The Ending I Want

by Samantha Towle

  Another brief pause, and then I hear the clicking of keys.

  “Taylor Shaw hasn’t changed her flight from tomorrow to today, and she hasn’t purchased a ticket for today’s flight either, sir.”

  I feel a beat of relief. But just because she hasn’t tried to change her flight doesn’t mean she won’t. She could be walking in there right now, heading to the desk where Amber is sitting.

  “Do you have a pen and paper?”

  “Yes.”

  “Write this number down.” I rattle off my phone number to her. “If she turns up at the desk, I want you to call me immediately.”

  “Yes, sir. Should I put a flag against her name in the system in case she doesn’t come to the desk and tries to change the flight by telephone?”

  I don’t think Taylor would do that. I think she’s in the cab on the way to the airport to change her ticket and leave. But I still say, “Yes, and put a note to call me right away.”

  “Sir, do we let her change the ticket?”

  “No.”

  “And if she wants to purchase another?”

  “Tell her the flight is full.”

  “Won’t that only send her to another airline though, sir?”

  Fuck, she’s right.

  I start doing the math in my head. I was going to go straight to my apartment and get my passport. I figured, if I couldn’t change her mind, if she chose to get on that flight and go back to Boston, then I was going to go with her, whether she wanted me there or not.

  I’m not leaving her side again until I make her see sense. Make her see that the only place she needs to be is here with me.

  But, if I do that, I’ll have to drive right past the airport and then another thirty minutes to my apartment and back to the airport.

  Fuck! Why the hell did I go to Oxford?

  I’ll have to take my chances and go straight to the airport. Stop Taylor from getting on that flight. Beg her to stay. Beg her to let me take her back to the hospital.

  If she gets on that flight, then I’m screwed. I might own an airline, but I’m not God. There’s no way I’ll be flying into Boston without my passport.

  “I’m thirty minutes away,” I tell Amber. “When she shows up, keep her there, and don’t let her leave, no matter what.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  I press the button to disconnect the call, and I put my foot down, speeding down the M40, heading for Heathrow as fast as my car will get me there.

  I slam my brakes when I reach the drop-off bay at terminal five, and I jump out of my car, locking it with the fob as I hurry away, heading toward the doors to get inside. I’ll get a parking ticket for sure, leaving it here, but like I give a fuck.

  I just need to get in there as fast as possible.

  Amber hasn’t called back to say that Taylor has shown up, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t there.

  I pick up speed, breaking into a fast jog, pushing past people, as I head inside the terminal and straight for the ticket desk.

  As I approach, I see a young redhead sitting behind the desk—Amber, I’m guessing—but there’s no sign of Taylor. I don’t know whether to be happy or worried.

  I skid to a stop at the desk, slamming my hands down on the counter.

  Amber’s eyes come up from the computer she was looking at. Her eyes widen when she sees it’s me.

  “Mr. Hunter—sir”—she stands up from her chair—“Miss Shaw hasn’t shown up or called. I was just checking to make sure she hadn’t called to change her ticket.” She turns the computer screen to show me.

  My brow furrows in confusion.

  Taylor should be here by now. She got the cab over an hour ago.

  Even if she didn’t come to the ticket desk right away, surely, she would be here now, as check-in is now open, as it’s past two o’clock.

  “Is there anything else I can do to help, sir?”

  That’s when I realize I haven’t actually said anything to Amber.

  “No. I’m fine.”

  I cast my eyes around the airport bustling with people, but there’s no Taylor.

  Where are you, babe?

  “Well, anything you need, just let me know.”

  I give Amber a brief nod. “I’m just going to wait here until she turns up.”

  “Do you want a chair?” She gestures to her own chair.

  I shake my head. “I’m fine, standing.”

  I’m too restless to sit. Nervous energy is burning up inside me.

  I turn and lean my back against the counter, folding my arms over my chest, and I start watching the people coming in and out, looking for pink hair and a beautiful face.

  Where are you, Boston? Come on, baby, throw me a fucking bone here.

  Show up. Please.

  I need to make you see sense.

  I need you…

  “Would you like anything to drink while you wait?” Amber asks from behind me.

  I shake my head. “No, thanks.”

  I catch sight of pink hair, but it’s too bright.

  Where are you, Taylor?

  A thought crosses my mind. What if she was never coming here?

  What if she was—

  No. No, she is going back to Boston. I’m sure of it.

  She already made her decision. Those were her last words to me. Doing this trip and then going back to Boston to die has always been her plan.

  So, I’ll wait here until she shows up. And if she doesn’t, then I…I honestly don’t know.

  “Sir…are you sure there isn’t anything else I can do? Call through to the other terminals in case she decided to take a different flight to America or maybe a connecting flight?”

  “Yeah, sure,” I say distractedly, still scanning faces.

  I don’t think for a minute that Taylor would take a connecting flight. She hates flying, so the idea of her having to get one flight, only to change to another…no, she wouldn’t do it.

  The thought of her grumbling about it almost makes me smile.

  “Okay, I’ll start making calls. Sir…Miss Shaw…she’s important to you?”

  I glance back at Amber over my shoulder. “She’s all that’s important.”

  She gives me a gentle, sad kind of smile.

  I face back ahead and continue to search every face that comes into the airport, looking for the only face that matters.

  She hasn’t shown.

  Check-in closed thirty minutes ago. The flight to Boston is due to leave in fifteen minutes, and she hasn’t arrived.

  I walked around the airport, looking for her, having Amber keep guard at the ticket desk, but nothing.

  Taylor hasn’t shown. Or called.

  I’ve tried calling her multiple times, and all I’ve gotten is her voicemail.

  And, now, I’m scared. Because I have no clue where she is.

  I was so sure this was where she was heading.

  So, either she’s gone somewhere—somewhere I have no fucking clue about—and she’s still taking the flight home tomorrow…or she decided not to wait for the tumor to take her, but to take matters into her own hands.

  My eyes close painfully on the thought.

  No, she wouldn’t do that.

  But then I didn’t think she’d ever slowly kill herself.

  What if she’s been struck down with another headache or, worse, a seizure, and she’s hurt somewhere?

  Fuck.

  I can’t take any more of the not knowing. The waiting.

  I don’t know what to do.

  I get up out of the chair I finally sat in earlier when my legs were aching from standing and walking around. “I’m gonna head out. Thanks for your help, Amber.”

  She gives me a sad look. “I’m sorry she didn’t show up.”

  Not as sorry as I am.

  “I’ll leave the flag in the system, and if she does turn up, I’ll let you know straightaway.”

  “Thanks.” I push my hands into my pockets and start to walk away.

  Then, I stop and tur
n back. “Amber?”

  She looks up from her computer screen. “Yes, sir?”

  “I’m sorry I yelled at you on the phone earlier.”

  She gives me a small smile. “It’s okay.”

  I turn and walk out of the airport, desolation weighing heavily on my shoulders.

  I walk up to my car and see a clamp on the wheel.

  Pressing my lips together, I shut my eyes and heave a breath out through my nose. “Motherfucker.”

  I don’t even have the will or energy to get pissed about it.

  I’ll have to leave it. I’ll get Pam to sort it.

  As I walk to the taxi stand, I fire off a text to Pam, letting her know that my car is clamped at Heathrow.

  I get an immediate reply.

  Pam: Will sort ASAP.

  I reply.

  Me: Thanks.

  Then, I shove my phone back in my pocket.

  Only a few people are ahead of me in the taxi line, so soon, I’m in a cab and giving the driver the address to my apartment building.

  Letting out a sigh, I tip my head back on the seat and stare up at the ceiling of the cab, feeling more lost than I ever have in my life.

  In the background, on the cab’s radio, Oasis’s “Don’t Go Away” is playing.

  I swear, music is set to torture me nowadays.

  I let out a laugh, but it’s not humorous. It’s pained. This fucking hurts more than anything has hurt before.

  She’s gone.

  She came into my life and made it the best it’s ever been. She made me fall in love with her, and now, she’s disappeared, and I don’t know where she is.

  I have no clue if she’s even still ali—

  Pressure quickly builds behind my eyes. Closing them, I press the heels of my hands to my eyes and then push my fingers into my hair as I take a deep breath.

  I won’t think that way. I refuse to believe that she’d go through with it.

  I have to have hope because it’s all I’ve got left.

  I’ll just go back to the airport again tomorrow when I know she’s scheduled to fly, praying to God that she shows up.

  In the meantime, I’ll keep trying her phone and hope she turns it on.

  I drop my hands from my head and force myself to stare out the window, trying to think about anything but what’s happening now. Focus on tomorrow when I do find her and make her stay. Make her live.

  When the cab finally pulls up outside my building, I pay him the fare and climb out.

  I push open the main door to my apartment building. Sid, the building’s security manager, is sitting at his desk. He looks almost relieved when he sees me, which is odd.

  I lift my chin at him in greeting. I don’t feel like talking to anyone right now.

  Sid gets to his feet. Tipping his head forward, he says, “Mr. Hunter, there’s someone here to see you. Been waiting a long while.”

  My eyes follow the direction where Sid is looking, and I freeze on the spot.

  Taylor.

  I watch as Taylor slowly rises to her feet, standing up from the sofa in the building’s lobby where she was sitting. Her eyes are fixed on me.

  And I can’t move. I’m frozen in place, and my heart is trying to kick its way out of my chest and get to her.

  She’s here. That has to be a good sign, right?

  You thought that the last time when she showed up at Cam’s Bar.

  Look how that turned out.

  Taking a deep breath, I force my feet to move, and I start walking toward her.

  My insides are trembling. I’ve never felt as fucking afraid as I do right now.

  This tiny, beautiful woman in front of me has reduced me to a mess of emotions and put me on the verge of a fucking nervous breakdown.

  But I still want more of her. I will always want her.

  I stop a few feet away.

  “Hey,” she says, her voice soft, small.

  She’s holding her hands in front of her stomach, wringing them, like she’s anxious. My eyes go from her hands to her suitcase sitting by her feet and finally back to her face.

  I part my dry lips. “I-I was…I’ve been at the airport. Looking for you. I thought…” My eyes go to her suitcase again. “The hospital called, said you’d left. And you checked out of the hotel.” I meet back with her eyes. “I thought you were leaving. I thought you were going…home.”

  Her eyes drift away from my face. “I was…I am.”

  My heart drops, feeling like it’s been sucker-punched.

  “Taylor.”

  I make a move toward her. She lifts a hand, stopping me in my tracks.

  “Let me finish, please,” she says.

  Her eyes are filled with so much emotion that I can’t decipher where her head is at or what she’s thinking right now.

  And I want to argue. Everything inside me is telling me to argue, to fight for her…but she’s asked for the chance to talk. I’ll give it to her, and then I’ll argue her down on everything she has said. Because I’m not letting her leave here. And I’m not walking away this time.

  I will not let her die. I’m fighting for her. And I’ll fight dirty if I have to.

  So, I say nothing and give a nod of my head in response.

  She takes a deep breath, almost like she’s preparing to say something, and my insides tighten.

  She clasps her hands together in front of her. “I know I’ve already said I’m sorry to you a million times, but I am.” Her eyes come to mine. “I’m so sorry. I need you to know that. And I need you to know that I never intentionally meant to lie to you about being sick. I mean, I did lie, but it was before we were…” She gestures a hand between us. “I didn’t know then that you were going to become as important to me as you are, and then when I did realize…I guess I was afraid.” She wraps her arms over her stomach. “Afraid that if you knew the truth about how I felt about you, it would change things, change my mind about what I had to do…” Her eyes lower, her hands dropping by her sides. “And you did—you have changed things. You’ve changed me.”

  She blows out a breath. I’m holding mine.

  “I’ve kept a lot of things from you, Liam. Things I shouldn’t have kept from you. And you know everything now, except for this one thing. The only thing that matters now. And I knew I couldn’t go without telling you.”

  Her impossibly beautiful eyes lift back to mine. “I love you. I’m in love with you. I have been for a while now.” She exhales softly. “Falling in love might not have been on my list…but I’m so glad I fell with you, Liam.”

  She’s in love with me.

  I don’t know whether to fall to my knees at her feet or start crying like a fucking baby.

  “I needed you to know that,” she continues. “From the moment I realized how I felt, I thought that telling you would be the wrong thing to do. Now, I know that keeping it from you was wrong. And I came here to say that and to ask…”

  She’s wringing her hands again, and I just want to take hold of them. Hold them in mine and never let go. Never let her go again.

  What do you need to ask, baby? Anything, and it’s yours.

  “Well…I came to see if your offer still stands.”

  She’s staring at me, and I know she’s waiting for me to speak, but my throat is clogged up with her words.

  I clear my throat. “What offer?” Whatever it is, it’s yes, babe.

  So long as she’s not asking me to watch her die because, that, I won’t do.

  “When you asked me to stay here. To live here. With you. I was wondering…if that still stands.” She exhales softly. “Before, when I said that I was going home, I meant you, Hunter. Home to me now is where you are. I am coming home to you.”

  “But I thought…”

  “I changed my mind.” She smiles, and it slays me. Fucking slays me. “Well, if you still want me, that is…”

  I don’t let her say any more. She doesn’t need to say more.

  I clear the distance between us. Then, her
face is in my hands, and I’m kissing her.

  Kissing her like I’ve never kissed her before.

  Every feeling I have for her is poured into this kiss. I need her to know what I feel for her because words don’t seem like enough right now.

  Her hands grip ahold of my shirt, her fingers digging into my chest, as I taste her, hold her, feel her.

  She’s here and she’s real and she’s mine.

  Breaking from her lips, breathing hard, I stare down into her blue eyes.

  “So, is that a yes?” she whispers, biting down on her lower lip.

  I press my forehead to hers, letting out a low laugh. “What do you think?”

  She laughs softly. It’s the sweetest fucking sound.

  I wrap my arms around her, holding her tight. “I love you, babe. So fucking much.”

  “I love you, too.” She presses her cheek to my chest, her arms coming around my waist.

  I just hold her for a long moment, breathing her in, reminding myself that this is real. She’s here.

  But, as always, reality seeps in. The reality of her situation.

  Taylor might be here right now, telling me she loves me and that she wants to stay with me, but she’s sick. Really sick. And time isn’t on our side.

  Releasing her slightly, I stare down at her. “Why did you leave the hospital, babe?”

  Her eyes lower. “I needed to see you.”

  “You could have called me.”

  She lifts her stare back to me. “The battery on my cell had died. My charger was at the hotel.” She lifts her shoulders.

  “You could have used a phone at the hospital.” I’m not giving up here.

  “I don’t know your number. It’s on my phone—you know, the one that died.”

  I chuckle, shaking my head. God, I’ve missed her sass. Okay, I’ll give her that. “So, why did you check out of the hotel?”

  She lets out a sigh. “Because I needed my stuff, Hunter. And it just made sense. I was due to check out of the hotel tomorrow anyway, and I was coming to see you tonight with the hope that you still wanted me.”

  “I want you.” I cup her cheek in my hand.

  She gives me a warm, loving smile. “So, I thought I could leave some of my things here instead of taking everything to the hospital with me.”