Always Mine

by James, J. P.

  5

  Conor

  Those penetrating blue eyes leave me frozen and I can’t break away from them. I feel helpless before Bryce’s gaze and every bone in my body wants to submit to all of the naughty thoughts I’ve had about him since I first saw him in the church. Electricity pulsates through me and I feel like I’m being drawn towards him. This is so wrong. I shouldn’t be ogling my husband’s friend on my wedding day, but goddamn, the man is gorgeous.

  I can still see those penetrating blue eyes and broad shoulders. The strong alpha male would know how to please me, and his hands are big enough to manhandle my physique with no problem. Not the way Ryan’s hands fumble all over my figure as if he were searching for something that’s lost.

  “Conor, have you seen Ryan?” Nancy asks, releasing me from Bryce’s trance-like gaze.

  “Uh, no,” I say trying to come back down from the hot steamy thoughts I was just having about Bryce.

  “That’s strange because he isn’t here yet. Didn’t he leave the church before we did?” she asks.

  “Yeah he did,” I say. It is odd that my groom hasn’t arrived yet. He should be here by now. Oh shit. What if Ryan’s sensed my hesitation and has gone AWOL? Double shit. Part of me hopes that’s the reason for his delay, but it’s too late for him to have cold feet. We’re married already. Besides, he was so eager to get hitched that I know he would never change his mind.

  “Where could he be? I’ll try calling him,” Nancy says as she searches through her clutch for her cell phone. While she dials Ryan, I glance back over where Bryce was standing, but he’s gone. Dammit, where did he go? I probably should be more concerned about where my husband is, instead of worrying about a man that I’ll never see again. Nancy tosses her cell phone back into her handbag.

  “Did he answer?” I ask.

  “No. Maybe he made a wrong turn and got lost. He’s probably using the GPS on his phone to get here. I’m sure he’ll be here soon,” she says, trying to hide the worried tone in her voice. Ryan doesn’t usually get lost. In fact, he knows this whole town like the back of his hand. I nod at my mother-in-law comfortingly, but she’s right. Something is off.

  I brush off my worries and allow myself to enjoy the reception. I grab a mason jar of moonshine and take a sip to calm my nerves. My husband did a great job planning this whole shindig. At first I was a bit skeptical about having our reception in a barn, but his careful eye and attention to detail really made the whole thing come together. I smile as I look up at the candles hanging from the ceiling in individual mason jars. The all-white decorations give the barn a very neat and sophisticated vibe. I guess those weekends he opted out of riding dirt bikes with the other neighborhood boys to stay in and help his mother decorate really paid off.

  Besides, this puts everything in its place. Bryce might be handsome, but Ryan loves me with all of his heart. I shouldn’t be fantasizing about another man when the one I married cherishes me like I’m a precious jewel. I know better.

  But how can I even be having these thoughts, especially when I just met Bryce for the first time today? This is crazy. I shouldn’t want him the way that I do. The sooner Bryce goes back to wherever he came from, the better. It’s a good thing he won’t be around for long, or else I’d lose my mind. He makes my cock twitch with need, something Ryan has never been able to do. I’ve never been this attracted to anyone in my life and the sparks I feel when I’m near him drive my body insane. He’s completely irresistible with those dreamy eyes and his Herculean frame that looks like it has the strength of ten men. Oh gosh, I’m getting hard again just thinking about him. I have to find a way to get him off of my mind. Hopefully when Ryan gets here I can focus all of my attention on him and forget about Bryce.

  I take another sip of moonshine as I patiently wait for my husband. It doesn’t make sense that he would take this long to get here. I search the barn for his groomsmen, maybe they know what’s taking him so long. I can’t find any of them and now I’m starting to worry again. My husband is missing.

  Nancy’s jar of moonshine is almost finished. “Nancy, did Ryan ever call back?” I ask. She fumbles through her bag, searching for her cell phone.

  “No,” she says as she looks through her call log. “This doesn’t make any sense. He should be here by now.” She rings him again, but there’s no answer. “Still no answer.”

  I take my cell phone out of my pocket and dial him, hoping he’ll pick up on the first ring, but instead the call goes to voicemail. Panic starts to set it, and I can’t hide it anymore. I grab Sherry, an old friend. “Sherry have you heard from Michael? Or any of the other groomsmen?” I ask.

  “Nope, not since the wedding,” she says. She doesn’t seem the least bit worried that her husband appears to be missing too.

  “Could you call Michael please?” I ask.

  “Sure,” Sherry says as she dials her husband. My heart is racing as I wait. Nancy grabs my arm and pulls me to the side.

  “Sweetie are you okay?” she asks. She can read me like a book, sometimes even better than Ryan. I don’t want to get her and everyone else worried, so I try to look composed.

  “Yes I’m fine. Just looking for Ryan. I want to make sure he’s okay,” I say.

  “I’m sure he’s fine. Don’t get yourself all worked up. He’ll be here any minute now, I’m sure of it,” Nancy says. Maybe she’s right. I’m probably worrying for nothing. I take a deep breath and try to relax.

  “Conor,” Sherry says from behind me. I quickly turn around. “Michael didn’t answer. I called three times.” My heart sinks and my panic instantly rushes back.

  “Where could they be?” I ask, knowing her guess is just as good as mine.

  “I don’t know, but I’m sure they’ll be here soon. You know boys will be boys, maybe they’re out having one last hurrah,” Sherry says comfortingly. But I know better. Ryan isn’t the type to go out with a bang. He’s a country boy who loves the rural life and steers clear of anything showy or extravagant. I know him well enough to know that he would rather be here with his family and friends on his wedding day, than be anywhere else.

  I brush past Sherry and ask a few other guests if they’ve heard from any of the groomsmen, but they shake their heads no. I’m freaking out on the inside, but still trying to remain rational so I can get to the bottom of this. If I completely lose my cool and go off the deep end I could end up stirring up panic among all of my guests. My stomach feels sour like I ate something rotten and now I’m the one with the sweaty palms. I keep my eyes on the barn doors, hoping my husband and his groomsmen will walk in at any moment.

  Another twenty minutes passes and it’s taking everything inside me to remain calm. I wish Ryan would just burst through those doors right now. I take another sip of moonshine and I allow the liquid to soothe my anxiety. I don’t know where Ryan is, but when he gets here I’m going to give him a piece of my mind and then kiss him like I’ve never kissed him before. Maybe it’s a good thing that he’s running late because it’s forcing me to remember how much I truly love and care about him. I’m glad that I married him. He’s my best friend in the whole wide world.

  Just as I look up from my moonshine, the barn doors open, sending a wave of relief over me. Thank goodness, it must be Ryan. I rush over to the barn doors, but to my surprise it isn’t Ryan walking in, it’s Bryce. I instantly stop in my tracks, feeling like I’ve just been struck with lightning. Fluttering butterflies dance madly in my stomach. Oh my gosh, I feel like a teenage girl who’s falling in love for the very first time. How the hell does he have that effect on me?

  He stares into my eyes and it feels like he’s peering into my soul. He stands there motionless and doesn’t utter a single word, reminding me of a statue of a Greek god. Juices spurt from my cock down between my inner thighs and all I can think about is him kissing my hard flesh with his soft lips. I’m not sure if it’s the heat I feel from him or if it’s the moonshine I drank earlier, but suddenly I feel like I’m in a sauna and I
need an ice cold shower to cool me down.

  “Honey are you okay?” Nancy asks. “You look flushed. Here have a seat.” She walks me over to a hay bale to sit. “I know you’re worried about Ryan, but I’m sure he’s okay.” I completely forgot all about Ryan once Bryce walked through the door.

  “I’m sure you’re right,” I say, still feeling hot and bothered by the statuesque heartthrob. She has no idea that Bryce is reason for my flushed complexion.

  “Have some water,” she says handing me an ice cold bottle. I place the bottle on my neck to cool my steamy body. My cock’s still hard, but at least no one can tell. I hope. That look in Bryce’s eye was enough to turn me on and make me want to leap into his arms and lose myself to a hot session.

  I take a sip of the cool water and try to get my thoughts of Bryce’s body out of my mind, but it’s harder than I thought it would be. He’s all I can think about, even while my husband is still missing. Who does this? I feel like a horrible person. I should be thinking about my husband and making love to him on our wedding night, and not fantasizing about his old friend. But Bryce has completely taken over my body. He makes my cock throb, my head spin, but most importantly my heart pound. He’s the type of man I wish I could spend the rest of my life with, but I’ve already sealed the deal with another man.

  6

  Conor

  I dart into the bathroom, hoping to escape Bryce’s gravitational pull. I have to stay as far away from him as possible, but the truth is I wish I was resting my head on his massive chest. I wet a couple of paper towels with cold water and dab them on my neck and chest. He still has me boiling hot right now and I feel like I’m about to blow my lid. I fan my face with my hands, trying to get back to reality. I can’t believe I’m this steamy over someone I don’t know. It’s so wrong.

  I pace back and forth on the wooden floor with my head in my hands. Nothing can ever happen between me and Bryce. I need to accept that and forget all about him. I’m not a cheater, never have been and never will be. I’m a faithful guy that believes in remaining true to his man. Some gay guys don’t mind having more than one partner, but I’m a one man kind of guy. I can’t have both Ryan and Bryce, it just isn’t right. Bryce drives me wild, but I said I do to Ryan and I have to stick by the vows I took. I have to.

  I wish it were easy to erase Bryce from my brain, but the way he’s got me going right now makes me feel like he’ll still be on my mind even when we’re miles apart. Ryan isn’t even half of the alpha male Bryce is. My husband’s timid demeanor makes him easy to walk all over. I stop pacing and stare at myself in the mirror. This isn’t the kind of husband I want to be, the type that fantasizes about other men and wishes his husband was someone else on his wedding day. I should’ve never said yes when Ryan proposed. I knew I didn’t really want to marry him, but I felt like I had to. He was a good boyfriend, and I felt like I would never meet someone nicer.

  My stomach turns with regret as I think back to the night he dropped down on one knee and asked me to marry him. I hesitated as I stared down at the beautiful diamond band. I wanted to say no, but I couldn’t, not with everyone watching. Now it’s too late. I’m Mr. Solow and there’s no turning back.

  My eyes swell with tears and I grab a tissue to dab them away. I take a deep breath and try to choke down everything I’m feeling. I keep telling myself that Ryan will make a really good husband, but deep inside I know he’s not the man for me. I love him dearly, but it’s just not right. Sobbing in a barn bathroom is not the way I envisioned my wedding day. Instead, I always imagined that my tall muscular husband would carry me in his arms out of the church and whisk me away to a foreign island, a tropical place much different than my small rural neighborhood. I appreciate everything both Ryan and Nancy have done to make this day special for me, but truth be told I’m feeling depressed and just want this day to be over already.

  I take a few more deep breaths to calm my nerves. Hopefully Ryan will be here any moment, and we can move on. I would hate for him to see me looking like a nervous wreck. If he senses any doubt or uncertainty from me it will shatter his heart. I love him too much to hurt him, which is probably another reason why I said yes when he popped the question. I can’t ruin this day for him, even though right now my life feels like a living nightmare.

  I adjust my cufflinks and take one last look in the mirror. I have to at least pretend to be happy, even if I’m really not. I have to put on my best face for Ryan because he deserves it. He deserves to have the wedding day he’s longed for since we were teenagers.

  I place my hand on the doorknob and turn it slowly, still hesitant about parading around as Mr. Solow. Damn, that’s going to take some getting used to. I pull the heavy wooden door open and step into my new life, ready to accept the fact that the guy that I married isn’t the man of my dreams. Maybe after a while, being married to him will grow on me and all of my regrets will go away. Maybe he’ll be a passionate husband, and with any luck, marriage will change him for the better.

  Plus, it’s silly of me to fantasize about Bryce. A handsome guy like that probably has a flock of men chasing him down. By contrast, my Ryan only has eyes for me and I’ve never had to worry about any other guy catching his eye. For all I know Bryce could be the player type that loves them and leaves them. I’m sure mine isn’t the only heart he’s ever made race before. Ryan is a safe bet, but I wonder if safe is enough for a marriage to succeed.

  When we were teens, Ryan seemed perfect for me. I thought our puppy dog love would last us a lifetime, but now that I’ve grown into a man who knows what he wants, puppy dog love isn’t enough for me anymore. But Ryan’s still the same sweet boy he was back in high school. Unfortunately, he hasn’t changed, even if I have. I need a rugged man who can make me lose all of my senses with just one glance. I need the kind of romantic passion that can make me weak in the knees just from one touch of my lover’s hand. Ryan’s palms get so cold and clammy that most of the time, I don’t even want him touching me. It’s hard to be intimate with someone when you want them to keep their hands off of you.

  But it isn’t just his clammy mitts. His kisses never make me swoon and his cloudy blue eyes never captivate me the way Bryce’s do. Oh no, here I go again thinking about my husband’s friend. Why can’t I get him off of my mind? Probably because he made me feel everything I’ve been longing for with just one look. Somehow, he’s ignited a burning flame deep inside of me that I can’t seem to extinguish. Every time I look into his eyes, the flame burns brighter, lighting a clear path for him to my heart. But I should be having these feelings for the man that I just married, not a handsome stranger. None of this makes any sense to me, and I shake my head with frustration. How can a man I just met on my wedding day make me feel this way? I need to find Ryan so I can stop thinking about Bryce. My husband should be here by now.

  My eyes scan the barn again, searching for my tardy man, but he’s nowhere in sight. Our guests seem to be oblivious to the fact that the groom hasn’t arrived yet. They’re carrying on and having a great time. The moonshine has probably muddled their minds, causing them to lose track of time.

  I dial Ryan again, praying that he picks up this time. My phone call goes to his voicemail again and now I know for certain that something is wrong. My stomach turns as I watch everyone dance to the country music blaring through the speakers, and I’m starting to feel like the room is spinning around me. They’re all enjoying themselves, while I’m worried sick. I have to get out of here and get some air before I pass out.

  I bolt out of the barn and dash out into the country night. A breeze brushes against my skin and the fresh air clears my mind. I dial Ryan a few more times, but there’s still no answer. My mind and heart are both racing. At this point, I just want to see his face so I know he’s okay.

  My cell phone rings and I get so excited that I nearly drop it. It must be Ryan finally calling me back. It has to be. I knew he was alright, and I was worrying for nothing. He still has some explaining to do, esp
ecially since I nearly had a panic attack while waiting for him. Without even looking I answer the call, expecting to hear my husband’s voice.

  “Honey where are you?” I ask feeling relieved, but still a little pissed that he had me worried.

  “Good evening. Is this Conor Martin?” an unfamiliar voice asks. Who is this? I glance at my phone’s screen to check to see who’s calling, but it’s an unknown number. This doesn’t make any sense. Who’s calling me this late and where is my husband?

  “Yes, this is he. My name’s Conor Solow now,” I reply, still not understanding what’s going on. Maybe Ryan is planning some sort of surprise and this mystery person on the other line is in on it?

  “I apologize Mr. Solow. This is Officer Giles from the Smithtown PD.” Police? Why would the police be calling me this late, especially on my wedding day?

  “How can I help you Officer Giles?” I ask. Maybe someone called the police because the guests at my reception are a little too loud. There aren’t many houses surrounding the barn, but it is getting late, so maybe the neighbors complained about the noise.

  “I’m calling about Ryan Solow,” he pauses. “Your husband.” Something in his voice doesn’t seem right. Why would he be calling about Ryan?