Lucifers I

by BobTam

  The environment turns dark and gloomy. Figures are crawling around. They are not living people; they are transparent; they are all emotionless. There are thousands, no, actually millions of them. But even though there are so many of them, the environment is surprisingly quiet and cold.

  ‘Tragically, all of them have the right to choose when they are alive,’ the Master says. ‘For those who reject my guidance, they are unable to get into the Finaland. What they can do is wandering in this dark and cold place.’

  ‘But even wretchedly, some of them have an even more dreadful afterlife,’ the Master says.

  The only heat comes from down below. Nakashi can see flames. There is a sea of fire; flames and lava are erupting violently. Nakashi is being pushed downward by a certain kind of force. She is now standing just about ten meters above the sea of fire. She can feel the intense heat.

  Screaming is the only sound that Nakashi can hear apart from the violent burning sound. Nakashi looks down. There are transparent figures; they are the ones who are screaming painfully.

  ‘They were mostly intelligent people. Same as the souls who are wandering above, they also reject my guidance. But tragically, they commit unforgivable sins due to the lack of my guidance,’ the Master says slowly.

  Screaming echoes in Nakashi’s ears. Tears are flowing across her pale face. They are tears of anxiety, tears of despair. ‘You said that you create Finaland to us because you love us. Then, why are you torturing these people?’ Nakashi asks agitatedly.

  ‘I am love, but I am also justice. These people choose their own path,’ the Master says solemnly.

  ‘Why do you have the right to judge us?’ Nakashi asks even more anxiously. ‘I feel disgusted about you! You are extremely kind, but you are extremely cruel at the same time! Why do you want to control all of us?’

  ‘Faith is what you lack, Nakashi,’ the Master says calmly

  Nakashi interrupts. ‘Thanks, you may indeed have a good intention to us; you may love us. But I cannot tolerate your nature, your power and your authority. I want to have my own life. I have to go,’ Nakashi says emotionlessly but determinedly.

  The Master looks at Nakashi intensely. ‘It seems that you are determined to go, Nakashi. I can see you have many doubts and distrust towards me. But I have no right to change your mind; you can follow your will. But I am sure that one day you will return. You will need me. You will be sure that following me is the only righteousness path. I am looking forward to your return,’ the Master says.

  Lucifer has already come closed and is standing right at the back of Nakashi. ‘You have lost. Neither your lure nor your intimidation is able to change her mind. It is a victory of human freewill,’ Lucifer says confidently.

  ‘Do not be too confident, Lucifer. So many souls decide to come back after they have left with you. This girl still has a long way to go and she will not be an exception,’ the Master says.

  Lucifer ignores the Master and holds Nakashi’s hands tightly. ‘Let’s go,’ he says simply and encouragingly. ‘Close your eyes and empty your mind,’ Lucifer says. Nakashi follows what Lucifer says and tries to be relaxed. They are soaring at the speed of light such that neither the light of the sea of fire nor the brightness of the Finaland can catch up with them. Soon, they enter the calm darkness.

  Nakashi opens her eyes. Lucifer and she are alone in this boundless darkness. She loves this tranquility and darkness.

  ‘We are away from him now. It is actually very easy. The key is whether you have the will to go,’ Lucifer says calmly and smiles towards Nakashi. ‘Nakashi, you are such a brave girl. Thanks for not abandoning me during my most difficult time,’ Lucifer continues.

  Nakashi remains quiet for a few minutes. Lucifer waits patiently. Then, she asks curiously, ‘Lucifer, is the story told by the Master true?’

  ‘Yes, it is true. I was once a messenger who belongs to him. Messengers are beautiful creatures. Unfortunately, they can only be slaves of the Master. The Master intentionally creates some faulty designs towards every messenger. These faulty designs will not be shown only if the messenger being loyal to his creator,’ Lucifer says softly.

  ‘That is not a problem. It is true that every creature, including human or messenger, has flaws. Throughout my life, people told me that the only way to let those flaws being forgiven is to have faith to the Sou. But why do we need to seek for forgiveness for our flaws? Nothing is flawless. What we should try to do is to accept and reduce the flaws,’ Nakashi says. ‘Lucifer, but I have one more thing to ask. If the Master has the power to create you, why don’t he destroy you when you turn away from him?’

  Lucifer smiles and says, ‘He can destroy me, but I will not perish. It is because I am always protected by people like you.’

  ‘Me?’ Nakashi asks surprisingly.

  Lucifer smiles and speaks, ‘Yes, you save me, Nakashi. Your bravery and desire for freedom protect me. Human’s free will is always my final fortress. Thanks a lot, Nakashi.’

  ‘No, I am the one who should say thank you. Lucifer, you have guided me the right path and I don’t know how to show my gratitude to you.’

  ‘I did not guide you to a right path. There is no right path. Neither following the Master or following me is a right path; they are just two very different paths that you can always choose from.’

  ‘But I really treasure and love you, can you be with me and guide me in the future?’ Nakashi asks truthfully. Tears of gratitude are flowing from her eyes.

  Lucifer gives a kind smile and says, ‘Sorry, Nakashi, I’m afraid I cannot promise you that. If I continue to guide you and lead you all the time, you will not have your true complete freedom. If I do that, I will become a control freak just like him. The only reason for me to come to you is to protect your freedom by leading you away from him. Now, you can get back your own live that belongs to you, my job has finished.’

  ‘So, where will you go?’

  ‘I still have many souls to protect. This will be a long battle. Nakashi, thanks to be on my side.’

  ‘I will miss you.’

  ‘Do not worry. If he tries to use any forms to dominate your mind once again, I will always help you. But the key is your own determination.’

  Nakashi gives a one last hug to Lucifer. ‘Time for you to go. Your friends must be very worried about you,’ Lucifer says. ‘Go and live your own life,’ he says. Then, he slowly descends. He keeps smiling towards Nakashi when he is descending. Finally, he disappears from Nakashi’s sight.

  *********************************************************************Chapter 18

  Nakashi has finally opened her eyes. Birds are humming among the trees; leafs are floating on the small breeze.

  Nakashi has finally waken up from this long dream. It is an inspiring dream. The Finaland, the Master, the people in there, the messengers and Lucifer are all in her mind. They do not exist physically in this material world. But they do exist spiritually as a form of imagery or force in her mind; and it is possible that they will appear in her mind once again in her future; or actually, it is even possible that they will appear in all people’s mind.

  She sits up slowly. The snowstorm has ended. There are beams of smooth light shining through the canopy to them. It is early in the morning.

  Nakashi turns her head and sees that Leon and Catala are sleeping besides her. They have never abandoned her.

  Nakashi’s slight movements soon wake up Leon. Leon is shocked instantly. ‘Nakashi!’ he cries. It is a cry of surprise, a cry of joy and a cry of hope. Catala is waken up soon after. Gladness cannot be hided from her face too.

  Leon immediately goes to fetch some water for Nakashi. ‘Sorry, Nakashi. Please for forgive me,’ Catala says bluntly and directly when Leon has left.

  ‘Catala, there is no reason for you to say sorry. I should thank you and Leon for saving me and protecting me,’ Nakashi says with gratitude. Catala, for the first time, abandons her emotionless face and gives a slight but
warm smile.

  Leon comes back with a bowl of water. ‘Sorry, we don’t have any food left. Drink some water first,’ Leon says. ‘Thanks, Leon,’ Nakashi says. ‘Hey, boy, I will teach you to hunt. You’ve much to learn,’ Catala says slightly tauntingly.

  Nakashi laughs. ‘The world and the people are so beautiful,’ she thinks to herself.

  In the afternoon, they have climbed up a hill. Leon and Nakashi held Catala’s arms on their shoulders during the hiking even though Catala strongly opposed this idea.

  They sit on the hill top and enjoy the cool breeze. Snow and ice on the trees and on the ground starts to melt; water is flowing peacefully downhill. Nakashi slowly recounts her dream to Leon and Catala. Both of them are amazed by it.

  ‘So is he the true creator?’ Leon asks confusedly.

  ‘Of course, it isn’t! It is just a dream,’ Catala says.

  ‘No, he isn’t. Actually, we don’t know. Even if he is, Lucifer will always be on my side to support me,’ Nakashi says calmly.

  ‘But let’s just say that each of us always have a Master of the Finaland and a Lucifer battling inside our minds. Comfort, shelter, faith, authority and power or independence, arrogance, rebelliousness and freedom? Who is the victor will always be determined by us,’ Nakashi says slowly.

  Leon understands what Nakashi has said. He remembers that so many times in his dreams, a creator talks to him, fears him with his power, and attracts him with his love. That voice is just a subconscious, a force inside his mind which tries to dominate his mind. But at the same time, there is often another repelling force inside his mind telling him to resist that power, believe in himself and protect his freedom. This is probably the Lucifer in his mind.

  The three youngsters stand up and decide to move again. Dense fog is clouding around them; they cannot see the front clearly; but they still decide to step forward.

  …

  Sometimes I think, why did I come to this world?

  Nobody can answer me.

  Sometimes I think, what will happen to me after I die?

  Nobody can answer me.

  Thinking does not bring me a solution,

  but more and more question.

  Thinking does not bring me emancipation,

  but more and more vacillation.

  Sometimes I wonder, am I a good person?

  Nobody can answer me.

  Sometimes I wonder, will I end up in an inferno?

  Nobody can answer me.

  Wondering cannot change our fate,

  Nor it can bring me freedom.

  Wondering cannot give me a path,

  Nor it can bring me some hope.

  But as long as I live in this world,

  I can still enjoy this miracle

  The miracle of love,

  That we uphold by ourselves.

  The miracle of intelligence,

  That we develop by ourselves.

  Sometimes I meditate, what is the meaning of life?

  Nobody can answer me.

  Or is there any meaning in life?

  Nobody can answer me.

  Sometimes I muse, who am I actually?

  Nobody can answer me.

  An eternal spirit or a transient being?

  Nobody can answer me.

  So many unresolved questions,

  So many confused minds,

  So many irresolute dilemmas,

  So many lost souls,

  But as long as I live in this world,

  I can still enjoy this miracle

  The miracle of imagination,

  That we discover by ourselves.

  The miracle of free will,

  That is with us eternally,

  That protects us perpetually,

  That defines us everlastingly.

  And now, despite all of these ambiguity and insecurity,

  I will embrace this miracle of life firmly,

  I can still face the front,

  With no uncertainty.

  I can look up the sky proudly,

  With no sense of guilty,

  That I need not to bow my heads,

  But seek for true equality.

  I can step towards the future,

  With no more worries,

  That I need not to fear,

  But live my life that belongs to me.

  (to be continued)

  Epilogue:

  This book is named Lucifers. Yet, I must assert that the book is not related to Satanism. The character Lucifer in Nakashi’s dream is not related to the fallen angel in Judaism or Christianity. It is in fact just a symbolic meaning of the repelling force towards deities and religions in a person’s mind.

  There are no antagonists in this book. If you regard Lucifer or Catala as antagonists, you are wrong. If you regard the Master of Finaland or the Sou-gen as antagonists, you are also wrong. There is no right or wrong for religions; all are depends on what you treasure.

  As clearly shown in throughout the story, there is actually a constant struggle between the desire of believing and following a deity and rejecting and rebelling against a deity in every human soul.

  Comfort, shelter, faith, authority and power or independence, arrogance, rebelliousness, freedom and freethinking – this is the ultimate question.

  My attitude towards religions is doubtful or even hostile because I treasure the later values now. But, my attitude is fragile; my mind is weak and unstable. There is a high chance that I would switch to the opposite path in the future. After all, it is so tempting.

  Still, I agree with John Lennon or Robert Browning. The world will be a better place if everyone is willing and able to abandon their religions. Indeed, God’s in His heaven, all’s right with the world.

  This is just the first episode of a trilogy. I have already structured the major plots in the next two episodes. In the next episodes, religions will still be an important theme, but I will also try to be more experimental in expanding the content from religion to other philosophies and psychology relating to life and death. Besides, more characters and complicated conflicts will be created. The story will be both deeper and larger.