by Penelope Sky
Her eyes softened, and she set down her glass. “Honey…we need to talk about what happened.”
My mother had never provoked a conversation about what happened to me. I’d assumed she understood it was off-limits. Guess not. “No, we don’t.”
“It’s eating you alive. I can see it.”
I refused to let that asshole break me, to let him occupy my brain rent-free. If someone wronged me, I always took the classy route and brushed it off. If I kept telling myself that I was okay, maybe I would be. “What you’re seeing is a woman concerned about her husband.”
That look of pity continued. “Sofia, there’s no shame in admitting that you aren’t okay. No one would be okay.”
I couldn’t hold her gaze any longer, so I looked away.
My mother was an emotionless person, but right now, the pain swelled in her eyes. She couldn’t hide the agony she felt at my expense, the pain a mother felt when her daughter hurt. “If you can’t talk to me, talk to someone else.”
“There’s nothing to talk about…”
“Spending all your time pretending nothing is wrong is simply making it more wrong.” She continued to stare at me hard. “Have you confided in Hades?”
He was the last person I would ever tell. “We have more important things to worry about right now. We need to get Hades back on his feet so we can resume our lives. That’s the only thing that matters to me…my husband.”
When the lights were out and we were ready for bed, we lay side by side in the large bed. Lights from the city pierced the crack in the curtains and were the only illumination in the darkness. I lay on my side with my back to him, but I wasn’t asleep because I wasn’t tired. I knew he was awake by the sound of his breathing. We weren’t as close as we used to be. We managed to stay together but somehow felt like strangers. I wasn’t sure if it was him or me…or both.
The mattress shifted with his movements before I felt him press his body close to mine. His chest was up against my back, and his arm hooked around my waist. His mouth rested against the back of my neck, caught in a curtain of hair. His fingertips squeezed me lightly through my t-shirt, rubbing me in the darkness.
It was the first time we were close under the sheets. He used to be too injured for closeness, but now his superficial ailments had healed. His deep breaths blanketed my skin, his warm breath hot against my skin.
I didn’t hate the touch, but I didn’t like it either.
Maybe my mother was right. Maybe it bothered me more than I realized.
The actual abuse I’d suffered didn’t change me. It was the way I felt afterward, the way I feared people would see me. My mother looked at me like I was damaged beyond repair, and I didn’t see Hades regard me with lust like he used to. He was afraid I thought he was weak. But I was afraid that he didn’t feel the same way about me…that everything had changed.
That when he looked at me…all he saw was him.
Part of me wanted to start over, to be around someone who had no idea what had happened to me. It seemed like everyone’s perception of my character had changed. That instead of being a survivor, I was a victim. I was tarnished, dirty, and irreparable.
When I projected my worst fears onto Hades, I didn’t want to be near him.
Maybe he didn’t want me at physical therapy because he felt differently toward me.
Maybe he’d only saved me because he felt obligated.
Maybe now he resented me for all the pain he had to carry.
I kept my eyes on the wall and gently pulled his hand off my waist. “I’m really hot right now…”
Hades stilled at my request, his entire body going rigid, but he didn’t pressure me. He shifted his body away and returned to his side of the bed. This time, he turned on his side and faced the other way.
Now, we were even more distant than before.
13
Hades
I was in better shape after several sessions of physical therapy. Now I made my way around the house, taking my time up and down the stairs, but finally mobile. When I stopped by the kitchen to talk to Helena, I ran into Maria.
Initially, she’d adored me because I was a good husband for her daughter. She’d never actually cared about me, only about what I could do for her family. She practically kissed my ass like a suck-up. But now she looked at me like she genuinely cared about my well-being. “Hades, you look so good.” She moved into me, very delicately, and embraced me with a gentle hug. “I’m so happy to see you moving around again.”
Maybe she actually did give a damn about me. “Thank you.”
“Sofia has been taking good care of you?”
She shouldn’t have to. None of this should’ve happened in the first place. “Yes.”
“She’s been so worried about you. I’m glad this is almost over.”
Maybe my injuries had almost healed, but my marriage was destroyed. I’d wanted my wife to fall in love with me, but now I believed that wasn’t possible. I thought I’d broken the curse when I earned my brother’s forgiveness, but now I wondered if that did nothing at all. Sofia and I were further apart than we’d ever been before. When I tried to hold her last night, she didn’t want me to touch her. It hurt…it hurt bad. Maria stared at me like she expected me to say something, so I replied, “Yeah…we’re getting there.” I turned away from my mother-in-law and walked off.
Maria’s voice erupted behind me. “Hades?”
I turned back around.
She came close to me, her arms over her chest with her gaze on the floor. “This is hard to say…but I’m worried about my daughter.”
My heart started to beat a little harder.
“She won’t talk to me about what happened. I can’t get a word out of her.”
The subject hit me in the chest like a wrecking ball.
Maria kept staring at me. “I know she won’t see a therapist either.”
The event hung over our heads like a dark cloud. It was something we all talked around, but no one mentioned specifics. We were all too disturbed to discuss it. “She hasn’t mentioned it to me either.” But I also never asked. I was too much of a coward to bear the burden of her story. I couldn’t stand the thought of picturing what happened, of knowing exactly what he did to her.
“I think you’re the only person who can talk to her. I know my daughter. She’s carrying this weight inside because she thinks she can handle it on her own. But this isn’t something that’s just going to go away if we ignore it. Please talk to her, Hades.”
She shouldn’t even have to ask. That was my job, but I put myself before Sofia. Once we talked about it, it would really be real. I would have to admit that it was entirely my fault. “I will.”
Maria placed her hand on my arm. “Thank you. You’ve always been good to her, and I appreciate it.”
Whenever Sofia took a shower, she always carried her clothes into the bathroom so she could change in privacy. When she got ready for bed in the evening, she did the same thing. I hadn’t seen her naked skin in over a month. It hurt that she felt the need to cover herself around me, but I tried to remember it wasn’t right for me to feel anything about it.
She was in the bathroom when I decided to go out. I walked to the door and tapped my knuckles against the wood.
Sofia’s voice echoed against the tile. “Yeah?”
“I’m gonna have a drink with Ash. I’ll be back in an hour.”
She didn’t answer, but I could hear her rummaged in the bathroom as she quickly got dressed.
My own wife wouldn’t let me see her naked. That wasn’t good.
She opened the door a second later, a robe tied around her waist. “Where are you going?”
“The bar.” I hated myself for what I’d done. I hated the fact that my own wife didn’t trust me. Sometimes it made me angry, and I had to redirect that anger onto myself because it wasn’t her fault. My physical injuries would heal in time, but her mental state could be permanent. It seemed like every time I came close to her,
she pushed further away.
“I’m glad you feel well enough to go out.”
“Yeah. It’s an improvement.” The only real reason I wanted to get out of the house was to take a break. I was tired of the way she looked at me—or better yet, the way she didn’t look at me. “I’ll see you soon.” There were no more kisses on the cheek, long embraces before I walked out. Now we made exchanges like strangers.
It killed me inside.
I met Ash at the bar two minutes later. He was already seated at a table when I walked in. There were two glasses of scotch in front of him, one for him and one for me. But I suspected he got started without me long before I arrived.
I fell into the chair and immediately took a drink.
Ash leaned forward slightly, his arms resting on the table. “How are things?”
“Shitty.”
“What are you talking about? I remember when you couldn’t walk up the stairs. Now, here you are, walking around as a free man. That doesn’t sound shitty to me.”
My hand rested across the top of my glass. “I don’t give a shit about my recovery. Part of me wishes I were dead.”
Ash rolled his eyes. “Dramatic.”
“I’m serious.”
Ash didn’t make another joke. “What’s the problem?”
“My wife doesn’t want me.” As I spoke the words out loud, my chest ached in pain.
Sympathy filled his gaze.
“I love my wife more than anything in this world…and she doesn’t love me back. It’ll always be this way, no matter what I do. I’m doomed to suffer like this forever.”
“What are you talking about?” he asked. “Of course she loves you.”
I shook my head. “No. And she never will.” I tilted my head back and took a drink. I set it down with a loud thud. “I know this is gonna sound crazy, but hear me out.”
“You know I love crazy shit.”
“When I was young, a gypsy told me I would love only one woman…and she would never love me back. I thought it was bullshit. Who wouldn’t? But everything she predicted has come true.”
Ash raised an eyebrow. “You being serious right now?”
“Unfortunately.”
“If that was the case, why did she marry you?”
“Because she had to.”
“So, this is an arranged marriage?”
“Exactly.” I took another drink. “I married her because I loved her…and she married me because she had to. I thought things would change, that we would get closer together, but after everything that has transpired, I don’t think that’s going to happen. She won’t let me touch her. She doesn’t desire me. She doesn’t talk to me.”
Ash ignored his drink. “If she didn’t care about you, she wouldn’t be at your beck and call. That woman has been deeply concerned about your well-being. Maybe she doesn’t love you, but all that other stuff is untrue. She’s devoted to you. I just think she has some personal shit getting in the way of that.”
“And now I’ll never have a chance…”
“I wouldn’t say that. But it does look like you’re gonna have to start over.”
I rubbed my temple because this moment had already been six years in the making. I’d worked so hard to have her, but no matter how close I got, I was never close enough.
Ash stared at me for a long time. “Go home and start over.”
I lifted my gaze to meet his.
“It’s time to talk about the thing you don’t want to talk about.”
When I came home, she was sitting in the armchair by the fire, an open book between her hands. She was in a loose t-shirt and sweatpants. Maybe she wore the extra clothes because it was wintertime, or maybe she wore them so I wouldn’t see her. The woman I used to know would rather be naked because I could keep her warm.
She looked up when she noticed me. “Did you have a good time?”
No, not at all. “Yeah.”
“I’m glad you got out of the house. You must feel cooped up in here.”
Being in the bedroom with her all day would never suffocate me. But our distance did choke me. “We need to talk.” I grabbed the book and pulled it out of her hands. I was dreading this with every beat of my heart. I was dreading this because I was a coward. I was dreading this because once her tears fell, mine would too.
She rose to her feet and tensed noticeably, her arms crossing over her chest. She didn’t look like the strong woman I used to know. Now, she was timid and afraid, no longer fearless. She probably knew exactly what was coming next, and she dreaded it as much as I did.
I was always comfortable with my posture, and my hands always knew where to rest. But now I didn’t know where to put them. I didn’t know if I should touch her or keep them in my pockets. I didn’t know if I should look her in the eye or stare at the ground. When I’d agreed to marry her, I’d agreed to the happy aspects of marriage, the newlywed phase. But I wasn’t ready for the hard times, the moments that could break us forever.
She remained quiet, like she didn’t know what to say.
That meant I had to rip off the bandage. “We need to talk about what happened.”
She kept her eyes on the floor. “I don’t want to. Just leave it alone…”
“I can’t leave it alone. You won’t talk with your mother about it, but that doesn’t matter. You should talk to me. I’m your husband. That’s what I’m supposed to do. That’s my job…to help you through this.”
She stayed quiet, but her breathing escalated. Clearly, she was trying to bottle her emotion, trying to pretend she was fine.
I wanted to die. “I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do. If you aren’t ready to talk, you don’t have to. But I want you to know that I don’t see him when I look at you, that I see you as the same woman you’ve always been. I want you whenever you want me, and my desire for you has only grown after all this. You’re still mine…I’m still yours.”
She finally lifted her gaze to look at me, drops of moisture on her eyelashes. She sniffed slightly, but the tears didn’t fall.
“You’ve been distant with me for a while now. It gets worse every passing day. The last thing I want is for us to drift further apart. We can’t let this divide us. That’s exactly what he wants. Please don’t push me away. You get dressed in the bathroom so I can’t look at you. You don’t want me to touch you in bed if our embrace is anything but innocent.” My eyes shifted back and forth as I looked at her face, hoping for some emotion from her. “I’ll never pressure you. I’ll never ask for anything you aren’t ready to give. I can wait as long as you want me to…because I don’t want anyone else but you. But don’t push me away.”
She gave a slight nod and sniffed again.
I stepped closer to her because it seemed okay. “I’m so sorry….” I took a deep breath because I felt the tears flood my eyes. Nothing could ever bring me to tears…except this one woman. I felt her pain a million times over. She thought she was alone in this, but she was never alone. Every day that she had been gone, I had still been with her…suffering. I steadied my emotion so the drops wouldn’t drip down my cheeks, but the tears were visible in my eyes. “It’s my fault that this happened to you…and I’ll never forgive myself.”
“No…it’s not.”
“Yes, it is. I’m the reason this happened. And I should’ve gotten you out sooner.”
“Stop.” She took a step toward me and placed her palm on my chest. “It’s no one’s fault. It happened, and we’ll get through it.” Her hands cupped my cheeks as she brought my face close to hers. Her teary eyes mirrored my own.
“We will,” I whispered. “And I’ll kill him. I promise you that.”
She rested her forehead against mine. “I know you will.”
14
Sofia
I returned to work at the hotel.
Hades was nearly recovered, so he didn’t need me anymore. It was nice to be back in the office, to be productive once again, but it was strange to get back to
normal life.
I refused to confront the fact that I had been raped. I refused to confront the fact that I’d been a prisoner of an evil man. I tried to brush it off and pretend it didn’t hurt me. But once Hades confronted me, I realized how deep those scars went. I realized Maddox was still inside me, poisoning my mind and killing my relationship. Hades was the person I trusted most in this world.
Why had I ever shut him out?
Why had I ever assumed he would think less of me?
When he said he still wanted me…I couldn’t believe it. It was exactly what I needed to hear, that I hadn’t been ruined by that cruel man. I needed to know that the terrible things that happened to me wouldn’t change my life, especially since they were out of my control. I was a victim of a crime…and I shouldn’t be punished.
I stayed in the office most of the day because my time was spent trying to catch up. It’d been months since I’d been at this desk, and the disarray showed me how much I was needed. The hotel was behind in every category. A couple employees had quit recently, and those vacancies hadn’t been filled. As a result, the hotel was shorthanded, and the flow was off.
It made me realize operating this hotel completely on my own was unrealistic. If my health were compromised or one of my kids got sick, I couldn’t just leave. Having a partner like Hades made everything much easier. Without him, the board would’ve taken over and squeezed me out.
I was looking through spreadsheets when Hades appeared in the doorway. He was in a black suit and gray tie, his expensive clothes hiding the scars and bruises underneath. His face was free of discoloration, so he looked like the handsome man he used to be. He just moved a little slower, carried his body rigidly.
I stared at him for a second, a smile slowly creeping onto my lips. “You clean up good.”
His hands rested in his front pockets, and a slight look of affection was in his eyes. “I think I look better with a few scars.”