Beautiful Dangerous

by Michelle Betham

  I slowly raise my head and stare back at my reflection. For women like me, who become involved with men like Javier Delgado, we have two choices when we fall in love. We can either choose to live outside of the circle, and know nothing, or we can choose to live inside it, and know everything. Which means we have to learn to feel nothing. We have to switch off our emotions, become as cold as our men, it’s the only way. I chose the latter. But there are days when I wonder if I made the wrong choice. Days when I wonder what my life would’ve been like if I’d chosen to stay ignorant of the kind of man Javier was. Days when I wonder what my life would’ve been like if I’d never met him at all…

  Lucca

  Olivia Delgado is a beautiful monster, one I watched Javier create. She came into his world a naïve young woman, but what she eventually turned into is something very different. Something terrifying. She’s learned to switch off all emotion, when necessary, she can do it in a heartbeat, and I saw that transformation happen, watched that naïve young woman turn into someone who thinks nothing of ordering a hit; taking out a man because he dared to disrespect her. But it’s what she needs to do to survive now, and she knows that.

  Leaning back against the doorpost I know I should walk away, but I can’t. She’s a monster, but so am I. She’s also hot-as-hell, and right now she’s naked, but that isn’t the reason I can’t walk away. I’ve seen her naked before, she doesn’t care about shit like that. No, the reason I can’t walk away; can’t look away is because she’s showing a rare moment of vulnerability. Her head’s down, her fingers gripping the edge of the basin, she’s allowing herself to wonder what her life would’ve been like if she’d chosen another path. I know that’s what she’s thinking, because I know her. Probably more than she’d like me to, but it’s my job, to know her. To know what she’s feeling, because that matters. It’s my job to stay close to her, and I’ll never complain about that. Being close to her is the only reason I have for getting through the shitty days this life can throw at you. Javier wanted me to protect her, and I would take a bullet for that woman.

  I watch as she moves to the shower, steps under the jets of water and closes the screen, cutting off my view. That’s when I walk away, back to my own room next door to hers. Like I said, I never stray too far from Olivia Delgado’s side.

  Closing the door of my room behind me, I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket and I pull it out, answering it immediately.

  “Is she okay?”

  I walk over to the window, checking the area outside, even though we have several guards with dogs and guns patrolling twenty-four-seven. “She’s fine.”

  “Good.”

  I lean forward, resting my forehead against the glass and closing my eyes, I’m exhausted. But I don’t sleep well, I never have, no matter how tired I am.

  “Are we ready for Endo French’s shipment from Bolivia?”

  “It’s all in hand. The plan is to hit them on their way to the port, take them and their men out, collect the shipment, and then contact Endo with a proposal. He’ll be the first of many business contacts we’ll take from Antonio and Emilio Pino. This is just the beginning. How are things over there?”

  “Running smoothly. It’s possible we might set up a permanent base here in the future. More business, more clients, more product, and now guns. It wouldn’t hurt to spread ourselves even further afield.”

  “Maybe not.”

  “Have we spoken to Eddie yet?”

  “We’re meeting with the bikers tomorrow. But I don’t think we’re going to have a problem.”

  “Let Olivia do the talking.”

  It was never going to be any other way.

  “Oh, and Lucca? I trust you still understand that, although Olivia is running this cartel, there are still some things she can’t know. Some things she still needs to be shielded from, for her own safety.”

  I open my eyes and look back outside. “I know.”

  “Good. Just remember what’s at stake here.”

  The line goes dead and I close my eyes again.

  There are still some things she can’t know…

  This world can be a real shitty place. Unfair. Broken. A mess. But it’s the only world I know. The only world I know how to live in. This is my fucking life, it didn’t have to be Olivia’s. It didn’t have to be hers…

  Three

  Olivia

  “What’s this?” I ask, walking into the kitchen and finding Lucca at the stove.

  “Breakfast.”

  “Yes, I can see that. Where’s Celine?”

  “She’s gone to the store. I told her I’d make us something to eat.”

  “And she’s okay with you taking over her kitchen?”

  “She loves me, you know that.”

  He flashes me the widest grin and for some reason I feel the need to look away; busy myself rearranging a tray of condiments on the counter.

  “You’ve got her wrapped around your little finger, huh?”

  “Something like that.”

  I finally look at him, watching as he beats a bowl of what I’m assuming is pancake batter. “Why are you doing this?”

  He shrugs. “No reason. I just wanted to do something nice for you, that’s all.”

  “Again, why?”

  “You can be incredibly suspicious at times, do you know that?”

  “I have a lot of reasons to be. But you cooking breakfast isn’t one of them. I am curious, though. Why the sudden need to make me pancakes?”

  “I like to cook, you know that.”

  I lean back against the counter and cross my arms. “Yeah, I do, I’ve just never seen you cook breakfast before, that’s all.”

  He smiles at me. “You’ve never seen me do a lot of things.”

  I raise an eyebrow and turn to get some juice from the fridge.

  “It’s already on the table.” Lucca jerks his head toward the open glass doors that lead onto the terrace and I head out there. The table’s already laid out with fresh orange juice, coffee, maple syrup, and a pile of pancakes. It’s fair to say I’m impressed.

  “Did you make these?” I shout through into the kitchen as I sit down and drag a pancake from the top of the pile onto my plate.

  “I did.”

  I drench the pancake in maple syrup before pouring myself some juice. “You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”

  He comes outside and lays a plate of bacon in front of me. “There you go. Help yourself. There are plenty more pancakes if you want any.”

  “Aren’t you having anything?”

  He sits down opposite me and pours himself a coffee. “No. I had something earlier.”

  He doesn’t sleep much, I know that. I hear him sometimes, in the night, because I don’t sleep all that much, either. I don’t rest easy these days, I haven’t done since Javier’s death.

  Reaching for the bacon, I pick up a couple of rashers, break them up into bitesize pieces and sprinkle them over the syrup-covered pancake before cutting off a piece and popping it into my mouth.

  “Oh, these are good!”

  Lucca’s face breaks into a slow smile, the corners of his ice-blue eyes crinkling up slightly, and it’s amazing how different he looks when he smiles like that. Relaxed, almost at ease, and that isn’t something he is very often. “Like you said, I’m full of surprises.”

  I smile too, and slice off another piece of pancake. “I guess you are.” As I eat I look out at the ocean; the way it merges with the clear blue sky, and I let my mind drift, just for the briefest of moments, to the time Javier and I visited the beach at Santa Monica one summer, not long after I moved in with him. We were having a few days away, on our own, a rare time when even Lucca didn’t travel with us. I don’t know why, looking back, Javier was never usually without protection. But I guess that was one of those times when he felt safe. Or one of those times when he just wanted to pretend we were normal. At that point, I’d still thought we were.

>   He’d asked me to marry him during those few days away. On the beach. As the sun set. He didn’t go down on bended knee, there were no romantic clichés, just me, him, and a day turning into night. That was romantic enough, thinking back, and it was probably the reason why I’d said yes without a second’s hesitation… No. I’d said yes because I’d loved him. I was in love with him. Or I would never have agreed to be his wife.

  On the day I married Javier Delgado, at his Ensenada estate, the sun had shone and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. I’d worn a simple, strapless, off-white dress and a diamond tiara, I’d felt like a princess, beautiful and loved, the most special thing in this man’s life. He'd worn a dark suit and an open-necked white shirt, he’d looked so handsome he’d taken my breath away. Did I know who he was, who he really was, by that time? On the day of our wedding, did I know the man I was marrying? Did I know what he’d done? What he was capable of doing? Yes. I did. I knew it all. I’d chosen to know it all, even though he’d asked me, several times, if I understood what knowing meant.

  It would change my life, forever.

  It would make me as much of a target as him.

  It would mean I could never really leave him, even if I wanted to.

  I didn’t, want to.

  I understood the consequences.

  When I married Javier Delgado I was sealing my own fate, but I didn’t care, because I’d loved him…

  Twelve Years Earlier…

  I can’t keep the smile off my face, even though I’m surrounded by some of the most dangerous men and women in Mexico and beyond. Our wedding guests are no normal guests, and that’s why we know the DEA, FBI, and other assorted law enforcement agencies from both the US and Mexico are watching from afar, just waiting for their chance. But while a lot of these people here today are dangerous, they’re also very clever, always one step ahead of the authorities, those that aren’t already in their pockets. Javier himself has at least two police officers, several politicians, and many other influential, powerful people on his payroll, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. There are more. It’s necessary. This world is teaching me that rules are there to be broken. It’s teaching me how far some people will go for more power. More money. The chance to become infamous…

  The man I’ve just married is a man many fear. A dangerous man, in charge of a dangerous business. One of the most notorious drug cartels in Mexico. Javier’s power puts him in charge of large parts of the border between the US and Mexico, he has far-reaching contacts in both countries, with plans to expand into Europe already underway, his ambition sees no bounds. Javier is the third generation of Delgado men to front this cartel, taking over from his father eight years ago, becoming one of the youngest men ever to take charge of such an important and far reaching organization which owns not only hotels both sides of the border, but also clubs, restaurants, and casinos, all of them providing a necessary front that hides a drugs business worth millions. I know it all now, the darkness that surrounds this seemingly fairytale world I’m living in. It’s so far from that. I have protection with me wherever I go – two of Javier’s best Sicario’s. He needs to know where I am, if he’s not with me, so I go nowhere alone. But this is how I’ve chosen to live my life now. The kind of life I could never, ever have predicted I would be living.

  “Is everything okay, mi amor?”

  I look up, and I smile, he’s so beautiful. A beautiful man with a dark soul, and I know that mine may have to become darker, too, if I’m to survive whatever lies ahead. Am I scared? Of the choice that I’ve made? A little, yes, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t. But there’s no going back, no changing my mind, there’s a ring on my finger now. And that changes the game all over again. Forever.

  “Everything’s fine.”

  He holds out a hand. “Can I dance with my wife now, please?”

  I take his hand, his fingers curling around mine. “Yes, you can.”

  He leads me out onto the dancefloor and pulls me into his arms as the music plays and the sun starts to set and right now everything feels perfect. And I close my eyes and let this moment linger, I want to remember it.

  “I love you so much, Olivia,” he murmurs into my neck as his lips brush my skin, his body warm against mine.

  “I love you, too,” I whisper, and when he looks at me I feel a wave of happiness flood me, pushing back the fear; the apprehension, those feelings are pointless now.

  “Together we’re going to change the world.” He looks at me, and he smiles, and then he laughs because he knows that was a big statement he’s just made. “You make me feel like we could do that,” he says quietly, his hand on the base of my spine pushing me closer against him. “You make me feel like everything and anything is possible.”

  Maybe it is, I still don’t think I have any idea how powerful this man really is, not yet.

  “I will always keep you safe, Olivia. Do you hear me? There will never be a day when you feel threatened or scared, and that’s a promise I intend to keep.”

  And I believe him.

  “You made the right choice,” he whispers, his mouth almost touching mine. “To know everything. I never wanted a woman who would choose to be ignorant, I wanted someone who was strong, someone smart and beautiful and willing to learn. I got that, and so much more. I’m a very lucky man.”

  I look up into his eyes and I smile at him. My husband. My whole fucking world. One I can never escape from now…

  ~~~

  “Olivia?”

  Lucca’s voice startles me, and I quickly try to refocus. “I’m sorry, I must’ve drifted off for a second.”

  “You should try to get more rest.”

  I look at him, smiling slightly. “And you should try taking your own advice.”

  He drops his head and scoffs. “I’ve never needed a lot of sleep.”

  “And what makes you think I do?”

  He slowly raises his head, his eyes meeting mine, and once again I can’t quite believe how blue his are. The most beautiful, ice-cold color, almost jarring against his tanned skin and dark-brown hair. It’s like a tiny drop of Scandinavian blood somehow found its way inside of him, and the result was those eyes.

  “We should leave soon. For the meeting.”

  He’s changing the subject, and for the briefest of moments I thought I saw something there in those beautiful eyes that I can’t explain. A look of… I don’t know. He shifted his gaze too quickly.

  “We’ll leave when I’m ready. I’m coming to them, they can wait.”

  Lucca takes a sip of his coffee and looks out at the ocean, but I’m watching him. When I first met him he was distant, almost indifferent toward me, because he thought I would be bad for Javier. That I’d distract him, I was so far away from the women Javier usually became involved with. Whores and hangers-on were fine, apparently, because they didn’t take up so much of his time. I took up too much, in the beginning. It took a while for Lucca to trust me, but it happened. Eventually.

  “When did you stop seeing me as a threat?” I ask, picking up another rasher of crispy bacon and biting into it.

  Lucca frowns. “I never saw you as a threat.”

  “You did.” I sit back in my seat and curl my legs up underneath me. “I came into Javier’s life, and I changed it. Within a matter of weeks. And you didn’t like that.”

  He leans forward, crossing his arms in front of him on the table. “I never saw you as a threat, Olivia.”

  “You and Javier, though. You were close. You were very close.”

  “Of course we were close, he was like a brother to me.”

  I keep my eyes fixed on his, holding his gaze, mine doesn’t waver. His does. Just slightly.

  “I cared about him. I loved him, he was my family. I just didn’t want him to get hurt.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “You thought I’d hurt him?”

  He sits back and drags a hand through his hair. “I didn’t know you, Olivia.”
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  “Bullshit!”

  He narrows those bright blue eyes, although, they’re a little darker now.

  “You found out everything you could about me the second Javier made contact. The moment he opened that door for me, in the hotel that first night, you were looking into me. Before I’d even got back to my room you probably knew my name, you definitely knew my room number. The flowers, the champagne, I had no idea how they got there at the time. I know now.”

  His face breaks into another slow smile. “We can’t afford to just let anyone in, Liv. You know that.” He’s right. I do. “So you were never a threat.”

  I lean forward, keeping my gaze fixed firmly on his. “Did you want me for yourself, huh? Is that it? Did I make you hard; put you in an uncomfortable position, is that the kind of threat I was?”

  He shakes his head and laughs. “You’re so full of shit sometimes.”

  I smile, pick up my fork, and pop another piece of pancake into my mouth. “Thank you. For this.”

  “It was a pleasure.”

  I push my plate away and get up from the table. “Just one thing, though – those pancakes?” I shake my head. “Nowhere near as good as Celine’s.”