by Marta Perry
Ironic.
He’d been so adamant about not wanting to get involved again, and the one woman he’d fallen for had taken him at his word.
Ryder cast one more look at her, then stalked down the hall and out the door.
Rejection was one thing he’d learned early on in life. No one ever wanted him for keeps.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Eden pressed her forehead against the door and slowly turned the dead bolt to lock it. He could give her everything she wanted.
Stop imagining it could have been different.
Too many hopes had gone up in flames over the years.
She’d done the right thing. Ryder would wake up in a few days, and he’d be grateful she’d been the voice of reason. And she’d continue to babysit the girls, albeit with a lump in her throat. She’d avoid him. Bury herself in college plans and helping out her friends—anything to ease the pain of loving Ryder Fanning and knowing he’d never be hers.
He was an honorable man. She’d been honest with him—to a point. She hadn’t told him she loved him. She hadn’t told him how much he meant to her or how close the girls were to her heart. She would never let him know how tempting he and everything he could offer her were.
Ryder was the one man who could fulfill her dreams.
A husband. Children. Right here in Rendezvous. Living on the ranch, the only home she’d ever known.
She hadn’t told him any of those things because it would have trapped him.
It wasn’t fair to prey on his confusion right now. Not to him, and not to her, either. Because she didn’t want a husband or kids or the ranch if it meant not having his complete devotion.
Without true love, she’d never be happy. The dream would merely be a mirage.
Eden padded to her bedroom and sprawled out on her bed. It had been foolish to fall in love with him and to get so close to the girls.
Another disappointing end in a long string of private heartbreaks.
She’d tossed aside her college plans to come home and be with Mia.
She’d begged the Lord to let Mia live, yet she’d died.
She’d been like a mother to Noah after Mia’s death, then Mason had remarried and her services were no longer needed.
She’d spent the bulk of her days caring for baby Phoebe when Gabby had been thrust into motherhood unexpectedly. Then Gabby got married, and those precious days with Phoebe had dwindled to a few hours a week.
It didn’t take a genius to see the writing on the wall in her current situation. She’d been given the summer with the girls. After that, the arrangement would be over. And no matter what Ryder said, it would take only a week, tops, for him to realize he wasn’t really interested in her.
But…
What if she was wrong?
What if Ryder did have feelings for her and she’d just kicked him out?
Sheer panic shot through her brain.
No, it wasn’t possible.
There wasn’t a guy in this county who’d shown an ounce of interest in her in years—years! Ryder Fanning—the gorgeous, intelligent man who wasn’t afraid to take risks or ask for help—surely hadn’t seen something in her no one else had.
She’d babysit the girls and stay away from him as much as possible.
Tears spilled down her cheeks, because just once in her life she wanted to be wrong. She wanted him to love her. Forever.
* * *
“You look like ten miles of dirt road.”
Ryder arched his eyebrows at Mason as he stood on his porch. He’d headed directly here after leaving Eden’s. He could hear the girls’ voices mingling with Noah’s from somewhere in the house.
“Want to talk about it?” Mason asked.
He’d planned on picking up the twins, driving back to the ranch and wallowing in rejection all day, but looking at his brother, he realized he did want to talk about it.
“Not in there.”
“Let’s take a walk.” Mason gestured toward the outbuildings down the lane.
It was a beautiful day. An eagle flew overhead. Sunshine poured out of the blue skies. But the scene could have been in black and gray for all he cared. Life stank.
They’d made it halfway to the first barn before Ryder could figure out where to start with his messed-up life.
“Did someone break Eden’s heart?” The words were out before he could think them through.
Mason squinted, giving him a confused glance. “I don’t know, why?”
“Just wondering.”
“I mean…” Mason rubbed his chin, looking straight ahead. “I can’t think of anyone offhand.” He exhaled and shook his head. “I tell you what, I can’t even think of the last guy she dated.”
A ray of hope lit his heart.
“I’m sure she must have dated in college, but unless she kept it a secret, she hasn’t gone out with anyone around here that I can remember, and she’s been back for over five years.”
“Really?” Ryder frowned. “Are the guys around here stupid or something?”
Mason guffawed. “You have a point. Eden’s pretty special.”
He wouldn’t argue with that.
“The thing about Eden, though… She’s quiet. Serious.” Mason kept an easy pace. “In some ways, she’s easy to overlook. I guess you could say she’s in the shadows.”
In the shadows? Why? Ever since he’d met her, he’d gravitated to her. Every barbecue, every get-together—all he’d been able to see was Eden.
“I don’t get it. Why isn’t she married? She’s…” Beautiful, real, trustworthy. “She’s amazing with kids.”
“I know. She was basically Noah’s surrogate mom for the first three years of his life. I don’t know what I would have done without her.”
“And you never considered…” Ryder felt funny bringing this up. “That is…you were never attracted to her?”
Mason pulled a face. “No. I mean, I appreciate her friendship and could see how great she was with Noah, but I wasn’t in a mental place to have those kinds of thoughts. And I never got that vibe from her, either.”
Eden’s declaration about not being attracted to someone who looked like her brother-in-law echoed back. But the weeks had changed her. She hadn’t been disgusted by his kiss. Not at all. Warmth pooled all the way to his toes just thinking about it.
“Why all these questions about Eden?” Mason asked. “I thought you were upset about Lily getting remarried.”
Why did everyone assume Lily’s plans meant anything to him?
“I’m not upset about it.” He honestly wasn’t. “It’s taken some time, but I understand our divorce wasn’t really about me. Maybe our marriage wasn’t, either. I’ve made peace with it. I feel bad for the girls. Ivy, especially, has put her mom on a pedestal higher than the Empire State Building.”
“For what it’s worth, she’s been okay today.” Mason glanced at him. “She spent some time talking with Brittany while Noah and Harper played tag, but they asked her to play pirates with them, and she ran off with a big smile on her face.”
“Good.” They reached a split-rail fence. Ryder propped his boot on the bottom rail and looked out over the beautiful land. “I think I’m in love with Eden.”
“What?” Mason turned to face him. Ryder just nodded.
“I know. I wasn’t prepared for it, either, but I am. I might have started falling for her that day at Christmas Fest. Do you remember? You and I had met, what, a few weeks prior?”
“Yeah, I remember. That was the day Brittany told me it was okay to remember the good times I had with Mia. We were all ice-skating.”
“And Lily called while Eden and I were skating with the girls. Eden tore into me after she heard us arguing over the phone in front of the twins.”
“Eden always puts kids first.” Mason shrugged.
Mason let out a humph. “I love you, Ryder. You know that, right?”
His throat tightened as he nodded.
“But Eden deserves more. If you think you love her only because she’ll be a good mom to the twins, well, that’s kind of selfish.”
Selfish? How could Mason even suggest it?
“Take the twins out of the equation.” Mason opened his hands. “Would you still love her?”
“Are you kidding me?” His blood started simmering. “For you to suggest I have feelings for her because I’m looking for a mom for my girls is insulting. And coming from you, it’s pretty rich.”
Mason looked taken aback. “What do you mean coming from me?”
“Yeah, you.” Ryder pointed to him. “Eden practically raised Noah, and then you got married, and it was, ‘Oh, by the way, we don’t need your services anymore.’ Gabby, too. I mean, I get it—they’re your kids, not hers. But she put her life on hold to raise your son and Phoebe when you guys needed her. And where did it get her?”
Mason’s jaw dropped.
“Eden’s more than a babysitter.” The fire in Ryder’s blood boiled. “She’s beautiful. And smart. And she knows the ranch inside and out. She’s patient. She sees when I need cheering up and always has the right thing to say. She’s got more energy than anyone I know. Do you have any idea how much time she spends planning projects and activities for the girls? I’ve gone through a dozen nannies—none of them did a fraction of what she does. So, no, I’m not in love with her because I want a mom for the girls, but I do admire how great she is with them.”
Mason opened his mouth to speak, but Ryder wasn’t finished.
“She deserves more. From all of us. How many nights does Eden babysit Noah even now? I doubt she accepts any pay, either.”
Mason clamped his mouth shut.
“So don’t ever stand there and give me a lecture about loving her.” Ryder jabbed his finger into Mason’s chest. “Look in the mirror, bro.”
He should have controlled his temper. He inhaled deeply and waited for Mason to start yelling. This was his brother, the man who’d generously taught him the basics of ranching, who’d invited him into his home countless times since they met. He shouldn’t have accused him of all those things.
“You’re not wrong.” Mason hung his head.
Wait…what?
“I never even thought about it, but you’re right. I’ve taken her for granted. Did she say something?”
“No, man. It wouldn’t even occur to her.” His shoulders slumped. “She loves Noah. Wants to spend time with him. You know how she is.”
“Yes, I do.” Mason was subdued. “And you’re right. She deserves more from me. More from all of us.”
“I’m sorry.” Ryder felt lower than a grass snake. “I shouldn’t have said all that. Honestly, I’ve never even thought any of it until just now.”
“Because you love her. And things get clear when you realize something like that.”
“I guess they do.”
They turned to stare over the fence at the meadow once more.
It didn’t matter if he loved her. Didn’t matter if he wanted the world to appreciate her the way he did. She wasn’t willing to take him seriously, and he had no one to blame but himself.
* * *
Two hours later, Eden trudged up the hill, indifferent to the beauty of her special place. It wasn’t that she didn’t notice how the sun brought out the luster of the grass and wildflowers. She was aware of the prairie dogs chasing each other in the distance and the hawk perched on top of a dead tree trunk as it watched for its next meal. Life continued around her, but hers had hit the pause button.
When she reached the flat area, she spread out a quilt and sat cross-legged.
She couldn’t shake the feeling she’d made a huge mistake. That she was in the wrong. That she’d miscalculated, violated something precious by sending Ryder on his way.
Sighing, she eased back. The image of Ryder with Lily and the twins waving from their doorway wouldn’t let her go. Lily’s elegant beauty, her glowing presence had been a shock. She was even more beautiful in person than on-screen. And she hadn’t been a diva. Who cared if she’d called Eden the nanny? Technically she was the nanny. Sure, Lily had checked her phone a lot, but she’d been warm to the girls.
Eden hoped Ivy was okay. She wanted to text Ryder and check, but…she couldn’t. Ivy had pinned so many hopes on the visit, and finding out her mother was marrying someone else must have been a blow.
She wanted to tuck each girl against her sides, put her arms around them and tell them not to worry, they were loved, that she would always be there for them.
But was it true?
Soon they’d be in school full-time, and she wouldn’t see them as much. She would no longer be an important part of their lives, just like she was less and less important to Noah and, to some extent, Phoebe.
It was the way it should be. She wasn’t their mother. She’d been blessed to help each one of those children during a critical time in their lives.
Ryder would move on. His heart seemed to be in a better place already. He’d date again. Maybe get married. Misty Sandpiper was more his type. Pretty, put together, bubbly, outgoing. The girls liked her.
A puffy cloud passed overhead, dimming the sunlight. She felt tired. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt this weary. Closing her eyes, snippets of memories filled her mind.
Coming here to pray for Mia. Camping with Gabby. Feeling lost and alone when her parents told her they were selling the ranch. Utter dejection when they sold it to Ryder.
She flung her forearm over her eyes. Why was she doing this to herself? What did she think was going to happen? Everything was just going to work out? That she’d get the guy, the twins and the family ranch? Life didn’t work that way. Not for her. Life worked out for other women. The pretty, outgoing ones.
Eden sat up. She could hear her voice telling the girls, Your beauty comes from who you are, not what you look like.
When had she decided she was unattractive and defective?
She wasn’t either. Sure, she was quiet, but that didn’t make her ugly or incapable of being loved.
God, what is wrong with me? I’ve convinced myself that Ryder couldn’t possibly love me, not after having been married to Lily. But why do I believe that?
A memory came back—one she’d forgotten—from long ago. It must have been early fall, Eden’s freshman or sophomore year of high school. Mia had gotten a twinkle in her eye, grabbed Eden by the hand and said, “Come on, let’s get out of here.”
Mia had driven them to this very spot, where they’d joked around and talked about the future. It all came back to Eden as if it had happened yesterday.
“I’m not going to college.” Mia had been firm. “I’m staying right here in Rendezvous. I mean, look at this.” She’d expanded both arms out to the view before them. “Why would anyone leave?”
“What will you do?” Eden asked.
“Get married. Have a few kids.”
Mia had a natural beauty and easy presence, and Eden didn’t doubt it for a minute.
“I can’t wait to see who you marry.” Smiling, Mia nudged her.
“Me?”
“Yes, you.” She laughed. “Who else would I be talking about? Whoever he is, he’ll have to be pretty amazing to deserve you. Hey, do you think our husbands will be friends? Maybe we’ll go on vacations together. Our kids will run around…”
The memory faded, and Eden was left with a sense of wonder.
Mia had firmly believed Eden would get married someday. There hadn’t been a hint of hesitation. Mia had always thought the best of her.
And Eden had stopped believing
in herself after Mia died.
What would her sister tell her in this situation? Ryder’s a great guy. I’ll have to talk with him, of course, to make sure he understands how blessed he is to have you…but isn’t it crazy? We’ll be married to brothers!
Something tickled Eden’s hand, and she looked down at where an ant crawled over it. She shook the insect off.
I wish you were here, Mia. You’d tell me Lily doesn’t hold a candle to me. You’d be wrong, of course, but you always gave me confidence. I lost it when you died. But I’m getting it back.
Eden tucked her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them as she took in the surrounding area. The beauty seeped into her bones, leaving her relaxed.
One of her favorite Bible passages came to mind, and she spoke it out loud. “He brought me forth also into a large place; He delivered me, because He delighted in me.”
Lord, thank You for bringing me here, for letting me remember that day with Mia.
Maybe God always had more in mind for her.
Eden was ready to claim all His blessings. Starting now.
* * *
“Can we see Auntie Eden, Daddy?” Ivy asked from the back seat of his truck as they drove home from Mason’s an hour later.
“Yeah, let’s go see Auntie Eden!” Harper yelled.
“Uh, not right now, girls.” He wanted nothing more than to drive to town and invade her apartment with the twins, but he didn’t have that right.
Mason’s comment about Eden being in the shadows kept jabbing his conscience.
She was in the shadows. She was humble. Kind. Loyal. Committed. Would do anything for her friends.
Everything he’d ever wanted in a woman.
“I miss her, Daddy. I need one of Auntie Eden’s hugs,” Ivy pleaded.
He knew the feeling. He needed her, too.
For so long he’d told himself—and everyone who’d listen—he was never falling in love again. Marriage wasn’t for him. He’d thought he wasn’t good at it, that he couldn’t trust a woman to not break his heart.
But he’d been wrong. And he might not be able to prevent his heart from being broken, but he could tell Eden the truth—he loved her and wanted to make her happy.