Take Me Back

by Kathryn Shay

  And to make herself more cheerful, she started wondering if she was carrying a little girl.

  o0o

  That night, Rafe rang Kate’s doorbell. She’d sent him a short text early during the day that said, Molly says I have a touch of the flu.

  Nothing else. What was he supposed to do with that? Instead of playing text-tag, he decided to show up here in person. She pulled open the door.

  She looked better. Her cheeks were rosy, and she’d washed her hair, let it go curly like it did when she didn’t blow dry it. “Hi. This is a surprise.”

  “Can I come in?”

  “Sure. Tommy’s not here, though. He’s still at Kyle’s parents’ home. They asked him to stay for dinner.” She showed him into the living room. “What’s up?”

  He didn’t sit, just jammed his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “I wanted to see for myself you’re all right.”

  “I am. You don’t have to take care of me, Rafe.”

  He didn’t. He knew that. Fuck, so why was he trying to?

  “And I want to know some things.”

  “Sit down then.” Once he did, on an end of the couch, she curled her legs under her at the other end. “Shoot.”

  “Will you go back to the academy this week?”

  “No. Molly said I have to rest, drink fluids, eat well. Besides all the training’s over. Olive cleared me today to go on the line, and the class is preparing for graduation.”

  “Will you do the ceremony?”

  “I’m not really a recruit so I can skip all that.”

  “Will you be assigned to a firehouse along with them?”

  “Mitch said he’s going to place them, then find a spot for me. I’m kind of in between.”

  “Who would you like to work for?”

  “I don’t know. He asked for suggestions and is sending over the houses where they need another staff member.”

  “Sounds like you’ll be all set.”

  “I’m fine. I’ve got plans.” She shrugged. “No more to see here.” That was a dismissal. He didn’t get it.

  “Why are you acting like this?”

  “Like how?”

  “Like you want me to go.”

  “Rafe, I told you last night. I want a hiatus from you. I can’t take your hot/cold attitude toward me right now, not when I’m feeling poorly.”

  “You look great. You glow some.”

  A brief expression of panic crossed her face. “I, um, napped. That’s why.”

  “All right.” He stood.

  She did too. “Nice seeing you.”

  “I’ll be in touch about Tommy.”

  Rafe left her house feeling like a little boy who’d been sent home from school for bad behavior. Was he acting badly? Instead of heading home to an empty house, he decided to stop at Badges. He’d grab a burger and a beer. That would make him feel better. Still thinking of her, he entered the bar ten minutes later, took a stool and ordered. Then he sipped his beer until he heard, “Hey, Rafe.”

  He turned to find Grady O’Connor behind him.

  “Hey, Grady. How’s it going?”

  “Everything’s great. I’m waiting for Jenny. She’s meeting me with the kids for dinner in the dining room.”

  “Have a seat.” Rafe smiled. “How old is everybody now?”

  “Angel’s 9, Bella and Ben are 7. They’re a handful.”

  “I bet.” He studied the paramedic who was almost a decade older than he was. “Are you happy, Gray?”

  “That’s an interesting question for you to ask. But yeah, I’m happy. We’re having fun together. Other than Jenn, those little ones are the best thing that happened to me.”

  “That’s nice.”

  “You got a kid now, right? You know the feeling.”

  “I do, Tommy.” But something was missing in Rafe’s life.

  “I heard you broke off your engagement. Are condolences or congratulations in order?”

  “Neither. It was the right thing to do.”

  “Kate seems good. I hear she handled the academy like a pro.”

  “Yeah, they’re deciding on a group for her.”

  “I’d wish she’d come to House 8. I worked with her a couple of years before she left town. We could use another hand there, too, as you could on Rescue 2.”

  “You should tell her that.”

  “I will.” Grady glanced over his shoulder and Rafe tracked his gaze. “They’re here, I’d better go.” He stood. “I hope you find what you’re looking for, Rafe.” Grady clapped him on the shoulder. “There’s nothing like that over there.”

  Feeling vaguely depressed, Rafe swiveled around and watched Grady go to his family, pick up the girl and hug her. Jenn kissed him on the cheek. Then they went into the dining room off to the left.

  Hell, is that what Rafe wanted?

  o0o

  Two days later, when Tommy was with Rafe, Kate headed to Mitch and Megan’s house. On the way she passed the church where she and Rafe would have gotten married. If she’d only stayed, if she hadn’t been such a coward and run from all of that, she’d be happy today.

  Shaking off the notion, she drove into the parking lot, shut the engine down and headed out, up the steps. She was surprised to find the door open. She went inside and was immediately comforted by the hushed atmosphere, the vague scent of incense. How many times had she worshipped with Rafe’s family here? She loved the ritual, while he often complained he wasn’t a true believer.

  She sat down and thought about her situation. Mitch said he’d gotten a call from House 8, saying Grady O’Connor had mentioned her to take an upcoming position with his squad. She had to make some decisions now. What to do about the pregnancy had to be addressed now.

  Options were limited.

  Molly had brought up alternatives. She could have an abortion and probably be on the line in a week. Nothing would change for her, she’d go on with her plans, eventually trying to get Rafe back. But today, she thought further down that road. What if they did get married? What then? Would she want to have another baby? It seemed ridiculous to consider ending one pregnancy and starting another, all because Rafe hadn’t gotten around to accepting her back.

  Or, she could have the baby. Alone, without him. She didn’t have to tell him she was with child yet. Maybe he’d come to a decision before her stomach popped out.

  She moved to the kneeler, put her head down on her hands on the back of the pew in front of her and let herself contemplate her predicament.

  She spent a half-hour praying for guidance and when she left, she’d made a decision. Ten minutes later, she walked into Megan’s house and was grateful to find both Malvasos at home. They were seated at the dining room table. Meg wore her hair in a ponytail and Mitch’s was windblown, showing a lot of gray in it now. Both were in jock clothes, shorts and a pink T-shirt for her, a red one for Mitch.

  “Hi. I know this is a surprise. Were you going to work out or go for a walk?

  “We already took a long stroll,” Megan told her. “Just got back.”

  Mitch smiled at her. She loved both of them so much.

  “Sit down, honey. Want coffee?”

  “Um, do you have decaf?”

  “That’s what we’re drinking.”

  He served her coffee and sat down, eyeing her. His expression was concerned and kind. “You look like you have something important to say.”

  “I do.” A bit nervous, she ran her fingers over the edge of the napkin. “First, I want to thank you for helping me get back into the fire department.”

  “Are you pleased with your assignment to House 8?”

  “I would be, but I can’t take a position on the line.”

  He sat back. “I don’t understand.”

  “I’m pregnant. Six weeks along.”

  Both Megan and Mitch gasped.

  “What?” she said, “It’s not the end of the world.”

  “You’re…you’re not going to leave town again, are you?” Meg asked.

&nbs
p; “I considered it. However, I know in my heart I’ve got to stay.”

  “For Tommy?”

  “And for myself. But I won’t be jumping on any trucks, fighting any fires or pulling people out of car wrecks for a while. I’d have to have a desk job, or work at the academy, or help Megan with Hale’s Haven like Jenn did when she was pregnant.”

  Both Mitch and Megan still stared at her agape.

  Finally, Mitch said, “Well, this is the last thing I expected.”

  “Yeah, Mitch, me too.”

  o0o

  Rafe sat in his office, trying to outline his committee’s plan for consolidation. But in the last few days, he could hardly do anything. His mind kept drifting back to Kate and the decision he had to make. By today, he’d come to realize that he’d been unfair to her, like Seth had accused him of at the amusement park. He’d led her to believe, by his actions, if not his words, that he was committed to her. And then he’d met up with Grady at Badges and finally recognized he did indeed want what the man had, only with Kate. Well, time to do something about all this now. He pulled out his phone to call her.

  Someone walked into the firehouse from the bay entrance, right outside his office. He looked over. Well, what do you know? He stood and approached the entryway. “Hey, hi. What are you doing here?”

  Kate gave him a tentative smile. She wore cropped jeans and a simple white blouse. Her hair was mussed. But it was the expression on her face that captured his attention. Kate seemed at peace. “I came to tell you something. It can’t wait.”

  For some reason, his heart started to beat fast. “Come on in and sit down.”

  She took the chair on the other side of the desk and glanced around. “Nice office.”

  “Thanks. Katie, now that you’re here, I want to tell you what I’ve been thinking about. What I’ve…come to know.”

  “No, don’t say any more. Let me go first. I—”

  The PA crackled over the speaker. “Fire at 178 Bridgewater Street. Residential daycare. Rescue 1 and 2, Trucks 4 and 5 and Engine 8 and 10 into service.”

  Rafe bolted up. “Sorry, Kate. I have to go.”

  “Of course.” He opened the door and she kissed his cheek. “Good luck.”

  He yanked her back and kissed her solidly on the mouth. Then left without saying more.

  Blanking his mind of her, and everything else, Rafe strode out to the bay, jumped into his turnout gear, and when the others joined him, they donned their protective clothing, too. They were on the truck in minutes.

  “Hell,” Ernst said from behind him. “A daycare.”

  “I hate these kinds of calls.” Kingston, who was subbing for Brick, had enough years in to know the seriousness of a fire like this.

  They were relatively quiet the rest of the way to the scene, the screech of the sirens, the honk of the horn the only sounds. Finally, they heard, “Fire is in one of the old mansions up on the hill. Four stories. We’re getting schematics.”

  Three minutes later, Rescue 2 pulled onto the circular drive of the daycare.

  Lorelei gasped even before they climbed out. “It’s mammoth.”

  Odd place to be taking care of kids, Rafe thought as he jumped off the rig. The big house rose like a monolith against the sky. Square footage had to be exorbitant.

  The fire was really rolling. Pungent grey smoke billowed out the first two floor windows. Rafe raced to Incident Command and found Mitch in charge. “Chief, where do you want us?”

  “We got the floor plans along with the structure’s schematics. The woman who called in the fire said the first two floors are activities for the children. The kids are or were in naptime.”

  “Where’s naptime?” Rafe asked.

  “On the third floor. The fourth is for storage.”

  When all the captains were gathered, Mitch said, “Engine 8, mount an exterior attack to see how much fire we can douse. Engine 10, lay hoses at the entrance to the bottom floor.”

  The captains of those two trucks raced back to their people.

  “Rescue 1, go in behind them and search the first two floors.

  “Truck 4, head around back. My people tell me the fire hasn’t spread that far yet. Put your aerial up to the third level. Rescue 2, get those kids out asap!” He turned to Rafe. “This is a big deal, Casella.”

  “We can do the job, sir.”

  At the rescue rig, Rafe barked out the order. “I’m not waiting,” Ruggero said. “I’m climbing up the fire escape.”

  Rafe pulled him back. “That’ll be too hot to climb. You’ll go with us around back, Luke. I mean it.” He glanced at the others. “No heroics. Here’s what we’ll do. I’ll head up the aerial with Kingston. Ruggero and Murray go next and stay together. Lane, you and Ernst follow Bronson when it’s your turn.”

  Before they tackled the ladder, they buttoned up coats, donned gloves and Nomex hoods, over which they placed their SCBA. Already sweltering in the hot June sun, Rafe ascended the ladder that Truck 4 had raised. Along the way, he noticed strips of brown vinyl curling on the outside of the house. “I’m opening a window,” Rafe said into the radio to those on the floors below, so the others would know ventilation was occurring in a minute or so.

  Once inside, he lifted the thermal camera. “Three bedrooms. Bronson take number one, Ruggero number two and me and Kingston will go to three. Lane, you too.”

  It was so hot, they dropped to their knees, though some of the heat had abated with the window open. Rafe felt his way along the wall down to the last bedroom. Again, he checked the camera.

  Fuck. “I got three cribs,” he said into the radio. “Bronson?”

  “One.”

  Ruggero said, “Two cribs.”

  “Get the kids out.”

  The cacophony from below masked any noise from the other two rooms. In his, only one baby squalled, in the first crib.

  Lorelei scooped him up.

  Kingston said from the next crib, “I got one. Small.”

  Rafe crossed to the third crib—and found an unresponsive toddler. Bending over, Rafe hefted the boy up over his shoulder. He was dead weight. His heart sinking, Rafe walked toward the window in the midst of the smoke, and heard Mitch over the radio. “Truck 2 is on the ladder. Tag team’s set up for you, Casella. It’ll get the kids down the fastest. We don’t have time to run up and down the ladder.”

  At the window, Lane was up first and handed out her baby. Ruggero and Bronson were already giving their charges some air as they waited. Rafe couldn’t do anything for his child yet. He couldn’t put him down and do CPR. There wasn’t time.

  Over the radio, Mitch said, “Casella, the house is about to combust. You guys gotta get out of the third floor.”

  Rafe was able to hand the toddler over. His crew went next. He was the last to descend the aerial before it even emptied.

  As soon as they hit the ground, they ran from the building to where the trucks and ambulance had been moved. Paramedics were relieving the truck group of their little victims. A few feet away, Rafe removed his helmet and mask and doubled over to catch more breath.

  “Status?” he said to his group.

  Beth went first. “Our child’s breathing but labored. She’s about six months old.”

  Ruggero’s sighed. “Both of mine were okay.”

  “Only one of our infants survived, Cap.” Kingston’s voice was grave. “What about you?”

  “I had one who wasn’t breathing from the get-go. A toddler. I’m sure he was gone.”

  Still looking down, Rafe saw something pink. He reached out and picked up a little cap, the kind they put on newborns. His fingers traced the little indentations on it, and he’d bet it smelled like the baby. A crushing in his chest came with the motion that welled inside him.

  A smothering pall nearly overcame them. Rafe stuffed the cap in his coat. Without speaking, they boarded the rig and drove around front.

  Rafe gave his assessment to Mitch in a monotone.

  “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.” Mitc
h rarely swore like this.

  “The others?” Rafe asked, hoping for good news.

  The Captain of Rescue 1 said, “We found one adult victim on the first floor, who succumbed. Another two were out cold from smoke inhalation but we got them breathing on their way in ambos.”

  “Is everybody out?”

  “I hope so.”

  “Our people accounted for?”

  “I don’t have a head count yet.”

  Please don’t let our guys get hurt, too. The loss of two children would already just about kill them.

  o0o

  Kate opened the door to Rafe at nine p.m. She knew he’d come to her after the devastating events of today. He leaned against the jamb as if he didn’t have enough energy to walk inside. Still in his uniform, he hadn’t showered, his face was grimy but his eyes…they were the worst. Bleak. So, so bleak.

  Again, like after the rappelling call, she wedged herself under his shoulder and led him into the corridor. Once in the house, he fell into her arms.

  He didn’t sob, like he might have. But his chest heaved with suppressed emotion. She held him until it subsided. He drew back. Reached into his pocket.

  “Oh, dear Lord in heaven.”

  “We couldn’t save her, Kate. She was an infant. We couldn’t save her.”

  “What do you need?” she asked.

  “I don’t know.” He grabbed her arms. “Two of those kids died.”

  “I heard it on TV. I’m so sorry.”

  Losing a person in a fire was tragic. Losing a child, that was horrific. She had no idea what the loss of two was like.

  “Let’s sit.” She took his hand and led him to the couch. He slouched against the cushions and she sat close, linked her arm with his and laid her head on his shoulder.

  “I can’t talk about it.”

  She knew that feeling. “I understand. I’ll just stay with you.”

  A long while later, she realized he’d fallen asleep. Easing away, she stood, gently pushed his torso down and managed to get his legs on the couch without his waking. After taking off his shoes, she covered him with a throw because the night air was cool.