MasterSelf Year One

by Garrett Dailey

  With that, I will end this first chapter of what I hope will be a very long series about what you (and I) can do to master ourselves. Who knows? We might even save the world.

  Happy New Year! Now get ready for an internal revolution.

  The Wisdom of Solomon: You, Your Self, and Mind

  One of the more interesting theories regarding the structure of the mind I have heard recently is the idea that what we think of as our singular mind is actually the interaction of a number of competing brain systems or “micropersonalities.” This struck a chord with me, because of the model that I believe best explains consciousness.

  Imagine, if you will, that all of your thoughts are clouds floating (or storming) around in your head. They drift in, blown by the winds of your senses and the subconscious, and they occupy your mind. Then, as soon as they’ve drifted by, the thought-clouds dissolve back into the darkness of the fringes of your mind.

  This is generally how we think, especially if you’re not used to watching your thoughts.

  Now, imagine that there is a tiny, tiny island in the center of that storm, and on that island is a person watching the clouds go by. He doesn’t think, talk, act, or do anything except watch the clouds.

  That person is you! However, you probably don’t realize that yet in a practical sense. Because we’re so used to experiencing our thoughts, we rarely realize that we aren’t our thoughts.

  This might be hard to understand, and if you think it’s easy, you might not get it. For example, I personally think in words. My internal experience is a running monologue of my thoughts. When I started meditating, it took me a very long time to realize that there’s a difference between me (the observer) and that monologue.

  If it helps, think about it like you’re telling someone about yourself. You might be able to explain yourself perfectly (or very poorly, if you’re me,) but the words you’re saying and the content of what you’re speaking aren’t you. In the same sense, the thoughts in your head and the content of those thoughts aren’t you. There are thoughts that are a part of you, and there are thoughts that are yours, but they’re not you.

  You’re the observer, the watcher on the island enjoying the clouds.

  How does this relate to King Solomon, you might ask? Great question!

  Solomon was the son of the famous King David, and was considered to be exceptional in his wisdom. In fact, he is often called Solomon the Wise. During his rule, Israel was exceptionally prosperous and wealthy. According to legend, after Solomon had made a great sacrifice, God appeared to him in a dream and offered him anything his heart desired. Solomon asked only for wisdom. God was pleased by this, because he didn’t choose a petty reward like wealth or power. As such, he became the wisest man in all the land.

  That’s a pretty straightforward legend, but there’s one I always liked much more than that. After the biblical era, Solomon became associated with some more… let’s say, interesting, crowds. These include magicians, occultists, and the esoteric. The stories they have tell that Solomon possessed a magic ring (potentially forged by God himself,) known as the Seal of Solomon, which gave him the power to control 72 demons. He then used the demons to build his temple and to grow the influence of his kingdom across the world.

  Now, while that’s a great story, it doesn’t seem to be of any relevance, at least on the surface. However, let’s break it down into symbols.

  King Solomon, the Wise becomes a representation of someone who has gained some mastery (or rules himself) through wisdom. This reflects choosing the pursuit of wisdom over power, wealth, or glory.This pleases God, who in the allegory represents the guiding principle of the universe, or the order of the world- because wisdom can advance both the individual and society, whereas power and wealth often only advance those who possess them.

  Things get really fascinating when we look at the Seal of Solomon itself. The associated image is generally a modified Star (also called the Shield) of David. Now, it’s important here to note that the Star is not specifically a Jewish symbol. It appears in a number of other disciplines with its true significance emphasized.

  In symbolism, an upward facing triangle is the masculine force– the sword or the phallus. Likewise, the downward facing triangle is the feminine power– the womb or the chalice.

  When combined in the Star, they represent union (sexual or spiritual), balance, and creation.

  Compare the symbol to the Yin-Yang (this literally translates to dark-bright,) which has a very similar meaning.

  So we’ve established that King Solomon (a wise person who has developed mastery) who was granted the Seal (power from the opposing forces of the masculine [order] and the feminine [chaos] in the mind),and he can use this power to command demons.

  So what are the demons?

  As I mentioned earlier, there is a theory that the brain is composed of micropersonalities that compete for dominance in the brain. I’m sure you’ve heard someone say, “Oh, everyone has their demons,” or maybe even that someone was “possessed by demons.” My thought is that the idea of demons is actually a symbolic understanding of these forces in the mind that are seemingly independent from ourselves.

  Think about the seven deadly sins: Pride, Envy, Wrath, Gluttony, Sloth, Greed, and Lust. Historically, these have been associated with demons, but aren’t they all just different circuits in the mind? Envy motivates us to compete with our neighbors for more (or the same) resources, Lust is the mating instinct (as opposed to the more advanced feelings of partnership and romantic love,) and Gluttony and Sloth are both the result of our drives to eat and conserve energy.

  With this perspective, it’s easier to understand the whole story.

  By balancing the competing forces in the mind with wisdom, we can tame our lesser passions and instincts. Through this self-sovereignty, we can create our own temple– which here could mean the body or a creative expression of our Self in the world.

  All of this begins by watching your thoughts.

  When you know the difference between your Self, the clouds, and your “demons,” you can become as wise as Solomon himself.

  Fuck Your Self-Esteem

  Excuse my language, but fuck your self-esteem.

  Yes, you heard me right. Strap in, kids, we’re in for a rough ride.

  I don’t care how great you think you are, I don’t care how many people have told you you can do anything in life, and I don’t care what kind of trophies you have. At the end of the day, none of that matters. If you live your life doing things to feel good about yourself, you’re wrong. If you go after what other people think about you, you’re wrong. And if you think that the price of the car you drive, the size of your house, the name of your school, whatever external thing you use to measure yourself to others, matters- guess what?

  You’re wrong.

  A nurse had the idea to survey her dying patients on their greatest regrets. I don’t know if you guessed already, but “I didn’t get a Rolex” isn’t on the list.

  The greatest regret of the dying, above everything else, was this:

  “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”

  The nurse noted,

  “this was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.”

  If that doesn’t make you take a huge step back and rethink your life, you’re either on the right track, or you’re in for a seriously unpleasant surprise when the time comes. When this is an almost universal regret, why do we all spend so much time chasing these useless things?

  I think the culprit is the idea of “self-esteem.”

  A psychologist by the name of Nathaniel Branden is considered to be one of the creators
of the concept of self-esteem and the “self-esteem movement” (which he is often called the father of) that followed. He believed that self-esteem is a fundamental human need, and that if it wasn’t fulfilled, psychological disorder would develop. That’s a great idea, and it makes perfect sense. The problems start to come in when people began thinking of shortcuts to building self-esteem.

  If you’ve ever heard of a “participation trophy,” you understand the mentality behind these shortcuts. As a child, I was never particularly good at team sports- but I know that somewhere in a box in the closet at my parents’ house, there are a number of trophies for sports like soccer, tee-ball, and karate. We never won any real tournaments, but everyone on the team got a trophy. As much as I enjoyed those as a kid, that’s pretty obviously a stupid thing to give a child that wasn’t even competitive in any of those sports.

  There are two primary schools of thought- one which advocates for building self-esteem, and another that advocates for “unconditional self-acceptance.” While there are a number of issues with the self-esteem movement, the alternative is far, far worse.

  This is where things go completely off the rails.

  Let’s return to myself as a child. I definitely didn’t deserve a trophy, but imagine if instead someone had told me, “it doesn’t matter that you’re bad, you’re just as good as the other kids.” Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that aptitude to any one skill or activity determines a person’s worth- I believe worth is earned. The mentality that everyone is of equal value inherently is just a cop-out.

  If this sounds really harsh and unfeeling and dispassionate, you aren’t hearing me. You might be entertaining this grand notion about the equality of all humankind. That’s fair, and probably noble in some sense. I’m not speaking in generalities here-imagine if someone told Babe Ruth or Bruce Lee that they didn’t have to earn their self-worth.

  Worse than that, imagine if they believed it- we would have never heard their names.

  If you, for a second, think that the key to success (and I am definitely not talking about material success) or happiness (not fleeting happiness, but true, hard earned satisfaction) is to accept your faults and still feel good… have fun with that.Let me know how that works for you.

  If you’re going to better yourself, you can’t believe you don’t need to better yourself.

  If you’re going to improve, you have to know that you can be improved on.

  Guess what?

  Inadequacy is a fact of life- and it hurts.

  It sucks.

  It’s a terrible feeling. I don’t have a magic fix for that- there will be times when you feel like you’re not good enough, or the things you’re striving for are impossible. What will separate those of you who make it through that and those of you who don’t isn’t being rewarded for failure, and it isn’t feeling good about being a loser.

  It will be that some of you keep pushing.

  That’s it.

  Every person out there who runs from challenges and the negative feelings associated with them will die unfulfilled. We have evidence to back that up.

  Cowardice is punishment enough. Fuck your self-esteem.

  Confront your demons, your failings, your inadequacies.

  It will not be easy.

  It will not be quick. It may take years, and it may take you to places you don’t want to be. To quote my favorite psychologist, the brilliant Carl Jung,

  “No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven, unless its roots reach down to hell.”

  Even in Dante’s epic, the Divine comedy, the road to heaven begins with the gates to purgatory-hidden conveniently behind Satan himself, frozen in the lake of ice… in the lowest circle of Hell.

  This isn’t a religious or spiritual argument here- I’m not talking about whatever you believe happens after you die. Frankly, I don’t care either way- because I believe there is no greater Hell than a life unfulfilled. Isn’t that truth enough considering that it’s the number one regret of the dying?

  Can you imagine something worse than knowing you’ve wasted your life?

  When I was a child (and still, to this day,) my parents always told me one important thing:

  Life is not fair.

  We don’t get to decide where we’re from, who our parents are, how we’re raised, or what our advantages (or lack thereof) are in life- it’s not fair. It’s pretty apparent that the person who said that all men are created equal wasn’t born without limbs, or with a congenital illness, or blind, or otherwise.

  Life is not fair, your self-esteem does not matter to anyone, and your desire to feel good about yourself without earning it will not do you any good when time runs out.

  Ripples in the Infinite Pond: Indra’s Net

  In Hinduism, there is a deity who goes by the name of Indra (hence Indra’s Net). He’s the king of heaven, the other gods (called Deva/Devi for masculine or feminine, respectively), and also of lightning, thunder, storms, and rain. While not exactly the same, he’s kind of like Zeus or Odin.

  Now, Indra has a palace on Mount Meru. This mountain in the center of the universe in Buddhist and Hindu theology. Mount Meru is kind of similar to Mount Olympus in Greek mythology, or Yggdrasil the World Tree in Norse Mythology- it’s the center around which everything in existence is focused (this is called the Axis Mundi.)

  Above his palace, he hangs up his net- but it’s not just any net. At every point where the strings of the net intersect, there is a jewel. These are no ordinary jewels, however, because in each of the jewels, you can see the reflection of every other jewel in the net.

  Did I mention that the net is infinite? That’s important.

  Somehow, this net stretches on in every direction, forever, and every single jewel reflects the entire net, and every reflection reflects the other reflections, and so on.

  That sounds impossible, I know- but that’s not the point of the story.

  See, this is a metaphor for the way that everything in the universe is connected.

  You’ve probably heard Newton’s Third Law before- for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.

  For anything you do, there will be something that happens in response to balance the forces out. That’s easy to think about in the small scale- I push you, and your inertia pushes back on me.

  Simple, right?

  Now, take a step back and think about the bigger picture- every action that has ever happened had a cause, and every one of those causes had a cause, and so on. They’re all connected, in an infinite net of causes and effects, stretching all the way back to the beginning of time and all the way forward to the end.

  (Bonus points if you can figure out what started the whole chain. That’s called First Cause, and it’s part of a huge philosophical argument about causality [caus-a-li-ty, not cas-u-al-ty- I got that wrong for years.])

  The moral of the story is to understand the idea of ‘Interconnectedness,’ which is the idea that every particle, event, person, experience, and thing in the universe is related.

  It’s kind of a mind-blowing concept, if you really think about it- every action you do in your life creates a ripple of causes and effects, stretching infinitely across time.

  You are reflected in every jewel of the net, because you are a part of the whole universe.

  Every jewel of the net is also reflected in you- because the whole universe is a part of you.

  If the net is infinite, it’s easy to feel insignificant- trying to understand infinity tends to have that effect. However, there’s a quote from two characters in the movie Cloud Atlas (which is actually a movie about interconnectedness) that I think really helps put things in perspective:

  “No matter what you do it will never amount to anything more than a single drop in a limitless ocean.”

  “What is an ocean but a multitude of drops?”

  So remember, the next time you react to something-

  What we do ripples in the ocean of infinity.

  The choice
s we make are reflected across every jewel of the net.

  Knowing this, what kind of ripples will you make?

  Real Talk, I: Are You Failing to Communicate?

  Have you ever gotten into an argument with someone? I’m sure you have. Because of my charming personality, I used to get in arguments with people all the time. More often than not, I (and you, too) probably walked away from those arguments thinking, “If only they understood what I was saying, they’d agree with me!” I have some bad news for you- if someone doesn’t understand what you’re saying, it’s your fault. You’re failing to communicate.

  Shut up already, I can hear you thinking, “BUT… BUT…”

  No excuses, just roll with me while I drop some truth on you.

  What is the purpose of talking? If you said, “to communicate,” great job! We’ll send your gold sticker in the mail. That one is too easy, though. If the purpose of talking is to communicate, how do we communicate effectively? I actually can’t guess what your answer to this one is- because it’s not so simple.

  Most people, I would wager, do not spend too much time thinking about that question. In fact, if you’re not a salesman, marketer, politician, or some other kind of persuasion-oriented person, you probably don’t think about it at all. Talking is just something we do, and it’s something we learn how to do pretty much automatically. In the same way, you probably don’t think too much about how you move your fingers unless you play an instrument or do something artistic (or some other interesting finger-centric activities that I’ll leave to you to think of.)

  There’s a model in psychology created by a guy named Noel Burch called “The Four Stages of Competence.” These are, in order-

  Unconscious Incompetence-

  “It’s not my fault that no one understands what I’m trying to tell them.”

  Conscious Incompetence-

  “I don’t know how to convince people when they don’t understand me.”

  Conscious Competence-