by S. C. Adams
“Oh, is Gordon here?” I haven’t seen my uncle in a while. He didn’t come to any of the pre-wedding festivities, probably because he and Veronica never really got along. I like him, though. He’s chubby with a wicked sense of humor, and treats my aunt right. Jane smiles.
“No, he’s at work. He’ll be back later tonight, so we have some time for just the two of us. Did you want something to eat?”
“No,” I shake my head. “I’m not really hungry.”
I almost feel sick. It’s never been this bad, and I’m not sure how to deal with it.
“That’s fine. Let’s go to the living room, and you can tell me what’s wrong.” Jane and I take our places on the couch. I don’t know where to start because there’s so much I want to say, but Jane begins.
“I’m sure at this point you know that the wedding was cancelled. You did miss a hell of a show, though,” she comments.
I cock my head to the side.
“Really, what happened?”
Jane sighs.
“Veronica went apeshit. She was a total bridezilla, yelling at everyone. It wasn’t surprising when Tanner called the whole thing off because who would want to get married to that? Unfortunately, I had to deal with her hissy fit, but I think she’s fine now.”
That’s funny. People think Tanner called off the wedding because of Veronica’s bad attitude? That means they have no idea that I was involved.
“Have you seen Tanner recently?” I ask carefully.
“No, but I’m sure he’s fine,” says Jane dismissively. “That man dodged a bullet and he should be thankful. Meanwhile, where have you been, sweetheart? We’ve missed you around here. I thought you’d be at the ceremony, but then everything blew up and it was a complete disaster. Is everything okay?”
I take a deep breath.
“Well, actually, I didn’t go to the ceremony because I checked myself into a mental institution. Tanner was the one who picked me up.”
Jane’s hand goes to my shoulder and her expression is one of shock.
“A mental institution? But why? Is everything okay? Are you feeling better?”
“I am,” I nod. “But that’s not the reason why I was so upset.”
“What happened, then?”
“I went to go see my mom because I wanted to see how she was doing after the breakup, and our conversation devolved into her yelling at me about how I steal the attention of all the men in her life. Or something like that,” I add morosely.
“Oh, baby,” Jane sympathizes. “I was hoping you’d never have to hear your mom talking like that.”
I stare at her.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I’ve always been someone your mom likes to come to with her insane problems, and she would tell me things like that all the time. She’d suspect co-workers or even the lunch lady of stealing attention from her. It was crazy. I did my best to keep you shielded from all of that, and I really hoped Veronica would come to her senses, but it sounds like she hasn’t.”
My head drops in my hands.
“The problem, Aunt Jane, is that Veronica was right about some of it.”
My aunt pats my back.
“I’m sure that’s not true,” she says comfortingly. “My sister is off her rocker most days.”
“But it’s true,” I tell her with more emphasis to my voice. “I slept with Tanner,” I say through my fingers. “And I didn’t just sleep with him. I fell in love with him, like a total dummy.”
Jane doesn’t say anything; her hand just continues to rub the back of my shoulder. I pick up my head and look at my aunt.
“Did you hear me?”
“I heard you. I’m just not surprised, not really.”
I jerk back with shock. What? How can that be possible? Did everyone think Tanner and I were sleeping together? I mean, we were, but I thought the two of us were doing a better job of hiding it.
Jane heaves a sigh.
“Kylie, it wasn’t totally obvious,” she reassures me. “I could just tell that you were different. You seemed sunnier at times, but also sadder. And Tanner, oh my goodness, the change in him was palpable. He’d always been very closed off and kind of surly, but then he became different. Happier, maybe?”
I stunned. Somehow, I was so wrapped up in my own world that I didn’t notice the others around me. Evidently, people were watching.
Jane sighs again, looking at my face.
“I’m guessing Veronica found out?”
I nod. Jane picks up my chin, inspecting my face. “Did she hurt you?”
“It was just a slap. No biggie.”
“Still, she shouldn’t have done that,” my aunt says in a low tone. “That’s no way to treat your only child.”
Frankly, the slap doesn’t mean anything to me anymore because it’s Tanner that I care about. Veronica is a lost cause because she’s warped inside, and nothing will ever change her.
“What do I do Auntie Jane? I broke up with Tanner because I felt so guilty about the whole affair, but then after talking to my mom, I’m starting to think I made the wrong choice.”
Jane looks at me thoughtfully.
“Do you want to be with him, sweetheart?”
I gulp.
“I don’t know. There are so many things that could go wrong. We’re such different people, and the way we met is so weird, and it’s all a big mess. Could a relationship like ours even survive?”
Jane looks thoughtful.
“Let me re-frame my question. Do you love Tanner?”
This time it’s easy to answer. I take a deep breath and then smile, a little sad.
“Yes, I do love him. Is that dumb? I mean, it seems crazy right?”
Jane shakes her head.
“I don’t know. All love is a little crazy, if you think about it.”
I make a face.
“But what about a lot crazy?”
She laughs, her brown hair bouncing.
“Even a lot crazy is okay,” she says. “Actually, maybe love is more exhilarating if it’s a lot crazy.”
I smile, already feeling better about myself.
“But what do I do? I mean, everything is so confusing and I have no idea what to do next.”
My aunt reflects a bit before speaking.
“Let me tell you a story,” Jane begins. “I don’t think you know the story of how Gordon and I met?”
I shake my head. They never told me, and I never thought to ask.
“Well, way back in the day, Gordon was supposed to go on a blind date with your mom. They both had friends who knew each other, and everyone thought it would be a good idea. Veronica was very beautiful, and my husband was a very handsome young man back then. I was living with Veronica at the time, although if you ask me, I was more like a houseplant than a roommate. Anyway, the time for the date comes around, and Veronica is nowhere to be found. Now, I had no idea that this date was happening. She didn’t tell me about her love life, and I didn’t ask most times.”
“That’s fair. My mom’s love life is a mess. Sounds like it’s always been like that.”
Jane nods.
“So, your mom wasn’t home, and one day, this guy comes to our door, saying he was here for Veronica. I didn’t know what to do, so I let him inside to wait. It was kind of awkward. I was tiptoeing around him while I furiously tried to contact my sister. She’d left the country because some random guy offered her a free trip, and she took it. I asked her what to do about this strange man sitting in our living room, and you know what she said?”
I shake my head. Jane continues.
“She said, ‘I don’t know. You can fuck him.’” And then she hangs up, leaving me to tell this guy that I’ve never met that his blind date has been unexpectedly cancelled. What am I supposed to do? He was expecting a date with the gorgeous Veronica Mitchell, and now he’s going to get a rejection delivered by Jane Mitchell.”
Aunt Jane takes another deep breath before continuing. “Even more humiliating, I
can’t believe Veronica told me to quote unquote ‘fuck him.’ First off, what rude language. Second, I’m not that kind of person. And last, like he would even go for me. I’m Plain Jane. The boys always prefer Veronica because she’s blonde and gorgeous, especially next to my frizzy brown locks and weirdly big nose.”
I’m listening with wide eyes.
“Then what happened?”
Jane shrugs.
“I put the landline in my room down and go back to the living room. Veronica’s date is still sitting there, reading one of the magazines we have scattered on our coffee table. He does seem like kind of a sweet guy, and I feel kind of bad delivering this news. But I deliver the rejection, and he takes it okay. As he gets up to leave, he pulls out a rose, and says it was for Veronica, but I can have it. I take the flower from him, and our hands collide. I look up into his brown eyes, and that’s when it happens. We kiss, and the rest is history.”
I whistle.
“Wow, so you stole your sister’s date?”
Aunt Jane wrinkles her nose.
“Okay, that is not what I mean to impart with that story.”
I laugh.
“Okay, okay, you didn’t steal Veronica’s date. But you ended up with a guy that she discarded.”
Jane looks pleased.
“Exactly. The same way that you’re doing now, Kylie. So you see, life tends to repeat itself. First, with her sister, and now with her daughter. You’re going to be okay, kiddo.”
I know Aunt Jane is trying to make me feel better, but I’m not sure if her story is exactly on point. What I did is a thousand times tawdrier, and Jane speaks as if she can read my mind.
“Listen, Kylie. I realize what happened with me and Gordon, and what happened with you and Tanner aren’t the same thing, but what I’m getting at is Veronica likes to blame others for her blunders all the time. Believe it or not, when she got back from her trip and realized how close Gordon and I had become, she screamed at me for “stealing” him. You can’t steal a person. That person chooses not to be with you, the way Tanner chose not to be with Veronica. That’s not on you.”
I take in what my aunt is saying to me. What she’s saying makes sense because I know I’m not the reason my mom’s relationship imploded. There were problems from the start, and Tanner and Veronica merely chose to look away for a long while. I take a deep breath.
“I know you’re right, Aunt Jane. My mom is a psycho narcissist who only cares about herself, and the end of her engagement is on her. But what do I do now about Tanner? I mean, I’ve already broken it off with him.”
My aunt tilts her head, her eyes narrowing.
“I think you know already, sweetheart.”
I stare at her.
“I do?”
She smiles beatifically.
“You know you do. You have to get your man because if you love him, then it will all be worth it.”
The air catches in my chest. Is this true? Even though Tanner and I have already suffered a world of hurt, is it possible to recover from the past? Is there a middle ground where somehow, we can become a true, loving couple with a future? I don’t know, but suddenly, I have to try.
21
Tanner
I should be at work, but I haven’t been able to get my sorry ass into the office. All I can think about is Kylie. I’ve never been rejected before. I know it sounds crazy, but every woman I’ve ever desired has wanted to be with me as well.
How do people get over a break-up?
I remember the romantic comedies my mom used to make me watch with her. The leads would always eat a bunch of ice cream when they were feeling sad while binge-watching movies. As a result, I had my assistant buy me five large cartons of mint chocolate chip, and I’m sitting on my couch, watching what has to be my tenth romantic comedy. I feel like an idiot, but I don’t know what else to do.
Plus, this ice cream tastes amazing.
Eventually, I’ll have to find a way to come to terms with never being with Kylie again but I want to put it off for as long as possible because it’s just too painful. The movies and dessert numb my mind, and that’s about all I can take right now.
About thirty minutes into my current movie, there’s a knock at my door. The doorman didn’t call up announcing anyone, so I have no idea who it could be. No one has open access to come up to my place, so I hope this isn’t anything too weird.
It sounds like they’re not going anywhere though because the knocking won’t stop even though I ignore it. In fact, it just gets more frantic.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” I growl reluctantly. I wipe the ice cream from my face and go to answer the door. I’m about to turn the knob, but double check that I’m actually wearing pants.
I am. Good. They’re my dingiest pair of sweatpants, but at least I’m wearing something other than dirty underwear.
I open the door and see Kylie standing there. Out of shock, I slam the door closed. I must be seeing things. What is she doing here?
There’s no way that she’s here. Jesus Christ, I’ve gone into full blown hallucinations. I don’t think this could get any worse.
“Tanner, open the door,” she calls. “I want to talk to you.”
Can I be hearing things? Is that possible?
I open the door again, and she’s still there. Kylie is standing in front of me and looks beautiful. I swallow thickly.
“Can I come in?” she asks with a slight smile.
“Yeah, of course.” I step aside, so Kylie can enter. Her eyes immediately go to the T.V. I see a smile spread across her face. She continues to look around my living room and sees my unfortunate hoard of ice cream, not to mention the overall mess this place has become.
“Are you watching Leap Year and eating mint chocolate chip?”
“I am.”
“Is there a reason?” she bites her lip to hold back a laugh.
“I thought it might make me feel better.”
“So, you’re not feeling so great either?” I nod. “Well, that’s why I’m here. I want to talk to you about some things.”
“Oh, okay. Let’s sit.”
I motion to my couch, and Kylie and I take our places on opposite sides.
“So,” she’s fiddling with her fingers. What could she have to say that’s making her so nervous? “I wanted to tell you I just finished talking with my mother. She, um,” Kylie trails off. She fidgets in her seat. Her hair has fallen on to her face, shielding her cheek from me. She tucks a brown lock behind her ear, and I see the redness there for the first time.
It doesn’t look like the usual blush that makes her flush. This looks more aggressive. It’s actually turning kind of bluish purple. Is she okay?
“What happened to your face?”
“Oh,” she cups her cheek. “It actually has to do with my trip to see my mother. We talked, and I realized that the two of you never had a real relationship.”
“Yeah,” I shrug. “We were pulling the wool over one another’s eyes. But what does that have to do with your face?”
Kylie swallows.
“Well, I told Veronica that I was hoping to maybe move forward with her. I thought we could rebuild our relationship, but she doesn’t care about me. She actually got so mad that she slapped me.”
“She what?”
Immediately, I leap off the couch filled with rage. My fists open and close and I wish that bitch were here so that I could pound her into the ground.
“Don’t worry. It’s not a big deal,” murmurs Kylie. “It doesn’t hurt anymore.” Like hell this isn’t a big deal. Veronica slapped her daughter so hard that it’s bruising. Over what? Some bullshit.
But this is not about me, this is about Kylie and how she’s doing.
“Are you okay? Did you go to the hospital? The police?”
“I’m fine, and I don’t want to talk about that. I want to talk about us, okay?”
I harrumph, crossing my arms over my chest.
“Fine.” I’m willing to
put the issue on the backburner for now, but I refuse to forget what Veronica has done. That’s some shit you don’t let slide easily.
Kylie takes a deep breath.
“So yes, I came here because I realized that I want to be with you. It’s time for me to go after what makes me happy, and you make me happy.” She looks over at me from under her lashes. “If you’ll still have me, that is. I want to try to see if we can be together.”
Is this real life?
“Even after everything I did?”
She nods.
“I didn’t break you guys up. There were problems there that had nothing to do with me. And maybe, we went about finding one another in an unconventional way, but I think it’s time to stop punishing ourselves.”
I can feel a huge smile break out on my face. There is no way I’m ever letting her go, not again.
“I fully agree. As in, I could not agree more. I want to be with you too, sweetheart.”
“Good,” she smiles.
The air shimmers between us. It sounds so simple. It wasn’t easy getting here, but the two of us saying those words to one another and reaching this resolution is a huge breakthrough. Being here with her feels like the natural way of things. But then she pulls back, throwing me a serious look.
“But Tanner, I still want children. I’m not giving up on you when it comes to that,” she says in a soft voice.
I jolt back.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
She sighs and lowers her head.
“All that I’m saying is that I don’t want the kids/no kids thing to be a dealbreaker in our relationship. I think I still want children, and honestly, I think you might too.”
I stare at her.
“Sweetheart, I’m in my forties. I’ve had a long time to think about this.”
She shoots me a winsome smile and takes my hand.
“I know, Tanner, but people change. Even people in their forties. You’ll see.”
I stare hard at that graceful profile but then take a deep breath. My head feels like it’s going to float off my shoulders because so many things have happened that I can’t grapple with them all at once. But maybe she’s right. Old dogs do learn new tricks, and maybe I can be convinced.