“Me neither,” he mutters, tying up his new boots and stomping in them. “Gonna be hard to pretend I don’t care about you. Come here.” He pulls me close and rains kisses down my neck.
“Do you care?”
Sapphires lock onto me. “You think I’d risk everything I’ve been working for if I wasn’t crazy about you, Ceels?”
I touch his chest, run my hands up to his temples and trace them with soft caresses. “I’m crazy about you, too.”
“No shit.” He stares at me, then breaks into a grin.
Slapping his shoulder I cry out, “Jerk!”
“Sexy motherfucker is more like it, but if you want to go with the more mundane name calling, whatever floats your banana.”
We start to walk back toward the road while I tease him, “Banana?”
“Boat’s mundane, too.”
“How about, whatever floats your pineapple? See, because they don’t float.”
He tucks his fingers in my back pocket, massaging my ass as he gazes down at me, our footsteps in time with each other. “Whatever floats your skyscraper.”
“Love it!”
The Harleys come into view. “Oh shit,” Sean mutters, and we stop walking immediately.
CHAPTER 28
SEAN
Sofia Sol, Luke, and Atlas sit on their motorcycles as we walk up, faces somber. Celia and I exchange a glance knowing it’s impossible to pretend we were just taking a walk with my hand in her back pocket. So I lock my fingers with hers and say, under my breath, “I don’t regret it.”
“Sean,” she whispers, worried but committed, brown eyes stormy as she searches for what to do or say.
Sofia calls over as we get closer, “Celia, we need to talk to you.”
Ceels glances to me then to the grass we’re crushing beneath each step. Feels like we’re walking to our doom, and the path is a long one. When we finally get to the road, she and I stand together, hands held tightly, waiting.
“Okay, so you know something happened between us,” I snap, ready to defend us.
But Atlas and Soph are locked on Ceels.
Luke shakes his head to me. “It’s not about you guys. We need to keep this under the radar,” he motions to our hands. “But we didn’t come searching for you because of this.”
Celia’s frown tilts. “Wait, really? You’re not here for us.”
“No.”
“What happened? Is everyone okay?”
The brothers look at Sofia Sol— she’s usually the one who talks for them. Kicking the pavement with her boot she stares at the ground a beat then looks up. “Ceels, Tonk Jr. went to talk to Carmen. He got curious and point blank asked her what’s been wrong with her. He wouldn’t let up, trying all kinds of hypotheses until she broke down in front of everyone like he was beating her or something.” She glances to Luke, then to Atlas. “So we followed her upstairs to my mom’s room. We had to know. We snuck up, made sure nobody heard or saw us. We listened at the door.”
I glance to Celia and see her on edge, dying for the reason they look like someone died. She whispers like she almost doesn’t want to know, “What did you hear?”
Sofia blinks to Luke and he solemnly nods that she has to say it. She inhales sharply, runs a hand through her hair as she looks to the sky before locking eyes with her friend and Cipher sister. “Ceels, Tonk isn’t your father.”
Celia croaks, “What?”
“We don’t know who is, but he’s not.”
“That’s not possible.”
Atlas steps forward. “It’s true. We heard her say it. She was crying really bad. Saying she didn’t want you to find out, and if Tonk Jr. found out she would die.”
Sofia nods, “My mom has known all along. Carmen said she didn’t want Junior to find out, with no mention of Tonk Sr., so we’re guessing he’s not in the dark on this.”
Celia steps away like she wants to run.
My face contorts with confusion. “Wait, I don’t understand. I thought you knew!” Celia looks at me like I’ve spoken another language. They all stare at me, wanting answers. “I overheard them talking my first week I was here. Didn’t mean to eavesdrop, and I walked away as soon as I realized how private the conversation was.” Looking at Celia I tell her in earnest, “I had no idea you didn’t know he wasn’t your father. I would never have kept that from you.”
“You are good at keeping secrets,” Atlas snaps like I’m the asshole who caused all of this.
Locking eyes with him, I throw my hand up to stop the train. “Hey, I keep them when I know that person isn’t involved, remember?” He backs into his cave and crosses his arms. Turning to Celia I lower my volume, “Forgive me, I really thought you knew. I saw it as a sign of how strong you were! If I had any clue you didn’t know—”
She takes my hand, eyes numb under a pained frown. “Sean, shhh. I trust you.”
Those words at this moment slice into my heart, crack it wide open. I gather her to me, and she wraps her arms around me so tightly as she starts to cry. Kissing her hair I hold her while she crumbles, knees buckling. “He’s not my dad? Why didn’t they tell me? How could they keep this from me?”
“I’ve got you,” I rasp, stung by her pain like it’s my own.
The brothers and Sofia Sol stand with us, with her, until the wave rides all the way out. She reaches for her friend and Soph brings her in for a tight embrace of love and support. “Shh, we’re going to get to the bottom of it, Ceels, together. You’re not alone. We’re all here for you.”
Celia whimpers, “How is he not my dad?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know.” Soph locks eyes with me over her friend’s shoulder, and in this look she tells me she’s glad Celia and I became more than friends today, and I will have to be strong for her best friend. I nod that I’m ready to handle anything she needs. Soph closes her eyes. “You want to go home or would you rather go somewhere else for a while?”
Celia steps back, sniffling as her eyes struggle to find purchase of anything solid. I take her hand to steady her and she inhales. “Home.”
“Okay, we’ll leave your motorcycle here. Sean will drive you back.”
Atlas reacts, but Luke shoots him a scathing look. “Don’t.”
We all know what Sofia is saying. The curtain has been pulled back today on all things. If Celia is going to face this betrayal within her family then she needs all the help she can get, and that means no acting like we don’t care about each other anymore. I’m going to have to face the Ciphers with my heart on my sleeve. My brain goes numb, overwhelmed with what this means for me. It’s possible this will be the end of my probation period. It’s either become a Cipher or hit the road now that I’ve fallen for one of their daughters.
Mounting the motorcycle first I strap my helmet on knowing there’s only one choice to be made—be here for her. This isn’t some normal problem she’s facing. It’s an existential one—the kind that could ruin her. She needs me. I will let fate decide what becomes of me with the club after today.
I wait for Celia to don her helmet and climb on behind me. Her arms are like noodles. “Hold on, baby.” She mumbles something incoherent but tightens them. “That’s it. You can do this.”
Luke leads the way, Sofia behind him, then me with Ceels, and Atlas at the tail. Every time I’ve ridden with these people, it’s been total freedom. But today someone robbed the air of oxygen, and there’s only one way to get it back.
The truth.
CHAPTER 29
C ELIA
P arking the bikes in front of the plantation, I climb off, staring at it.
My home.
Born here.
This is all I’ve known.
I’m thirty-one and I’ve never lived anywhere else. Never wanted to.
Sean shuts off the Harley and takes my helmet from me as I stare. Suddenly I feel his warm hand touching mine, our fingers locking. In a daze I stare at them before slamming onto his calm sapphires. “No!” I try to pull my hand away
but he holds on.
“I’m here with you now,” he rasps, the decision painful.
“Sean, no, we can act like we’re just friends!”
“I don’t want to do that.” He takes my chin and kisses me. “You’re more than that to me, Ceels. No more secrets.”
Sofia walks up. “We ready?”
I nod and the five of us walk up our old porch steps, entering the house in a single file line, Sean is in front of me, gripping my hand. His sacrifice strengthens me and my shoulders rise as I call out, “Mom?!”
Luna appears first in the hallway, beautiful eyes scanning five determined faces before landing on our locked hands. Her eyebrows twitch and misinterpreting this as an announcement, she says, “I’ll go find Jett.”
Sofia Sol stops her, “No, Mom. This isn’t about Celia and Sean. It’s about something bigger.”
Luna frowns, “Then I’ll definitely get your father.”
“We’ll be in the grand parlor.”
“Fine.” She disappears.
I scream, “MOM!!!”
A door opens upstairs. “Celia?”
“I need to talk to you right now!” We walk into the empty parlor that’s darkened by a disappearing sun. Atlas switches on the antique floor lamps while Luke stands against one of the walls, crossing his arms to wait. Soph stands with us, on my left. Sean is on my right. My foot is tapping like it wants to escape.
My brother appears, explaining in haste, “I heard you shouting.”
“Come in. You should be here.”
He nods and I watch him take another wall, crossing his arms like Luke and staring at me from under his black eyebrows. We’re only half-blooded siblings then? It makes so much sense. And if that’s true, then where do I get this fire that he does not have? The desire to fight, to defend, to raise hell in a sleeping world?
Who am I?
Mom and Tonk Sr. carefully walk into the parlor, aware that something is very wrong. Luna and Jett appear in the other room. And Honey Badger comes next. I frown at him, “Why are you here?”
He glances over as Jett pushes tension down with his palm, silently telling him, Stay. Luna walks to my mom, her best friend, and stands with her. The three of them are a mirror image of us.
Nobody sits.
“Celia,” my mother points to Sean. “What is this about?”
My reply is angry and without padding. “Who is my father?”
Mom gasps, grabs Tonk’s arm as Luna rests a supportive hand on her best friend’s shoulder, a quick reflex. But Jett and Honey Badger aren’t surprised. She must have warned them that we said this wasn’t about Sean when she called for them to join her here. These are smart people—they guessed I’d discovered their secret.
My brave Sofia takes the blame with grit, “We eavesdropped on your conversation, Carmen, after you ran to my mom.”
Atlas and Luke stay firm, standing behind this confession without shame.
“Who is my father?”
Tonk Sr. growls, “I am godammit! I am!”
CHAPTER 30
SEAN
L ove and regret crash onto Celia’s face then disappear, coldness replacing them. “Who’s my real father? Why have you lied to me my whole life?!”
Weary and backed into a corner with nowhere to hide, Carmen walks to a velvet chair and sits down, holding her head. Tonk goes to her, but the man isn’t great at words. He keeps trying to say something to help them both, and can’t.
“Tell me everything! I deserve to know.”
But Luna shakes her head. “Give your mother a second! Can’t you see how hard this is for her?”
“For her? For her? She lied to me—”
“I had to!”
“Why did you have to?”
“Because I did!” Carmen moans.
Sofia and I exchange a look as Celia grits her teeth in pain. “Mom!”
“I was a girl when they came for me,” Carmen whispers, stricken. “My parents were poor. They sold me to the men who would take me to America. They did it for money. I was driven to a house in California where it was so pretty on the outside. I got so excited, until I realized one day that I would never see the outside again.” She presses her fingers into her eyelids and shudders at having to say this aloud. “It was a baby-making factory. We were made to live in a room with rows of beds and one bathroom. They brought us food. Only took us out to have sex with us. Impregnate us so they could sell the babies to couples who applied for adoption.”
Celia gasps, hand going clammy. I put my arm around her and hold her up as she leans into me, staring at her mother.
“Then one day Tonk burst into the room, with Jett, Honey Badger, and Scratch. I clung to Tonk, trusted him immediately. He held me as I cried and begged for what they promised to be true. For us to be saved. For it to be over.”
“Mom,” Celia breathes, breaking free to go kneel before her mother. “Oh my God, Mom!”
Reaching for her hand, tears slide down Carmen’s face. “Tonk took me in, and even though I was covered in shame and fear, he loved me. He vowed to be your dad, Celia. His name is on your birth certificate! He’s raised you as his own, and he didn’t have to. He loves you! He loves me! That means something!”
Celia wilts, “It means everything,” reaching for Tonk to come to them.
He takes her hand and kneels down, too. “Can’t you let me be your dad, still?” he croaks. She launches herself into his arms and sobs. His big arms wrap around her, rocking them both as he repeats over and over, “I love you so much! I love you! I love you so much!”
With emotion stopping him up, Jett clears his throat, “Luna and I were there when you were born.”
Honey Badger adds, “I’d driven back to the plantation by then, but I was right here when you showed up. Been here ever since.”
“I wasn’t born here?”
Jett quietly explains, “You were born in a hospital on the way home. Your mom was six months pregnant when we found her. Eighteen and terrified. We stayed in California for a little while my wife was…sick. Tonk and Carmen took that time to get to know each other, to ease Carmen into a life out of that room—the only place she’d known after coming to America. But he patiently earned her trust. When my wife got well enough to travel, we did.” Luna is watching Jett with a sharp eye like he’s leaving out a lot, and I have a feeling it’s their story he’s omitting.
Tonk takes over, pulling my focus. “We wanted you born here at our home, Celia. But you decided to be born on the road.”
Carmen whispers, “Like a prophecy.”
He pauses, “Yeah, I guess so.”
Everyone’s quiet until Sofia Sol inhales sharply, “Wow.”
CHAPTER 31
C ELIA
L una tells everyone, “Why don’t we step out and give them some time alone together.”
As my brother starts to leave I call over, “Junior, stay.”
He reacts with surprise, and joins us as everyone else leaves. Sean holds my look a second, tips his head and vanishes with the others.
I take the chair next to Junior, all the implications of what they’ve told me swirling in my gut like a sickness I can’t escape. My mom is wiping her eyes as her body shakes. Dad is steady as usual, a tall block of certainty even in the face of all this.
“You were one of the missions,” I whisper. “We were.”
She sniffs, “Yes.”
Picking at my nails I think about it. “After all the horrible stuff I’ve seen, all I have to do is pick any of those women up and put her in this house, pregnant from a rapist with no one to turn to. When I do that, I can put myself in your shoes.”
Hurriedly, Mom reaches across the faded armrest for Dad’s hand. “It wasn’t that. I fell in love with Tonk!”
“I didn’t mean it that way, Mom. I just meant…I can understand.” My eyes are on my lap. “I’m the child of a rapist.”
“You’re my child!” Dad shouts, so defensive of my wounded heart. “You’re a gift,
that’s what you are! You’re my daughter!”
My brother reassures me, “You’re more their child than I am!”
Carmen murmurs, “Honey don’t say that!”
Ignoring them, in my own world I figure it out, “That’s why you were so scared when I killed that guy. You’re worried I’ll become evil.”
“Nooooo.”
Meeting her worried eyes I see the lie in them and say, simply, “Yes, you are.” Dad objects but I cut him off. “I know I’m not, Mom. I’m not evil.”
Fearful tears slide down her face, and she can hardly meet my eyes. Dad is cooing to her, trying to get her to let that thought go, and I can tell it’s not the first time he’s told her these things.
“It’s called transference,” my brother begins, his voice cool and detached as it always is when he levels a room with book-learned wisdom. “I’m assuming that if you came straight to this house, Mom, that you never got psychiatric help?”
Dad bristles, “Your mother isn’t crazy!”
With a tone both steady and firm Tonk Jr. says, “She isn’t healed either. The trauma she experienced in that prison still lives in her cells. The distraction of a new life could only last so long. When we don’t heal our past it haunts us. When we don’t listen, the problem becomes louder. Mom’s fear that Celia might be like the men who hurt her isn’t rational. She knows Celia is a good person. That’s why she’s so tormented by questioning that knowledge. But there is a voice inside her that is afraid. It’s been afraid ever since she heard their footsteps coming for her when she was a teenager, sold by her family, loved by no one.”
The sobs that wilt our mother at this proclamation are soul-crushing. I reach for her at the same time Dad does. But she pushes us away. “You’re right! You’re right!” she keeps repeating, wiping her eyes as she stares at her son like he finally broke through the hell she’d been living in.
Reaching for napkins left from the last meal, I hand a couple to her. “Here Mom.”
She uses it while staring at Tonk Jr. “What do I do?”
Sean aka Diesel (Cocker Brothers Book 14) Page 14