by Rona Jameson
“I didn’t know either,” I admitted, gripping the steering wheel. I forced myself to relax and drew my hands from the wheel to rest on my thighs. “You’re one of my best friends.” I cleared my throat. “I don’t want to lose you because of Fallon.”
Dark eyes focused on mine and made me cringe. “You’ll walk away from me if I don’t accept you with her.” Leon shook his head. “You’d throw years of friendship away for a piece of ass?”
“Get. Out. Of. The. Car,” I said slowly between gritted teeth. “Now.” I slammed out and met Leon at the front of my car with my fists. Leon had expected it and managed to duck out of the way, which infuriated me all the more. “You don’t fucking talk about her like that,” I yelled, so angry that I crouched and tackled Leon to the ground. Grit spread and flew around our furious bodies as we traded punches. I couldn’t stop, and the more Leon fought, the more I wrestled to get control.
Water hit us in the face so suddenly that we broke apart, spitting water from our mouths. “No fighting in my parking lot!” Gladys huffed in a furious breath. “You two have been friends too long to be fighting like punks. Pull yourselves together.” She placed her hands on her ample hips. “You hearing me, boys?”
I replied, “Yes, ma’am. I apologize.”
“Hmm.” She turned her attention to Leon. “What about you?”
“I’m sorry too, Gladys.” Leon sighed. “It won’t happen again.”
“It better not or I’ll be calling the Sheriff, regardless of how much I like you both.” Gladys gave us both a pointed look before she turned her back and made her way inside the diner.
Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Leon giving me the side-eye. I rolled my eyes and got to my feet, shaking like a dog would do after a dip in the river. Leon did the same.
“I know Fallon is a lot more to you than…what I said, so I’m sorry. Okay?” Leon grunted and perched on the front of my car, rubbing at his bruised jaw. “I can’t get it out of my head that Fallon is your sister. All my life I’ve known that, so finding out she’s a lot more is difficult to handle. It’s wrong, Rogan.”
I sat beside Leon and hoped my friend wouldn’t say anything else to make me angry.
“We both have different parents, Leon. We’re not related really.”
“You both grew up together from being little kids. Nothing should ever happen between you. It’s wrong, dammit.”
“Best friends fall in love all the time. That’s what we’ve done.”
Leon jumped up and started to pace. “Why can’t you see what you’re doing?”
“What are we doing?” I got in Leon’s face. “Tell me, as you obviously know so much? What are we doing that affects you?”
“It doesn’t just affect me,” Leon bit out. “It affects, Julia, Chase, and what about your parents? Do you think they’ll be so accepting?” He threw his head back.
Anger had me clenching my fists with the need to punch him again, however, I closed my eyes tightly and inhaled and exhaled real slow. Tears of frustration, anger, and despair burned behind my tightly closed eyelids.
“Look,” Leon said softly. I opened my eyes and stared into his, and he continued once he had my sole focus. “I know you love her, okay?” He sighed. “I might not like it but I know it’s how you feel. For just once, think with your head instead of your heart. Think about Fallon and how it’s going to affect her if news of your relationship gets out. She’s going to be here, all alone, while you’re away at school. You’re not going to be able to protect her.”
I breathed heavily, not wanting to hear a word Leon said. Unfortunately, I heard every word.
“What do you want me to do?” I asked, my heart heavy and aching.
“It’s not what I want you to do, it’s what you need to do. It’s what you have to do for Fallon. You need to give her a chance without you.” Leon squeezed my shoulder and left me standing in front of my car as he climbed into his.
He shouted, “I’ll see you back at school,” and drove off.
Hot tears slipped from my eyes and slid down my cheeks while I stood in the parking lot, knowing I couldn’t go back to the house to see Fallon. If I saw her, I wouldn’t be able to tell her it’s over and to get on with her life without me. I wanted to be pissed at Leon, but the truth was, he’d only spoken my thoughts and worry aloud. But could I actually leave her alone? Did I have the courage to walk away? To leave her open for someone else to take my place?
Angry at how much I was hurting and eaten away with jealousy over someone having what’s mine, I slumped into my car and hit the steering wheel with my fists. A sob tore threw me, and then another as my shoulders dropped and my forehead banged against the wheel in front of my face. Sobs came faster and faster, my whole body shaking with anguish over losing the one person who I loved with all my heart.
You don’t have to lose her…
“I do. I need to be the one to let her go,” I whispered into the silence of my car.
I knew in my heart that Fallon would never be the one to walk away from me.
I had to walk away from her.
30
Fallon
I hated school.
Everyone ran around me getting ready for prom, crying because they’d soon be leaving high school. Me, I couldn’t wait to leave and get as far away from home as I could. The past three months without a word from Rogan had taken a toll on me. He’d made his choice to leave me without a word and it hurt beyond belief. I felt anger toward him too. He could have spoken to me about what was going on inside of his head, but he hadn’t. He’d decided that we’d no longer be together and that was that. Asshole!
Julia caught my eye as I sat alone in the cafeteria, but I ignored her. She’d tried to talk to me after Rogan had left but I had no interest. She’d told me that Rogan leaving was for the best, and I hated her for that. It wasn’t what I wanted to hear. I couldn’t help thinking that Leon had something to do with Rogan continuing to ignore me, and I blamed Julia for that too. We’d been friends for years and she hadn’t been able to stand by my side when she’d found out about Rogan and me. That had hurt me deeply, but not as deeply as losing Rogan.
Blinking back tears as I stared into my soup, I felt someone take the seat opposite me. Daniel. I swallowed around the lump in my throat and slowly raised my face. He offered me a large smile, so I gave him a tentative one back.
“Do you want to go watch that new action movie Friday night?” he asked, and took a bite of his sandwich. “It’s supposed to be really good.”
I tilted my head and watched him. I’d known Daniel since middle school and he’d always been in the background, apart from the past few months when we’d started hanging around together. I wasn’t even sure how it started. Daniel hated attention and had finally admitted that it had taken him a long time to work up the courage to talk to me. I’d been surprised because I’d never considered myself a difficult person to talk to.
“So, you going to come with me?” Daniel asked, solely focused on my answer.
Slowly nodding my head, I smiled. “Okay.”
He laughed. “You could sound as though you actually want to go to the movies with me.”
“I do want to go to the movies with you. I just have a lot on my mind.” I shrugged, and pushed my tray with the soup away. My appetite had long since deserted me, along with Rogan.
I knew Mom and Dad worried about me because I’d lost weight. They’d worry more when they discovered I’d applied to colleges on the West Coast. Far away from home and the boy I loved.
“I’m a good listener.” He didn’t look at me, but switched his empty sandwich plate with the dessert one.
“I don’t think I know what I’m doing anymore. The friends I’ve grown up with are no longer around, my parents are constantly watching me because I never leave the house other than to come to school. I’m also worried about telling them I’ve been accepted to a school on the West Coast.” I stared at the poster behind him and added, “I’ve
also had enough of my mom constantly telling me that I have to go to prom when I really don’t want to. I went last year, so I don’t see why I have to go again.”
“Where on the West Coast?”
“What?” I couldn’t remember what we’d been talking about. I rubbed at my brow and wondered what the heck was going on with me.
“School. You said you’d been accepted on the West Coast. Where?” Daniel said, shaking his head. His smile never really left his face and he always seemed happy and full of life. I needed some of what he had. “Because I’ve been accepted at a school out there too.”
My eyes widened. “Really?” I grinned, liking the idea that we could be heading to the same college. “San Diego.”
Daniel cheered and pumped his fist in the air. I felt my cheeks heat with embarrassment, and quickly leaned over and grabbed his sweatshirt. “Everyone is looking at us.”
He rolled his eyes. “Let them.” The chair creaked as he dropped into it. “For once I’m not bothered about being watched. I have the most beautiful girl in the school sitting with me…going on a date with me…going away to school with me.”
I chuckled. “Let’s not get carried away.” We had another twenty minutes before lunch period was over and I wanted to get some fresh air, so I grabbed my things up.
“You’re leaving?”
“I’m going outside.” I turned to head away and then turned back. “Want to join me?”
He quickly grabbed his backpack and caught up to me. An arm went around my neck and he whispered, “I think we should go to prom together.”
My breath froze in my lungs and a wave of dizziness washed over me. While I’d been talking to Daniel I’d forgotten about Rogan and how much I missed him. With Daniel asking me to prom, I couldn’t think straight. My first thought was to refuse. I couldn’t go with anyone but Rogan. Except, Rogan had chosen to step away from me, and what we’d shared. Would he be hurt even now if he discovered I’d gone to prom with Daniel? Would he even care?
Sucking in a deep breath, I mumbled, “Prom sounds good.”
“Um, did you just agree to go to prom with me?” He pulled me to a stop on the steps outside of the school and turned me to face him. The wind caught my long hair and whipped it around into my face, so Daniel reached up and gently tugged it away and looked into my eyes. “You really mean it, Fallon? You’ll go with me?”
As I stared at Daniel, I knew I’d go with him. How could I not go? He wanted me when no one else did. He was sweet and kind, and it had taken a great deal of strength on his part to befriend me when I was so alone. “Yes, Daniel. I’ll be your date for prom.”
The bell announcing the end of the lunch period sounded loud in my ears with us standing beneath it. Daniel quickly hugged me, and whispered, “Thank you,” in my ear before he took off to class.
My feet stayed stuck to the path as the bell continued to shrill overhead. So suddenly I felt as though I was being watched, as though Superman was using his X-ray vision to see through me. I glanced to the road out front of school and my heart dropped to my toes. There stood Rogan, leaning against his car with his fists clenched at his sides.
Before I could think, I found myself moving toward him but the look on his face gave me pause. He looked angry and as our eyes met and held, he let me see the hurt. Neither of us looked away, even when I stopped directly in front of him. I couldn’t.
“You didn’t wait long to replace me,” he bit out.
His jealousy made me angry. “You left me, without one word, without answering one of my messages or calls.” I stepped into his space. “So you don’t have the right to accuse me of anything.”
Rogan moved in so close that I had to tip my face up so I could look at him. I wished I hadn’t. He wasn’t only hurt and angry, he was furious. “He touched you.”
My eyes widened and I took a step back at the venom in his tone. I swallowed hard and hissed, “At least he wants to touch me.”
He stared at me for a long time before he moved and tugged on his hair. “We need to talk,” he whispered, and I don’t think I’d ever heard him sound so broken. “Will you come for a drive with me?”
I stared into his eyes and I knew I wouldn’t refuse him. At least the drive. Anything else and I had to be strong. He hurt me badly when he ended things without actually saying anything. I couldn’t be hurt like that again, and Rogan was the only one who could do it.
“As long as you tell me why I’m no longer yours, then I’ll come for a drive.”
He swallowed hard and nodded. My words had hurt him.
I climbed into the passenger seat of his car and I told myself I had to be stronger than I’d ever needed to be before.
Rogan
No one else was around during the middle of the day as I parked my car overlooking the river. I wanted to avoid bumping into our parents, and I couldn’t imagine being in our private place while there was so much hurt between us.
I’d stayed away and thought I was doing well, until Dad had called and asked me to come home and talk to Fallon. Our parents were worried about her. Looking at her, I knew why. Her complexion that had once glowed had paled. She’d lost weight, but her curves still made my mouth water. Dad told me she’d been accepted to a school in San Diego, which she had no clue that Mom and Dad actually knew about, so Dad had asked me to keep it to myself. They wanted me to make right whatever had happened between us, so that Fallon stopped walking around looking so unhappy.
If only it was that easy.
I’d taken the easy way out because I knew I wouldn’t be strong enough to tell her exactly what was going on, or where my thoughts had landed. It was the coward’s way out and it had bothered me ever since.
Not a day had gone by that I didn’t regret walking away from Fallon, and now it was time to explain, and hopefully help her in my own way. At least that was the plan. Fallon being in my car while she looked so sad and forlorn was going to end up unraveling everything I’d tried to accomplish by walking away.
My eyes continued to travel over her gorgeous curves, down her tanned legs and back up to her face. She had tears swimming in her eyes while she tried to avoid my gaze. I was a bastard and wouldn’t let her. I reached out and grabbed her jaw, turning her beautiful face to me.
I caught my breath when she lifted her eyes to mine and my breathing became heavy. “I can’t be yours anymore, Fallon.”
I never in a million years wanted to hurt her. I loved her. I always would. I couldn’t say that now because I had to make her understand why I’d left her alone.
Instead of doing what I really wanted to and take her in my arms, I forced myself to only rub her back. I had to give her some sort of comfort, even if it wasn’t what I knew we both needed.
“Fallon?” I whispered. “You need to listen to me.”
She shook her head.
“Yes, you do. I should have had the guts to talk to you before I left that day. I know how I went about cutting you out of my life hurt you. It hurt me too. I never wanted to do that, but I had to.” I turned her to face me. “I had to, Fallon. We lived in a bubble that only enclosed us both, and that was dangerous. If Mom and Dad ever found out about us, and they would have, our relationship would have had far reaching consequences. You’d have been left in town having to face everyone, not just our parents. I’m away at college and wouldn’t be able to help you. All I’ve ever done was for you.”
Fallon shook her head and pulled away from my touch. “You never asked me what I wanted, Rogan. You are the one who decided to leave me. I didn’t have a choice. Yes, you hurt me. You hurt me more than anyone, and I don’t know how to recover from it. You damaged my heart when I thought I’d always be able to rely on you to keep it whole. You let me down and I’m dealing with it. It isn’t easy, but I’ll get there in the end.”
“We damaged our friendship by having sex.” I winced the moment the words left my mouth. I hadn’t meant to say that, especially as bluntly as I did.
Fallon
gasped. “It was never only sex,” she hissed between clenched teeth. “I’m going away to college. So far away from you that there won’t be a chance of seeing each other. You’ll be glad when I’m completely out of the way. No chance of bumping into me on campus.”
Her words sent panic into my gut and I cursed. “Fuck, Fallon! Do you seriously think I want you out of my life? You don’t have eyes in your head if you do.” I threw my hands up and climbed from the car before I broke my own promise of keeping my mouth shut. Fallon had always been the one to bring out my anger like no other. I stared off over the river wishing I could go back to my last summer home before I left for college. Those days had been perfect.
“Rogan,” she softly whispered, her hand curling around my arm as she stood behind me. “I’m so confused.”
I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. “What I did was for you. I wanted you to go on without me. Leon thought if we weren’t together, then we might get over whatever was going on between us.” I offered a mirthless laugh. “He knows nothing! You think I’m not hurting, well I am. So fucking much, Fallon.” I turned and cupped her face. “I will always be available to you, but I refuse to carry on with you like we were. As fucking jealous as I am with Daniel touching you, I want you to experience everything without me around. I want you to be so fucking happy.” I yanked her to me and held her while my mouth slammed down on her plump red lips. I pushed my tongue into her mouth and invaded.
God, I’d missed my girl. I couldn’t get enough as I plunged, giving and taking everything she allowed me, and more. The deep moan in her throat made me press harder, our teeth clashed before I forced myself to ease up. I couldn’t catch a normal breath with her taste in my mouth and with her lips touching mine. My body had missed her too, and the thick blood coursing through my veins all centered in my groin. My dick throbbed and hurt so damn much squished in my jeans. But today wasn’t about sex, it was about setting straight the reason why’d I’d abandoned her in the hope that she finally moved on and started to enjoy life without me.