Forever, For Love

by Becky Lee Weyrich

  “Yes,” he said quietly. “Yes, it should work.”

  He sucked at his pipe stem, feeling a kernel of excitement bursting to life inside him. It had been many years since a case as complex and fascinating as this had come his way. He would try mesmerism or hypnosis as the technique was called these days. Some still believed that Dr. Mesmer had been a charlatan and his findings worthless. Pinel had used Mesmer’s hypnosis to great theraputic benefit in the past. Now, it might be the only way to help Mademoiselle Pandora Sherwood.

  As he paced his office, planning his strategy, he forgot about the gray autumn rain pouring down on Paris. He forgot that he was cold. He forgot his own advancing age, feeling once again like a young physician in his prime. The Sherwood case would be a challenge for him like none he had dealt with in many a year.

  When she wasn’t in art classes, Pandora spent her first week in Paris shopping for her trousseau. She did everything in her power to avoid thinking about her appointment with Dr. Pinel. Jacob had assured her the man could help, but she was not so certain. Her lapse of memory in New York frightened her terribly. She dreaded the thought that the French physician might shake his head sadly and tell her there was no hope.

  The appointed day had arrived all too quickly. The coach that she had leased in Le Havre to bring them to Paris was dashing through the rain-drenched streets of the old city, carrying her ever closer to her dreaded first meeting with Dr. Phillipe Pinel.

  Cassie wanted to accompany her mistress to the doctor’s office, but Pandora had convinced her to remain at the hotel. Now she wished that her friend was there. The drive seemed endless, and Pandora was growing more nervous by the mile.

  “How much farther?” she wondered aloud.

  Just as she spoke, her driver halted the coach. Pandora lifted the window curtain and peered out at a large building, stained dull-gray with age. The place looked like a medieval castle—complete with torture chambers—she thought with a shudder.

  “Here we are, mademoiselle,” the driver announced as he opened the door.

  She must find the doctor’s office as quickly as possible. She wanted this visit behind her. She glanced about, but saw no signs to direct her. Before she could ask, the driver pointed the way.

  Moments later, Pandora stood at the door that bore the doctor’s name in gold lettering. When she went in, she was met by a stern-looking gray-haired woman dressed in a stiff woolen uniform of the very same dull shade.

  “Mademoiselle Sherwood?”

  Pandora nodded.

  “I am Madame Celeste, Dr. Pinel’s assistant. Please follow me.” When Pandora hesitated, the woman added with a flash of annoyance in her watery-blue eyes, “You are already six minutes late. We do not keep the doctor waiting!”

  Pandora cringed like a scolded child at the woman’s tone. Already she regretted coming. Now she realized that she was truly terrified. How would she ever survive the afternoon?

  “Do come along, mademoiselle!” Madame Celeste commanded.

  Pandora entered the doctor’s office expecting to meet a stem-faced man in a sterile box of a room. She could barely move one foot ahead of the other. The moment she saw the kindly face of Dr. Pinel and looked into his warm brown eyes, some of her panic eased. His office might have been the library of an elegant private home. A fire glowed invitingly, casting its flickering light over the worn leather volumes lining the walls. The office was furnished with a huge, scarred desk, an overstuffed chair, a tea table, and a soft leather couch. Pandora noted everything. Jacob would want to know every detail, down to the paintings on the walls, the worn spots in the carpet underfoot, and the rainbow-colored glass shade on the doctor’s desk lamp.

  “My dear Miss Sherwood!” Dr. Pinel came toward her with an outstretched hand, speaking to her in perfect English. “I am so happy to meet you at last. Your fiancé has written me in such detail that I feel you and I are great friends already. I hope in our time together that will truly come to pass.”

  Pandora smiled at the rotund little man in his rumpled black suit as she gripped his hand. “Thank you, Dr. Pinel. I hope so, too. I could use a friend right now.”

  “Oh, my dear, you sound so distressed. Do have a seat and let me pour you a cup of tea. We’ll talk. You’ll relax.”

  Pandora sat carefully on the edge of the leather couch. She still felt nervous, but her terror had eased. Dr. Pinel was not the ogre she had imagined. There was kindness and genuine sympathy in his lined, leathery face.

  As he handed her a cup of tea, he smiled and patted her hand. “There, my dear. Drink that. You’ll feel much better. It’s always difficult for a sensitive young woman when she consults with a new physician. Jacob wrote me that you were against this visit when he first suggested it. He told me something happened that made you willing—indeed, anxious—to pay me a call. Would you like to tell me about it?”

  The good doctor’s tea, or perhaps it was his open smile and friendly tone, worked magic on Pandora. Soon she was pouring out her whole story to him—the birthday party, her inability to employ her second sight to see herself as Jacob’s wife. She even admitted to him what had happened after she’d fled the party—the vision or dream or whatever that she had experienced while kissing Ward Gabriel.

  “The kiss was all perfectly innocent,” she explained quickly. “He’d given me a birthday gift, you see, and I merely wanted to thank him. But the things I saw and felt and actually experienced in those few minutes… Oh, Doctor.” She looked down into her empty cup, unable to face him suddenly.

  “Pandora,” he said gently, “you don’t have to feel embarrassed with me. If I’m to help you, you must trust me completely. Nothing you say to me will go beyond this room. As for your vision of the other man—his making love to you…”

  “Not to me,” she corrected in a tone edged with new panic. “It was the dark-haired woman, the one I keep seeing in my dreams.”

  “Yes, yes, of course. You told me that.” He was propped against his desk, standing in front of her. Now he smiled down into her eyes. “But, my dear, you felt what happened to her. That’s all I meant. You did, didn’t you?”

  A warm blush suffused Pandora’s cheeks. Tears of embarrassment swam in her eyes. She started to speak, but her voice broke and she fell silent.

  “I know this is difficult for you. Take your time, Pandora,” he cautioned gently. “And don’t be afraid to let me see your tears.” He handed her a large, clean hankerchief from his desk drawer. “I know how upsetting this must be.”

  Pandora wiped her eyes and blew her nose as quietly as she could.

  “There, that’s better, my dear. Now, can you tell me what has been troubling you so about that night?”

  While the doctor waited for her to speak, his mind was busy, sorting through the facts of her case. Nowhere in his letter had Jacob Saenger mentioned anything about this man named Ward Gabriel. Perhaps Pandora had not told Jacob about that night. She probably feared that her fiancé would be jealous over even an innocent kiss, as she had termed it. He smiled. Jacob Saenger’s jealousy would be well-placed, he assured himself. Pandora Sherwood was indeed a beautiful woman. She was also secretive by nature. He sensed that already. In order for him to help her, he must gain her confidence and break through the thick wall of emotion she built around herself. If he could not, then hypnosis was out of the question. He would be unable to mesmerize her without her consent and her total cooperation.

  Pandora sat before Dr. Pinel wrestling with her own troubled thoughts. She had to know what had actually happened that night at Ward’s cottage and what, if anything, had transpired between them the night in New York. She has sworn to herself that she would seek Dr. Pinel’s help. Now here he was, offering it willingly, and she could not bring herself to accept. It was so silly. After all, he was a doctor and he would certainly not be shocked by anything she told him. Still, the words simply refused to come.

  “If you’d rather go on to something else, Pa
ndora, we can leave that night for the time being. I can see that you are struggling. I don’t want to press you.”

  “No, Doctor! That night is the reason I’m here,” she said firmly. Willing herself the courage to speak, she sat up very straight and looked directly into his eyes. “I believe that something terrible happened to me at Ward Gabriel’s cottage. I think—no, I’m sure!—that someone made love to me.”

  Dr. Pinel could hardly have been more shocked—not shocked in the moral sense of the word, but shocked that Pandora could be less than certain if such a thing had happened.

  “This is most uncommon,” he said quietly. “Do you mean that you believe your dream of the green-eyed man and the dark-haired woman was no vision at all, but reality?”

  “I know you must think I’m mad.” She dropped her gaze, suddenly feeling foolish.

  “Not at all, Pandora,” he answered quietly. Then, posing his question carefully, he asked, “Or are you telling me that you think this Ward Gabriel took advantage of you?”

  Still looking down at her hands, she nodded her head. “That’s what I thought at first. But you see, there was the clock. Only a few moments lapsed as we kissed. There was not time enough for…”

  Dr. Pinel shook his head. Pandora was still holding back. “My dear, you must be totally open and honest with me if I’m to help you.”

  “I know,” she whispered. “I’m trying.”

  “Very well, Pandora. Take your time. I’m a very patient man.”

  “It was the blood!” she burst out. “When I got home and undressed, my… my limbs were smeared with blood. Oh, Doctor,” she cried, “I’m afraid I lost my virginity that night. How can I marry Jacob not knowing what he’ll discover on our wedding night?”

  She was sobbing now. Dr. Pinel came to her and placed a consoling hand on her shoulder.

  “Pandora, listen to me, with a simple examination, the question can be settled. Are you willing?”

  She looked up at him through her tears. She was trembling with fear, but she managed a weak smile. “Anything would be better than not knowing.”

  “Very well, Pandora. I’ll tell Madame Celeste to prepare you.”

  Pandora’s face flushed scarlet when she reentered Dr. Pinel’s office to hear the results of his examination. He smiled at her in a fatherly way and motioned her to take a seat again. She wanted desperately to ask him what he’d discovered, but she could not bring herself to say the words.

  “You can relax, Pandora. Your wedding night as Jacob Saenger’s virgin bride is assured.”

  His words took a moment to sink in. When Pandora finally realized what he was telling her, she laughed and cried at the same time. “Oh, Doctor, how can I ever thank you?”

  “By being totally truthful with me. By trusting me, Pandora. I want to help you. I can help you, if you’ll let me.”

  “I need your help,” she said in a sober tone. “I know now that I must have it.”

  He nodded. “That’s the first step, my dear, and a very large one.”

  Suddenly, Pandora felt perfectly at ease with her new doctor. After what she had just been through in his examining room, it seemed she could experience no further, deeper embarrassment. Without hesitation, she asked, “But what about the blood?”

  He cocked an eyebrow thoughtfully. “That’s easily explained. You’d had an emotionally upsetting evening. It is not uncommon for the emotions to affect the physical functions of the body. Perhaps your monthly cycle was thrown out of phase.” He tilted his head and puffed his pipe for a moment. “There’s another possibility, but I’m not sure we should go into that just yet. It seems a bit farfetched in your case.”

  “Oh, please, Doctor. Tell me what you’re thinking. I need to know everything.”

  He nodded. “Yes, I think you do. All right, Pandora, but bear in mind that I am not an ordinary physician. I deal mainly in matters of the mind, and this theory has to do with our peculiar mental processes. It is possible that your body reacted to the scene you imagined between the man and the woman to such a degree that you actually suffered some of the symptoms that she would have experienced on her wedding night. It’s known as a physiological reaction. In other words, you believed so strongly that what you witnessed had actually happened to you, that your mind made your body react accordingly. Hence, the bleeding. Do you follow me?”

  Pandora was frowning, trying to sort it all out. “I’m not quite sure.”

  “Well, let me explain it another way. I’ve seen a number of cases where a woman who was not with child believed herself to be pregnant. Quite often this happens when a woman desperately wants a child but has been unable to conceive. If such a woman can convince herself that she is with child, her body will then do the bidding of her subconscious. Her monthly flow will cease. She will start to gain weight. In extreme cases, her breasts may even begin producing milk. What you experienced seems quite similar to me. In either case, you have nothing to worry about, Pandora.”

  “I can’t begin to tell you how relieved I am, Doctor. I’ve been worried sick for the past weeks. I’d even come to dread the thought of my wedding.” She smiled at him and wiped away a tear. “Now, thanks to you, I can look forward to marrying Jacob.”

  He chuckled. “No more, I’m sure, than he is looking forward to taking you as his lovely bride. I’m glad I’ve eased your mind, though I know it was a difficult ordeal for you. Perhaps you would like to end our session for today?”

  “No, no.” Pandora assured him. Now that she was here, she wanted to get on with her treatment. “I mean, if you have no other patients waiting, Doctor.”

  “None at all, my dear.” He looked pleased. She was a woman of strong will and fine stamina. A good subject, he was sure. “I’ve reserved the entire afternoon for you. So, if you are willing, I’d like to try an experiment now.”

  “What kind of experiment?” she wanted to know.

  “Are you familiar with mesmerism or hypnosis, my dear?”

  Pandora nodded, but frowned at him. “Yes. I saw it performed on stage once in New York. The man who allowed himself to be mesmerized flapped about the stage, clucking like a chicken. It was meant to be amusing, but it made me quite uncomfortable.”

  Dr. Pinel scowled at her description. “Making you flap about is not exactly what I had in mind. The man you saw was a charlatan. His kind should be arrested for improper use of hypnosis. Hypnosis should not be used as a theatrical trick, but as a tool to help us unlock the mysteries of the human mind. Have you ever been hypnotized, Pandora?”

  “Heavens, no!” she gasped.

  Dr. Pinel shook his head and sighed. “Are you worried because you believe—as so many still do—that hypnosis robs the subject of his will? If I were able to hypnotize you, Pandora, would you be terrified that I might force myself upon you, seduce you right here on my office rug?”

  Pandora didn’t know whether to laugh or be shocked. The idea of the kindly, old doctor taking advantage of her or any other woman was the farthest thing from her mind.

  “Certainly not.” she said with some force.

  A twinkle came to Pinel’s eyes and he sighed. “Ah well, I suppose my time of seeming a threat to lovely young women is long past.” He chuckled then, putting Pandora back at ease.

  “What exactly do you have in mind, Doctor?”

  “Under hypnosis, a subject will often reveal things that may not be a part of the conscious mind. I believe that your visions or your second sight are a form of autohypnosis that you have been practicing on yourself for a number of years, Pandora.”

  She was astounded at such a thought. “But why?”

  “You had a great tragedy in your early years. Quite often a person who has been deeply hurt will seek some means of escape from the pain. It seems likely that this has been your way. If I could take you back to that time, perhaps we could ease some of the leftover tension from that period in your life.”

  Pandora looked stricken. �
��You mean I’d have to relieve that horrible night? See my parents die a second time?” She shook her head furiously. “No! I’m sorry, I couldn’t bear it.”

  “What if I could take you back, but leave no conscious memory of the regression afterward? I am convinced you need to do this, Pandora. I suspect that for all these years you have been experiencing a deep sense of guilt because your parents died, but you lived.”

  “Could that really be the whole problem?” she asked doubtfully.

  “I believe so. Often when a person survives a great tragedy, that individual experiences a senseless guilt for having lived while others perished. Such a deep-seated feeling of shame could play all manner of tricks on your mind and your body. By taking you back, I think I could relieve the problem.”

  “But your theory still doesn’t explain the recurring dreams I’ve had all my life, even before my parents died, Doctor.”

  He nodded, hoping to reassure her. “The trauma of your premature birth and your highly developed sensitivity can explain the dreams. The hypnosis should provide a solution to that problem, as well. We will search your mind, find the key, and unlock all your dark, mysterious chambers, young lady.”

  She looked up at him, still wary of his plan. “‘Would I actually have to relive everything?”

  “Under hypnosis, you would. Once I bring you out of it, you will have no conscious memory of what you experienced during the trance—only, I hope, a very positive, conscious reaction afterward. Of course, Madame Celeste will be here with us the whole time.” The twinkle came back into his deep brown eyes. “She’s quite a prude as you may have guessed. So there’s no chance that I might take advantage of you. Are you willing?”

  Pandora sat very still for several moments thinking the matter through. The whole idea of hypnosis frightened her. So did the thought of continuing to live with her strange dreams and second sight. Now that she knew she was free to marry Jacob with a clear conscience, she wanted their life together to be as normal and happy as possible. If Dr. Pinel’s unorthodox technique could accomplish that for her, then she saw no reason to hesitate a moment longer.