by A. D. Ellis
I tiptoed toward Griffin’s door. Pressing my ear to it, I listened for a moment.
“Boo!” Griffin grabbed me from behind.
I would have pissed myself if I hadn’t just used the restroom. I spun around, my heart in my chest, and lunged at Griffin. “Fuck, Grif! You almost gave me a heart attack.”
Griffin couldn’t stop laughing. “I was hiding on the other side of the couch. Oh my God, you jumped so much.”
I picked him up and carried him toward the couch. “Not cool!”
Griffin’s legs wrapped around me, and he wriggled in my arms. His movements threw me off balance and when my leg bumped into the arm of the couch, we both went down. Griffin landed with a ‘oof’ and I found myself between his legs.
“Shit, sorry. You okay?” I tried to ignore the fact that the only thing separating my cock from Grif’s was some thin hosiery.
“Yeah, I’m good.” Grif’s laughter had dimmed and his decorated eyes widened as he stared up at me.
My chest heaved and my heart pounded.
Griffin’s arms and legs wrapped around me.
I held him close. It was like a dream come true.
But, no. It couldn’t be. I couldn’t act on it. I wouldn’t lose him.
I began to push up on my arms.
Griffin tightened his hold and pulled my face closer. His lips were on mine before I knew what was happening. I savored the sweet flavor of him as our mouths tested, tasted, and teased. Just as a I began to deepen the kiss, Griffin pulled away with a gasp and pushed me off of him.
Rolling from the couch, he jumped up. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. The beers I had must have gone to my head. That was stupid. Seriously, I’m so sorry. It meant nothing. Just a mistake.”
My heart clenched before shattering into pieces. The dream had been so close, but I lost it. I shook my head as I stood in front of him. “No harm, no foul. Just like messing around when we were sixteen. Chalk it up to horny curiosity.” I forced a smile.
Griffin nodded. “I can’t let anything mess up what we have. It would kill me to lose you.”
“Same.” I faked a yawn. “I think I’m going to wash this makeup off and head to bed.” I turned and walked to the bathroom again.
The hot water did nothing to ease the ache in my chest or the throbbing in my cock. Once I’d soaped up and rinsed off the makeup, I took my dick in my fist and began to stroke. I leaned one elbow against the tiled wall and imagined Griffin’s full, pink lips closed around my thrusting cock. His painted eyes watching me and watching my cock slide between his lips. Imaginary Griffin gripped my ass and took me deeper, so deep he gagged. I squeezed my cock tightly and bit my arm as I came in thick ropes against the shower wall.
Later, I settled into bed and pulled up the original Peter Pan on my computer. I paid the fee to watch it and donned my headphones.
An hour and twenty minutes later, I dried my tears as I removed the headphones and pushed my computer to the side. I stared at the ceiling with the most amazing and heartbreaking quote from Peter Pan floating in my head. “I’ll hold you in my heart until I can hold you in my arms.” But would the time ever come when I could hold Griffin in my arms? Or would he forever remain only in my heart?
Another quote from the movie ghosted through my mind. “Wait for me somewhere between reality and all we’ve ever dreamed.” Would my reality ever include Griffin as more than just my friend? Would my dream of loving him as more ever become a reality?
I knew what Aaron was going to ask even before he opened his mouth.
“You want to go out tonight?”
Aaron was in one of my classes and we’d worked on a short project together with a couple other classmates. He was a good-looking guy, no question. Had a great sense of humor and kept the whole group laughing. I’d been getting vibes from him for a few weeks, so I wasn’t shocked when he asked.
He wasn’t Griffin.
But Griffin didn’t want me.
Or maybe he did, but he refused to mess anything up with our friendship.
Would Grif care if I started dating?
Would it make him jealous?
I nodded and faked a smile. “Sure. What do you have planned?”
Aaron beamed. “Dinner, drinks, then back to your place?”
I hesitated.
“My roommate is having a party, so my place is off limits.” Aaron gave a slight shrug.
“Dinner and drinks. My place if we’re both up for it.” I didn’t know if taking Aaron back to my room was a good idea or the worst I’d ever had.
“It’s a plan.” Aaron slapped me on the back. “Meet me in the quad around six?”
“Sounds good.”
That’s how I found myself getting dressed for a date on Friday night as a grumpy Griffin quizzed me.
“Where are you going all fancied up?” Grif crossed both arms over his chest.
“Guy in my class asked me to dinner and drinks.” I fought the urge to tell Grif I’d cancel if he would just ask.
“What’s his name?”
“Aaron.”
Grif jutted his chin. “Is he cute?”
I grunted. “He’s not ugly.”
“How nice.” Griffin turned away and went to his room.
I finished my hair and followed him. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Do you want me to cancel?”
Grif rolled his eyes. “Why would I want you to cancel your date with the not ugly Aaron? I don’t own you. You owe me nothing.”
I huffed. “Okay. You okay if we come back here later?”
Griffin’s eyes bugged and he clenched his jaw. Taking a deep breath, he gritted out. “No, that’s fine. I’ll be sure to put on my headphones and shut my door.”
“You sure?”
Griffin gave me a strange smile. “Yep.” He popped the p loudly. “Can you close the door behind you? I’m going to turn on a movie. Be safe. Love you.”
My heart clenched. “Always. Love you, too.” I sighed and closed Grif’s door as I left to meet Aaron.
Four hours later, I patted my pocket for my suite key. “Shit, I must have left my key inside.”
“Do you think you lost the key in my car?” Aaron asked.
“Maybe.”
“Want to check? Or just knock?”
Trek back to Aaron’s car or knock and summon Grif? “Yeah, let’s check. I don’t want to piss off my roomie.”
We went back down the hall and waited for the elevator.
“Your roommate easy to piss off?”
I smiled. “Nah, Griffin is pretty easy going. I just don’t want to bother him, plus I’ll need that key eventually.”
As we exited the elevator, we stopped when a girl in a green staff shirt met us. “Hey! Any chance one of you is looking for a lost key?”
“For real? Yeah, I am,” I answered the nighttime lobby attendant.
“Awesome.” She dangled the key in front of me. “I wasn’t looking forward to trying to figure out who dropped it.”
“Where was it?”
“Outside the main door. Some guy turned it in.”
“Excellent.” I took the key and then Aaron and I waited for the elevator to return.
“Well, that was easier than I thought it would be.”
“Definitely. Damn, glad someone found it.”
When we reached my room, I unlocked the door and we entered quietly.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in.” Griffin piped from the kitchen as he ate a bowl of cereal.
I jerked. “Shit, Grif, I didn’t know you were awake.”
“Awake. That’s me.” He took a big bite before asking with his mouth full of cereal, “How were dinner and drinks? Everything you’d dreamed of them to be?”
I rolled my eyes. “Dinner was good. Drinks were good.”
Aaron coughed.
“Shit, sorry.” I gestured between Aaron and Griffin. “Aaron, my roommate, Griffin. Grif, this is Aaron.”
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“Nice to meet you.” Aaron gave a wave.
“Likewise.” Griffin nodded. He turned and poured the rest of his cereal down the disposal. “You two have a blast. Wrap it before you tap it and all.” He didn’t even glance my way as he beelined toward his room.
“Not easily pissed, huh?” Aaron smirked.
“Not usually.”
“He got a thing for you or something?”
“Nah, we’re best friends. He’s actually my adopted brother.”
“Complicated.” Aaron raised his brow.
“How so?”
“He clearly has feelings for his best friend slash adopted brother.”
I shook my head. “No, we’ve both agreed that our friendship is first. Always.”
“Makes sense to the brain, not so much to the heart.”
I gestured toward my room. “Want to watch a movie or something?”
We cozied up on my bed and within minutes Aaron’s mouth was on mine. His lips were soft and full, his body hard and warm, and his hands roamed my body in ways that should have lit me on fire.
But he wasn’t Griffin.
And Griffin was—what was Griffin? —hurt? Angry?
“Maybe we should call it a night?” Aaron was already standing from the bed and reaching for the doorknob.
I ran a hand over my face. “Sorry. Griffin was just weird. I’m kinda worried about him.”
“He’s got it bad for you.” Aaron cocked his head. “And I’m thinking the feeling is very much reciprocated.”
I kept quiet and walked him to the door. “Thanks for dinner and drinks. Be safe. See you in class.”
Aaron kissed my cheek.
I closed the door and frowned.
I turned off the lights and shuffled to my room. Walking through the bathroom, I was determined to ask Grif what the hell had crawled up his butt and why he was acting so shitty.
Griffin was asleep. His features illuminated by the soft glow of his desk lamp. Part of me wanted to shake him awake and ask him what his deal was. Instead, I slipped into his bean bag chair and curled up with my head resting on my elbow. He was so beautiful, so peaceful, and so delicate. Yet I knew he could chew me up and spit me out if he was angry with me. My heart ached with want for the man in front of me. Never would I purposely screw up our friendship, but the desire I had to make Grif more than my best friend was like a freight train roaring through my veins. I wanted him in my arms. I wanted to be in his bed. I wanted our hearts to add lover to the list of ways we were connected.
Griffin breathed deeply and shifted in his sleep and I froze. When he rolled over, I stood slowly and walked to the edge of his bed. Heart hammering in my chest, I leaned down and feathered a kiss against Grif’s temple.
“I’ll hold you in my heart until I can hold you in my arms.”
“Surprised you’re awake.” Griffin curled his nose as he studied me head to toe. “Figured you’d be worn out after last night’s activities. Did Aaron not keep you occupied?”
“He’s not here. Had to take off.” I realized quickly that Griffin didn’t know Aaron had left so early last night. Should I tell him that Aaron and I didn’t hook up? Maybe it was better if Griffin thought something happened. Keep us on the friend side of things and temper my crazy thoughts about us ever becoming more.
“He looked just your type.”
“What exactly do you think is my type?” I bristled, ready to defend myself.
“Well, let’s see. Your best friend is a delicate pansy twink who loves makeup and dance and Disney movies. So, pretty much the exact opposite of me, I’d suppose.” Griffin leaned against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest.
“You’re my best friend, clearly you’re somehow my type.”
“No, we’re exact opposites.”
“I’m not arguing. I don’t make mistakes when I make friends. Stop putting yourself down.” I poured myself some juice. “Do you want to do something tonight?” I knew Griffin was bent out of shape, but I also knew that nothing ever sounded better than spending time with him. “Pizza? Movies? Video games?”
“Nah, count me out. Maybe ask Aaron out again. Or head to the local gay bar and see if you can find some willing jocks to get your rocks off.” Griffin’s cheeks pinked as his angry words flowed.
“So according to you, I’m shallow, dumb, and can only attract a certain segment of the population? Nice.” I hated fighting with Grif, but he was in rare form that morning.
He simply jutted his jaw and batted his lashes. “If the shoe fits,” he drawled.
“What are you going to do tonight?”
“My usual pathetic homework, Disney movies, and tears. That is the type of guy I am.” Griffin narrowed his eyes as if to challenge me.
“That doesn’t sound like a bad evening at all.” I took my glass to the sink and placed a hand on Grif’s shoulder. “Stop with the type stuff, Grif. Give me some credit. I’m able to choose my own friends and dates. And I chose you almost a decade ago. Your pity party isn’t going to convince me we aren’t a perfect match. Plus, we’re brothers, so there’s no escaping it.”
Griffin huffed and jerked his arm away from my touch. “Whatever. Be quiet when you come in tonight. I’d rather not have to deal with whichever flavor of the day you bring home.”
I gathered my things for practice and class with a heavy heart. I didn’t like leaving things awkward and tense with Griffin, but I wasn’t sure how to fix whatever had gone awry.
6
Griffin
“I never expected that you could have a broken heart and love with it too, so much that it does not seem broken at all.” The quote from Peter Pan flitted through my mind the entire day. My heart hurt with wanting Quincy. But I loved him so much I’d never risk our friendship. I just wanted to go back to what we’d had before. Forget the mutual hand jobs. Forget the unexpected kiss. Forget how badly my heart and body wanted Quincy to love me as more than his brother and friend.
But how?
I thought back to how badly it stung to see Q bring Aaron home. Maybe he had the right idea. Not that Quincy needed to get over me, but maybe moving on, finding someone to distract me, someone to capture my heart in the same way Quincy had would be best for me.
By the late afternoon, I was still in a funk.
I yanked open the coffee shop door and stalked inside with hopes of a sweet, frou-frou drink brightening my mood.
Fifteen minutes later, I sat at a small table sipping my caffeinated goodness and munching on a cookie. The treats tasted good, but I was still grumpy.
“This seat taken?” A hulking guy winked down at me.
“Oh, um,” I stuttered, not really sure how to answer. “Feel free, but I’m in a terrible mood and planning to leave soon.”
The man sat and smiled. “Nah, don’t leave. How will I get to know you if you leave me all alone?”
I recognized his teasing and loosened up a bit. Sipping my drink, I smiled. “Maybe I can stay for a bit.”
“My name is David.” He held his hand out.
“Griffin.” I shook his hand. “You go to school here?”
“Yeah, I’m a junior in Criminal Justice.” David held my hand slightly longer than was necessary. “What about you?”
“Freshman business major and cosmetology.”
David frowned. “We have a cosmetology department?”
I chuckled. “No, I’m majoring in business here and getting my cosmetology license locally.”
“Wow, that’s impressive. Will the license take four years?”
“No, I’ll get the license within two years. Then I can work at a salon building up my customer base while I finish my business degree.” A proud tingle warmed my heart. I knew my plan was somewhat unconventional and lofty, but it was my way out of my past and making it on my own.
“Damn, here I thought I was doing well not flunking any classes.” David laughed before sipping his iced drink. “You got plans this evening?”
“Um, what?”
“Plans? Do you have any? If not, maybe we get to know each other a little better?”
I swallowed thickly. “Oh, um…” I didn’t really have plans. But I didn’t know this guy at all.
“My place is kinda out, I’ve got three roommates and they all have people over right now.”
My mind immediately went to Quincy. What would he think if I brought a complete stranger home? Would his heart clench as much as mine did when he brought Aaron home?
“I’ve got some studying to do, but we could hang at my place for a while.” My heart pounded in my chest. David was attractive and friendly. Hanging out with someone wasn’t against any rules. Nothing physical had to happen. I wasn’t completely against anything physical. I also wasn’t against having a friend. Maybe David could be that for me.
“Sounds good. You close enough to walk?” David finished his drink and stood.
“Yeah, just a couple blocks.” I hefted my book bag on my shoulder and led the way out the door.
We made small talk on the walk and reached Green Hall in about ten minutes.
As we rode up the elevator, I thought about Quincy. “I’m not sure if my roommate will be home.”
“He cool?”
“Yeah, actually he’s my very best friend. And my adopted brother. So, yeah, he’s cool.” I shrugged. I always found it difficult to try to put into words what Quincy was to me. Best friend. Foster brother turned adopted brother. Those were the easier descriptions. Throw in the years of everything else between Q and me, and it got more complicated.
“Wow, sounds like you’ve got quite the history.” David followed me into the suite.
“We do. Met when we were ten. Pretty much been inseparable since.” I tossed my backpack on the floor. “You want a soda or anything?” My heart sagged a bit when I realized Quincy wasn’t home.
“Nah, thanks. I’m good. Can I use the bathroom?”
I directed David to our small bathroom and quickly tried to straighten up the living room while he was out of sight.
The toilet flushed and David appeared a few moments later. “This place is great. These two towers were under construction when I was a freshman. Our flat is over in the quad and is big enough for several occupants. But these smaller ones are super. Can I see the bedrooms? I wonder if a buddy and I could get one of these for next year.”