Close to Home

by Janet Gover

  Amber looked from Jenny to Finn with knowing eyes, and Jenny felt herself blushing. ‘All right. In black?’ She reached for the henna.

  ‘Can I do it?’ Finn was asking Jenny’s permission, not Amber’s.

  By now Jenny’s nerves were so taut, she couldn’t speak. She just nodded.

  ‘Where do you want it?’

  Jenny’s mind raced. This was becoming very … intimate.

  As if sensing the feelings, Amber rose to her feet. ‘If you two are fine, I have some things to do. I’ll leave you to it.’

  Jenny barely noticed her leaving, she was so focused on Finn. Her nerves were tingling as she made her decision. She slid her T-shirt down over her shoulder to reveal her bra strap, dark pink against her skin. She was conscious of Finn’s eyes on her hand as she slid the strap down to expose the soft curve of skin above her left breast.

  ‘How about here,’ she said.

  Finn nodded and reached for a tube of henna. She barely felt the dark paste flowing onto her skin, all she could feel was the warmth of Finn’s breath as he leaned over his work. All she could hear was the beating of her own heart—or was it his? The pen moved over her flesh, but Finn never touched her. His fingers hovered so close she could feel the warmth of him.

  ‘There,’ he said at last. ‘Now, don’t touch it. There must be a mirror here.’ He put his hands on her shoulders and guided her into the bedroom, where a full-length mirror was attached to the wall. She didn’t have time to think about invading Amber’s privacy before she looked in the mirror and caught her breath.

  The girl in the mirror looked different. This wasn’t the Jenny who was stuck in a small town. This Jenny had a T-shirt pulled down to expose her skin. A boy’s hands were on the bare flesh of her shoulder. Her face was glowing. This was the person she wanted to be. This was a person with enough courage to have a tattoo.

  The image was similar to Finn’s but smaller. There was a single line with others crossing it. ‘What does it mean?’

  ‘It’s sonas. It means happiness.’

  ‘Sonas.’ She rolled the unfamiliar word around her tongue as she looked at the amazing person in the mirror. She leaned back gently against Finn. ‘I love it.’

  The bell above the shop door tinkled as Lucienne pushed it open. She stepped through but stopped suddenly. The shop had changed since she was last here. There were tiny coloured lights edging the counter and the windows. A little tree sat in the corner of the room. It had been draped with tinsel and glass baubles hung from most of the branches. Balls of cotton wool had been liberally scattered over the tree branches. Christmas was coming and Lucienne had forgotten all about it. This would be the first Christmas without Michelle. How was she going to survive that?

  ‘I guess in France, you don’t have to use fake snow.’ Karen appeared from the kitchen.

  ‘Non. In France, Christmas always brings snow.’ That wasn’t strictly true. Lucienne had spent a few winters on the Mediterranean coast. It hadn’t been hot, but it had been sunny and there had been no snow. But she was not one to destroy a harmless, joyful illusion.

  ‘I guess Christmas is very different here.’ Karen stepped out from behind the counter to run a cloth over the already spotless table near the window. Lucienne nodded her thanks as she took the seat that was fast becoming a favourite.

  ‘So, Madam, what can I get you?’

  ‘I think a cup of coffee and perhaps some cake? Simon is in the garage talking about steam engines. I fear he may be some time.’

  Since the visit to the school, Lucienne had been to town several times and on each occasion had been touched by the welcome afforded by the locals, especially the school children. She had asked Simon to time his visit to the garage after school hours, in the hope that she might see some more of the youngsters.

  ‘Here you go, Madam.’ Karen placed a large cup by her hand. Her coffee was not the café crème of Lucienne’s youth in the coffee houses of Paris, but after these years in Australia, she had become used to it. ‘Would you like some pâtisserie?’

  Karen had eagerly taken on board Lucienne’s suggestions on cooking French pastries. She’d accepted the recipes and tried them all. However, she had a tendency to make them what she called ‘more Australian’. To Lucienne it seemed that this involved making them heavier and sweeter and not at all what they should be.

  ‘Do you have any lamingtons?’ Lucienne had developed an unexpected liking for the chocolate- and coconut-covered squares of sponge cake.

  ‘Of course. There’s just one left. I’ll bring it right over.’

  As Lucienne took her first sip of coffee, the bakery door swung open and two girls bounced in. They saw Lucienne and came over.

  ‘Hello, Madame.’

  ‘Bonjour, Jenny.’

  ‘This is my cousin, Kate.’

  ‘Bonjour, Kate.’

  ‘I saw you at the school. I loved that fan you had. With the big black feathers,’ Kate said in an excited voice.

  ‘Ah, yes. The ostrich feathers. They are beautiful. I have had that for many years. It was a gift from an admirer in Paris when I was young and beautiful.’

  ‘Paris. Wow!’ Kate seemed very impressed. ‘I’d love to go to Paris. Imagine the shopping. The clothes. The shoes …’

  ‘It is that and much more. The theatre. The art. The music. Strolling in the Tuileries as the sun sets.’

  ‘Are French men very handsome?’ Kate asked.

  Lucienne winked. ‘Very, very handsome. And so charmant. You would say charming.’

  They were interrupted by Karen’s reappearance. ‘Kate. Here’s the bread your mother wanted.’

  ‘Thanks.’ Kate looked at the brown paper bag in disgust. ‘I had better get this home. Mum will have a fit if I don’t. Can we talk another time, Madam?’

  ‘Bien sûr. Of course.’

  ‘Great. Come on, Jenny.’

  ‘I’m going to stay for a bit,’ Jenny said.

  Her friend nodded, a knowing expression on her face. ‘Yeah. Okay. Text me.’ The bell tingled as she left.

  Lucienne waited for Jenny’s question. It didn’t take long.

  ‘Madame, I … well, I have sort of become friends …’

  ‘With Finn?’

  ‘Um … Yes. How did you guess?’

  ‘I am old, child, but I am not blind. And I am Madame du Cirque. Do you think I don’t know what is happening there? Finn is my family.’

  A worried look settled on the girl’s face. ‘We were together the other day. I mean—had some time together. But I haven’t seen him since. And I was wondering—’

  Lucienne patted her hand. ‘Everything is good, Jenny. Finn is a good boy. And I think perhaps he is quite fond of you. But he has been busy. His father works him hard.’

  Jenny nodded. She raised one hand to touch the neck of her blouse. Lucienne’s eyes followed the movement and saw what Jenny apparently wanted to hide.

  ‘So. You have a circus mark?’

  Jenny pulled the neck of her shirt closed.

  Lucienne chuckled. ‘It’s fine, my dear. Almost all the circus folk have them. It is part of our heritage.’

  ‘You have a tattoo?’

  ‘Of course.’

  ‘Can I—would you show it to me?’

  ‘Alas, it is not for showing in public. Instead, perhaps you would show me the tattoo that Finn gave you?’

  ‘Tattoo? What tattoo!’

  The shocked exclamation startled them both. Aunt Alice was standing in the doorway of the bakery, her face like thunder.

  ‘Jenny Harden. You did not get a tattoo?’

  ‘It’s not a real one, Aunt Alice. It’s just henna. It’ll wash off. See.’ Jenny opened the neck of her blouse to show the dark lines on her fair skin.

  Lucienne tried hard to hide a smile. Of course it was an Ogham tattoo—Finn’s gift to the girl. It would fade with time. Such was the fate of henna tattoos … and sometimes of young love too. But when it was new and strong, it was beautiful and
everyone deserved to know it.

  ‘It means happiness.’

  Jenny’s attempt to calm her aunt was obviously not going to work. Alice turned her attention to Lucienne.

  ‘It’s all your fault. You and that riff-raff you have camping on the old Connelly place.’

  ‘Madame Alice, there is no harm done. It will fade with a little time. The child merely stretches her wings. Did you not do the same when you were young?’

  ‘When I was—’

  Lucienne was shocked to see something like regret—or pain, or maybe anger—flash in Alice’s eyes. Instinct told her there was a story behind the woman’s cold glare and deep-seated hatred of the circus, but this was not the time to seek it out. Jenny was slumped in her chair, almost in tears. Lucienne reached out to pat her hand again.

  Alice saw the gesture. ‘Jenny, come with me. Your parents need to be told about this.’

  ‘But, Aunt Alice—’

  ‘Not a word, young lady. Come with me.’

  Alice stormed out of the shop, almost knocking Simon over as she went.

  With a sad shrug, Jenny got to her feet. ‘If you see Finn, tell him—’

  ‘Jenny. Right now.’ The voice was as loud as if Alice was still in the room with them.

  ‘I will,’ Lucienne said softly. ‘Now go, before your aunt has apoplexy.’

  Simon dropped onto the vacated chair opposite Lucienne. ‘What was that all about?’

  Lucienne told him.

  ‘She’s being a bit hard on the girl. I’ve seen her and Finn together. I don’t think there’s any reason to worry. He’s smitten, but he’s a good kid. He’s not going to do anything stupid.’

  ‘Who knows what we will do when we are smitten?’ Lucienne cut her lamington down the middle and offered half to her grandson. ‘How is the work on the carousel? I see the teacher Meg has been helping you.’

  Simon took a bite of the lamington, scattering dried coconut over the table. ‘Now, Grand-mère, haven’t you done enough matchmaking for one day?’

  Lucienne delicately sliced off a corner of cake and ate it, not entirely sure there was such a thing as ‘enough’ matchmaking.

  ‘Please, Aunt Alice. Don’t make a fuss.’

  Alice ignored Jenny and kept walking. How dare that woman. Encouraging Jenny to play free and loose with those circus people. Trying to steal Jenny’s affections from the people who loved her. Jenny was just a child; she didn’t understand the risk she was taking, mixing with people like that. All she saw was the excitement and the glamour—not what lay underneath.

  ‘We didn’t do anything wrong. Honestly, we didn’t. It was just a bit of fun. That’s all. Please don’t tell Mum and Dad. They’ll ground me forever.’

  ‘Perhaps that wouldn’t be such a bad thing.’

  Jenny suddenly stopped walking. Alice turned. The girl was looking at her with such disappointment on her face, Alice felt as if her own heart was breaking.

  ‘Didn’t you ever do something crazy when you were young, Aunt Alice? Didn’t you ever fall in love? Or even like a guy enough to break the rules?’

  Alice softened, seeing the face of the young man she had liked more than anything in the world in her mind’s eye. ‘All right, Jenny. We won’t go to your parents just yet. Come with me.’ Ignoring the look of relief on her niece’s face, Alice turned towards her house.

  They had barely walked through the door when Duchess appeared, mewing piteously.

  Jenny picked the kitten up. ‘What’s wrong with her?’ ‘Nothing. She just likes the attention.’ Alice scratched Duchess’s head briefly as she led Jenny into the lounge room. As she sat down, her eyes fell on the sideboard drawer. Should she show Jenny that photo? Let her read those letters? Make her understand those words that had torn Alice in two …

  I can never live in Nyringa again, Alice. I hope you can understand that. It’s not that I don’t love you, because I do. But there is a whole world out here. A world that you and I could never imagine, stuck back there. It’s exciting and wonderful and there’s so much of it to explore. And now that I have had a taste of it, I can’t ever go back.

  Was exposing her own pain the only way to stop her niece making the same sort of mistake she had made all those years ago?

  ‘I know I seem harsh,’ Alice said when Jenny had settled herself on the couch, the kitten still in her arms. ‘I don’t mean to be, but I do worry about you.’

  ‘There’s no need to worry. Mum and Dad do enough of that.’

  Alice tried to hide a sigh. Jenny’s parents were good people. They were, however, lacking in awareness and imagination.

  ‘Jenny, I’d never tell the rest of the family, but in a lot of ways, you remind me of myself when I was your age.’

  ‘I do?’

  The shock in her voice was either surprising or insulting, Alice wasn’t quite sure which. ‘I haven’t always been this old, you know.’

  ‘I know, but you’re so …’

  ‘What? Boring?’

  ‘No. You’re stable and solid. Not flighty, like Mum says I am.’

  ‘Stable and solid. That sounds quite horrible. You’re right, though. That’s who I am now. But I wasn’t always. There was a time I dreamed of getting away from Nyringa, just like you do. I dreamed of falling in love and travelling the world and all those exciting things.’

  ‘You never did them.’

  ‘No. I don’t think a honeymoon on the Gold Coast counts.’

  ‘Did you wear a bikini?’ Jenny sounded shocked at the mere thought.

  ‘None of your business.’ Alice smiled to take the sting out of the words. Her anger had faded. All that was left now was the great love she had for this beautiful and free-spirited girl. And the desire to protect her. ‘The point is this: don’t get involved with that boy. He will break your heart. And at your age, a broken heart will take a long time to heal.’

  Jenny continued to stroke the kitten curled up in her lap. She seemed to be weighing Alice’s words. But her answer, when it came, was not the one Alice was hoping for.

  ‘He would never hurt me, Aunt Alice. He really wouldn’t. He cares about me.’

  Alice’s heart sank. ‘I’m sure he does.’ Her voice hardened. ‘But you do know he’ll leave you? He has to.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘He lives with a circus. One day, probably quite soon, they will load all their stuff on those trucks and they’ll drive away. You will probably never see him again.’

  ‘No! Madame bought that property to live on it.’

  That woman again! ‘She might live on it, Jenny, but the boy won’t. He’s part of a travelling circus. They never stay still. You know that.’

  ‘But it’s not like when you were young. There’s mobile phones and the internet and stuff. We can talk all the time. And then he’ll come back next year.’

  Alice shook her head. ‘Jenny, dear, do you really think he’ll spend a whole year without getting involved with another girl? He’s a good-looking boy, surrounded by glamour and excitement. If you fell for him, so will other girls. There will be a different girl in every town he visits. That’s how those people live.’

  Jenny got to her feet. There was an annoyed meow from the kitten as it dropped to the floor and stalked away. ‘That’s not Finn. He’s not like that.’

  ‘Jenny—’

  ‘No. I’m sorry, Aunt Alice, but you don’t know him. And I won’t listen to you saying awful things like that. You’re not my mother. If you want to tell Mum and Dad about the fake tattoo, then fine. Do that. But I’m not going to stop seeing Finn. I like him. Maybe even love him. And he feels the same. I know he does.’

  Alice saw tears in Jenny’s eyes as she turned and almost ran out of the room. The front door slammed. Alice stayed where she was as Duchess came back into the room. The kitten jumped onto Alice’s lap and looked up at her with intense green eyes.

  ‘That didn’t go as I had hoped,’ Alice told it. ‘I just hope I haven’t made matters worse.�
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  The kitten didn’t answer, but it started to purr. It was a pleasant sound in a house that was far too quiet, and filled with memories that might also be regrets.

  CHAPTER

  20

  Jenny was crying when Finn found her sitting on the log by the creek. He sat down beside her and reached for her, wanting nothing more than to hug her and offer some comfort from whatever was upsetting her. But the moment he touched her, she flinched and turned an accusing glare on him.

  ‘You’re leaving.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Aunt Alice found out about the tattoo and she was really angry. I didn’t care until she said that one day you’d leave.’ Tears streamed down her cheeks. ‘She said you’d just leave me. That by the time you got to the next town, you’d have a new—have someone else.’

  ‘No. You’re … you’re my girlfriend.’ As he said the words, he knew he meant them. ‘I won’t have anyone else. I promise. You’re the only one I want to be with.’

  ‘I don’t believe you.’

  ‘I mean it. I’m not like that. I mean, I was, but that was before I met you.’

  She sniffled and wiped her cheeks.

  ‘Until I met you, all I knew was the girls in the towns we visited. They were just out for fun and I was happy with that. But it’s different with you.’

  ‘You promise?’

  ‘Cross my heart. You’re special, Jenny. I’ve never met anyone like you. I don’t want to leave you. Ever.’

  He watched as Jenny’s face changed. The tears didn’t matter any more as she smiled. That smile could chase away the clouds on a rainy day. Knowing he had put that smile on her face was better than the loudest applause from any audience

  He took her hand in his, turning it over and threading his fingers through hers. Her hand was so soft and small. There were no calluses from hard work. No dirt or stage makeup under the nails. She was everything his life did not have. She was gentle and loving and strong and faithful. They hadn’t known each other that long, but he knew she was all of those things. She was everything he had lacked all these years, and he did not want to let her go.