Amish Widow's Secret

by Samantha Price

  "We don't have any blackberries. But I do have plenty of preserved peaches."

  "Why don't I make a peach pie?"

  "I've only got the one oven, but I've got the dinner on early enough that I can keep it warm while the pie cooks."

  Maud and Cassandra smiled at each other.

  "Wunderbaar!” Cassandra was pleased that she and Maud were getting on well, and she even liked Maud’s husband. She’d had concerns that she wouldn’t get on with the people she’d been sent to stay with, but her fears had been unfounded.

  As she rolled out the pastry for the peach pie, she could only think about Reuben. She was already developing feelings for him and she wondered how he felt. He seemed to be attracted to her—as far as she could tell. When the time was right, she’d have to tell him about the baby. And that would prove what kind of man he was he was. A real man would stand by her. If he weren’t, he would probably judge her harshly and not be interested in her any more.

  Reuben walked into the kitchen just as Cassandra was putting the pie into the oven.

  "That's not a pie, is it?"

  "Don't get used to it!” Maud said. She looked up at Cassandra from her seat at the kitchen table, and explained, “Max and Reuben don't get pies too often around here."

  "Well, that can change while I’m staying here. I love baking pies.”

  "As long as they taste alright, I don't think any of us will have any objection to you doing just that," Reuben said with a cheeky grin

  "I'll just have to see if I can get those blackberries for you from somewhere," Maud said.

  Just then, Max came through the door and told his dog to sit on the mat. This time, the dog obeyed. Maud and Cassandra served the dinner.

  After the pie was eaten at the end of the meal, everyone voted that Cassandra could bake as many pies as she wished and preferably, daily.

  That gave Cassandra the idea—she could bake pies and sell them. That way she could make money. She’d set up a roadside stall; she’d seen one not far from the house that sold honey and jams to passers by. Pies would be perfect to sell from a stall nearby.

  She kept that thought to herself, and made a mental note to speak to Maud about it soon. She’d like to find a way to repay her parents and this, it seemed, was the perfect solution. Cassandra only hoped Maud would allow her to use her kitchen.

  After the dinner clean-up, it was tea in the living room. An hour later, Reuben said goodnight and left for the grossdaddi haus.

  As she’d done the previous night, Cassandra offered to wash the last of the tea and coffee dishes. At home, she would never have done that. Her family had to put up with her, but these people seemed to enjoy her company. Even Uncle Max, who wasn’t exactly a proper relative—being her uncle only by marriage—seemed to like having her around.

  Chapter 13

  Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace,

  whose mind is stayed on thee:

  because he trusteth in thee.

  Isaiah 26:3

  * * *

  The next day, Cassandra discussed the idea of making pies and selling them and, to her delight, Maud liked the idea. Maud told her there was a larger oven in the barn, which she’d always planned to install in the house. Now there was a good incentive for Max to install the stove, moving it up on his list of things to be done.

  In the first two weeks, they decided to try all different varieties of pies to see which ones would prove most popular.

  Friday morning came. She wondered how she would explain Jenny’s visit to Reuben. He’d know that Jenny was the community midwife; of course, he would since it was only a small community. But then again, Maud said that she was a friend of hers, so maybe Reuben would think that Jenny was only at the house as a friend of Maud’s.

  Cassandra was nervous about meeting the midwife. It wasn't so much about meeting the midwife herself, it was the whole thing of actually giving birth to a child and going through the pain of labor. Meeting with Jenny would make it all the more real. She didn't know if she would be able to do it.

  This was the first thing in her life she couldn't change her mind about or get out of. She’d had a history of quitting. She’d grown bored with playing softball and quit even though her friends said they needed her to make up the numbers. She’d changed her mind and put a stop to the contract that would buy them an apartment. It was Jake’s money, but he’d wanted them to buy it together. She’d done the same when they were just about to sign for a small car. Commitments were a big thing and Cassandra didn’t like that feeling of having to do things. Now she was faced with something she couldn’t get out of no matter what. She couldn’t simply change her mind about having a baby.

  Yes, she didn’t want to keep this baby, but that wouldn't stop the baby from coming. Cassandra sat on her bed looking straight ahead. For the first time, she realized how stupid she and Jake had been. There was no rewinding the clock, and it didn’t matter that the pregnancy had been an accidental one—that didn't change anything.

  She was terrified by the idea of childbirth, but even her parents couldn’t fix this problem for her. The only way to end the nightmare she was in was to go through with it until the end. The girls she worked with at the restaurant had told her what it was like to give birth. It seemed there was no painless way to get through it.

  What if she were one of those women whose labor took days from start to finish? She couldn't imagine being in pain for such a long period of time. To top it all off, there was no man to hold her hand throughout the ordeal. Jake at least might have been useful for that.

  The sound of a buggy outside distracted Cassandra from her worries. She stood up and walked to the window. That had to be Jenny. A youngish woman got out who, Cassandra guessed, must be in her early-to-middle thirties. Cassandra had expected Jenny to be older, closer to Maud’s age considering Maud had said that they were friends.

  "Cassandra," Maud called from downstairs.

  "I'm coming," Cassandra called back. Cassandra took a huge gulp of air and walked downstairs.

  She waited at the door with Maud while Jenny secured her white and brown horse. She could see Jenny's face; she looked to be a friendly kind of person, and that calmed Cassandra's nerves somewhat.

  "You must be Cassandra," Jenny said as she headed to them.

  "Good guess," Cassandra replied with a smile. “That’s what my parents named me.”

  Jenny gave a little laugh and then greeted Maud. Then the three of them walked inside the house.

  "What will we do first?” Maud asked.

  "Shall we have a cup of tea and talk?" Jenny suggested.

  “Come into the kitchen and we’ll have a cuppa,” Maud said leading the way.

  "That sounds nice, and then Cassandra and I will get down to the reason I'm here."

  "Gut!” Cassandra said, thinking that it did not sound good at all. What would sound good is if someone could reverse time and take her back to before she left the community with Jake. She would certainly do many things differently if she could have that period of time over again, knowing what she now knew.

  "You both sit and I’ll get the tea," Cassandra said, being too nervous to sit down.

  "So, you haven't been here long, Cassandra?"

  "I've only been here a couple of days."

  "And how do you like it so far?"

  "I like it fine. Oaks County is such a pretty place. Reuben has shown me around." She looked over at Jenny. "Do you know Reuben?"

  "Jah, I do. Everyone around here knows him. He's been visiting the community on and off for years."

  Cassandra nodded.

  "Jah, the two of them have struck up quite a friendship," Maud said.

  Cassandra glanced at Jenny just in time to see Jenny smile.

  "Is that right?" Jenny said looking across the table at Maud.

  Maud nodded and gave a knowing smile.

  While she waited for the pot to boil, Cassandra sat down at the kitchen table and said, "I don't mind telling you I'm
scared out of my mind."

  Jenny nodded. "Most women in your situation are scared. It's only normal."

  "That doesn't really make me feel much better."

  "It's normal to be nervous, especially the first time, but remember that birthing is a natural process."

  "And a painful one?" Cassandra hoped Jenny would tell her there was nothing to worry about.

  "There will be a certain amount of discomfort and I won't say that there won't be. The thing is not to talk to too many women about it. You’ll get your share of horror stories—there are plenty of those around. But bad experiences are generally in the minority."

  “I've heard someone had a labor last for three days. Now I can’t get that out of my head."

  "Don't let people’s stories scare you. It doesn't mean yours is going to be three days, or that you'll have any complications."

  "I can have complications? Like what?" Cassandra felt immediately sick in the stomach. “I haven't had morning sickness yet; do you think this is morning sickness? I feel sick in the tummy."

  "If you haven't had morning sickness before now, I would say this would be nerves."

  "Cassandra, you have to calm yourself down," Maud said firmly.

  Cassandra leaned back in the chair.

  "I'll make the tea, Cassandra, you sit there and speak with Jenny."

  Cassandra didn’t reply, she just stared at Jenny. "I just want to know how bad it will be."

  "There’s no way to know that. Most everybody has a different experience."

  "Have you had a baby yourself?"

  "Jah, I have had three."

  "And how was that?"

  "Mine lasted between eight to twelve hours but only two to three of those hours were what I would call painful."

  "Three hours of pain? I don't know how I can do it."

  "It's helpful if you don't see it as though the pain is something attacking you. The pain is useful to you. The pain is opening the way for your baby to get out. And believe me, by the time your baby is due, you well and truly will welcome the discomfort because you're just going to want your baby to be out."

  Maud giggled. "Ain't that the truth?”

  Cassandra frowned at Maud.

  "So I don't see it as pain, I see it is something that I have to go through to get my baby out?"

  "Well, that helped me. I just saw the discomfort as something my body had to do to open up. After all, that’s what the pain is doing—opening up the cervix to allow your baby to move through."

  Cassandra sighed loudly. "And then it will be over?"

  “Jah.”

  "Did Maud tell you that I want to find a nice couple to take the baby?"

  "Maud and I discussed that briefly. I'll look into that for you."

  "You would? I would feel much better with that sorted out soon."

  "I can line up some couples for you to interview. Would you like that?"

  "I get to interview them?"

  "You can choose the couple. But normally, it's best to wait until you’re further along because if you change your mind and want to keep the baby, the couples will be disappointed."

  “I can't keep the baby because.…" In mid sentence, she thought about Reuben. If she and Reuben fell in love and got married, perhaps they could keep the baby. "Well, maybe it might be a good idea to wait a couple months."

  "Okay, we’ll do that, then," Jenny said.

  Maud placed cups of tea in front of them.

  After they'd had tea and cookies, Jenny looked Cassandra over in the privacy of her bedroom. Her blood pressure was taken and Jenny pressed down on her stomach.

  "Is the baby the right size?"

  "Jah, he comes up to here.” She touched Cassandra’s tummy. “This is the baby's right level for how many weeks you are, and your blood pressure is fine. Do you want to listen to the baby’s heartbeat?”

  “Jah, of course I do. How do you do that?”

  “I’ve got this little machine.” She pulled out another contraption from her bag. It looked similar to the blood pressure machine. “This will allow us to hear your baby’s heart. It’ll be a lot faster than your own so don’t panic when you hear it.”

  “I won’t.” Cassandra was amazed and pleased that she would hear a sound of life from her baby. Before long she heard a rhythmic swishing sound. “Is that it?”

  “It certainly is and he sounds strong and healthy.”

  “He?”

  Jenny laughed. “I call them all ‘he’ before they’re born.”

  Cassandra was reminded of how her mother was upset with her for calling the baby ‘it.’ "That's a relief, that he’s healthy."

  "Do you have any health issues?"

  "Nee, and I never get sick. Even when people get colds and flu around me, I never catch anything."

  "That's good."

  "How often will you visit?"

  "I won't need to see you for another four weeks. Other than that, I guess I'll see you at the meetings every second Sunday."

  "Jah, I'll be there."

  “Well, that’s all we need to do today.”

  “Denke.”

  Jenny nodded and helped Cassandra sit up, and then repacked her equipment into her bag. Then they walked back down the stairs to talk with Maud, who was sitting in the living room.

  “She’s healthy, and the baby is healthy too,” Jenny announced.

  “I knew that,” Maud said, looking pleased.

  Cassandra and Maud watched from the porch as Jenny drove away in her buggy.

  "Do you feel better now?" Maud asked.

  "I feel a lot better. She made me feel at ease. I'm still a little nervous, but she'll be there during the whole birthing procedure, won't she?"

  "She will. Would you like me to be there too?"

  "Would you please?"

  Maud laughed. "Of course I will, if you want me to."

  "Jah, please. I would be so happy if you’d stay with me. It’d be like having Mamm there." Tears came to Cassandra's eyes and she quickly wiped them away before Maud could see them. For the first time in a long time, she missed her mother. Why wasn’t her mother there with her? Didn’t she care that she was about to go through something dreadful? The least her mother could do was to be there with her instead of sending her away to some faraway place, to a relative she’d only met once as a young girl.

  Maud stroked her on the shoulder. "I'll be your stand-in mudder."

  Cassandra nodded. "Denke, I'm going to need one of those." Cassandra thought it was probably the pregnancy hormones making her so emotional. Either that, or it was the fear of what she would soon have to face.

  Chapter 14

  Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit,

  and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;

  Ephesians 6:18

  * * *

  Sunday morning came, and Cassandra made sure she was up bright and early. And it wasn't hard to wake up early with the sun streaming in the bedroom window. She went downstairs and, as Maud had told her the night before, there was only cereal for breakfast because it was a Sunday morning.

  “We’re leaving in ten minutes,” was the first thing that Max said to her.

  "I'm ready to go. I just need some breakfast and kaffe. That’ll take less than ten minutes."

  “Maud's upstairs getting ready. She's already had something to eat."

  "Okay," Cassandra said to Max. When Max left the room, she poured the hot coffee out of the pot and looked out the window just in time to see Reuben heading down the road in his wagon. That might be because he said he'd show me around after the meeting.

  Max walked back into the room. “Is there enough kaffe left for me to have another cup?”

  “Jah, I’ll pour you one.” Cassandra thought she’d better tell Max her plans for the day. “Reuben is showing me around after the meeting today.”

  Max sat down at the table. "Didn't he show you around the other day?"

  Cassa
ndra nodded and passed him a cup of coffee. "Is there a problem?”

  Maud appeared at the door in time to have her say. "Not at all, but he'll be here for a long time and he’ll be here when you give birth, so if you're getting close to him, it might be good idea to tell him soon.”

  "Jah, I know, Maud.” Cassandra had already had this conversation with Maud.

  "Gut!” Max said.

  "Tell me how this is supposed to work, Maud.” Cassandra sat down at the kitchen table. “Is this a secret to everyone in the community including the bishop?”

  "The bishop will want to speak with you, and when you go to see him, it’ll be best to tell him the reason you're here. That doesn't mean that anybody else has to know. Except Reuben—if your relationship develops into a serious one.”

  Cassandra nodded. "Got it."

  Max added, "Once the wrong person finds out, news will travel through the community like wildfire."

  “I wouldn’t want that,” Cassandra said.

  "Nee. Neither would your parents."

  "Jah." Cassandra nodded, not happy about her parents being mentioned.

  Maud walked out of the room while Max stood up. He walked toward the back door.

  Cassandra grew angry. This was happening to her, not her parents. It seemed selfish of her parents to be concerned about themselves when it was happening to her and not them. She was the one who had to go through the labor and the pain of giving birth, while they were hundreds of miles away enjoying themselves.

  "As long as my parents are happy," Cassandra said, as Max was on his way out the door.

  He stepped back through the door. "Did you just say something?"

  Cassandra shook her head. "It doesn't matter." It certainly didn't matter to her parents.

  As they traveled to the meeting, Cassandra was told that the gathering this fortnight would be held at the bishop's house. The Sunday meetings, as in Cassandra’s community, were held every second Sunday. Now there was probably no way that Cassandra could get out of talking to the bishop if the meeting was held in his house.