A Ladder of Panties

by Sandeep Jayaram

  ‘Pick it up, na.’

  That’s okay, Sri. It’ll go to voice-mail. This time is yours.’

  The wind waited until the ringing stopped. Then it whipped in, whirling and swirling. Above our heads, a wood pigeon wheeled in the gusts. The dark water grimaced as the unseen breathed over it. All around was the hissing of wind through grass and the low langur-like hooting of the frightened bird. And the pounding of blood, coursing through two kids no longer separated by two decades.

  Images and voices from another space and time filled my mind. From an art exhibition, years ago. A place I wasn’t even at…

  ‘…transcended all previous efforts.’

  ‘… their hair entwined…’

  ‘The lion and the bull, nose to nose, touching.’

  Mohina. Sri.

  Ardhanarishvara.

  the fourteenth and last rung

  14. one last ring

  1st Voice: You have reached the voicemail box of Mohina Sethi. Sorry, I can’t get to the phone right now. Please leave a message after the beep.

  2nd Voice: Ma… Hi… It’s me. Thanks for not picking up. It’s better this way. Thank you for everything, Ma. Over all these days I know I’ve been… difficult, but… but I didn’t know any other way. I have no one but you. Ever since the—you know—everything inside shut up. I couldn’t breathe. Forget about talking.

  I know I said we’d talk in Mumbai, but today, after all these days, I feel lighter. I don’t know why. I giggled, Ma. Outside on the street, I saw a dog chasing its tail. And I giggled. I’ve watched you writing. Seen your face brighten. Seen you smile. I know there’s something good happening in your life. I don’t know what, but… you deserve it. Thanks for standing by me.

  I was like that woman, more furious than hell. I wanted revenge. But, what did I do? Something so stupid!

  Remember, you kept asking me? Remember, you wanted a name? Everything had shut up then. I couldn’t get the words out. Today, I can. There are two names I want to fling out of my mind. Far, far away. One is Precious. That’s what he used to call me. And the other is Sri… Hang on. I want to throw out the full form, too.

  Srinivas Ramachandran! Out you go!

  There. I was so stupid. Now all the dirt is gone. I am laughing. I am clean. I am happy. Don’t go off anywhere, Ma. Wait for me. I’ll be back soon. Then we’ll talk. Girly talk. You can tell me about what you’re writing. We’ll laugh together. Love you, Ma. Love you.

  words and expressions used

  * * *

  [1] Often added at the end of a statement to mean ‘please’ or ‘isn’t that right?

  [2] Long multi-purpose scarf worn by women in India. It is a symbol of modesty.

  [3] Language spoken in the state of Maharashtra.

  [4] Of a community of Muslim traders, essentially from the state of Gujarat.

  [5] Mother.

  [6] From Maharashtra.

  [7] Plural of swearword derived from Choot or vagina. Used here as a more serious version of ‘idiots’.

  [8] Free sparring in Karate.

  [9] Salty.

  [10] Fried, spicy, Indian savoury made from rice, chickpea and black gram flour.

  [11] Small loaves of bread available all over India.

  [12] Of a community of Indian traders known for their tightfistedness.

  [13] Oil-fuelled bronze floor lamp.

  [14] Of a business community originally from North-west India.

  [15] Typically, the North Indian way of saying ‘enjoy’.

  [16] Landowner who leases his land, at exorbitant rates, to poor tenant farmers.

  [17] Orange flavoured country liquor.

  [18] Grilled meat on a skewer.

  [19] Flat bread made of wheat.

  [20] Ancient Sanskrit epic about the dynastic struggle for the throne of Hastinapura between two warring branches of the Kuru family, the Pandavas and the Kauravas. It is considered to be the longest poem ever written and is roughly ten times the length of the Iliad and the Odyssey combined.

  [21] Fuss or commotion.

  [22] Similar to a vest, this is a fitting cotton undergarment worn in India.

  [23] Slang for something unethical.

  [24] A wealthy mercantile community from the states of Tamil Nadu and Kerala.

  [25] Typically, found at Irani and Parsi eateries, it is a cake made from reduced milk.

  [26] Person who either washes or irons household clothes for a minimal charge.

  [27] Mixture of ground spices used for cooking.

  [28] Mantra that inspires righteous learning and wisdom.

  [29] The ultimate reality underlying all phenomena.

  [30] Typical to the Indian subcontinent, these are pickles made of certain vegetables/fruits marinated in brine/edible oils.

  [31] To repeat from the beginning.

  [32] Gentleman or boss.

  [33] Small metal serving bowls.

  [34] The loose end of a saree that is draped over the shoulder.

  [35] Puffed rice and vegetables mixed with spicy and sweet sauces.

  [36] Of the state of Gujarat.

  [37] Tamarind. Usually served with a mixture of sugar, salt and red chilli powder.

  [38] Virgin companions in Muslim paradise.

  [39] Tamil word for ‘in the negative’.

  [40] Loose shirt falling just above or below the knees.

  [41] The most prominent ruler of the Ghaznavid Empire. Known for looting and destroying temples, he tore down the famous one at Somnath in 1025 CE.

  [42] Mother’s brother or maternal uncle.

  [43] Fried spicy potato balls.

  [44] Fake or spurious.

  [45] Yes?

  [46] Garlic

  [47] From the state of Goa.

  [48] When Goans say ‘man’, it often sounds like ‘men.’

  [49] Expression of regret used mainly in Goa and by Goans settled elsewhere.

  [50] Popularly used along the west coast of India, it is similar in meaning to buddy or pal.

  [51] Baba is an affectionate term and if added after a young person’s name, it also shows respect.

  [52] Turmeric.

  [53] Rice dish made with meat or vegetables.

  [54] Produced only in Goa, it is an alcoholic spirit made from coconuts.

  [55] Buddy or pal.

  [56] Someone who isn’t Latino or Hispanic.

  [57] Tea

  [58] Place for Hindu cultural or religious activity.

  [59] Hindi for ‘Six teas under the umbrella’.

  [60] Derogatory term for eunuchs.

  [61] Devotees or disciples.

  [62] Brave and intelligent king from ancient Indian mythology. Also read Vetaal.

  [63] This magical vampire-like creature and Raja Vikrama are mythological characters from a series of ancient Indian tales. A mendicant gifts Raja Vikrama precious stones regularly. In return for these, he appeals to the brave king to bring him the vetaal from a nearby cemetery. Thus begins the first of twenty-five stories involving the ethical and moral dilemmas of the time. At the end of each of these stories, the vetaal leaps off the king’s back and escapes. Raja Vikrama is forced, once again, to return to the cemetery to catch him.

  [64] Festival of lights.

  [65] The first incarnation of Lord Vishnu where he turned into a fish to rescue mankind from a flood.

  [66] Cow-herding maiden who was rapturously in love with Krishna.

  [67] The eighth avatar of Lord Vishnu, considered to be one the principal protagonists of the Mahabharata.

  [68] South Indian steamed rice cakes.

  [69] Auguste Rodin’s bronze sculpture of a man, apparently, in deep thought.

  [70] Large flat metal frying pan.

  [71] Supernatural weapons favoured by specific Hindu deities.

  [72] Epic poem about King Rama and his wife, Sita. It includes the kidnapping of Sita by the demon-king, Ravana and the war that follows between Rama and Ravana.

  [73] Demoniac beings from
Hindu mythology.

  [74] Considered, along with Krishna, to be the principal protagonist of the Mahabharata, he is the third of the Pandava brothers. Renowned for his skill at archery, he won the hand of Draupadi in a royal competition. In the final stage, contestants had to shoot the eye of a fish, rotating above, with only its reflection in the water below to help. Arjuna emerged victor.

  [75] One of the central characters in the Mahabharata and archrival of Arjuna. He fought on the side of the Kauravas or enemies of the Pandavas.

  [76] Thin crisp pancakes made of rice and black lentils. Originally from South India.

  [77] Mafia term for the boss of bosses.

  [78] Helper who carries luggage at railway stations.

  [79] Mantra to remove suffering.

  [80] Italian for tasty or delicious.

  [81] Open space for sports, parades and public rallies.

  [82] Language spoken in the state of Andhra Pradesh.

  [83] Language spoken in the state of Tamil Nadu.

  [84] Hindi for ‘Somewhere over the rainbow’.

  [85] Bhai means brother and is often added after a name, even when there aren’t blood ties, to show respect.

  [86] An epic poem describing the journey of the soul through Hell, Purgatory and Paradise.

  [87] ‘A joke, sir?’

  [88] ‘Yes, brother. Just read it.’

  [89] The essential function of living and non-living things.

  [90] Exclamation to attract someone’s attention.

  [91] She is considered the third most important character in the Mahabharata. Though it was Arjuna who won her hand in marriage, she went on to become wife to all five Pandava brothers.

  [92] She was one of Arjuna’s wives and responsible for restoring him to life after he was slain in a fight.

  [93] Of the legendary snake people inhabiting the river Ganga during the time of the Mahabharata.

  [94] According to legend, the statue overlooking the bay in Panaji, Goa is that of a dutiful housewife who turned to stone while waiting for her fisherman husband to return.

  [95] In the service of girls.

  [96] Composite form of Lord Shiva and Goddess Parvati, symbolising the inseparability of man and woman. Manoviraj Singh (from the story) depicts this in one of his paintings as a combination of the bull (Shiva’s favoured animal) and the lion (Parvati’s favoured animal).

  [97] Devotee or disciple.

  [98] Son.

  [99] Hindi for ‘Without this, there’s no breeze.’

  [100] Naturally cunning, he helped Chandragupta Maurya defeat the forces of Alexander.

  [101] Place in Mumbai where pigeons are fed.

  [102] French for come in or enter.

  [103] Red pigment applied as a dot to the forehead or the parting of the hair of a married Hindu woman.

  [104] Hindu festival celebrating the victory of good over evil. On this day, new and old possessions are garlanded.

  [105] The regulation of breath in Yoga by the use of certain techniques and exercises.

  [106] Psychological theory describing the pattern that human motivations move through.

  [107] Periodic condition in bull elephants accompanied by a large rise in reproductive hormones.

  [108] You too, Brutus?

  [109] It is a rousing dialogue between Arjuna and Krishna during the epic battle at Kurukshetra in the Mahabharata.

  [110] Vegetables cooked in gravy.

  [111] Unleavened whole meal flat bread consumed all over the Indian subcontinent.

  [112] Eggplant or brinjal.

  [113] Food.

  [114] Whole or entire.

  [115] Round metal box used for carrying eatables.

  [116] Shorter form of Chootiya and with similar meaning.

  Praise For Author

  ‘...a highly enjoyable story with great cultural influences, a beautiful writing style and an excellent overall message.’

  ~ 5 star review from KC Finn, Readers’ Favorite, USA.

  ‘Jayaram displays a solid gift for social satire, and his detestably fascinating protagonist is a welcome addition to seriously funny fiction.’

  ~ BlueInk Review, USA.

  ‘...unexpected, refreshingly different images packed into as little as a single line.’

  ~ Diane Donovan, Senior Reviewer, Midwest Book Review, USA.

  ‘As a creative piece of contemporary literature set in South Mumbai, A Ladder of Panties represents a perfect dose of satire and reality.’

  ~ The late Mani D’Mello, ex-City Editor, Free Press Journal & ex- Editor, Times of India (West Mumbai).

  ‘The writing is pacey, the end is satisfying and Sandeep Jayaram has a knack for dialogue that keeps you engaged. In other words: if you have to spend time with the wrong guy, you could do worse than Srinivas Ramachandran.’

  ~ Deepa Menon, ex-Executive Editor, Femina, Mumbai.

  '...touchingly realistic and relatable to, readers with a sense of humour will thoroughly enjoy the new levels Jayaram's writing takes one to.'

  ~ Poonam Dhandhania, not just The Small Book Of Meditation.