“Not as much as to you.”
Bryon laughed out loud. “First time I’ve seen her since she ended things, because of you, I think.”
“Not because of Kress?”
He laughed again and shook his head but silenced himself quickly. “You don’t know? He’s the one who made me visit her.”
“But why? It doesn’t make sense,” I said.
“He doesn’t like girls. He thought Claire would run off to Fellis if she’s not satisfied. You came along and he accepted it, too.”
“Doesn’t matter now,” I said, “tomorrow she will be my sister.”
“You don’t have to see things as black and white all the time. You know, sometimes, there’s grey.”
It would’ve been fun to get dressed up with her, put warpaint around my eyes and colour our lips, to laugh and fall in love again. There it was again, ‘love’. I forgave them.
That’s how the inner circle operated. Cold-blooded, with nothing but agreements and profit in sight. I was more of an outsider now than on the first day in Roness. It wasn’t my world and nothing would be able to stop me from running away, even though a shadow of guilt crept behind me. I was about to throw their family and the whole inner circle into chaos.
After my escape, Evrett would send Claire off to The Eye and perhaps it was best, as they had their experience with Oracles. It was not fair that the circle handled her like an object for their, not so clear, agenda. As far as I knew, the common goal was to gain control over the village but that was already the case and it left me confused.
“Curl.” Bryon shook Claire by the shoulder. “Curly, it’s time to party.”
“I’m not in the mood,” she mumbled.
Bryon left to get dressed up, while I picked a fit for myself.
“Are you sure that you want to stay here?” I asked while caressing her.
“I’ll see you afterwards,” she said and I failed to tell her that there would be no afterwards. As long as she and I were safe from the inner circle, I could live with my cruel decision.
21. Parlor
This time, fewer people arrived and the music was slow, relaxing, rather than danceable and made everybody stay away from the dancefloor.
After a few drinks, couples paired up and swayed left to right while orbiting around other couples.
Tonio taught me the basic steps. “I’m glad to see things work out nicely,” he said.
“That’s what you call nicely?”
“It’s not ideal, somewhat off-road to the original plan but it’s not like you’re innocent in this outcome. Maybe you provoked it on purpose.”
My part in Claire’s worsening condition was undeniable. I had neglected her, even though I was aware of her sensitive character. Me running away would do good for both of us. Every conversation with the inner circle assured me of that.
As soon as we became tired of dancing, the party died down and carriage after carriage took the guests home, while our group remained awake.
We sat in the living room and listened to the clinging of cutlery and the removal of tables from their Wintergarden.
Yawning, I animated them to sleep, without success. I wanted to run away by sunrise, after excusing myself to the tower for a moment. As long as they didn’t leave me unattended, my personal plan shifted back by every hour we stood awake.
“Let’s go to the parlour,” Kress said. His head laid on Bryon’s chest, like many times before, only I had assumed it to be the closest of friendships.
“The parlour?” I asked.
“Oh, no,” Tonio sighed.
“Oh, yes,” Kress jumped up. “Now, we’re definitely going.”
We let the carriage take us to the coast, not to the harbour, but further West, where the stench of fish was out of reach.
The architecture of the parlour seemed familiar, almost Southern, with its sand-coloured pillars and triangle windows.
When Kress swung open the door, a cloud of smoke and servants in revealing outfits greeted us.
“Master Colvin,” a woman with a covered face offered him a chalice of wine, “the usual?”
He looked over to me and Tonio, who hid his face by looking in another direction. “More, for my company.”
We walked by niches and I got a glimpse of the scenes. Different groups sat on the floor behind a low table that offered drinks and food. They smoked through long pipes but not Sosden. The odour was fruity and the smoke as dense as fog. They engage in kissing and other bodily pleasures.
The parlour turned out to be a luxurious brothel.
Tonio nudged me. “It’s impolite to stare.”
We entered a suite, one of the few that had heavy curtains for doors, unlike most of them, that were separated by colourful but translucent fabric.
The room contained a large bed and many sofas. Just like in the other niches, the piped instrument stood on the low table and a servant prepared it with heated coal. Afterwards, he presented many glass containers, filled with different Morell—a distant relative of Sosden, Tonio informed me.
Kress let me sniff on every container and pick one. I chose the one they called ‘Strawberry’ and when I took my first breath, its taste fulfilled my expectations.
Unlike Sosden, Morell awoke my desires instead of numbing my limbs and made me forget the urgency of my escape.
After eating biscuits covered in green nuts, the entrance-lady made her servants line up in front of us. They all wore more or less translucent masks from their nose bridges down to their chins. Tonio took deep breaths out of the pipe, nervously looking at and away from me.
“Soon to be weds, you go first,” Kress said, “you can get bored of each other elsewhen.” He was the perfect host, always caring for our comfort with little things. They accumulated over time until I appreciated him more than the rest of the circle. Knowing his orientation made me relate to him even more.
Tonio looked over to me, searching for my approval and I nodded to him.
“Shalea,” he pointed at a dark-skinned girl with black curls. She looked like a slender version of Claire.
The main-lady took off Shalea’s mask and let her lay down in Tonio’s lap. I remained silent, though their bodies were seducing, as was the Morell.
All eyes were on me.
“Liarana and Dela,” Kress pointed at two girls, “for the dear wife. Make sure to leave a pleasant first impression.” He had known of my preferences, too, and I didn’t mind, as they were magnificent girls.
I would disappear anyway, I thought and let the worries go for the night.
Then, I watched Kress and Bryon pick their favourites, male and female. It was the first time I saw Kress kiss another man. His body moved carefree and he smiled more than he usually would, or more authentic you could say. His preference was not a perversion in the parlour.
The girls filled a pipe with Morell and ignited it for me before they led me to the bed, where I would lie between them.
“You’re fascinating,” Dela whispered to me. “You’ve come from far far away.”
“Your eyes are as black as the deep sea,” Liarana said. They complimented my features, telling me it was an honour to be by my side while I watched the others—unsure of the girls’ intentions.
Tonio and Shalea retreated to a couch in the corner to my left. When I caught his eyes, he forced a smile that looked guilty.
Bryon enjoyed the pastry and fed it to one of his girls while he watched Kress kiss Hemian, his all-time favourite.
“We can do that, too, if you like,” Dela said and leaned in to Liarana. They kissed with sloppy smooches, sticking out their tongues and sucking on each other’s lips. Instead of joining them, I used it as study material and learned a trick or two.
After I failed to engage and refused to get touched, Kress plunged himself beside me, offering a different strand of Morell. But lust was not the problem, my morals were since I was still able to fantasise about Claire’s plump lips.
“She would be here, too,
if she could. You don’t have to hesitate. We’re family,” he said as if he could read my thoughts. In reality, he just knew her too well.
My heart jumped, listening to him. Cursed be the Siren’s voice that made me agree to undress the first layer of my outfit. He cuddled with me while the girls caressed Hemian for our entertainment. When I thought about it, I realised Kress was the type of guy I would usually fall for, the feminine type. Not a hair grew on his graceful body.
“You know what I like most about you?” he asked.
I forced out an ironic grunt. “My eyes?”
“The way you handle things. As if it’s your duty to achieve whatever it is. Just like him.” He winked at Tonio. “You both love control. I don’t know if that makes you a good pair. You’re the girl on top. I envy him a little.”
The rhythm inside my chest skipped a beat.
“His urge to be the leader will make him unable to enjoy your masculine side; What a shame. Wouldn’t it all be so darn complicated, I would’ve proposed to you instead. A girl I would trade the parlour in for.” The vibration of his voice in my ears eased my clenched jaw and when he leaned in for a kiss, my worries dropped; I took the lead from him and lost myself in his lips.
22. Reunion
During our late stay at the parlour, the reasons for my escape resurfaced. Previously, I had drowned them in lust and laughter. I even thought I could live my truth while being married to Tonio—that I could be satisfied. Life would be comfortable, apart from professional duties and the day we had to display an heir to Evrett.
A proper reason for my escape would be the grimoire. My grandfather and the Di Centis were connected. I considered that they made their own plans. Why else did he insist on the marriage? As long as they left me in the dark about their true goals, I wouldn’t take part in their political warfare.
Meanwhile, Tonio fell asleep on the couch. Kress and Hemian slept arm in arm beside me, after I watched them have sex in a way I never imagined was possible. Dela and Lianara left early because I refused to undress.
The only one awake besides me was Bryon. He grunted every time he thrust into the girl from behind, while she kissed the guy underneath her.
Everyone had their own preference, but a drugged orgy was too intense for my taste. Perhaps I needed to learn it like they once did.
My principles held me back. For me to feel lust, there had to be more. Perhaps, love. Then again, what is love? I had experienced companionship and lust. Was love a mixture of them both? That’s how I felt about Claire, even though we had a rocky start, boiling middle and soon, a disastrous end.
I excused myself to get some air instead of smoke into my lungs and watched the waves crash into each other. Walking along the beach, I reminisced over my arrival and the ship that brought me here.
The Virgin Wench.
We were the same. Virgin, as in inexperienced and also always travelling under someone else’s command, thus staying a virgin for life—without a sense of self.
At sunrise, I reached the harbour and witnessed small boats return to the coast with freshly caught fish. I stepped onto the dock.
The place Deg’s pirate ship had seesawed the last time was empty. The thought of never seeing him again—since I didn’t know which harbour they visited—forced tears from my eyes.
I missed him.
At least the retired Captain snoozed at his usual place in front of pub Shipwreck.
“Captain Niklin.” I shook him awake. “I came to say goodbye.”
“Ye didn’t forget the ol’ Cap’n, did ye,” he laughed and placed the compass inside my hand. “Me old mates came along, ye know. They didn’t believe me when I told them about you, said the crazy took over a loner. Only one young lad listened. Ye younglings, ye still care.”
I placed my hands around his and manifested health on him with an inner chant. “Thank you, very much,” I said, to which his eyes lit up and his smile revealed some missing teeth. Dry lips curled over his gums. If he hadn’t been retired, I would’ve begged to accompany him on his adventures.
The pub door swung open and seamen left one by one, pulling their trousers up and putting on their hats.
One head taller than I remembered, Deg stumbled through the door. He stood still, paralysed.
“That’s the one,” the old Captain said. “Ye know him?”
“He’s the one who saved me,” I said and jumped into his arms.
He hugged me, almost crushing my spine. “Me lass, oh, Verra,” he sniffed.
“You’ve grown a lot,” I said, fondling his shoulders. Around his neck hung the amulet I made. I let my fingers run over the thread.
“My lucky charm,” he said, clenching my hands on his chest. His bright smile turned into a frown. He knew we would split again.
On his various travels, his crew had become his family—the group of familiar faces—I was one of them. Perhaps he saw me as the sister or mother-figure he never had but couldn’t voice it, since I had no obligation to stay with him.
“I couldn’t stop thinking ‘bout you, lass,” he said.
“Me neither.”
His freckled cheeks flushed red. There was more to his feelings than those of a sibling, even though I watched over him like one, while he grew into the man he was.
I was fifteen when we first met on the coast of the orange desert. His voice had a higher pitch than mine. He was still a child. We collected seashells together, and by the end of our search, he gave me his first gift—all his shells on a looted necklace. Ever since, the urge to repay him infested me and I began producing toothpaste and other remedies for him. The Virgin Wench docked at the abandoned harbour every other month, allowing us to meet many times a year. They stayed up to a week on land, to sell their goods or declare the success of their missions.
Unlike most commoners assumed, pirates were not just savages at sea but naval mercenaries. For a high fee, they captured specific ships or passengers, without asking further questions. Proving themselves worth the money with a high rate of success, they became a reliant way to control the sea. Yet only an ignorant Lord would assume that he controlled the pirates. They knew and sang so during their travels, that they were the true rulers of the sea. All one Lord could do was hope that he was the highest bidder.
Deg had told me of his adventures after every route. The lands he’d seen and the people he met. Foreigners with voices that rang inside your body instead of ears. Back then, I suspected him of exaggerating his stories to impress me or sound interesting. Understandable, since his job was scrubbing floors during that time. After meeting the Sirens, I knew they weren’t.
Memories of our past came up and I realised that I had looked at him with pity, with the urge to watch over him. But he managed well on his own. Now, he was as tall as me and I had to let go of him as a child-figure. Through all times, he was my only true friend. Companion even, as we spent weeks at sea together.
When his lips brushed mine, Captain Niklin chuckled and walked to the docks, leaving us to ourselves.
Deg tied his arms around me until we went out of breath.
As soon as our kiss ended and I opened my eyes, I found him frowning again. His nose had swollen red. “Me lass,” he said, brushing through my hair and examining the fabric of my dress.
“Aye,”
“Makin’ fun of us once again, what?”
We chuckled.
“I’m glad you didn’t change,” he said. “The clothes, they look great, but I almost didn’t recognise you. I hope next time we see each other, you’re still the same.”
“That sounds like a goodbye. Aren’t you going to stay?”
“The Countess doesn’t want us here. She let us stay overnight, couldn’t even drink right. We had to leave the old girl at their shipyard’s harbour.” His eyes teared up. “Fate brought us together one last time, it seems. Forgive me, lass, for staining you with my impure thoughts. I just… regretted not kissing you the last time. This was my last chance.”
&
nbsp; It was better to regret an action than to regret your cowardice. I heard the signs clearly. They called for action. Everything seemed to fall into place. His presence offered one option I disregarded before, because I didn’t expect to meet him.
“Maybe not,” I said, and he shrugged his nose in confusion. “Does your Captain allow another mate to enter the crew? I could be a doctor on deck or even a cook. I can also pay.”
He lifted me up and spun around, laughing, before he stood still and asked, “But what about the academy? Your grandfather? Wouldn’t he miss you?”
“I don’t belong here,” I stumbled over my own words. There would be enough time to tell him the story, later.
“A’ight, me lass, you fit with me,” he laughed and his grin returned. “The Cap’n could always use a doctor-cook or coin. I’m sure you can stay. Let’s ask him. We’ll be leaving soon.” He seized my hand and pulled me to the shipyard, but I remained rooted.
“I have to get my bag,” I said as the grimoire was still inside my loft. Thankfully, I had prepared. Now, I just needed to grab it and run back.
“I can hold him back for an hour or two but not longer. Countess and all that.”
“Thank you,” I said, kissing him on the cheek before I sprinted uphill in record time.
23. Clarity
With a smile that reached from ear to ear, I jumped through the woods. The rising sun accompanied me and I found myself laughing—I was exactly on time, even though I hadn’t slept the whole night. All I needed was another hour and I would take my life into my own hands again.
Scenarios of the future flooded my head, I bit my lip and a drop of guilt spoiled the euphoria inside me. I had betrayed the Di Centis, the inner circle, and a God to regain consciousness and follow my personal path. I could’ve avoided it if I’d known earlier.
A lie I told myself to feel less guilty. I had suspected that Claire was an Oracle from the beginning and had done nothing but look away and obey her family’s orders. Orders that harmed her. I had known all along. Finally, I would make it right, and we both would break free from the shackles of the inner circle.
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