Twenty
Oliva
“He knows.”
Just saying the words makes me feel sick to my stomach, but I needed to talk to someone, which is why as soon as Javier and Lucca left, I called Angel.
“Did he tell you he knew?” Angel asks offering me a cigarette, which I decline.
“No. But I could see it in his eyes. He knows, about me and Lucca.”
Angel lights up his cigarette and takes a long draw. “Is Lucca with him now?”
“Yes. He said he was going to tell him everything….” I sigh and sit back in my chair, we’re outside by the pool. “Have you guys heard anything yet?”
Angel shakes his head and takes another drag on his cigarette. “Not as far as I know. There was nothing going on when I left, but I guess he’ll get to us eventually.” He looks at me, and he smiles, and that actually makes me feel a little better. “What are you gonna do?”
I shrug, because I just feel helpless. “I don’t know. I really don’t know.”
Angel looks out ahead of him, his cigarette dangling from his fingers, ash dropping onto the white tiled terrace. And he doesn’t say anything, because what can he say?
“We always knew he was going to find out. We just thought that, when it happened, we’d be far enough away from here for it not to put us in danger.” I lift up my legs and hug my knees to my chest, resting my chin on them. “And now I have no idea what he’s going to do to Lucca. What he’s going to do to me…” I trail off, staring out into the distance, and it’s only when I feel Angel take my hand that I look at him.
“Once we know what the state of play is, Liv, we’ll work around it.”
I shake my head and smile. “Thank you, but I think it’s best Lucca and I forget whatever stupid, crazy dream we had. It was always a long shot, never a certainty.”
Angel’s brow furrows. “Hey, that’s not the Olivia Delgado I know talking here. She would never give up on something, that’s not the woman she is.”
“Sometimes you just have to face up to the fact that some battles can’t be won. And I can’t win against a man like Javier. He faked his own death and came back fighting, ten times stronger, I can’t win against that. Neither can Lucca. A man who betrayed Javier in the worst possible way…” My fingers tighten around Angel’s as a wave of fear mixed with blind panic surges through me. “I might never see him again.” I whisper, and that terrifies me. It fills me with a fear I’m not sure I can get past, I can already feel my throat closing in on me, my breath struggling to get out.
“Hey, come on, it’s okay. It’s okay.”
It isn’t, but I appreciate his attempts to calm me down, and then hate myself for losing the control I so badly need to keep.
“You alright now?” Angel asks, squeezing my hand and I squeeze back, smile at him, and let his hand go, standing up and walking over to the glass barriers that line the poolside terrace.
“You should go.”
“I don’t like leaving you on your own.”
“I’m not on my own. Celine’s here, the place is manned with staff and surrounded by guards, I’m not in any danger in my own home.”
Except, I don’t know that for sure, do I? Not anymore. And if Javier really does know the truth, then I’m in danger. Lucca’s in danger. If he has any inkling that the Devil’s Creed even hinted at trying to help Lucca and I get out of here then they’re in danger too, so I could be making this worse by having Angel here.
“This doesn’t have to be the end, Olivia.”
I turn around and look at him, shooting him a weak smile loaded with a growing resignation. “Yes. I think it has to be, Angel.”
He drops his head and slides his hands into his pockets, dropping his gaze briefly before looking back at me. “Don’t be this person, Liv. Don’t be this defeated, fight for what you want.”
And I’d been ready to do that, less than an hour ago fighting was my goal, the one thing that was going to make this god forsaken life worth living again, but the reality is, as I’ve just told Angel, it’s a fight I don’t think I can win. I used to be powerful but in the space of a few minutes Javier stripped me of that power and made me weak, which is the way he needs me to be now. Weak. Submissive. Anything else isn’t an option.
“You should go,” I repeat.
“Jesus, Olivia…”
I try another smile but I’m almost positive it never got anywhere near my eyes. “Mexico isn’t so bad. The house over there, it’s even more beautiful than this one. The weather’s good. The people are friendly…” I stop talking because all I’m doing is spouting out a barrage of shit excuses, parrot fashion, to try and convince myself that I can do what Javier wants me to do, and be completely fine with it. But I know that what we had before, that’s gone. And what’s ahead of me is a very different world. And not one I want to live in anymore…
Javier
“Celine would like to come with us. How do you feel about that?”
She looks up from the book she’s reading and lays it down on the table in front of her. I lean against the doorframe and cross my arms, and I smile at her, and even though she smiles back I can see that was difficult for her, trying to smile at me when it’s quite obvious it’s the last thing she wants to do.
“It would be nice to have someone familiar over there. I don’t know the staff in Mexico as well as I know everyone here, I haven’t been across the border in a while.”
“Then I’ll tell her to go about finding her replacement. Lucca will need someone to look after him, once we’re gone. I’ll leave it to you to make sure whoever takes up the position is suitable.”
“Katy is more than capable of stepping up. She’s been assisting Celine for years now, she deserves the position.”
“Good. Then make sure all of that is sorted out and finalized within the next few days. One less thing for us to worry about. I’d hate for Lucca to have no-one here to look after him.”
When I mention his name I make sure to look at her, to see her reaction, and it’s just as I expected. She shifts her gaze, drops her head, and even from back here in the doorway I can feel the crushing sadness overtake her. And it’s heartbreaking, that she doesn’t feel that way about me anymore when I still love her, so much.
“Lucca can look after himself,” she says quietly, and that’s true. He can. But this house still needs somebody to run it, he won’t always be here.
“He’s going to be a very busy man, Olivia, he’ll need someone to make sure he eats. Someone to take charge of the house. He can’t do everything.”
I move further into the room and sit down on the arm of a chair, keeping my distance from her because I’m guessing that’s what she’d prefer. For now. I’m playing this a certain way, because I mean no harm to her, she’s my wife. I want to spend the rest of my life with this woman, she’s my world, and I hope one day to become hers again, the way I used to be. It's just going to take time, but once we’re in Mexico we’ll have plenty of that, and no distractions.
“I don’t blame you, Olivia. For what Lucca did.”
I watch her again, watch as she swallows hard, bites her lip, closes her eyes for a beat or two, I can almost see the panic on her beautiful face.
“After all, you thought I was dead. I needed you to believe I was dead. But he knew. He knew I was still very much alive, he has no excuse.”
Her head shoots up, her eyes angry as they rest on mine, her jaw tightening. “You’re punishing him.”
It’s not a question, it’s a statement. She knows exactly what I’m doing, as I knew she would.
“In reality, Olivia, he is getting off lightly.”
Her eyes drop, just for the briefest of seconds, before they’re back on mine. And this time a little of that anger has subsided, to be replaced with a gut-wrenching sadness.
“You’re punishing me.” Her voice is barely a whisper as she says the words, and again my heart breaks for her, but this is what happens, when rul
es are broken.
“I’m so sorry, Olivia, but this is the way things have to be now. He crossed a line. You know he did.”
She does, know. Of course she does. And her and Lucca, they’ve still been talking, even after my return. Planning. Meeting. And yes, I engineered one of those meetings, when I told him to take her home, from The Garden. I know they talked, about being together. I know they kissed. I know how close they came to stepping over that line, again, so Olivia isn’t totally free of blame. I know the bikers – some of the bikers, particularly Angel Ruiz – offered to help them make their escape, and for that he should be punished, too. But sometimes business has to come first, and I need those men. I need that relationship, but I have eyes on them now. On him. Angel Ruiz. His encouragement has not been welcome. But whatever plans they’d been hoping to make, none of them will ever happen. That’s why I need to get Olivia to Mexico as soon as possible, because I know that once we are alone, away from all the distractions and ridiculous fantasies she’s been harboring, I can make her love me again. And we’ll be happy, as we were before. Happier, even, once we have our child.
“So did I, Javier. I crossed a line, too.”
She’s admitting her mistake, but I don’t want to hear it. She’s forgiven, I’m not blaming her for anything. I love her too much.
“No, Olivia.” I shake my head and stand up; take her hand and pull her up into my arms, sliding my fingers through her soft, dark hair, trailing them down her spine until my hand rests on the small of her back. And even though she flinches as I push her gently against me, I know it’s just because she still needs time, and I’ll give her some. A little more. But my patience will start to wear thin eventually, and she needs to know that. “I don’t want to hear you say that, okay? No more. It’s over.”
The look in her eyes tells me she’s taking those final two words in so many different ways, and when she looks at me I can feel the sadness seeping out of her. But she knows, deep down, that she can’t fight this. She can’t win.
“We are going to have a great life over there, mi amor. A beautiful, wonderful life. You’ll run our home, bring up our child, you’ll be the perfect wife, and the most incredible mother.”
I’m issuing instructions, yes, that’s exactly what they are. And she knows – the look in her eyes has changed and resignation now merges with the sadness, because she knows I’m telling her what she’s going to be now. And any straying from that will not be met with any leniency. I love her, but I won’t be made a fool of.
“You are going to be what you were always destined to be, Olivia. The wife of a powerful cartel boss. Do you understand?”
She holds my gaze, her eyes hardening slightly, and she doesn’t answer me. She stays silent, and that angers me. “Do you understand?” I hiss through clenched teeth, my fingers digging into her lower back, but she keeps her expression stoic. Because that’s the woman she is. The woman I turned her into.
“Yes,” she whispers. “I understand.”
“Good.”
I let go of her, and she can’t step back quick enough, she almost trips over her own feet in her haste, and that one small action breaks my heart all over again. But she’ll never know that. She will never know she is my weakness. Ever.
“Now go and talk to Celine. We have so much to organize, and not a great deal of time.”
“When are we leaving?” she asks as I walk toward the door, and I turn around and look at her, smiling slightly.
“Next week. That’s when our new life together begins.”
And now I have to make sure she has no way of saying goodbye to the old one.
Lucca
It’s like the wind’s been knocked out of me; like someone’s struck a blow to the back of my legs, and for the first time in my fucking life I’m scared. Javier knows, and that means my life is in danger. Putting me in charge of business this side of the border means nothing, it just means he’s keeping me close, watching me, I’m not safe now.
“Not in the mood for celebration, huh?” Angel slides a beer over to me, and I grab it and down most of it in one draft.
“I’m assuming he’s spoken to Eddie?”
“I guess we all know the score now.”
I drop my head and close my eyes and I’ve never felt so out of control at a time when I need to be more focused than I’ve ever been. “I can’t let him take her away, Angel.” I raise my head, shaking it, my eyes meeting his. “I can’t let him do it.”
“Then we’ve got to find a way to fix this shit.”
“How?”
“That’s something we’re gonna need to think about.”
“We don’t have that much time. They’re leaving next week.”
“Next week?” Angel raises a brow. “He must want her out of here pretty fast.”
“He wants her away from me.” I take another draft of beer, but it’s not working, the alcohol, it’s not hitting any spot. Because I’m too fucking numb.
Angel leans over the counter and pours a couple of whiskey shots, nudging one in my direction. “You spoken to her yet?”
I shake my head, pick up the whiskey, and sink it in one. “He won’t let her anywhere near me now.” I put the empty glass down and drop my head into my hands, dragging my fingers through my hair as a wave of utter hopelessness washes over me. “I don’t know what to do, Angel.”
I look back up as Eddie joins us at the bar. “You okay?” he asks, pouring himself a drink.
“Not really,” I sigh. “This is the fucking end for me, Eddie.”
Eddie lights up a cigarette and offers me the packet. I take it, sliding a cigarette between my teeth and lighting up.
“I’ve never once heard you this close to drowning in self-pity, Lucca.”
I throw him the side-eye, but he’s right. What the fuck is wrong with me?
I take a long drag on the cigarette before stubbing it out, sliding down from the stool and grabbing the car keys from the counter.
“Hey, where you going?” Eddie shouts after me.
“To see Olivia,” I shout back, but before I reach the door Angel grabs my arm, stopping me from leaving. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“Just sit down. Get your head straight, bro. Come on.”
Eddie kicks the stool I’ve only just vacated toward me, and I reluctantly sit back down.
“Javier’s not a stupid man, Lucca. If he knows the truth, then he knows it all. Which means he’ll also know about us wanting to help you, and that puts us in a precarious position.”
I shake my head and reach for the whiskey. “He may assume, but I doubt he’ll have any proof that you’re involved, in any way. And he doesn’t do shit without proof.” I down another shot. “You’ll be good. He’s already told me he values the cartel’s relationship with the club too much, he needs you.” I look at Eddie. “Besides, he’s known you a long time.”
“And you’re like a brother to him. You assume he won’t think I could betray him, just because we’ve known each other for decades? That’s exactly what I was willing to do. And you know as well as I do that he could find another club to work with in a heartbeat, we’re disposable. As are so many people in this world, and right now, we’re all looking over our shoulders.”
I sigh, once more dropping my head into my hands. “I’m so fucking sorry for dragging you guys into this.”
“It was our choice to get involved, Lucca. We could’ve left it alone.”
I look up, and my head’s spinning, the effects of the alcohol finally kicking in. “I need to lie down. You got a room I can crash in?”
Angel jerks his head toward the back of the clubhouse. “They’re all empty at the minute.”
I grab the whiskey bottle, steadying myself as my feet hit the floor.
“You gonna be okay?” Eddie asks, placing a friendly hand on my shoulder as the room finally stops spinning.
“I’ve got no other choice but to be.”
We’re all on shaky ground now. All of us. We’re so close to being fucked, and yet, right now, all I want to do is sleep. But I’m doubtful anything’s going to look better in the morning…
Twenty-One
Olivia
“Have you and Celine started packing yet?”
I keep my back to him as I pull out the top drawer of the dresser in the walk-in closet. “I’m sorting things out now. I don’t know about Celine. She’s excited to be moving back to Mexico, so I suspect she’s packed already.”
“And what about you, Olivia? Are you not excited?”
I slowly turn around, laying the handful of scarves I’ve just pulled from the dresser down onto the deep-purple, velvet footstool in the center of the closet. “It’s difficult to be excited about something you’re in no hurry to do.”
He drops his head and laughs, sliding his hands into his pockets, and I turn away and go back to the dresser, pulling out more scarves and a selection of bracelets.
“You just need more time, Olivia. To adjust to this new life we’re going to be living.”
I lay the scarves and the bracelets on the already growing pile of clothes on the footstool, and I look at him with as much disdain as I can muster. I already made the decision to not bow to his controlling shit, I’m not doing that. Walking into his world made me strong, losing him made me even stronger, I’m not letting his surprise return make me into the weak-willed woman he quite obviously wants me to be.
“I thought I had no choice, at first.”
He stares at me through narrowed eyes as I walk toward him, keeping one scarf in my hands, twisting it between my fingers.
“But I still have choices.”
“You can’t fight what’s happening here, Olivia.”
“If you would rather spend your life with a woman who can’t love you the way you want her to love you, that’s up to you…”
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