“She was one of your sisters, yeah?” Zane asks.
I nod, sighing heavily. “Yep, she sure was.”
“You didn’t say no to me.”
“Huh?”
“You didn’t tell me no, that you didn’t have a boyfriend.”
“I have a fiancé,” I reply in a smart assed manner.
Zane chortles, “Yeah, but you had someone. Before this became official, didn’t you?”
I look at him, staring into those hazel eyes of his and debate lying. I go back and forth on whether or not I should let him know about Inc, but I decide to be honest . . . because if anything does happen . . . I want us to have started off on the right foot.
So, I nod. “Yeah, I had one. He broke up with me the night my sisters were killed, said he knew what would happen, knew how we’d be torn apart and it was easier this way. We needed to put the club first and all that shit.”
“Damn, talk about savage.” Zane replies, showing a bit of pity in his features.
I suck in a short breath, “Yeah. This may sound cruel, but seeing my sisters die in front of my eyes didn’t hurt as much as that betrayal. It . . . it ripped me apart.”
“Damn, I can understand. You had just gone through a horrific loss and there you were losing someone else.” I have to admit, this guy isn’t as bad as I thought he was going to be.
“Yeah, but we lose people throughout our lives, right?”
Zane nods, “Yeah. Unfortunately, we do.”
“So, what’s your story? You have someone?” I question.
He smiles, shakin’ his head while he laughs. “No one important. I always knew I was gonna end up hitched to one of you Raiders’ women, so I never got my dick wet where I could get attached. I usually fuck clubwhores, or I’ll go fuck some of the women in the club.”
Whoa. Did he really just say that? “I’m sorry, like the Iron Vex MC?” They’re swingers, and everyone knows it. So, essentially they’re in a monogamous relationship with someone, but they have sex with others in the club . . . which is crazy, but hey, I’m not judging.
“Nah, like, damn . . . okay, I’ve slept with Hawk’s girl, Raven. It was just a rough fuck, but it was before they were together. I’ve fucked Alexa a few times. They usually call me up when they want some three-way action. She’s Bull’s ol’ lady up in Montana. They’re the first two I can think of, but, I’ve probably fucked more than them.”
“I appreciate your honesty.”
“Yeah, well, I gotta break some shit down for you real quick. Especially since we’re stuck in this together.”
“Okay . . .”
“I don’t see gender, Cinnamon. I’ve only ever seen soul, you catch me?”
“Yeah,” I confirm.
This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever done, but I don’t . . . no, scratch that. I’ve never in my life had someone this open and honest. It’s refreshing, and it pulls a lot of the fears and reservations I had away. “It’s that fuck’s loss for losin’ you, ‘cause from what I can tell you’re a catch. But, I’m gonna just say I’m a pretty open-minded man, and I’ll leave it at that.”
Zane’s tone changed when he said he was open-minded, and I have an idea of what he was hinting at . . . but I’m not sure. Though, I’m not gonna go digging to find out any confirmations right now. I’ll take things slow and we’ll see what happens. I may bring it up soon, though . . . because if I can find a way to still have Inc . . . I’m gonna damn well go for it.
Chapter Ten
Families are like roots on a tree. Our branches grow in different directions, but our roots remain as one.
~ Unknown
Zane
Octavia and I sat out on the picnic table, watched the sunset together and chatted a little bit about life. There wasn’t any pressure but shit just flowed. You know? It was obvious to me she stopped seeing me as her enemy and more like her cellmate. Honestly, we have no reason to be holdin’ mixed feelings against the other. We didn’t do this. Our parents did.
It’s a little past eight thirty at night and I’m in Kade and Ivy’s house. It’s modern, and I can’t help but smile at the fact dad picked out this place. He was the one who purchased all the mobile homes and got the club up and running, and damn, he did a good job. These trailers are nicer than the ones back home.
Okay, that might be an exaggeration. Our construction at the club is almost completed. They just finished putting drywall up and they’re doing the painting today. All they have left to do is put up trim and a few little things. When I get back tomorrow, the whole place will almost be completed.
I should smile at that, how the club will be a home again really soon . . . though I can’t. ‘Cause every fuckin’ day I’m reminded of the man I lost. The same man whose legacy I’m keepin’ alive. It’s a lot of pressure, but I know I can do it. I just wonder sometimes if I’m gonna run shit the way he would, or if I’ll come into my own as Prez.
“You got that look on your face,” Kade comments.
Octavia is back in the twins’ bedroom with Ivy and Fate. Meanwhile, I have a lil’ ham named Orion in my arms. His middle name is Fist, after our deceased dad. “What look?” I ask my brother, starin’ into this kid’s ice blue eyes. They’re so pale I’d debate callin’ ‘em gray.
Kade shrugs, “The one. You know. Where you look like you’re deep in thought, or overthinkin’.”
I scoff lightly, in complete awe of my nephew. “A little bit of both I guess.”
“Spit that shit out, or I’ll call Ash and make her yell at ya until you do.” My brother sits back on the couch with a shit eating grin on his face. The thing is, I know for a fact he’d pit our sister against me. She’s not our biological sister, but blood doesn’t matter. Blood doesn’t make fuckin’ family. Our dad and mom adopted us when we were little. If I remember it properly, we had to be toddlers. Couldn’t have been older than that.
Glancing up from Orion, I look to my brother. “Sometimes I’m wonderin’ if I was the right choice for this.”
“What the fuck. Why would you think somethin’ like that?” Kade questions, makin’ me feel crazy that I’m even questionin’ shit.
“Kade, I’m not you.”
“That’s not what Angela Morris thought in eleventh grade when I fucked her so hard the entire school heard her moanin’.” Kade laughs.
Rolling my eyes, I continue. “Yeah, we might’ve had some advantages growin’ up bein’ identical. But, my point is . . . I’m not gonna do shit the same way you would. You’d honor everything Dad did, the way he did it. I’m gonna find new ways. Hopefully better ways to get shit done. I just . . . I fuckin’ wonder if I should’ve been the man he chose to fill his shoes.”
Kade nods, understandin’ where I’m coming from. “First of all, I think you’re talkin’ about a different man. Dad and I bumped heads more times than I could count.”
“Yeah, you did. But, you understood the way he did things. You always backed up his choices, even when I’d bitch about them to you.”
He nods again, “Yeah, but we’re two different people Zane. He picked you for a reason.”
I shut my eyes for a moment and debate sayin’ this shit to him. Fuck it. I can’t keep my trap shut. “It wasn’t always supposed to be me. When we were fifteen, he had a conversation with me, said how he thought you would be the better leader. How he was gonna change his mind again, ‘cause he had made the contract between me and one of the Raiders’ girls. Shit, Kade . . . it fuckin’ killed me to know I wasn’t what he wanted. Then fast forward to you and Ivy and . . . well, he wanted one of his sons to be in the Prez position, so he thought he’d have you be my VP, but you weren’t too keen on the idea. So, the cards fell the way they did.” I shrug, tryin’ to not think too deep on it.
On the outside, I must look like I have it all. I appear to be confident as fuck, like nothin’ anyone ever says or does can fuck with my head, but it does. Kade’s the only one that knows I’m the emotional one. How I overthink and overanalyze
like it’s my fuckin’ job.
“Chill. He made his choice ‘cause he knew it was the right one, Zane. Fuck. I love Dad, I love him so fuckin’ much it feels like my heart is bein’ slowly ripped apart . . . but the choices he made . . . not all of them were right. Some of them cost us our people, and knowin’ Dad the way I did I’d say he chose you because he knew you’d choose another path. He knew you wouldn’t do things the way he would, and he wanted that. You wanna know why he wanted you as Prez? ‘Cause you’d be smarter than he was, and hopefully the club wouldn’t have to sacrifice so much.”
This right here is why Kade isn’t only my brother, but my best friend. He always knows the right shit to say exactly when I need it. “Thanks for pullin’ that Hallmark movie shit.” I grumble out with a laugh.
“We both know you really just came here for one of my motivational talks.”
I roll my eyes, not even bothering to respond and avert my attention back to Orion. Man, it feels weird thinkin’ this. This kid has my dad’s name. “You know, he’s not our blood . . . but this lil’ man looks like Dad.”
Kade pulls his neck back, lookin’ at me like I’ve lost my damn mind. “What kinda crazy shit you talkin’?”
“Huh?” I say, all confused like.
“You just said he wasn’t our blood. Do you not know?” Kade asks, cockin’ a brow.
“Know what?!” I almost yell but decide not to. There is a sleepin’ baby in my arms after all.
“Shit. Zane . . . I thought you knew. When Ivy and I got hitched I needed a copy of my birth certificate. Our father was . . .” Kade grows quiet, gnaws on his lip and I know this fucker is debating on whether to tell me.
“Kade, spit this shit out or so help me God.” I warn.
“Cracker was our biological father, Zane. So, the Monroe blood is in our veins. Before Dad died I questioned him on it, on the story he told us when we were kids, you know . . . the more in depth one he told us when we were older about the drug addicted clubwhore and biker. None of it was true. Or at least, not in the end. They thought he was our father, the piece of shit, but he wasn’t. Cracker had been fuckin’ her too. Dad got curious apparently ‘cause we looked awfully similar to Cracker and he said he did a hair DNA test. We obviously came back as matches, and Dad had the birth certificates updated. Showed proof to the state and all that. Cracker even had to sign a waiver giving up his parental rights after everything was discovered, especially since Mom and Dad had already adopted us.”
“And you didn’t fucking tell me?” I don’t mean to do it, but I’m seething . . . I’m angrier than I could’ve ever been.
“He asked me not to, Zane. I don’t know why, but he asked me not to.” Kade mutters, lookin’ at me with a bit of remorse. He’s never kept anythin’ from me. Well, besides Ivy. But that’s a different story in itself.
“I can’t fuckin’ believe this shit . . . all of you, you just fuckin’ lie.” I stand up, carefully handing Orion back over to my brother and walk straight out the door. Grim handed me the keys earlier since he was drinkin’ tonight, ‘cause he has a tendency to get a little rowdy. Well, I’m just gonna get in the fuckin’ car and go get some of this anger out.
Chapter Eleven
Truth is like surgery. It hurts but it cures. A lie is like a pain killer. It gives instant relief. But has side effects forever.
~ Unknown
Zane
It’s ironic how I was preachin’ to Octavia about using alcohol to numb her pain. Yet here I sit, starin’ into an empty glass with a few ice cubes. “You want another?” The bartender asks, and I give him a curt nod.
He whisks away and leaves me alone to my thoughts. All I’ve been doin’ is thinkin’. Thinkin’ about why Dad didn’t tell me any of this before he died. What’s worse is how Kade knew and didn’t say shit to me. Even after Dad died, he didn’t say a damn word . . . when I could’ve used some sort of positivity. Fuck, Ash too. Ash could’ve used this news too. Shit. How long did they know?
Is that the real reason Dad lost his shit when Kade and I were viewing Ash as our next conquest when we were teenagers? Motherfucker . . . this is all too much.
The lies.
The holdin’ shit back.
My family and the fuckin’ club have completely betrayed my trust. And that isn’t somethin’ I can just give back without thinkin’ about it. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. Kade was supposed to be my ride or die, the one person I could continuously count on no matter what was going on . . . and I don’t have that faith in him anymore. I don’t have my rock. Guess I should get used to the fact I can only count on myself.
“Here ya go, man.” The bartender slides my drink over to me, and I hear him whistle under his breath. “Hot damn . . .”
This is the part where I’d usually turn back and see whatever vixen is walkin’ through that door, but I’m not in the mood. “Hell must’ve frozen over for a woman like that to walk in my shitty ass bar.”
“Mind if I take a seat?” Shit, today is full of surprises.
“Sit wherever you want sweetcheeks.” The jackass behind the bar tells her, and I lose it. This is the last fuckin’ straw. I reach my hand out and grab him by his neck, slam his head down onto the bar and scowl at him.
“Is that any way to speak to a man’s fiancée?”
“Shit. I-I didn’t know. I . . . I’m sorry man. N-no harm, n-no foul, right?”
“Zane, it’s fine. I’ve handled men like him in my sleep.” Octavia takes a seat next to me and taps my forearm with her acrylic nails.
I keep my hold on this asshole, until she gives me a knowing glance. “Zane, I’m fine. It’s fine.” Moments of silence pass us by and I don’t know why I’m not letting this guy go. Am I using him as my outlet? If I just keep suffocating him until he can’t get a breath in . . . will it make everything better?
Suddenly, a pressure is applied to my chest and I see Octavia pushing her hand against me. “I might be fine, but obviously you’re not. Zane, let him go.”
I release my grip on the guy and watch as he staggers back against the glasses, “Get the f-fuck out of my b-bar.”
Octavia turns her head back, “Oh stop being dramatic. He wasn’t going to hurt you.”
“You’re fucking insane,” The bartender starts to say, and that’s it. I’m done with this. I move around the bar, just as Octavia chuckles, “Well, now he’s gonna hurt you.”
I end up behind the bar quicker than I thought, and this idiot has pinned himself up against the back. He starts to hop over the bar when he sees me comin’, and I follow his lead, breakin’ bottles and glasses on my walk through.
“Help, Jesus! Someone fuckin’ help me!” He hollers to the few patrons in here. They shrug their shoulders and don’t do much.
“Don’t think they want to lend a helpin’ hand, buddy. You apologize to the lady and I—”
I don’t even finish what I’m sayin’. “I’m so sorry lady. I didn’t mean to be disrespectful.” His apology is shit and everyone in here knows it.
I keep on walkin’ toward him until he has nowhere else to run, backed into a corner. “I-I thought you said you were gonna leave me alone if I apologize.”
My laughter bolts out of me, “I never said that. You interrupted me when I was sayin’ if you apologized, I might make this easier on you.” I reply, picking up a wooden barstool I pull it into the air and slam it down on his body.
Almost like I black out, I’m not sure what transpires until Octavia is tugging at my arms for me to stop. “That’s enough, Zane. You’ve made your point. You keep it up and he won’t be able to walk again.”
“Maybe he shouldn’t!” I snarl in her face. “Why should someone who disrespects you be given that privilege? Huh? Tell me. Tell me why I should show mercy.”
Shock crosses her face, “Because I don’t believe you’re a monster, Zane Monroe. In fact, I think you’re far from it. So, what do you say about grabbing a bottle of liquor and gettin’ the hell out of
here. We can go talk . . . because somethin’ isn’t right with you.”
I’m fighting every urge to push her back and slam this stool into this smartass fucker’s legs over and over. Every bit of betrayal is fuckin’ with my mind, makin’ me feel like I can’t trust anyone. My head is goin’ at a million miles a minute and I’m left wonderin’ how everythin’ got this far.
With the club. With my dad. With my brother . . . with everythin’.
When did they all seem to think I couldn’t be trusted with all this shit?
It hits me— maybe this is just confirmation they don’t have the faith in me like I thought they did. Maybe, just maybe they don’t think I have what it takes to be their Prez.
There’s really no other excuse.
I drop the stool and it clunks against the floor. Making my way over to the bar I grab a drink, and then peel my hand back into my wallet, leavin’ a few hundreds on the counter. The damage couldn’t have been any worse than that.
“Are we gettin’ outta here or what, Cinnamon?” I grumble back to Octavia, who’s looking over the bartender.
I don’t wait for her reply. I just fuckin’ leave.
Chapter Twelve
If I ever tell you about my past, it’s never because I want you to feel sorry for me, but so you can understand who I am.
~ Unknown
Octavia
I’ve never been more glad I walked my ass to this bar than I am right now. Zane had left, so I had this bright idea of how it would be my perfect opportunity to get away, to run before anyone could find me and end up on a beach somewhere sipping a margarita. Ultimately, I ended up at the bar . . . figured I could weasel my way inside and ask a few questions. I slammed my heel into my phone when I walked out of the driveway, figuring they’d try to track me that way first.
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