by James, J. P.
My heart pounds and I have a swarm of butterflies fluttering around in my stomach. Any minute now I’ll be standing face to face with Bryce. I’m excited, but also terrified because I don’t know what he’s going to say when he sees me. Hopefully he welcomes me with arms wide open and a passionate kiss.
Things got pretty bad between us the night he left, and I’m not sure how he feels about me anymore, but I still have to try to get him back. He sacrificed so much for me, and I can’t forget that. He left his life here in New York City just to sneak around with me for six months. He proved time and time again how much he loves and cares about me, so now it’s my turn and I’m going to do whatever it takes.
A man with ginger hair carrying a briefcase gets off of the elevator and finally, I’m alone in the square box. There’s a mirror on the back wall of the elevator, so I turn toward it and scrutinize myself. I look the same, even if there is a heightened flush on my cheeks. My dark hair is neatly combed, and there’s just a hint of stubble on my jaw. It’ll have to do. Ding! We’re here, and the elevator doors slowly open. I take a deep breath and step out tentatively. There’s no turning back now.
I glance up at the business names above the doors. The hallway is full of offices and I’m having trouble finding my location. I walk up and down the corridor searching for Black Capital. I walk back and forth in the hallway at least five times, but I still can’t find his office. Where could it be? Damnit. I walk back to the elevator feeling deflated. But by chance, my eyes swing to a corner that I missed, and there’s a door with an elegant gold-plated sign affixed to it. It says Black Capital in script letters. Bingo! I’m elated and my heart flutters with excitement.
I seize the doorknob, ready to run inside and throw myself into Bryce’s arms, but then hesitation strikes. What if he doesn’t want to see me? I back away from door, contemplating whether or not I should go inside. I’m already in a lot of pain, but if he rejects me it’ll feel like the end of the world. I turn back toward the elevator and take a few steps in that direction. God, what do I do?
I stop in my tracks as I think back to what Nancy told me. I shouldn’t be running away from love. I need to pursue it with all of my heart. I close my eyes and inhale deeply, trying to center myself. I have to go after the things I want in life, and right now, the only thing I want is a life with Bryce. The burning passion between us will never die. In fact, miles apart the flame still glows in my breast. I don’t know what’s waiting for me on the other side of that door, but I have to at least try to find out.
My heart thumps in my chest as I place my hand on the doorknob. Here goes nothing. I just hope he listens to what I have to say. I don’t know if I can change his mind or not, but I’m sure going to try. I step into the busy office and look around at all of the hardworking men and women. They’re all dressed up like the ones I saw down in the lobby, and again, I feel completely out of place in my casual clothes.
“Can I help you?” a woman sitting behind a desk asks. At first, I didn’t think she was talking to me because she’s wearing a headset, but her eyes are locked onto me.
“Uh yes,” I say as I approach her desk. “I’m here to see Bryce. Bryce Black. He works here?” She stares at me for a bit with a condescending look on her face, probably because I’m dressed like a cowboy while everyone else looks like they’re headed to a funeral.
“Yes, I know who Mr. Black is. What exactly is the nature of your business with him?” she says with a snarky look on her face. I remain polite because it’s naturally a part of my southern charm, but deep inside I want to give her a piece of my mind. I really don’t think it’s any of her business, but I want to see Bryce, so I give her an answer.
“We’re friends,” I say hesitantly
“Friends?” she questions with her lip turned up in a sneer. For her information we’re way more than friends. We’re insanely in love with each other, or at least I hope we still are.
“Yes,” I say, feeling a bit testy. “Is he in?”
“Yes,” she says.
“Great, which one is his office?” I ask, ready to dart in that direction. She quickly stands and immediately blocks me from taking any steps forward.
“You can’t go back there,” she sneers.
“Why not?” I ask, my voice trembling.
“Because this isn’t a place for friends. This is a place of business and Mr. Black is very busy. Now, it’s time for you to go,” she says as she attempts to usher me out of the office.
“I need to see him,” I say in a trembling voice, but she doesn’t give a damn that I’m on the verge of bursting into tears. The condescending woman grabs me elbow and escorts me to the exit against my will. What should I do? Scream? Yell bloody murder? Or should I just give up?
I glance around in a panic, and at that moment, the door to an office in the corner swings opens. Bryce steps out looking down at a document in his hands, completely unaware of my presence. I freeze in place, and the woman wearing the headset can’t get me to take another step. My eyes lock on him and my heart starts beating faster than before, nearly pumping through my chest.
“Hannah could you make me a copy of-” He glances up from the paper in his hands, and our eyes meet. He has no idea how much I missed his massive form and penetrating blue gaze.
Neither of us say a word, but the sparks flying between us are so intense that I think even Hannah can feel them. My lips quiver as I try to find the right words to say, but nothing comes out. There were so many things I wanted to say to him, but now that I’m here standing in front of him the cat’s got my tongue.
“What are you doing here, Conor?” he asks gently.
“Sir I’m sorry, he was just leaving,” Hannah says savagely as she tries to push me out the door.
“That won’t be necessary Hannah,” he says as he strides purposefully towards us.
Oh God, the words are stuck inside of me and I can’t get a single one out. I want to tell him that I’m sorry for keeping our affair a secret. I want to tell him that I’m sorry I chose wrong, and that I’d do anything to do it all over again. I want to tell him that I love him, and that I came here to tell him that, but the words are stuck in my throat. Instead, I come off like an idiot.
“I needed to see you,” I blurt out. “Can we talk?” I ask, glancing at Hannah’s snobby face.
“Of course,” he says as he guides me into his office.
I anxiously step into the spacious room, feeling so many different emotions at once. I’m ecstatic to see Bryce, but also afraid it’s too late to rekindle our flame. What must he think? Slowly, my lover closes the door behind us and now we’re all alone. He turns towards me, and I catch my breath. He’s even more beautiful than before with his perfectly cut suit emphasizing those broad shoulders and athletic chest. His bright blue eyes pierce right through me and make my knees weak. I swallow hard as I wrack my brain for the right words. This is my one and only shot, so I’ve got to make it count.
22
Bryce
There he is, standing right before my eyes. Am I dreaming? I missed him so much and now Conor’s finally here in person. My heart races as I stare into his chocolate eyes, neither of us saying a word. I want to kiss those tantalizing lips, but I don’t want to fall back in the same trap again of loving him in secret either. I want to be with him, but not the way we were before. I can’t live like that.
It’s hard as hell for me to keep my hands off of him right now. I’ve been thinking non-stop about Conor since the day I left Smithtown. One touch from him would heal everything broken inside of me, but it would also probably reignite the flame that burned between us. Sparks fly as electricity runs through my veins, making it difficult to keep myself from falling into his embrace.
Conor’s mute, staring at me, but his presence warms me all the same. I just need to be near him, surrounded by his aura. I’m surprised that he showed up at Black Capital, but it’s fine. I’d be happy to see him at the North Pole or the Tahitian Islands. He�
��s still the most amazing man I’ve ever met.
But suddenly, Conor breaks into motion. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here,” he gasps, rushing towards the door. I grab his hand to stop him from leaving, and the touch sends a bolt of lightning throughout my body. I felt useless without him, but that one touch brings me back to life.
“Don’t go,” I whisper. His lips quiver as tears fill his eyes.
I can see the pain in Conor’s eyes and I want to make it all better, but I don’t want to get hurt again either. Only two weeks have passed since that fateful day, so he’s probably still not ready yet to be open about us. I want to comfort him, but I also don’t want to give off mixed signals. I can’t keep sneaking around just because he thinks it’s too soon for him to date. So where is this going? Conor takes a deep breath and tries to center himself.
“Conor, what is it?” I ask in what I hope is a neutral voice.
“I don’t want things to be over between us Bryce. I’m madly in love with you and I want us to work everything out,” he says.
I shake my head. I want the same thing too, but how can we be together if he’s still afraid to tell people about us? I waited for him to come out about our relationship for six months and he strung me along the entire time. I still love him, but it’s never going to work between us if we have to keep sneaking around.
I don’t want to break his heart, but the truth is I can’t be with him if he’s still worried about what other people say. I want a love I can proclaim, not one I have to hide. It pains me to let him go, but what choice do I have? I release his hand and slowly back away.
“Conor it’s never going to work between us,” I say with pain in my heart. “It’s just not.”
“Why not?” he asks. The tears in his eyes break my heart. I hate seeing him like this because I never wanted to cause him any pain. Yet this is the only way. If only there was a quick fix to our problem.
“Because I don’t want to love you behind closed doors. I don’t want us to have to keep hiding how we feel about each other. It’s not good for either of us,” I say. “You know that.”
He smiles tearily.
“We don’t have to hide anymore. I promise,” he says. I want to believe him, but just a couple of weeks ago, he was singing another song. What could have changed between then and now?
“Conor, you don’t have to do this,” I say gently. “Don’t fight what we both know is right.”
But my lover is stubborn. He shakes his head and walks over to me, grasping my hand.
“No, I mean it. I’m ready for us to date out in the open,” he says in a firm voice, his lips still trembling.
I sigh again. “Conor, don’t do this. Let’s not prolong the pain, okay? The last time we were together, you told me you were afraid of disrespecting your dead husband’s memory. You were afraid of what would happen to your reputation, and what people would say about us. I don’t want that for you. I don’t want you to live in fear because that’s no way to live life. So let’s just stop, okay? Let’s not pretend that this has any chance of working out.”
But my lover smiles gently, and merely grips my hand tighter. He’s so beautiful that I stare blindly, hoping to imprint that handsome face on my mind forever.
“But Bryce, I mean it this time,” he says softly. “I want to be with you. Out in the open, for everyone to see.”
I shake my head again, although a small flare of hope lights in my heart.
“What’s changed?” I ask slowly.
Conor nods. “I had a chat with Nancy and realized I was being silly. No, more than silly, absolutely ridiculous,” he says. “The truth is I never really wanted to marry Ryan. After he died, I just kept beating myself up because I felt like a horrible person for not loving him enough. I was blaming myself for his death.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” I interject.
“I know that now, but back then I felt so guilty. And on top of being a widower, I had all of these strong feelings for you. I was torn between mourning the loss of Ryan and falling in love with you. I didn’t know what to do,” he says. He takes hold of my hand and moves in closer to me. “But now I know what I want and it’s you. All of you, and everything that means. And I want to give you all of me without holding back.”
My lover sounds so sincere, but I’m still not sure he’s ready. I just can’t picture myself ducking down in bushes and sneaking around again. If I can’t walk around Smithtown with my head held high, there’s no way we can be together.
“Conor, I love you, but I can’t go back to the way things were before,” I say in a flat tone.
“It won’t be like that anymore Bryce, please believe me,” he says with a serious expression. “Trust me, I’ve changed.”
But I still have my doubts. “I asked you to make a choice the night I left and you didn’t choose me,” I say, still feeling the hurt from that decision.
“I know and I’m sorry, but things are different now,” he insists.
“How?” I ask “What’s so different now? Why should I believe you?”
Conor is silent for a moment. “Because I told Ryan’s mom about us, and Nancy’s okay with it,” he finally says. “We have her blessing.”
“What?” I can’t believe my ears. I must be delusional.
My lover nods. “I told Nancy that I was seeing someone new. She was shocked at first, but then told me it was time to move on and find happiness with someone else, and I think she’s right. I even told a few other people too. I’m serious Bryce, I’m ready,” he says in a steady voice while meeting my eyes. “It’s fine. I want to be open with you, and I want everyone to know that we’re a couple.”
I stare into his warm brown eyes, and the same flame of hope in my heart bursts into a full-size bonfire. He means it. He really is ready. I waited for this moment for so long and now it’s finally here. I’m overcome with joy and can’t contain myself. I pull him into my embrace and clasp his athletic form to me tightly, both of our hearts pounding in unison.
“I missed you so much,” I say fiercely. “These last couple weeks have been real hard.”
Conor nods, resting his head against my broad chest.
“I know,” he says in a soft voice. “I missed you too. I never want to be away from you again because these past weeks have been hell. I was miserable without you Bryce,” he confesses.
“I know,” I say, gently kissing his forehead. “And we’ll never be apart again, sweetheart. I love you,” I say fiercely while staring into his chocolate gaze. “You mean everything to me, and I’ll never let you go again.”
He nods, a trembling smile breaking over that handsome face.
“I know, Bryce,” he breathes. “I love you too. More than anything in the world. Always,” he promises.
With that, I pull him into my arms and we kiss passionately.
“Always,” I echo. “Our love is forever.”
With those words, our love is sealed in stone. Our lips lock again, and I caress his muscled back as he presses his ear against my chest, listening to the way my heart beats for him. I never knew love like this was possible, but now, it’s right here in my grasp. I was a fool to leave Conor in Smithtown, but luckily, he came after me. It wasn’t easy to overcome the initial hurdles in our romance, from the untimely death of his husband, to the rapid development of our relationship. Yet despite it all, it’s right. Everything is right because passion has no timeline. We were lucky to find each other, and no matter what happens from here on out, I’ll always fight for our love because it’s worth it. Conor’s worth it. He makes my life complete, and nothing compares to what we have together.
Epilogue
Conor
The letter makes my eyes go wide. The surrogate’s pregnant! We weren’t sure if it’d work because there were so many hoops to jump through. We had to pick out an egg donor, a surrogate, and then wait for the IVF to take. But miraculously, all of it went off without a hitch, and now Bryce and I are having a baby.
Plus, my boyfriend treats me really well. Bryce’s penthouse is three times the size of my house in Smithtown. I love living with him because I get to fall asleep in his arms every night and wake up next to him every morning without either of us having to sneak around. Our love grows stronger every day and I couldn’t be happier. I even found a job at a really great elementary school nearby. My students are the best, and they love learning. I adore my job and the work I do with my kids because they make me feel fulfilled.
I stuff the letter into desk before heading back into the kitchen to finish making dinner. Bryce will be home any minute now and I want to make sure I have a hot meal waiting for him when he gets here. I take a roasted chicken out of the oven and check the temperature. The thermometer says it’s ready, and just in time, because Bryce walks through the front door at that moment. I take two dishes out of the cabinet and start making his plate.
“It smells great in here,” he says as he walks up behind me and wraps his arms around my chest. He kisses my cheek, making my knees a little weak. I smile as I think about what his reaction to the good news will be like. I want to tell him now, but I’ll save the surprise for later.