Covet

by Smeltzer, Micalea

  We each went one more round with Ethan before he finally called it a day.

  Exhausted didn’t even cover how we felt.

  I’d used muscles I didn’t even know I had.

  When I finally collapsed in bed, I decided to never leave it. It wasn’t even late, but I wasn’t sure my legs could stand the trek down the steps.

  I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, when Jee cleared his throat roughly from the doorway.

  “What?” I spoke, not moving because it’d be painful to even turn my neck.

  “I have something for you.”

  I forced myself to sit up, wincing as I did. “What is it?”

  He clasped something behind his back and strode into the room and over to me, sitting on the bed by my feet.

  “Here.” He held the item out to me and I took it.

  It was a small canvas, and painted on it was the profile of a man.

  Of Theo.

  “It came to me,” Jee explained, “I didn’t know why, or what it meant, but … I was supposed to give it to you.”

  I pressed my lips together, fighting tears.

  For you, Theo whispered. I’ll find my way back to you.

  I swallowed thickly. How?

  Nothing and no one can keep me away from you forever. I belong by your side. Not here.

  I brushed a tear away. “Thank you,” I told Jee, clutching the canvas to my chest. “This means a lot.”

  Not having any photos of Theo, only memories, this meant more to me than he could begin to fathom. It was only his profile, but it was him and that’s what mattered most.

  “You’re welcome.” Jee stood from the bed. “I’ll leave you be.”

  I nodded as he left, and I was once more alone. Well, as alone as I could be.

  You know, you’re more romantic when you’re dead.

  He busted out laughing. I’m just as romantic—you didn’t get to see this side.

  I frowned glumly. Don’t remind me.

  A soft breeze touched my cheek.

  I wish I could touch you.

  Lying back on the bed, I closed my eyes.

  I miss you, Theo. So much.

  I know. I’m sorry it had to be this way. You’ll understand one day. My duty will always be to protect you, no matter the cost.

  I’d have fought with you.

  I know—but you’re too important and you know that.

  It’s not fair. I really only got to love you for one night.

  Love beats on, Mara. It doesn’t end. It doesn’t even really begin. It exists.

  His words echoed around my skull and I drew comfort from them.

  We had nothing left, nothing but words, but words were powerful and I’d always cherish his.

  “We can’t keep training forever,” I complained, following Ethan around as he tried to avoid me.

  He groaned and stepped out of the pantry—his newest hiding spot.

  “Mara, we’re not ready—you’re not ready. There are five us and way more of them.”

  “Four,” Jee corrected from the couch, munching on popcorn and watching Friends. “This is your battle, not mine. I like my life the way it is.”

  “Really?” I said with a snarky tone. “Sitting here, day in and day out, rarely leaving this place. You like that?”

  He turned to glare at me over the back of the couch. “Just because it doesn’t sound appealing to you, doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy it.”

  I turned my attention back to Ethan who was slowly backing down the hallway.

  “Don’t think you’re getting away so fast,” I warned him.

  He groaned. “Look, Mara. We don’t even know where they are—and you’re extremely naïve if you think you can even take on Thaddeus. He’s powerful and while you’re good, you’re still a novice.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest. He was right, but it still bothered me. We were coming up on June, my nineteenth birthday fast approaching, and I still had so much to learn. How was I ever going to get there?

  “Fine,” I agreed reluctantly. “But can we at least look into finding them?”

  Ethan looked away and sighed. Finally, he met my eyes and there was a slight pity there I didn’t like. “I have some contacts. I’ll make some calls—but if I find out anything I’m not telling you,” he warned. “I won’t risk you going rogue.”

  “I wouldn’t do that.”

  He gave me a doubtful look and I grinned.

  “Go do something with Adelaide,” he told me. “Take the Rover. Get out and be normal for a bit.”

  I felt the furthest thing from normal, but he was right, it would be nice to get out for a bit.

  “If you crash my car,” Jee warned, turning again from the couch, “you won’t have to worry about Thaddeus killing you. I will.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Mhmm, sure. I saw you crying over the fly Ethan killed this morning.”

  He glared at me. “Don’t repeat that ever.”

  I smiled beatifically and headed upstairs to find Adelaide. She was in Winston’s room, the two of them talking softly.

  “Sorry to interrupt—” They jumped apart and I pretended not to notice. “But I thought we could go out a bit. Do some girl stuff.”

  “Oh … um …” Adelaide faltered, looking from Winston to me. “Yeah, okay. Sounds fun.” She hopped up and joined me in the doorway. “I’ll see you later.” She looked back at Winston with a smile.

  He lifted his fingers in a wave. “Later, ladies.”

  Downstairs, I snagged the car keys from Ethan who held them out with a triumphant smile.

  “It’ll be nice to get out,” Adelaide admitted once we were in the elevator and heading down to the garage. “I feel like I’ve spent my whole life trapped inside.”

  “I forget you’ve never really been out before.” I remembered her wide-eyed amazement at the mall.

  She cracked a smile. “And it still wasn’t safe.”

  “You’ve never been to a Starbucks before then, have you?”

  “No, definitely not. I’ve heard of it—the Internet is great for showing you what you can’t have.”

  “That’ll be our first stop then.”

  She grinned. “I can’t wait.”

  I started the car and changed the seat and mirrors before getting acquainted with the set up. It was way fancier than anything I’d driven—even the Lincoln. I searched the navigation system and found the nearest Starbucks, setting it as our destination. It was like a spaceship. When I finally felt comfortable we headed out into the daylight.

  With traffic it took us a good twenty minutes to get to Starbucks. Instead of going through the drive-thru I parked and we went inside. I wanted Adelaide to get the whole Starbucks experience.

  “Oh, my God, look at all these,” she gasped, picking up a mug with the mermaid logo. “They’re so pretty. I want them all.”

  I laughed. “Pick one.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “We can spare the money to get you a mug.”

  She bit her lip and picked up each and every mug, inspecting every square inch, before finally settling on a mostly blue one with the city skyline boasting the Twin Cities on it.

  “This one.” She held it out triumphantly like it was some sort of trophy. “It will not only serve as a reminder of my first trip to Starbucks but also our stay here.”

  We got in line and it took her another ten minutes before she settled on a drink. I ordered my iced latte and paid for both our drinks and the mug—which they boxed, and Adelaide proceeded to ooh and ahh over the box.

  We waited off to the side for our order, and Adelaide bounced on the balls of her feet. It was good to see her so happy. She was glum lately and I hadn’t really noticed because I’d been too absorbed in my own thoughts. All I could think about was how were we going to stand a chance against Thaddeus. But times like these were important too. I had to remember, I was only eighteen, and before all this I’d been normal. It was okay to stop and be … vulnerable. I didn’t hav
e to be on edge, looking for danger, every second of every day.

  When we had our drinks we headed back to the car.

  “Where to next?” she asked.

  I thought carefully. “Have you ever had your nails done?”

  “I mean, I’ve painted them if that’s what you’re asking.”

  I shook my head. “No, like at a salon.”

  “Yeah, that’d be a definite no.”

  “That’s where we’re headed next then.”

  It didn’t take me long to find a salon—one was right across the street from Starbucks. We opted to do our toes instead of our nails, since with the training it’d be chipped by tomorrow.

  “This is so weird,” Adelaide giggled, as the bubbles engulfed her feet.

  The lady doing her feet glared when Adelaide accidently splashed her.

  When she went to scrub Adelaide’s feet I thought she was going to shoot straight out of her chair, her laughter echoing around the room. “That tickles,” she accused.

  It took longer than normal, but in the end we left with freshly painted toes. Mine black, and hers a light blue.

  From there we headed to the mall. When we’d met Cleo we hadn’t been there to shop or look around so I thought Adelaide deserved to get a normal teenage experience.

  She excitedly ran from store to store, looking at the items. She was almost childlike, and it was fun to see her so happy.

  I hate she didn’t get to grow up normal. All she knew was the manor and now she doesn’t even have that.

  You kept her safe, Theo. That’s what matters.

  I guess. He didn’t sound convinced.

  After two hours of going in and out of stores, we went to the food court for a bite to eat.

  We set our trays down and Adelaide let out a breath. “I’m already tired and there’s still so much to see. We haven’t even covered a quarter of this place.”

  I picked up a fry and popped it into my mouth. “It’s way bigger than any mall I’ve been in, that’s for sure.”

  “So,” Adelaide started, a sly smile dancing on her lips. “I’ve known you almost a year now, but there’s a lot I don’t really know about you.”

  I snorted. “I don’t know myself, if I’m being honest.”

  Being thrown into this world the way I had, it felt as if I was an entirely new and different person. The person I was before was gone—she didn’t exist.

  “Tell me about your human life,” she whispered the word, her eyes darting around to see if anyone heard. But it was way too loud and chaotic for anyone to hear anything she said.

  I shrugged and dipped another fry in ketchup. “I grew up with my dad. We had a quiet life. It was nice. Simple. Easy. He taught me my ABCs, and how to ride a bike.” I looked down at the table and tamped down my emotions. It was hard talking about it and knowing those days were gone—my dad was gone.

  I’m sorry.

  I wish you were here. I wish you could hold me and make me forget, even if only for a little while.

  “What’s your favorite color?” she asked me, changing the subject since she seemed to sense I was getting upset.

  “Purple.”

  “Did you have a favorite stuffed animal growing up? I had this green monkey I took everywhere. Theodore used to make fun of me for it, but I loved the stupid thing.”

  I laughed. “I had a rainbow unicorn. I lost it when I was about six or seven—no idea where, but my dad looked and looked for it. He never found it. He tried to get me a new one but it wasn’t the same.”

  “What’s a weird quirk you have?”

  “I don’t think I have one.”

  She rolled her eyes. “We all have one, Mara.”

  “What’s yours then?”

  “I brush my teeth without toothpaste then with, and then without again. I like the way it feels.”

  I snorted. “That’s possibly the weirdest thing I’ve ever heard.”

  She tilted her head. “Come on—we’re all weird.”

  “True,” I agreed, thinking of any quirk I might have. “I’m terrified of balloons,” I finally admitted. “I once had a dream where my head was stuck inside one and I was suffocating. I’ve been afraid of them ever since.”

  “Wow, that’s … um … interesting.”

  I tossed a fry at her and laughed. “You brush your teeth three times and two of those times isn’t even with toothpaste.”

  “Okay, okay,” she chanted. “I admit I can’t talk.” She took a bite of her food—something from the Chinese restaurant that looked super spicy but she was eating it like it was no big deal. “What about human schools?” she whispered again. “What are they like?”

  “Pretty boring,” I admitted. “It’s just stuff like history and math.” I shrugged and took a bite of my burger. “Once you get into middle and high school you get to pick electives—stuff like art and woodshop,” I added when she raised a brow inquisitively.

  “I had a tutor at the manor, since I was young, and it was like that too—boring stuff, like our histories, language arts, Latin.”

  “What was it like growing up there?”

  “Quiet.” She frowned. “I really only had Theodore. The adults didn’t have time for orphans like us—so we only had each other.”

  “That’s so sad.”

  She forced a smile. “It wasn’t so bad. He was a great brother—yeah, we fought like any siblings, but we got along better than most too.”

  “I’m sure you guys got into a lot of trouble there.”

  She snorted. “Oh, Theodore definitely did. He was a troublemaker right from the start. I’m sure Victor would’ve loved to have kicked him out right from the start, but since it’s a safe house he can’t refuse a right to stay unless there’s just cause and all the stuff Theodore did was dumb, prank kind of things.”

  “Tell me one,” I begged, desperate to know about a younger Theo.

  “Well, this one time—”

  Oh, no, Theo sighed.

  “His friend snuck these firecracker things in when he got back from visiting his aunt or something, so Theodore got the bright idea to strap one to the manor cat—”

  “It didn’t kill the cat, did it?” I gasped.

  “No, no,” she assured me with a wave of her hand. “Anyway, so the cat goes running straight down the hall to where Victor’s office is. Runs smack into him and climbs up him as the firework goes off.” She laughed heartily at the memory. “I have never seen Victor so mad before. A whole patch of hair was burnt off.”

  “That sounds like Theo.” I wished her story made me feel happier than it did, but all I could think about was how fun and alive he’d been, and now he was no more than a voice trapped inside my head.

  I’m not trapped, doll face. I’m here because I want to be.

  “Do you like driving?” she asked me. “I was never allowed to learn.”

  “Yeah, I do. I miss my dad’s old truck.”

  That piece of shit? Really? Why?

  Just because you didn’t appreciate it doesn’t mean I didn’t.

  But it was a piece of crap.

  It was my dad’s piece of crap, I argued and he grew quiet.

  “Do you think you could teach me sometime?”

  “Yeah, of course,” I told her. “I’m not sure Jee will offer up his car for you to learn in, but we’ll figure it out.”

  “Cool.” She smiled and her normally dark blue eyes were brighter than normal—happy. It was good to see her like this. “Let me think of another question.” She pierced a piece of her chicken with her fork and took a bite. She chewed and swallowed before finally asking, “What’s the best present you’ve ever been given?”

  I removed the jar necklace from beneath my shirt and held it out.

  “Theo gave this to me for my birthday last year. It’s the greatest gift I’ve ever been given.”

  She reached out and touched the jar. “H-He gave this to you?” she asked.

  “Yeah?” I questioned.

  “Where
’d he get it?”

  “He made it—that’s why it means so much. It makes me feel like I’m still close to him. Like in some small way I can hold him.”

  She began to cry.

  “Adelaide,” I startled at her tears, “why are you crying?”

  “If he made that, if that’s his firefly, then …”

  “Then what?” I prodded.

  “He’s alive.”

  Her words washed over me like a bucket of ice water.

  I sat, frozen, processing her words over and over again.

  He’s alive.

  He’s alive.

  He’s alive.

  You’re alive? I accused. You’re alive and you didn’t tell me? I was beyond hurt.

  Mara, I was trying to protect you.

  Protect me? I shrieked at him. Protect me from what? You’ve been speaking to me all this time and I thought you were dead. I thought you were a ghost or something, and you let me believe it!

  Mara, please, he begged. You know your safety means more to me than my own life. I couldn’t let you risk your life to save mine.

  Fat lot of good it does now. Where are you? I need to find you.

  NO! he shouted so forcefully I literally felt the words reverberate around my skull.

  Theo, my mind sobbed. Don’t say that. If you’re alive we can come for you. We can—

  I told you I’d find my way back to you and I will. I’m working on it. But you need to stay away.

  Don’t do this. You’re being stupid. We can find you—we can save you.

  Mara, I could’ve left any time I wanted, he growled angrily. Some things are worth the risk.

  What do you mean?

  Knowledge, Mara. It’s the most powerful weapon we hold. I’m coming back to you. I always was. But not yet.

  I felt him slip from my mind.

  Theo! THEODORE! I yelled, but he wasn’t there anymore, and I didn’t know how to slip into his mind.

  Adelaide was sobbing across from me and gathering more than one stare.

  “We should go,” I said, and dumped our food in a nearby trashcan before dragging her from the food court and to the garage we’d parked in.

  I was sweating from nerves, from the fact Theo was alive.

  In the moment, I hated him.

  I hated him for speaking inside my mind for months and not once giving me a hint he was alive. He knew how much I ached for him, how I mourned, and he let me.