Serenity

by Jesse J. Thoma

  “Ah. Bragging rights. Also, a hideous trophy. There’s a cow wearing a clown hat on top and it says ‘Udderly amazing. You don’t suck.’ Carrie found it at a yard sale.”

  “How do we make that trophy yours? It sounds incredible. Can I stuff ballot boxes? Rig a vote? Twitter bots?” Kit hopped off the chair, ready for action.

  “I don’t need to cheat. Whose office do you think the trophy lives in now?”

  Kit threw her arms up in victory and let out a library appropriate, quiet whoop of approval. Thea couldn’t help but notice how damn good her stomach looked when her shirt pulled up during her celebration. It was hard not to stare.

  “You here for a meeting? Or just a coffee delivery?” Thea might have been caught staring.

  “Can’t it be both? The meeting doesn’t start for a while, but I’m done for the day. I’d rather be here than go home for ten minutes. You do have to put up with my dusty ass, though. But I thought I remembered you saying you didn’t mind that.”

  “You have a good memory.” Thea hoped she wasn’t blushing. Or drooling. “If you’re going to stick around, I’m going to put you to work. I need your opinion.”

  “Yes, ma’am. We have an udderly amazing trophy to win.”

  Thea continued to tweak the display with feedback from Kit. She saw Walter watching at one point, but he didn’t come over. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking.

  They were finally satisfied a few minutes before Kit’s meeting. Thea had enjoyed having Kit’s company and wasn’t all that eager to give her up. Kit seemed to be thinking the same thing. She didn’t seem in a rush to get to her meeting.

  “Are you busy Saturday night?” Kit’s question came out in one rapid-fire string of syllables. “And how do you feel about baseball?”

  “I’m free Saturday. And I’ve always felt like I’d be great at baseball. Right up until I had to throw, catch, or hit. Otherwise, I love it.”

  “And how do you feel about watching baseball? With me? On Saturday?”

  “I can’t think of anything better.” She meant it. Going on a date with Kit sounded fantastic, all her reservations aside.

  Wait, was it a date? Are we reading the same tea leaves? Are we both drinking tea?

  “I’m over the moon you’re agreeing to be seen in public with me surrounded by thousands of people, but there will be at least two things better than me at the game. We need to expand your definition of ‘nothing better.’ Not that I’m complaining of course. And you can’t back out now, you said yes. I’m taking you out Saturday.”

  “I’m sticking with my assessment. But for argument’s sake, what are these other things that are supposedly better than a night out with you? I need convincing.”

  Kit shot her a roguish grin. She seemed to be enjoying the game they were playing as much as Thea.

  “Well, it doesn’t count as one of the things, but you’ll be there with thirty thousand people, so for all I know, you’ll join a group of bachelorettes out for a night of fun and have the time of your life. If that happens though, there will be massive amounts of sulking.”

  “I no-showed to my own bachelorette party.” Thea patted Kit’s cheek. “I think you’re safe.”

  “I would like to hear more of that story, but to answer your original question, number one is the moment you first see the field. It’s close to a religious experience. No one’s on the field yet, but the grass is beautiful and waiting. The stadium is quiet and ready. The second is you can buy ice cream in tiny replica baseball hat bowls. There can’t possibly be anything better than that, right?”

  Thea couldn’t help it, she laughed. Kit was so serious, so earnest, describing the wonders of ice cream in souvenir helmet cups. “You’re serious about helmet cups.”

  “It’s one of the few good memories I have from a time I’d rather forget,” Kit said.

  “When you were using?”

  “No.” She looked far away and sad. “Before then. Bad parents come in all different flavors, formulations, and doses. Mine were pretty mild, all things considered, especially compared to yours, but I have no desire to spend time with them, then, now, or in the future. But they did give me baseball.”

  Thea put her hand on Kit’s shoulder. She wanted to wrap her in a hug, but she was at work and she didn’t know how Kit would feel about it. She never felt like it much mattered where on the spectrum of having shitty parents you fell. It wasn’t a competition.

  “Well, I guess my work here is done.” Kit dusted her hands together. “I stopped by, delivered coffee, asked you out, and totally killed the good mood. I’d grade my performance a solid D-plus. Unbiased opinion, but you have yourself a catch right here.”

  Thea held her finger up to Kit’s lips and swallowed hard at the flare of desire clear in Kit’s eyes. She moved her finger away slowly and took a step backward before she did something professionally, and possibly personally, out of character.

  “Get out of here or you’ll be late for your meeting. And I’d give you a B-plus, for what it’s worth. I’m grading on a curve because I’m pretty damn happy you asked me out.”

  Thea couldn’t believe she actually had the balls to name their date as such. Not to mention telling Kit she was so damn excited about it. Thea was rewarded with an enormous smile and a wink.

  Score one for wild abandon.

  After Kit left for her meeting, Thea cleaned up the detritus from her work on the display and mentally went over what was left to do today and what could be pushed until tomorrow. Walter was off desk and the library was quiet.

  Thea wandered through each row of books, looking for any out of place, forgotten coffee cups, or other unsavory items. What she found was Frankie, curled in a large leather chair adjacent to the biographies. She looked like she was crying.

  She wanted to rush to Frankie and take her in her arms, but she had no idea if that would be something Frankie would appreciate. Instead, she kneeled beside her and gently touched her knee.

  “Hey, kiddo, what can I do?”

  Thea was completely unprepared for Frankie to launch into her arms. Thea landed on her backside with Frankie in her arms, sobbing on her shoulder. Sixteen-year-olds weren’t exactly lap sized, but Thea didn’t try to reposition or move. She wrapped Frankie in a hug and held her as her body shook with the ferocity of her sorrow.

  “My mom,” Frankie said, finally able to get some words out. “They took my mom.”

  “Who did, sweetie?” If she needed to get the police involved, she wanted to get as many details as possible while it was still fresh in Frankie’s mind.

  “The cops. They arrested her. They found drugs and took her away. I know she’s not coming back anytime soon.”

  Thea didn’t know what to say. She squeezed Frankie tighter. She knew this pain. She fought her own childhood memories. This was about Frankie.

  “Do you have a place to stay?”

  “My aunt. She’s moving in with me so I can stay at the same school until I graduate. She’s nice but I don’t know her that well. She didn’t really want anything to do with my parents. I don’t blame her.”

  “What about your dad?” Thea shifted so she could see Frankie.

  “If you see him, let me know.” Frankie swiped angrily at her tears. “He’s been gone about three weeks. My parents suck sometimes, but they’re still mine. Especially my mom. She tries. She tries hard. It’s just the drugs got a hold of her and she fights, but there’s no one else around that’s clean. No one. How’s she supposed to get straight in an environment like that? But she just started methadone. She was trying again. I don’t know if it would have stuck, but she was trying.” She put her head back on Thea’s shoulder and sobbed.

  “I imagine it’s almost impossible without support,” Thea said. “It sounds like you believe in her, though. Are your parents the reason you told Kit you didn’t know anyone who was clean?”

  “I never even thought it was possible. I still think Kit might be a unicorn. I mean, I know there are p
eople out there. But they don’t look like the people in my neighborhood.”

  Thea pulled out her phone and texted Kit. She hoped she would check her messages during the meeting.

  “What are you doing?” Frankie sniffled and looked at Thea.

  “Trying to pull the horn off a unicorn.” Thea’s phone buzzed and she saw Kit’s message. “There’s an NA meeting happening right now. It’s an open meeting. Kit is there and she’s invited you to join her. Would it be helpful right now to see some other folks who have struggled and gotten clean, or do you want to sit out here and keep talking? I’m happy to sit here all night if that’s what you need.”

  Frankie didn’t answer for a long moment. Thea worried she had missed the mark and Frankie was clamming up. Teens were fickle creatures.

  “I’d really like to go to the meeting. Thanks for always knowing what to say, or what I need to hear. I’m hoping my mom can finally get clean in jail. Maybe there’s some people in Kit’s meeting that did that too.”

  Thea walked Frankie to the NA meeting. She wanted to take Frankie home tonight and keep her safe from the ugliness of the world, but she knew she couldn’t. Frankie’s reality would come calling no matter how hard Thea tried to shield her, and she had someone willing to step in and care for her. As a child Thea had been confused, lonely, and hurt. Now, as an adult, watching Frankie, knowing what she was likely feeling, her pain for Frankie felt overwhelming.

  “My mom’s not a bad person,” Frankie said, and it wasn’t clear if she was trying to convince Thea or herself. “She’s not violent. Drug addiction is a disease, right? I’ve read all about it. I’ve read everything I can find about it. They’ll see that, right? And maybe let her out? I can send them what I’ve read.”

  Thea wasn’t sure and didn’t want to offer Frankie anything that could be interpreted as a promise of any outcome. “Do you need me to call your aunt and let her know where you are?”

  “She knows,” Frankie said. “I told her I’d be home later.”

  Thea had texted Kit to let her know they were on their way down and Kit met them at the door. Thea hadn’t been able to fill her in on why Frankie needed to sit in on the meeting, but Kit knew enough, and seemed to get a bit more from Frankie’s red eyes and stricken expression.

  Kit put her arm around Frankie’s shoulder and said something to her that Thea couldn’t hear. Whatever it was made Frankie smile. That was progress.

  “Frankie, I’m going to be up at the desk. I’ll wait for you to finish up and then we’ll get you home, okay?”

  Frankie nodded. “Thank you. Sorry I cried and snotted all over your shirt.”

  “If you’ve got more, let me have it. It should mix well with my sawdust,” Kit said. “We’ll be out in a bit, Thea. Thanks for getting in touch.”

  Thea watched Kit lead Frankie back into the community room. She still had her arm around Frankie’s shoulder. As soon as they were inside, Thea ran upstairs, emotions hard at her heels. She didn’t have a destination in mind, and halfway across the main floor she realized she should have gone to her office.

  She turned to go back down and ran into Walter. She thought he’d left for the day. She wasn’t sure she’d ever been happier to see him. His arms were full as he was on his way out, but she still wrapped him in a hug. He awkwardly tried to hug her back around his lunch bag and other items for home. By the sheer strength of an iron will she didn’t know she possessed, Thea didn’t cry.

  “Should I put these things down, then?” Walter asked.

  “No, no,” Thea said. “I just really needed a hug.”

  “I’m always happy to oblige, but I suspect you’re leaving out a detail or two. You aren’t the most demonstrative with your affection.”

  “It’s just Frankie’s having a pretty terrible day. It reminds me of my own baggage. You don’t remind me of those things and in fact, chase those things away. So, a hug.”

  “Is Frankie okay? I do have a soft spot for that girl. Where is she now?” Walter shifted his things to one hand and put his free arm around Thea’s shoulders.

  “She’s downstairs with Kit at the NA meeting.” Thea leaned into Walter’s embrace.

  Walter looked like he’d smelled something ghastly. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

  “Not at all. But I think it’s what Frankie needs right now. And I fear there’s nothing she’ll hear in that meeting that she hasn’t lived already.”

  “Poor child. I hope Kit is as careful with Frankie’s trust and vulnerable soul as you are, my dear. Are you okay?”

  “I really am okay, Walter. Thank you for the hug. Sorry to attack you.”

  Once she convinced Walter he could go and she settled at the desk, the NA meeting was almost over. It was just as well since Thea didn’t want or need a lot of time to dwell on Frankie’s situation or the overlaps with her own past. Her heart ached for Frankie. She wished she could whisk it all away, or at least provide some magic solution that would make it hurt less for her. Since there wasn’t one, she would do what she’d always done—keep the library a safe, welcoming place for those who needed it. Just as it was for her.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “You live on my couch, and all your clothes fit in a duffel bag. How have you been figuring out what to wear for an hour?” Josh asked.

  “I pulled all your nicest jeans and shirts out of your closet.” Kit buttoned up the latest shirt option and tugged on the sleeves.

  “Hey. I thought that shirt looked familiar. Damn it. Looks better on you.”

  “Will Thea think so?”

  Kit was nervous about her date. She’d been nervous before when the rules of the ballgame had been ambiguous, but then Thea made it official. Now the stakes were higher and Kit was feeling the pressure.

  “Well, Thea’s never seen my sexy ass in it, so she doesn’t know what she’s missing. But she’ll be pretty excited to get you out of it, if that’s what you’re asking.”

  “Dude.” Kit shook her head. “What the fuck?”

  “What? Please tell me you remember how. I went through all the basics when you were a teenager. I’m not doing it again if that part of your brain was sizzled into oblivion during your break from reality.”

  For some reason, the flippant comment hit a nerve. “Is that what we’re calling it now? You can call it what it was, Josh. I wasn’t on vacation.”

  “Well aware, Kit. Wasn’t a vacation for those of us on this side of it either,” Josh said gently.

  “I know. Sorry.” There were so many things Kit wished she could take back, change, repair, erase about the past. If only it were that simple.

  “Nope, none of that now. I know I started it, but I’m ending it.” Josh made sure Kit was looking at him before he continued. “I wasn’t trying to make you feel guilty. I know you do that enough on your own. Tonight, you’ve got a lady to charm. It’s going to take more than my shirt to do that, so you better concentrate.”

  “Is that supposed to be a pep talk?” Kit looked at her outfit critically. “’Cause it sucked.”

  “Kit.” Josh grabbed her by both shoulders and got uncomfortably close, looking her in the eyes. “You’re going to be fine. I’ve loved you my whole life and I know all the worst things about you. Every one of them is outweighed by a million best things about you. Let her see those and don’t worry so much about the other stuff. It’ll work itself out. And you look fine, so stop pulling all my clothes out of my closet. I know you’re not going to put them all back.”

  “You’re a pain in my ass most of the time.” Kit pulled Josh into a tight hug. “But sometimes you know just what to say, and I love you.”

  Josh waved her off. He grumbled about having recipes to try and not to wake him if she bothered to come home.

  Kit flipped him off on her way out the door. If Josh was recipe testing it was a good night to be out of the house anyway. He was a master in the kitchen but, like many chefs, he was temperamental while cooking.

  On her way, Kit text
ed Ethel to see if she had any advice since this was her first foray back into the world of dating. Ethel’s reply, “don’t blow it, sport,” wasn’t all that helpful. Ethel had been less insightful and available than usual the past couple of weeks, but Kit took it as a sign Ethel trusted the work Kit had done. Maybe she didn’t need quite as much hand-holding as she had at first. Progress always felt good.

  Thea had asked Kit to meet her at her house, which made the evening feel more like the date it was. Kit was eager to move their relationship outside the confines of the library. They had prescribed roles inside that building, but out here, there were no rules. Could anything be more exhilarating? Or more nerve-wracking?

  The early evening was beautiful and Thea’s neighborhood was quiet and tranquil. On any other night, Kit would have been content to stroll by herself, aimlessly, enjoying the peaceful bits of the closing daylight. But tonight she barely noticed any of the sights and sounds that usually gave her such pleasure. She was in a rush to get to the one thing that outshone them all.

  When she turned the corner onto Thea’s street, Kit slowed to take in Thea sitting on her stoop watching a couple of squirrels quarreling nearby. She was wearing a white sundress that flowed down to her ankles and a big floppy sun hat. Kit wasn’t sure she could get her feet moving again. To say Thea was beautiful was like saying a waterfall was wet. Although accurate, it failed to capture just how exquisite Thea was.

  “Are you coming over, or are you going to stand in front of my neighbor’s house all night?” Thea leaned her head on her hand and looked Kit’s way.

  “Be right there,” Kit said. “Need a minute to recover.”

  “From what? Are you okay?” Thea sounded worried.

  “From you. Lost my breath for a second. It’ll be back before the first pitch, I’m sure.”

  Thea left the stoop and headed Kit’s way. Was it healthy for a heart to beat as fast as hers? Short of a tranquilizer there wasn’t any slowing it.

  “You promised me a baseball game,” Thea said when she got near. “I already cleared off a spot on my desk for my helmet cup. So no passing out.”