by Marta Perry
“It’s okay, Mom. She’ll be here for a week. It’s not fair to judge her for being distracted for ten minutes.” All Eden could picture was the four of them—Ryder with Lily next to him and the twins in front of them—waving and calling goodbye from the front porch.
The perfect family.
Eden lost what little appetite she had.
“Ryder’s doing a good job with the ranch.” Dad paused to take a sip of iced tea. “He told me I can stop by anytime.”
“That’s nice of him. He’s so thoughtful.” Mom patted Dad’s arm.
“I don’t think he was just saying it, either.” Dad looked serious.
“I’m sure he wasn’t.” Eden found it easy to reassure her father. “You could teach him a thing or two about raising cattle in Rendezvous.”
His face brightened. “I wouldn’t mind.” He shot a quick glance at her mom. “When we’re in town, of course.”
“If Ryder doesn’t mind you riding out with him now and again, we might have to park here more often.” Mom gave him an understanding smile. “I know you miss it.”
Warning flags started popping up in Eden’s mind.
She wasn’t the only one losing her heart to Ryder and the girls. Her parents were, too.
How had she missed it? Her mom treated Harper and Ivy like they were her own granddaughters. And in Mom’s eyes, the sun rose and set on their daddy. And what about Dad? He acted like he’d been thrown a lifeline because Ryder wanted him to hang out at the ranch.
Eden should have seen it coming. All three of them craved a familiar life with their ranch at the heart of it. But they weren’t being fair to Ryder.
“I’m sorry to do this, but I’ve got to go.” She covered her half-eaten bowl of minestrone with a napkin, grabbed her purse and scooted out of the booth.
“You sick? I’ll drive you home.” Dad sprang to his feet.
“No, no. You two stay here. I’ll walk. It’s not far.” She dragged her finger across her eyebrow. “I just need to think. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Her parents exchanged glances, but they let her walk away.
She weaved through the busy restaurant until she made it outside. A picture-perfect summer evening greeted her as she turned left and headed to her apartment.
The warm air couldn’t penetrate the chill over her heart. She’d been an idiot, letting herself fall in love with Ryder. The girls, well, she’d loved them from the day she’d met them. That couldn’t have been prevented. But Ryder? She could have—should have—done a lot of things differently.
He had enough problems. He didn’t want the complications love brought, and Eden finally understood why. Lily wasn’t just a movie star or his ex-wife. She was the mother of his children. He would be dealing with her the rest of his life.
Eden tried to swallow the lump forming in her throat. The memory of his arms around her roared back. His lips on hers had been the best thing she’d ever experienced. He’d made her feel safe, cherished, desirable. She’d never felt that way before.
Her phone chirped. A text came through from Ryder. You don’t have to come over tomorrow. I’ll see you on Monday.
The words hit her like a punch in the stomach. Just as she’d thought. He’d taken one look at Lily and forgotten Eden existed. She was just the babysitter. Nothing more.
She was used to it.
She might as well accept it and move on. Everyone else seemed to be good at going forward. Everyone except her.
* * *
“Come give Mommy a hug goodbye.” Lily was likely to topple over as she crouched in the foyer in a pair of pink stilettos Friday afternoon with her arms spread wide. Ryder wanted to roll his eyes.
Harper hugged her willingly. Ivy hung back, a stony expression on her face.
“Now, Ivy, I’m not going to see you for a long time.” Lily pretended to pout, but Ivy didn’t budge. Lily straightened and tapped her chin. “If I don’t get a hug, you might not be a flower girl.”
Ryder let his head fall back in exasperation as he gazed at the ceiling and ground his teeth together. Why was she so clueless when it came to her own children? Hadn’t Ivy’s tears last night when Lily broke her news about getting married clued her in that the girls could not care less about being in her wedding?
“I don’t want to be a flower girl!” Ivy shouted, turning and racing upstairs. Harper quickly followed.
Lily gaped at him. “And how am I supposed to respond to that?”
She acted like Ivy was to blame. Ryder narrowed his eyes. “You can’t expect them to be overjoyed at your news.”
“Why not? Not every little girl gets to wear a custom-designed dress to her mother’s wedding. It will be an exclusive event. They should be happy.”
“They’re five. They don’t even understand that you’re a movie star.”
“Great.” Lily pulled her sunglasses out of her oversize purse and set them on her head. “I don’t have time for this.”
“Maybe you should make the time.”
“Look, I’m not going to be held hostage by those two.”
“They’re your daughters, not dolls to dress up. They have feelings, Lily.”
“I know that, Ryder,” she said with an abundance of sarcasm. “What about my feelings? Shouldn’t they be glad I’m getting married?”
Don’t react. Do not react.
“I’ve got to go.” She flourished her hand to the door. “Tell them bye for me.”
“Will you wait five minutes?” he asked. She was really going to leave without attempting to soothe their feelings? The woman had hit a new low in his book. “Go up and talk to them. For crying out loud, this isn’t the time to leave.”
“Fine.” Her tone could have sliced through metal. She click-clacked down the hall and went upstairs. He followed at a distance and waited in the doorway while she went into Ivy’s room.
“Why don’t you want to be a flower girl?” Lily asked brusquely. “Don’t you want a pretty dress?”
Ryder peeked through the doorway. Ivy had her back to Lily.
“It’s not the dress,” Harper said. She snuck a glance at Ivy, still ignoring her mother.
“What is it, then?”
“Harper,” Ivy warned.
Harper’s glance darted back and forth to Ivy and Lily.
“You can tell me.” Lily nodded encouragingly.
“You tell her, Ivy.” Harper closed the distance to her twin and took her hand in hers. “Go ahead.”
“I don’t want you to marry him.” Ivy faced Lily then, with tear marks racing down her cheeks. “Why aren’t you marrying Daddy?”
“You haven’t even met Sam. And as for Daddy, no.” Lily let out a strangled laugh. “We’re not getting married again.”
“But why not?” Ivy inched closer to her. “Daddy’s so handsome.”
“Well, of course he is,” Lily said. “But I love someone else now.”
“What if we moved back to California?” Ivy tipped her head slightly to look up at Lily. “Then you’d see Daddy lots, and we’d all be together. We could live in the same house.”
Ryder held his breath. Come on, Lily, tell her the truth. Don’t tell her what she wants to hear because it will be easier for you.
“I’d love it if you moved back to California.”
He closed his eyes, dread lashing at him like a winter storm.
“But we’re not all going to live together again. I’m marrying Sam.”
The relief was so sudden he propped his hand against the doorjamb to keep his balance.
“I don’t want you to marry Sam!” Ivy stamped her foot. “I want you to marry Daddy!”
“That’s enough, Ivy. I’m marrying Sam, and I don’t need your permission.” Lily straightened. “Now I have to go. It’s your last chance for a hug.”
I
vy turned her back to her once more.
“Okay. It’s your choice. Bye.”
Lily breezed past Ryder, down the hall to the stairs. He debated following her. He could hear her heels clicking as Ivy ran out of the room, yelling, “Mommy!”
She sobbed all the way down the stairs, hysterically yelling for her mother. Ryder and Harper followed close behind. He hated seeing her so upset. Wished this all could have worked out differently. How? He had no clue. He just hated that the divorce had caused so much pain. Still caused so much pain.
At the bottom of the staircase, he stopped short. Lily held Ivy in her arms as Ivy sobbed.
“I’ll always love you, you know. It’s just… Daddy and I aren’t getting back together. Ever.” Lily met his eyes, and he nodded in thanks. Then she set Ivy back on her feet. “Now be good, okay?”
Ivy sniffled and nodded.
Lily waved to them and walked out the door. As the screen door shut, Ivy pressed her little hands against it and watched her go.
“Come on.” Ryder reached out to touch her shoulder, and she launched herself into his arms. He picked her up and held her tightly. “It’ll be okay.”
Ivy started crying again, and Harper glued herself to his side. He held her hand, leading her to the living room, where they all smooshed together on the couch.
“I’m sorry.” He looked down at Harper and at Ivy. “I know you’re both disappointed. This wasn’t how you wanted the visit to go. You were hoping to have Mommy all week, and instead you found out some tough news, and your time was cut short.”
“Mommy never stays more than a day.” Harper sounded matter-of-fact, but her lower lip wobbled.
“At least you had her for a little while.” He pulled her closer. “And I don’t blame either of you for wanting us to get back together. That’s normal.”
Ivy lifted waterlogged eyes to him and wiped the back of her hand under her nose.
“You can talk to me about anything, okay?” he said. “I’m always here for you. I’m always going to be here for you.”
Harper hugged his arm and kissed his biceps. “I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you, too.”
Ivy looked crushed. He kissed the top of her head. “I’m sorry, Ivy. I know you’re really disappointed.”
She seemed at a loss for words. He had a feeling this was one of those events where only time would heal her. He couldn’t rush it.
He thought about his own wounds and how time had healed them.
Ever since meeting Eden, he’d been trying to convince himself he couldn’t have a future with her—or with any woman. He’d been wrong.
Eden had opened his eyes to what real love, a lasting partnership, could be.
And he wanted it. The connection, the commitment, the peace deep down that he could always count on her.
But did she feel the same?
* * *
Saturday morning Eden printed out the courses she’d signed up for. Too bad she felt zero enthusiasm about them. She wanted more than a career. She wanted Ryder. The girls. The ranch.
As usual, she wanted it all.
She’d slept poorly with bad dreams. Every one of them involved her being paralyzed or not being able to speak while trying to warn someone of danger.
Mom and Dad had stopped by yesterday and called earlier this morning to check on her, and she’d assured them she was fine and shooed them out of the apartment. Thankfully, they were spending a few days at the hot springs a county over with friends.
A knock on the door lured her to the hall. Eden opened the door. Ryder, freshly showered from the looks of it, stood before her with brooding eyes. Her mouth went dry.
“What are you doing here?” she asked. “I thought you didn’t need me this weekend.”
“The ranch hands agreed to handle the chores so I could be with the girls.” He sighed. “Lily left last night.” He didn’t seem upset about it.
“Already? Are the girls okay? Ivy?” She hated to think of poor Ivy distraught. Harper, too, but Ivy had built up this visit so much in her mind.
“She was upset, but they’re both coming around. Can I come in?” He shifted his weight from one foot to the other.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
Because all I want to do is wrap my arms around you. But you don’t want a relationship. And I’m not the one for you even if you did.
“Please?” He looked so sincere that she caved, held the door open and moved aside to let him in.
They went to the living room. She sat on the couch and waited for him to settle in a chair.
“Lily’s getting married.”
Married? She sucked in a breath. Ivy would be crushed. Harper, too. Her already low spirits plummeted. “Oh, no.”
“She told me as soon as you all left the other night. The twins were pretty upset, but Ivy took it the worst.”
“I’m sorry, Ryder.”
“Don’t be. It was inevitable. And it has nothing to do with you…”
He was right. It didn’t have anything to do with her. But she wanted it to—she wanted so badly to be part of their lives. Not as the babysitter, and not as a bystander.
“I think Ivy’s starting to accept it,” he said.
“And Harper?”
“Has a more realistic view of her mother than Ivy does.”
Eden silently agreed.
“I’m glad she came,” Ryder said. “And I’m glad she’s getting married, and I’m glad she left early.”
Eden frowned. What was he getting at?
“I finally realized something, Eden.” He stared at her then, and his gaze was hot, intense. “I’m ready to move on, too.”
She wasn’t sure what to say. It seemed sudden.
“You and I have grown close—don’t try to deny it. I admire your devotion to the girls. I like being with you. I trust you. I want to explore this—” he pointed his fingers to her, then back to himself “—whatever this is between us.”
Her mind went haywire. He didn’t mean it. Couldn’t mean it.
This was too easy.
And too convenient.
Lily had barely left.
He was hurting. Not thinking straight. Shocked by his ex’s news.
“I think you’re confused.” She tried to be gentle. “Lily is getting married, and it brought up a lot of emotions for you, I get it. But you don’t want this. You don’t want me.”
“You’re wrong.” His jaw clenched.
“Ryder, you’ve been clear that you aren’t getting married again. Now your ex-wife comes to town—your glamorous, movie star of an ex-wife—tells you she’s getting married, and all of a sudden you want to explore whatever is between us? I don’t buy it.”
“There’s nothing to buy, Eden. What about our kiss?”
“It was a kiss.” She shot to her feet and turned away. A great kiss. An unbelievable kiss. “Give this a few days, and you’ll see I’m right. This is a reaction to Lily’s announcement, nothing more.”
* * *
Ryder gaped at her. Her cheeks were drawn. Her eyes sincere. Did she really think he’d come here as some sort of rebound move?
“It’s not a reaction, Eden. I care about you. I have feelings for you.”
She shook her head.
“Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t have feelings for me, too.” He stood and in two strides was in front of her. She looked up at him, and her beautiful brown eyes swam with uncertainty. He waited to hear her say it. But she didn’t.
He deserved this, he supposed. He’d barged his way into her life over and over since meeting her. Coming here had been dumb. He shouldn’t have pressured her. Something—someone—had ruined love for her.
“Spending time with you… I know you feel it, too.
” Ryder kept his tone low. “Why won’t you tell me the truth? Did someone break your heart? Is that why you won’t take a chance on me?”
Her eyes darted back and forth like a caged animal. She looked positively queasy. But then she tilted her chin up a fraction and met his eyes.
“You want the truth?” The words were sharp.
He braced himself, not sure he wanted it anymore.
“The past five years broke my heart.”
“Is this about your sister?”
“Partially.” She shook her head. “Look, I do have feelings for you. I think you’re an amazing father. You care about the ranch. You work hard to protect the cattle. Dad was right to sell it to you. You’re fun to be with. Adventurous. I like that you ask for my opinion and actually listen to me.”
His mind scrambled to capture each word and lock it inside so he could remember it all later.
“But I also think you’re reacting to Lily’s visit and her getting engaged. I mean, be real, Ryder. You can’t possibly want to date me.”
“Why not?” What was she seeing that he wasn’t?
“I’m not your type.” She widened her eyes to emphasize her point.
“Says who?”
“Says the entire free world.” She pointed to the hall. “It’s best if we pretend this conversation never happened. You’ll wake up tomorrow or next week and be relieved I saw the truth. We never have to talk about it again.”
Was he imagining the tremble in her lips? The pain in her eyes?
What did she see when she looked at him? A desperate single dad, hungry for love, glomming on to the babysitter of his kids out of some weird reaction to his famous ex-wife’s announcement she was getting remarried?
Maybe she was right.
The image embarrassed him.
“If that’s what you want.” He held his breath, willing her to change her mind.
“It’s for the best.”
And with that, an iron door slammed over his heart.