Stolen Nights with the Single Dad

by Alison Roberts

  ‘If it’s really okay with you, Jenna.’

  Jenna still didn’t meet Mitch’s gaze. ‘That’s settled then,’ she said brightly. Ollie? Do you want to come with me in my car or ride in the ambulance with Daddy and Grandpa to the hospital?’

  ‘I want to go in the ambulance.’ Ollie’s eyes were wide. ‘Can I do the siren?’

  ‘We’ll see about that.’ The paramedics shared a glance. And a smile. ‘Maybe just a blip when we get outside the gates. We don’t want to scare the animals, do we?’

  * * *

  ‘So...what would you like to do first?’

  Ollie was still staring through the automatic glass doors that led from the ambulance loading bay into the emergency department of the same hospital Mitch and Jenna had brought their last patient to, even though the stretcher carrying his grandfather had now disappeared from view. His father had also disappeared from view and Jenna knew that this little boy had to be feeling lost. When his small hand crept into hers she froze just for a heartbeat because it was the first time since Eli that she had held the hand of a child that wasn’t a patient.

  She took a quick, inward breath. She’d told Mitch she could cope. And she could. This was a step she wanted to take, she reminded herself. Like Pets’ Day, this was a step towards a better future. A life that she could live to the fullest. With both Mitch and his son, if he ever felt the same way.

  She gave Ollie’s hand a gentle squeeze. ‘Are you hungry?’

  A small face tilted up towards her. A small head nodded.

  ‘What do you like to eat? More than anything else?’

  ‘Hamburgers.’ Had Ollie noticed the group of shops across the road that included many of the most popular fast food outlets? ‘And chips. The ones that come with a toy.’

  Jenna grinned. She knew exactly which child-friendly chain he was talking about. ‘Are you allowed to eat hamburgers and chips?’ Maybe she needed to text Mitch and check.

  ‘Only sometimes,’ Ollie admitted.

  Jenna didn’t want to disturb Mitch unless it was for something important. She knew that blood samples would be being taken as part of the examination his father needed. And another ECG. Maybe a scan or X-rays as well. There was still the concern that it could be a cardiac pain and it had just been too early in the process for the ECG changes to have shown up at the zoo.

  ‘I think this is definitely a “sometimes”,’ she told Ollie. ‘There’s a playground in there, too, isn’t there? Look... I can see the big pipe that comes out the side of the building from here. Is that a slide?’

  ‘You climb in it.’ Ollie’s grip on her hand tightened as they started walking away from the hospital. ‘I can show you, if you like.’

  It felt like he was offering Jenna his trust in that handhold. As if, just for the moment, she was the person that mattered the most in his world. That was a reminder of just how big this step she was taking was, but it was actually easier to take a new breath this time.

  ‘I’d like that very much,’ she said.

  They both ate hamburgers and French fries. Ollie was thrilled with the toy car that came with his meal and drove it round the table between the hamburger boxes and along a road he made out of leftover fries. When he realised he was making engine noises he glanced up at Jenna, as if he was worried he was being too noisy, but when she smiled his face lit up and he went back to driving the little blue car.

  Jenna was perfectly happy to sit and watch. She needed the time to take this in. To let herself be in the moment and know that this was Ollie, not Eli. That this was about the future and not the past. That it was okay to have a part of her heart that ached but it was also okay to have a part that could find joy in a small boy’s happiness.

  Ollie wanted Jenna to watch him try out everything the playground had to offer after that. He waved at her from the windows in the climbing pipes, bounced on seats set on huge springs, played in the pit full of brightly coloured balls and finally came back to where Jenna was sitting.

  ‘Will you read me a story?’ he begged. ‘In the quiet corner?’

  ‘Of course.’

  It was the perfect way to fill in the rest of the time that she needed to care for Ollie. Having let Mitch know where they were and that Ollie was happy, he had texted back to say that his father had been cleared of any cardiac issues and that the diagnosis for his chest pain was likely to be a severe dose of gastric reflux. They were waiting at the pharmacy to pick up some medication and then Mitch would order a taxi for the three of them to get back to his car and they would come and collect Ollie when it arrived.

  Ollie curled up in the soft cushion of one of the oversized bean bags near the bookshelves and leaned his head against Jenna’s shoulder as she read. He still had the little blue car clutched in his hand and he was clearly worn out from all the playing because she could feel his head getting heavier and his body softening against her arm. And...she could smell a faint whiff of, what was it? Oh...yes...baby shampoo...

  Her voice faltered as she tried to keep reading and then trailed into silence but it didn’t matter because Ollie was too sleepy to notice. And Jenna had a whole new idea to grapple with—the knowledge that it would be just as easy to fall in love with this child as with his father. That maybe she was a lot closer to that point than she realised. The thought was too big to allow herself to go there and Jenna could almost feel mental doors slamming shut in an effort to protect her from the fear that was hovering. Waiting to step in and force her to flee.

  So she simply sat there without moving a muscle. Letting Ollie sleep. Holding herself together until she could find a new level of calmness. This wouldn’t last long. Mitch would be here any minute to collect his son and then she could get herself home to her safe space and maybe then she could step back far enough to think about this new shift in her thinking.

  Seeing Mitch coming through the restaurant area made her even more confident that she was coping with this. Seeing the smile on his face as he saw Ollie asleep beside her was enough to make her feel very proud of how she was coping. Shifting to give Mitch room to scoop Ollie up was enough to wake the little boy but he wasn’t upset by the interruption. He sat up and blinked and then smiled happily, first at Jenna and then at his father.

  ‘I’m the same as Mia now, aren’t I?’ he said.

  ‘Are you?’ Mitch raised his eyebrows as he shared a glance with Jenna.

  Ollie nodded. ‘She always has her mummy to watch her playing. Now I’ve got one, too.’

  Again, Mitch glanced at Jenna but she dodged the eye contact. Her mouth had just gone very dry. This had gone way too far. Way too fast. She couldn’t keep those doors shut any longer and she could feel panic closing in on her. She couldn’t do this, after all. The enormity of those emotions and that fear that came with them was too much.

  The last straw was Ollie starting to climb out of the squashy bean chair and losing his balance. Or maybe he was just wanting a cuddle. Whatever the reason, the thought of having those small arms winding themselves around her neck was instantly unbearable. Without even thinking about it, Jenna pushed him away, scrambling to her feet as she blindly reacted to the instinct to run. Ollie tried to hold on, fell back into the chair and then rolled off to land with a bump on the floor, whereupon he burst into tears.

  Jenna froze, appalled at what had just happened. She could feel that Mitch was just as horrified, although he calmly stepped forward to lift Ollie into his arms.

  ‘Come on, buddy. You’re okay...’

  ‘I’m sorry...’ Jenna bit her lip. ‘I didn’t mean... I...’

  What was she trying to say? That she hadn’t done it on purpose? Surely Mitch couldn’t possibly think that was the case anyway?

  But there was an edge of anger in the steady gaze Mitch was giving her over the head of a still sobbing Ollie.

  ‘I get it,’ he said slowly. ‘But I’m not ab
out to let my son get hurt by it. You said you could cope...’

  There was something else that was being said silently, as well.

  How could you?

  ‘I’m sorry...’ she said again.

  ‘Yeah... I know. Me, too.’ Mitch was turning away. ‘It’s time I got Ollie and Dad home. ’Bye, Jenna.’

  The farewell had a chilly edge that generated a new fear in Jenna. ‘You’ll be back next week?’ It was a plea as much as a question. ‘For our shift?’

  Mitch turned his head. ‘I don’t think that’s a very good idea,’ he said slowly. ‘For any of us. Do you?’

  Jenna didn’t say anything. She didn’t move as she watched Mitch carry his son out of the restaurant. Away from her. She ducked her head as she fought back tears and it was then that she noticed the little blue car lying on the floor. Without thinking, she stooped and picked it up. She could feel the sharp edges of the toy cutting into her hand as she walked out herself but she welcomed the physical discomfort.

  It was so much easier to handle than the emotional pain she knew was waiting for her.

  CHAPTER TEN

  IT SHOULD HAVE worn off by now.

  This horrible, empty feeling.

  Missing Mitch so much it was an actual physical pain that was, predictably, there at times like being alone in her bed in those wakeful hours in the dead of the night but could also sideswipe her at unexpected times, like now—when Jenna was sitting up late to check the content of tomorrow’s planned teaching sessions.

  She needed to simplify the session on ophthalmic emergencies. That quiz of medical terminology might be fun for a group of highly trained doctors but it was very likely to be obscure for the paramedics and nurses that were here to so the five day introductory FRAME course. Throwing in one or two, for interest’s sake, like diplopia and ecchymosis, was fine but even amongst experienced doctors, Mitch had been a standout in knowing that enophthalmos was the displacement of an eyeball.

  It was suddenly so much harder to focus on the Day Three programme she was checking as Jenna fought off yet another wave of that pain. For heaven’s sake...how long was it going to take? It had been weeks now.

  ‘Stick to the basics,’ she muttered aloud, as she deleted a slide of the presentation and added a different one. ‘Recognition and initial management of the most common eye injuries. There we go...corneal abrasions, foreign bodies, chemical injuries, blunt trauma...’

  She had to focus on making this course the best it could possibly be because it was special. Jenna was in Northern Ireland for the first time, as the FRAME initiative was expanded yet again and the interest from medics wanting to do the course and the wider public was huge. A film crew had sat in on a session or two on the first day and had interviewed the course participants. Clips of Jenna teaching and her class revealing what an exciting addition to their practices this qualification would be had been shown as part of her appearance on breakfast television early this morning to explain the reason the FRAME initiative had been developed in the first place and the measurable difference it had made to the outcomes in medical emergencies in rural areas.

  Not that Jenna had explained that the main reason FRAME had been developed had been her desperate need for a new direction in her career that could give her a purpose in life during those dreadful, empty months after she’d lost her precious son. Or that throwing herself, heart and soul, into the formation and delivery of the initiative had become her entire life. That it was now in every part of the United Kingdom was something to be very proud of and being here, in Belfast, taking the very first course should have been the absolute highlight of her career so far.

  And it was. Of course it was. Jenna was immensely proud of what she’d achieved since she’d started this journey but...but it didn’t come close to filling that empty space in her life.

  That wave of missing Mitch hadn’t completely worn off and the thought of lying awake yet again tonight after such an early start and a long day since was so unappealing that Jenna did something she never normally did when she was travelling for work. She went to the mini bar in her room and took out one of the half-sized bottles of wine. Just a glass, she promised herself, because it might help her to sleep, if nothing else.

  For the minute or two it took to open the bottle and pour herself the glass of wine, she had to do without the distraction that working on her session content or catching up on emails could have provided and Jenna was too tired to resist the direction her mind was determined to take her.

  Back to that course when Mitch had fallen into her life. Back to that moment when she been captured by this man. Not by something as shallow as his physical appearance but by that aura of being able to take command of any space or situation he was in. By the impression that he was searching for something of significance and that perhaps she was the person who could help him find what he was looking for.

  Most of all, by him being the first man she had been attracted to since Stefan.

  Jenna unscrewed the lid of the bottle and opened a cupboard to find a glass. The way she was feeling now was her own fault, she reminded herself. She was the one who’d talked herself into following through on that attraction. Had she really been naïve enough to believe that it was simply an experiment that would not necessarily have any negative impact on her life? She’d recognised that there was a gap in her life, no matter how satisfying her career was, and the experiment was to find out whether the addition of a physical connection with another human could fill at least part of the void she’d learned to live with and have the opposite of a negative impact.

  And it had. It had filled it to the point of overflowing. To the point where Jenna had not only not wanted it to end but she’d wanted more. A lifetime of more, preferably. And now she had to try and learn to live with the flipside of that kind of connection—the loss and loneliness of finding herself right back in that empty space.

  * * *

  Jenna poured the wine into the tumbler she’d taken from the cupboard. She hadn’t heard from Mitch since that awful day when he’d walked out of her life with his crying son in his arms. She’d hurt Ollie and she could understand that he would not permit that to happen again. She would have been just as protective of Eli so she could also understand that another apology from her would make no difference.

  If he’d chosen to see her again as something that had no connection to his personal life—or even just come out for a shift with her again—she would have believed that things could have been fixed but he hadn’t made contact. He didn’t want anything to do with her any longer so there was nothing she could do about that empty space other than to learn to live with it. To try and find her way to leave it behind far enough to fence it off. She needed to try and find those protective filters that she used to view life through, which had somehow been lost during her time with Mitch.

  Having been through coping with loss before didn’t make it any easier, though. The void felt bigger, if anything and, in moments like this, Jenna felt as if she was actually falling into it and would become instantly and heartbreakingly lost.

  It was so empty.

  So lonely.

  The experiment had backfired. Jenna had found exactly what was missing from her life and it wasn’t anything as simple as sex.

  It was love.

  It was that feeling of family.

  Oh...help... Tears were imminent now. Jenna picked up the glass and took a large mouthful of the wine. She felt her face crumpling as it hit her taste buds, however, and seconds later, she was leaning over the basin in the bathroom, to spit the wine out. Even then, she needed a mouthful of water to try and get the incredibly sour taste from her mouth. Despite being a wine she’d had and enjoyed in the past, this particular bottle was horrendous.

  Corked?

  No. It had a screw top.

  Maybe she was coming down with something?

 
A ‘round’ bug, perhaps?

  Jenna felt a tear escape and roll down the side of her nose at that memory of Ollie and then something shifted into place at the back of her mind. A memory of the only other time she’d ever found a mouthful of wine so revolting she’d had to spit it out before it made her sick. She could almost hear Stefan laughing at her and what he’d said afterwards.

  I bet you’re pregnant... Let’s do a test...

  No...

  No, no, no. It couldn’t possibly be why the wine tasted so bad. She and Mitch had taken precautions. It wasn’t even as if she was late with her period but, just to double-check, Jenna went to her diary and began counting the days. When she went past twenty-eight days, she felt a cold trickle of fear down her spine.

  She was never late.

  Ever.

  But she was this time. Her period should have started at least two days ago and she didn’t even have a hint of the cramps that always came as a warning. Stunned, Jenna sat unmoving. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what this could mean in her life. If she could have chosen one thing that she never wanted to happen ever again, it was this.

  Being pregnant.

  Knowing that one day, in the not too distant future, she would be holding another baby in her arms.

  She couldn’t do it.

  But she couldn’t not do it, either.

  It was almost funny, in retrospect, to have thought that a glass of wine might help her sleep but Jenna’s huff of laughter wasn’t amused. It felt rather more like despair.

  * * *

  His patient was only in her early sixties but it was clear that she was suffering a potentially catastrophic neurological event—a stroke or an aneurysm perhaps. Shona Barry was well known at the Allensbury Surgery due to her frequent visits to manage the kind of problems that came with a lifelong struggle with obesity, like high blood pressure, diabetes, respiratory and cardiac issues. The main problem right now, however, was that Shona’s weight was going to present a huge challenge for Mitch to intubate her to secure her airway.