Only One

by Tammy Falkner

  My voice breaks. “Daddy,” I whisper.

  “What is it, Carrie?”

  They take Mom out the door on the stretcher, and I follow. The woman the neighbor called Sky puts a pair of sandals on my feet. I keep walking, the phone pressed against my wet face. I watch as they put Mom into the ambulance.

  They motion for me to climb in too, so I do, and they buckle me in.

  “Carrie!” Dad yells through the phone. The doors of the ambulance close. “Carrie, you have to speak to me!”

  I swallow hard. “I think I wasted my one last moment,” I whisper.

  Nick

  My bed dips and I roll toward the middle. “Nick,” someone says impatiently, calling my name. I open my eyes and see Jack.

  “Get out of my bed, Jack,” I say, and stuff my face into my pillow, drawing it under my head and plumping it.

  “Nick,” she says, a little more impatiently. She shoves my shoulder. “Get up!”

  I open my eyes. “Why?” She has her clothes on and her eyes are clear. She’s not drunk.

  “It’s Carrie,” she says.

  My eyes fly open. “What about Carrie?”

  She gets up and opens my drawers, passing me a shirt and pants. “Get dressed,” she says. “It’s her mom.”

  I start to pull my pants on. “What’s wrong with her?”

  “My aunt works at the hospital, and she was there when they brought her in, but she couldn’t give me any more information. Carrie’s all by herself, except for some strange men no one knows.” She shoves me again. “Go,” she says, and she points toward the door.

  I jam my feet into my sneakers. I walk by Jack and stop quickly to kiss her on the forehead. She scrunches up her face and pushes me away. She wipes a hand across her skin.

  “Eww,” she says. But she’s smiling.

  “Thank you,” I say.

  She flops back onto my bed and pulls the covers under her chin. “I’m just going to say right here,” she says.

  I don’t have time to move her out of my bed, so I let her stay. She can’t go home at this time of the night anyway. I flip the light off on my way out.

  I hop in my dad’s old jeep and drive to the hospital. It’s not too far away, but it feels like it takes forever before I see the big signs that announce I’m close to the emergency room. Finally, I’m there, and I park.

  I go through the emergency doors and there she is. She’s sitting in a chair with her legs drawn up close to her chin, like she’s trying to curl into a ball. Matthew Reed is sitting next to her, and I almost have to stop and do a double-take when I see him.

  “Carrie!” I cry out. She startles and looks up at me, her eyes filling with tears immediately.

  “Nick,” she says as I drop down in front of her. She’s in my arms before I can blink. Sobs wrack her body and she seems so small all of a sudden.

  She knocks me over and I sink back onto the floor on my butt, and she comes down in my lap. I couldn’t pry her off with a crowbar, though, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  I rub her back and stroke down the length of her hair until she settles. She sniffles and wipes her nose on my shirt.

  “Sorry,” she whispers, as she wipes the snot into my shirt.

  I chuckle and hug her tightly. “What happened?” I ask. “How’s your mom?”

  She sniffles again and buries her head in my shirt.

  Matt speaks up for her, thank God. “She’s having a reaction to the chemo. It’s pretty normal, but really scary.”

  I stick my hand out to Matt to shake. “Thanks for hanging out with her.”

  He smiles and shakes my hand. “I didn’t mind.”

  Of all the people in the world, she got one of the Reeds to come to the hospital with her. Then I look up and see Paul come around the corner. My heart almost stops. He hands Matt a cup of coffee. “Hey, Nick,” he says.

  Holy crap. He just said my name. He remembered me. “Paul,” I say with a nod.

  Carrie looks up. “You guys know one another?”

  Matt nods. “Nick was nice enough to get us some firewood.” He reaches for his pocket. “We still owe you for that.”

  I wave him off. “Keep it. It didn’t cost me anything.”

  He pulls his hand back from his wallet. “Thanks, man,” he says. He smiles at me.

  “Can I go back and see her yet?” Carrie asks, her voice soft and wet.

  Paul shakes his head. “I just saw the nurse in the hallway. She said they called your mom’s oncologist in and he’s with her now. He’ll be out to talk to you in a few minutes.”

  “It’s not good, is it?” she asks.

  He shakes his head and looks at Matt. “Probably not,” he says.

  “I messed up, Nick,” she says. “I screwed up my one last moment,” she whispers, looking up at me. “Why did I do that?”

  “Shh.” I pull her against me. “She’s still here. You haven’t passed up the last moment. There’s still time.”

  “I really messed it up.”

  “Shh,” I say again, because I don’t know how to comfort her.

  I hold her until the doctor comes out to talk to her. She scrambles out of my lap and into a chair, so I sit down next to her.

  The doctor looks at her over the rims of his glasses. “I told your mother not to do more chemo,” he says. He blows out a heavy breath. “It was a choice between having four good weeks and six bad weeks, but she opted for the bad weeks because she said she had some unfinished business. But at this point, I can’t continue the chemo. It’s time to take her off it.”

  Carrie trembles beside me, so I take her hand and squeeze it.

  “She’s done with chemo?” Carrie asks.

  He nods.

  “How much longer?” she asks.

  My heart clenches for her, and I already feel like someone has sliced me open and I’m bleeding on the floor, and I’m just watching. I can’t even imagine how she feels.

  “About a month.” He looks down at his notes. “You should all go home. She can’t see anyone until tomorrow.”

  She jumps to her feet. “Not even me?”

  He shakes his head, but Paul and Matt stand up, too. “Give her two minutes,” Matt says.

  The doctor shakes his head again.

  “Two minutes!” Paul barks. He’s big and physically intimidating. The doctor is slightly rocked, I can tell. “Two minutes,” Paul says more quietly.

  The doctor nods. “All right. Two minutes. Follow me.” He motions Carrie forward with his fingers. Matt goes with them.

  I stand in the corridor with Paul. “Thank you,” I say.

  He shrugs like it’s nothing.

  Then I remember Matt. I remember his cancer treatment, and I suddenly know why he’s here. “Is Matt going to be okay with this?” I ask.

  Paul nods. “If he didn’t get to come, he wouldn’t be okay with it. He’d worry, and wish he could have done something for her.”

  “That’s why you came with him.”

  He shrugs again. “It’s what we do.”

  I wish I had someone to do that.

  “If the tabloids find out we’re at a hospital, they’ll announce tomorrow that one of us overdosed or something.” He chuckles.

  It’s so easy to forget they’re famous. “You should go before people with cameras show up.”

  He shakes his head. “I’ll wait for Matt.”

  Carrie comes out just a minute later, and she looks calmer than she did when she went in. “You okay?” I ask. I wrap my arm around her and pull her close to kiss her cheek.

  “I’m okay,” she says. “They’re going to keep her here at least overnight.”

  “Is your dad coming?”

  “He’s on the way.”

  “Okay,” I say. “You ready to go? I have my jeep outside.”

  “We can take her,” Matt says.

  I shake my head. “I can do it.” I won’t leave her. Not now.

  Matt motions me toward the front door and I follow hi
m. Suddenly, he turns and jerks me toward him, his hand strong on my neck. I flinch, but I take it. “Her dad’s not here, and no one else is here to take care of her while she’s vulnerable. So why should I trust you to do that?” He stares into my eyes.

  “I wouldn’t take advantage of her,” I say. I shrug out of his hold, and he looks surprised by that. “In fact, I’m the one who will protect her from anything. So don’t assume you can run me off by intimidating me.”

  He grins. “I like you.” He steps back. “See you in the morning!” he calls over his shoulder. Paul follows him to the truck, stopping for only a moment to pat me on the shoulder and say, “Good boy.”

  I laugh. Paul’s talking to me like I’m a puppy. “Screw you,” I say to his retreating back. He just laughs at me. I’ve seen all the words they bleep from his mouth on the show. I doubt I could surprise him.

  I shake my head and turn to Carrie. She yawns, and she looks like she can barely stay on her feet. “C’mon,” I say. “Let’s get you home.”

  We get to her house and she climbs out of the jeep. I go inside with her, and she walks straight to her bedroom. Does she want me to follow her? I do it anyway, because I can’t stand having so much space between us. I feel almost like she’s going to shatter, and that I need to be there to catch the pieces. Maybe even to put her back together.

  She turns down her covers and steps out of her jeans shorts. Then she does that trick women must be born doing—when she unhooks her bra and pulls it from her sleeve.

  “Stay with me?” she says quietly. She looks at me, watching my face. I pull back the other side of the bedcovers and kick my shoes off. I slide beneath her covers with my clothes on and she rolls into me. “I had another minute,” she says quietly. “Two, actually.”

  She lays her head on my chest and wraps her arm around my chest so tightly that she tucks it under me on the other side.

  “How did it go?” I ask.

  “It went.”

  “Good?”

  “Yeah.” She heaves a sigh. “Thank you.”

  I kiss her forehead. “You’re welcome.”

  She yawns against my chest, and I can feel the warm breath of her exhalation through my shirt. “You won’t leave, will you?” she asks quietly.

  “No, I won’t leave.”

  “Promise?”

  “Yeah, I promise.”

  “Good.” She snuggles into my chest, and I imagine that our heartbeats have lined up, just like our breaths and our bodies. I’m not sure that our worlds can line up as cleanly.

  ***

  It’s probably a few hours later when I hear her door open. I jerk awake and look up to find her dad standing beside the bed, staring down at me. Then he turns and leaves the room. He leaves the door open, so I roll out from under her and follow him into the kitchen, where he’s getting a bottle of water from the fridge. “Mr. Michaels,” I say.

  “Nick.” He doesn’t look at me. He just looks into the fridge.

  “Um…” I jerk a thumb toward the bedroom. “I was just keeping Carrie company. I didn’t want her to be alone.”

  “Um-hmm,” he hums.

  “Really, sir,” I say. “I didn’t…I wouldn’t…” Shit. I swipe a hand down my face.

  He glares at me. “You couldn’t keep her company and not be in her bed?”

  “Well, she kind of needed me, sir.”

  “Needed you in her bed?” His brows form a vee.

  “She needed someone to hold her. She was having a pretty hard time.”

  “Dad?” Carrie says from the hallway.

  “Care,” he says softly.

  She falls into him and he holds her tightly. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

  He glares at me over the top of her head. Then he sets her back from him. “No boys in your bedroom, Care,” he says.

  “Oh, yeah.” She looks at me sheepishly. “Sorry about that. We weren’t doing anything. It was nothing.”

  “It didn’t look like nothing,” he says. He tips her face up. “It looked like something. Dads don’t like somethings when it comes to their daughters.”

  She laughs. “I get it, Dad.” She reaches out for my hand. “Can Nick stay?”

  He snorts. “Not in your bed.”

  She nods, and he kisses her forehead.

  “I’m going to lie down. I want to go see your mom early tomorrow.”

  He goes into the master bedroom and closes the door behind him.

  Carrie grunts. “That’s Mom’s bedroom,” she says.

  I brush her hair back from her face. “I think he knows that.”

  “Thanks for staying.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Will you stay some more?” She looks up at me, blinking those wide eyes. “Come sit on the couch with me.”

  I nod. “Will he be mad at me for that?”

  She laughs. “If he was truly mad, he wouldn’t have gone to bed.”

  She leads me to the couch, and I sit down. She crawls into my lap and tucks her head under my chin. Then she starts to talk.

  She tells me all about what happened with her mom, her mom and dad, and her mom’s boyfriend. Then she settles against me, once the story is out there and off her chest. I hold her until her breaths are steady and she’s asleep. Then I close my eyes too.

  Carrie

  I wake up alone on the couch. When I went to sleep, Nick was wrapped around me, but now he’s gone. I roll over and smell the heavenly scent of coffee. Dad is sitting at the table, talking with someone. At first glance I think it’s Nick, but it’s not. It’s the man from last night, and his wife, the one who talked to the 9-1-1 operator for me.

  I get up and go put on something besides my jammies, and then I go out to join them. I touch Dad lightly on the shoulder and squeeze. His hand comes up to cover mine. I bend and kiss his cheek. “Have you talked to Mom today?”

  He nods. “She’s awake and ready to come home.” He swipes a hand down his face. “I just have to disassemble the bed and move some stuff around, and then I’ll go pick her up.”

  “Why do you have to disassemble the bed?”

  “Honey, hospice is sending over a hospital bed and supplies.” He stops and watches me.

  “Oh,” I breathe.

  Matt breaks the stalemate. “Why don’t you let my brothers and me move the furniture around for you? We can get it done a lot faster. And we’ve done it before.”

  “Oh, no,” Dad says. “We couldn’t let you do that.”

  Matt waves a hand in the air. “It’s nothing. And my brothers won’t be happy unless you let us help. They’ve been dying to come over since yesterday, but I told them they couldn’t.” He laughs. “They’re nosy.”

  “Why do you care?” I blurt out.

  “Carrie.” Dad scolds me with just that one word, and heat creeps up my face.

  “I’m sorry,” I murmur. I busy myself pouring a cup of coffee.

  Matt pulls back his sleeve and shows me the cancer ribbon tattoo on his bicep. “I’m a survivor.”

  I drop into a chair beside Dad. “Of cancer?”

  He nods and takes a sip of his coffee. “Yes.” His wife’s hand slips under his on the table and he looks up at her with a smile.

  “That’s how we met,” she says. She waves at me. “I’m Sky, by the way.”

  “You met over cancer?” Dad asks.

  She shakes her head. “We met because of our kids, actually. Matt met my half-sister when they were both in treatment. She had three kids, and I took them when she died. And I met Matt through the process. They stuck. The kids and the man.”

  “To make a long story short,” Matt says, “we’d be happy to move your furniture around, so you can get some other stuff done.” He jerks a thumb toward the hallway. “Do you want to show me what you need to have moved?”

  Dad follows him in the corridor and I watch. Sky says softly, “Matt has a tender heart. He’s faced his own mortality more than once, so he knows what your mother’s going through.”r />
  “He survived, though,” I say. Emotion swells inside me, right when I least expect it, and I have to swallow hard to push it down. “My mom isn’t going to.”

  “I know,” she says. Her eyes well and she blinks hard to keep the tears from falling over. She doesn’t say anything. She just stares at her coffee. Finally, she says quietly, “You’re lucky, you know?”

  My head jerks up and I snort. “Define luck.”

  “My oldest boy, Seth, he would give anything to have a few more minutes with his mom. So don’t take it for granted.”

  “I’ve been a bit of a bitch, lately,” I admit.

  She laughs. “You’re a teenager. That comes with the territory. Your mom knows that.”

  “Not about normal teenage stuff. Not boys. Not periods. Not makeup or clothes. But just about life.”

  “Sometimes life convinces us it sucks. And sometimes it convinces us we suck. It happens. You get over it. I would wager your mom won’t hold it against you.”

  I look into her eyes. “You promise?”

  “I’m a mom. So, yes, I promise.”

  I nod.

  Dad and Matt come back down the hallway and they stop to shake hands. Matt and Sky leave hand in hand, and Dad leaves to go pick up Mom. I look around and wonder what the heck I’m supposed to be doing. But then a knock sounds on the door and Matt lets himself in. Hospice is there with the furniture and supplies, so he shows them where to put everything. Following him are four more men just like him, and then one that’s not like him at all.

  Matt introduces his brothers and his son, Seth. Seth is so darn good-looking that I wish I’d brushed my hair when I woke up.

  They get busy with no help from me, and they move Mom’s bed over, making enough room in the bedroom for a hospital bed and equipment. It doesn’t take them long, but they do have to rearrange the whole room.

  They leave the same way they arrived, with absolutely no help from me. The two that look just alike high-five one another, and one kisses Seth on the cheek. Seth shoves him back and grabs him in a headlock, until Paul barks at them to knock it off. He runs them out the door with apologies to me.

  “We’ll see you later,” Matt says. He goes out, but then he pokes his head back in the door. “You okay?” His brow furrows.