding on the perfect plum colored shirt, I found a large hole in the sleeve and had to start all over again.

  My luck continued to go downhill at lunch. Grabbing a dense dark chocolate candy bar, I took a large bite and instantly knew disaster had struck. This was a plain chocolate bar with no other ingredients such as nuts or anything else that might crunch. Yet I felt a fragment of something rock-like in my mouth.

  While pondering this new development, I kept chewing for a few seconds because I was in denial and not ready to face reality. Once curiosity and panic got the better of me, I spit the food into my hand and was met with the sight of…a huge chunk of my tooth.

  Tongue searching frantically, it immediately landed on an upper molar located two teeth away from my sharp canine. Was the tooth always so jagged and missing a piece? Hell no.

  Would it have been more convenient if this happened on a weekday when I could actually call my dentist and get it handled? Hell yes.

  At this point, all
I could do was sit down, take a few deep and cleansing breaths, and thank the good Lord that I hadn’t chipped a front tooth. No matter what happened in life, it could always be worse.

  Nothing too monumental occurred after that. I talked to Hailey to tell her about my upcoming date and my broken tooth, got a text from Cara that she had big news but would call me tomorrow, and tried to lay low and not damage any other parts of my body.

  I did nick my leg shaving and needed to hold a tissue in place to stop the bleeding, but that was the extent of my rotten luck.

  Or so I thought…

  Roman showed up at seven o’clock right on time. I swung open my apartment door and leapt into his arms.

  “I was looking forward to this all day,” I exclaimed. “Please take my mind off my life, because it’s been one calamity after another. I chipped my tooth!”

  For some reason, I decided it was okay to open wide, point to my tooth, and show him the evidence. In retrospect, this probably wasn’t the ideal way to start off our ‘evening of romance before the sex happened later.’

  My date remained silent, so I pulled away and stared at him. It was then that I noticed something was off.

  The stylish man usually wore trendy jeans, fashionable shirts, and clean, white sneakers. However, he was currently clad in ripped jeans, a plain black t-shirt, and muddy running shoes. While this was unusual, it wasn’t the most alarming aspect of his appearance. That would be his demeanor.

  Roman’s complexion looked ghostly pale, as though he were either ill or greatly upset about something. Honestly, it appeared that he hadn’t slept in a few days. Bloodshot eyes, oily hair hanging limply in his face, and just an expression of general hopelessness clung to him radiating an aura of despair.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked with concern. “If you don’t feel well, we can reschedule.”

  I lifted a hand to check his forehead for a fever, but he instantly backed off.

  “I have something to show you in the parking lot,” he insisted in a shaky voice. “Can you come outside with me?”

  “Sure,” I replied, massive ball of angst forming in the pit of my stomach. Something felt wrong. Very, very wrong. All the hairs on the back of my neck stood up and I wanted to retreat into my apartment and not come back out. It was a deep sense of foreboding. Roman wasn’t acting like himself, didn’t look like himself, and alarm bells were going off left and right.

  After making sure I had my keys, money, and cell phone, I locked up and followed the man down the hallway. He took my hand in his and I couldn’t help but notice that he trembled ever so slightly.

  “You know me, Andi. You know who I am,” Roman explained as though trying to reassure of me of something. “I would never let any harm come to you. Remember that.”

  Now he was really starting to freak me out. I was about to make him explain what the heck he was talking about, but all the words left my mouth as soon as we got outside. There was a white delivery truck with the name ‘Feldman’s Floral’ emblazoned on the side. Standing in front of the truck were three men, faces hidden behind huge bouquets of flowers.

  I have to admit that it was quite romantic. Why was Roman so nervous? Clearly he’d gone all out to impress me on our date.

  Walking closer to the van, I gushed, “This is so beautiful! You didn’t have to go through all this work just for me!”

  “Don’t worry, sweetheart, he didn’t,” one of the men sneered, lowering the flowers to expose his face.

  It was Duke! What the hell was he doing here? There was no time to process this new development, because the other two men quickly threw their flowers into the van and I found myself being grabbed and shoved inside.

  Who were Duke’s accomplices? Tyler and Eddie.

  A dark bag was placed over my head, effectively cutting off any hope of finding something I could use to mount a defense, and my hands were tugged behind my back and tied with a scratchy rope. I felt my phone being slid out of my back pocket.

  Motherfuck.

  Am I seriously being abducted right now?!

  This isn’t some kinky way to start a date…you don’t grab your lady, tie her up, and subdue her for no apparent reason.

  “What’s going on?” I asked loudly, forcing myself to stay calm. If I over-reacted and had a meltdown, it would make me look like an idiot.

  “We’re kidnapping you, you dumb bitch,” Tyler explained, cackling like your typical movie super villain. I’d recognize that asshole’s voice anywhere. He sounded even more arrogant than usual.

  “Just relax, Andi,” Roman soothed from somewhere behind me and to my left. The van bounced over rough road as we drove through the streets at a breakneck speed and I nearly lost my balance. “Slow the fuck down and drive more carefully. Do you want to attract unnecessary attention?”

  That leaves either Eddie or Duke in the driver’s seat. I have to think rationally, get my bearings, and form a plan.

  “Why are you doing this to me?” I hoped Roman would reply, because I knew I couldn’t depend on the other degenerates for a straight answer.

  “All we want is a little bit of information,” Duke responded in a condescending tone. “Do you think you can help us out, honey? We don’t plan to hurt you as long as you cooperate and give truthful answers.”

  They don’t ‘plan’ on hurting me? But they will if necessary?

  “Roman?” I squeaked in a high pitched voice. “Please don’t do this. Please. I’m begging you. Let me go right now.”

  Last chance motherfucker. I’m giving you one last chance to make this right and offer some sort of rational explanation.

  “Listen to her cry like a baby!” Tyler whimpered, taunting me in a poor imitation of my voice.

  “Leave Andi the fuck alone, you son of a bitch,” Roman roared. “How many times do I have to tell you…if one hair on her head gets touched, I will walk away from this whole operation and let you fuckheads deal with it yourselves. I’m not messing around.”

  Wow. So chivalrous.

  Okay then. He’s given me no choice but to put Ivan’s training plan into action and go ‘Code Moscow’ on their asses. I wasn’t prepared for four against one, but I was hoping Roman wouldn’t resort to violence against me. Here goes nothing…

  Sucking in giant gulps of air as loudly as possible, I began gasping for breath in what sounded remarkably similar to an asthma attack.

  “I can’t… breathe. Inhaler …at home. Can’t …get air …help… please!”

  Continuing to struggle for air, I figured I’d add in some flailing around as best as one can do with her hands tied and a bag over her head.

  Fortunately, Roman took the bait.

  “Take the fucking bag off her head,” he demanded. I can only assume he reached out to steady me, because I felt strong but gentle hands wrap around my upper arms.

  The very second I could see my surroundings, I took a deep breath, prepared for a massive amount of pain, and head-butted the nearest man in my general vicinity.

  That just so happened to be Duke. I got him right in the nose and he began screaming like a little girl. It almost, almost made up for the searing pain that shot through my temple. No pain, no gain.

  As could be expected, Tyler reared back to smack the shit out of me but he was stopped dead in his tracks when Roman got between us.

  “That’s enough! Everyone just back the fuck up and give Andi some space. Check Duke’s nose, make sure it isn’t broken, and let me deal with her.”

  Roman grabbed me by the waist and hauled me to the far corner of the cargo van.

  “It’s not in your best interest to try anything like that,” he warned. Instead of acting in a threatening manner, the man just came off as anguished and desperate. I honestly didn’t think he’d hurt me. What I wasn’t sure of…is if I would hurt him.

  “You just made the biggest mistake of your life, asshole!” I growled in unrestrained rage. “I’m a great catch! I was ready, willing, and eager to give you the best night o
f your life, you sorry excuse for a human being! This has been the day from hell and I can see it’s only going to get worse. You think I can’t handle a chipped tooth and being held captive? Fuck you! No wonder you kept making excuses for not having sex. You’re a kidnapper! You probably have a secret fiancé too.”

  Shit. Does that sound whiny? My intent was to go full throttle vicious and not sound like a spinster that can’t get laid.

  Roman narrowed his eyes, got up in my face, and whispered quietly, “Don’t make this worse than it has to be, Andi. You’ve got to trust me a little here, okay? Nothing has changed between us.”

  “Does that mean this really isn’t a kidnapping?” I mumbled almost inaudibly.

  “No…it is.”

  I reared my head back to do the ‘break your nose’ trick again, but Roman isn’t as stupid as Duke and he backed up with plenty of time to spare.

  “If you think you can call my parents and demand ransom money, the joke is on you because they don’t have it.”

  I’m not sure what kind of a scam they’re running, but I have no intention of making things easy.

  “Thank you for the reminder,” Tyler sneered, pulling out my phone and removing the battery. He then put the entire device under his boot and crushed it into several pieces. “Now you’re untrackable.”

  “You mean ‘untraceable’ because ‘untrackable’ isn’t even a word, genius,” I sassed back. At least I was snatched by total morons. That might make my escape a bit easier.

  “Smack her in the face, Roman,” his cousin ordered, clearly fed up with my smart mouth.

  “He won’t do it,” I confidently declared. “He’s too much of a pussy.”

  Is it a good idea to bait your kidnapper? Probably not. I wanted to see how far I could push Roman before he cracked. Most normal girls would have curled up into a fetal position in the corner, distraught over this turn of events. Don’t get me wrong, I was plenty heartbroken about the evening’s unexpected descent into chaos. I’ll have to save that anguish and process my feelings at a later time. Right now, however, it will serve me better to focus on the fury and keep the adrenaline pumping through my veins.