The Best Thing for Me

by Lauren Jackson

  "Er..." a voice said awkwardly. I slowly came back to reality, after spinning out. "Are you okay?"

  I was lying on my back, staring at the ceiling. I was very aware of my top beside me. It almost sent me into another panic attack. I swallowed nervously, blinking a few times, ordering the dots to go away. I took a few moments to regain regularity in my breathing.

  "Um..." I whispered, dazed. "I don't know."

  He put his arm around me, helping me up. "If I went too far, just tell me."

  "No," I said, shaking my head slowly. "It was okay. I just got myself all worked up for no reason."

  He looked at me, full of concern. I bet that hadn't happened to him before.

  I felt stupid.

  Really, really stupid.

  "Sorry," I mumbled, cursing my body for acting this way. "I must be so annoying compared to the other girls you've been with."

  "Why would you be?" he asked in surprise. "Because you haven't done stuff? Those other girls were clingy and over-confident with themselves. I'd prefer you over them any day."

  "Really?" I asked, looking at him with uncertainty.

  "Really." He assured me.

  I smiled at him, satisfied with that answer. I wrapped my arms around him and we just stayed like that. I loved how he was understanding about everything. I wasn't ready for anything serious, because, well, I've never even kissed a boy before him.

  "Thanks for being so cool about it." I said softly, pulling back.

  He smiled. I leaned forward and kissed him again. I ignored my heart rate and ignored the shaking of my hands. I pulled his shirt off him too.

  He pulled back, raising his eyebrows at me. "Oh?"

  I gave him a half smile. "I had to make myself do it."

  He grinned, pulling me towards him. He tugged me down, running his hands through my hair. He pulled my leg around him, making my body go into ultra-crazy mode again. I pushed through it though. Just as I thought I'd have to bail again, I heard a voice call out to me. I rolled off him quickly, gasping for air.

  "That'd be your Dad." Jason said casually, getting up, pulling his shirt back on. He helped me up, putting my shirt on for me, since I just stared at it blankly. I couldn't walk. My legs were wobbling together as they felt like jelly.

  He grabbed my hand and pulled me out of my room. I couldn't even process what was going on. I stumbled after him, blinking rapidly.

  "Hi, James." Jason greeted, dropping my hand.

  "Oh, hello Jason, I didn't realise you were here."

  Dad looked at me suspiciously. Who knows what I looked like. I think I was having a mini-panic attack again.

  "Luke let me in,” he explained.

  "Oh okay. Are you staying for dinner?"

  "If that's okay?" he asked, looking up politely.

  "Sure. Want to come help cook, Em?" he asked.

  I just kept going through that last scene in my head. I stared off into space, letting myself calm down. Jason elbowed me lightly.

  "Hm?"

  Dad laughed. "You off with the fairies today?"

  "What?"

  He shook his head at me, suppressing an eye roll. "Come help make dinner."

  "Um, okay..." I trailed off, slowly walking into the kitchen, completely off in my own world.

  Wow. I just made out with Jason, for the first actual time. It was probably hard to tell, but I loved it. A little too much that I literally almost passed out because of it.

  I couldn't wait to tell Mel.

  Dad continuously shot me confused looks as I accidently poured water into bowls, rather than cups and I grabbed the sauce bottle instead of the salt. He let me off cooking, saying how it would probably be dangerous. I barely even heard him. I felt like Luke who was always spacing out like this.

  "Are you alright?" he asked me as I accidentally placed the cups where the plates were supposed to go and the plates in the middle of the table.

  "Er..." I stared at the arrangement I'd put them in for a few moments. "Excuse me."

  I went into my bathroom and washed my face. I took a few moments to just breathe a little and calm down. I felt suddenly better then when I just had a few moments by myself.

  Get a grip, I scolded myself.

  I couldn't help replay what happened in my head again, a silly grin forming on my face.

  I must be the happiest girl alive.

  17

  I was happy. Like really, really happy at the moment.

  If I tell you something... don't repeat it. Jason and I made out again. Twice. I loved it! I didn't have some spasm this time, which I was very thankful for.

  I casually strolled down the street, hand in hand with Jason. He was saying something but I cut him off by running across the road. I barely stopped in time for the window and smacked my head on the glass, possibly losing a few brain cells in the process.

  Oh. My. God.

  My heart just melted right there. I ran into the store. It looked up at me, with light brown eyes and a dark nose. His ears were so floppy! I instinctively reached to pat him.

  "Cute, isn't he?" the owner of the pet store smiled. "Just got him ten minutes ago."

  "I'm - in - love," I panted. "How much?"

  "Well... the owners said free to a good home, with the exception of them meeting the owners."

  "I want to meet them!" I said in a rush. Jason chose to enter the store then, a lot calmer than I had been few moments before.

  I grinned and leaned down, patting the puppy. "Hello Gorgeous."

  "Hey," Jason joked.

  I ignored him.

  "Well, the owners are just out the back actually..." he disappeared and emerged back with a middle-aged couple." This young lady would like to buy your boy, I think."

  I nodded eagerly. "Hello, I'm Emma Ross."

  "Ross?" The man asked. "As in daughter of James?"

  "Yep."

  "He's a good friend of ours," his wife answered. Well, I assumed they were married, she had a gold band on her left finger.

  "Oh really?" I smiled.

  "Yeah. So, you're interested in Charlie?"

  "Yes! He is an animal replica of my old dog. Also Charlie is my favourite name! Must be fate."

  She laughed. "Must be. Is your Dad okay, with you buying a dog?"

  "Yes," I lied smoothly. "He's an animal lover."

  Jason looked at me with a small frown, but I acted like I didn't see.

  "Well... he is a very nice dog. He's about a year old. He's honestly the best dog we've ever had, but we're going traveling around the world. We can't really drag him around."

  "Oh, what a pity. He's beautiful." I said sadly. "But I'd take very good care of him. I promise."

  She smiled at me which I instantly returned. "I'm sure you would. We've got a collar, lead and a few rugs that come with him."

  "Great!" I smiled enthusiastically.

  We sorted it all out, with the paper work and everything although there wasn’t all that much to organise.

  "Your Dad's going to flip." Jason muttered to me.

  "Shh." I waved him off distractedly.

  Once everything was done, I walked him home. I was absolutely in love!

  Hopefully Dad would be cool with it...

  "WHAT?" Dad asked, but really yelled.

  "Er-," I said quietly, scratching my forehead.

  I heard Jason laugh and mutter, "I told you so."

  "You bought a dog?"

  "Not technically. He was free."

  He ran a hand through his hand, exasperated. He was striding around my chair as I fiddled with my fingers, not looking him in the eye.

  "Honestly, if you look at him, you'll fall in love."

  "Who's going to look after him?" he asked.

  "Me, of course."

  "You also said that about your rabbit."

  "Dad, I was like eight. It's time to move on." I moaned, throwing my hands up in the air.

  He stared at me sharply, hands folded across his chest.

  "Come on! Just loo
k at him!" I grabbed his hand a pulled him after me. We entered my room, where Charlie was curled up in a ball on the end of my bed.

  Just too cute!

  Dad smiled, just like I knew he would. "He looks just like Holly."

  "I know, right."

  "He is very cute-" Dad started, but I interrupted.

  "Thanks!" I hugged him tightly.

  "Hey, I didn't agree-"

  "Too late." I grinned. “Surely you can’t send him back now?”

  Jason rolled his eyes. He kept quiet throughout this whole thing. After Dad had left, I began playing with puppy.

  "You're acting like a kid," Jason said, after he'd sat there for a few minutes.

  "So?"

  "Do you need to keep biting my head off?" he snapped.

  I paused, looking up at him, not having realised his annoyed attitude. "I'm not."

  "Yeah, you are. Or ignoring me. I came here to spend time with you."

  "Aw, are you jealous?" I joked.

  "Alright, whatever. See ya." He got up and walked out of my room. My eyebrows shot up as he was actually being serious.

  I looked at Charlie. "Oops. Someone's cranky."

  Slowly I followed him. "Jason, you're overreacting."

  "Sure."

  "Now who's biting whose head off?" I retorted, planting my hands on my hips.

  "You know what?" he asked, turning around. "Go back to your mutt. See you tomorrow."

  "He's not a mutt." I snapped angrily. "Jeeze, what is wrong with you?"

  He didn't say anything, he just left. I huffed, storming back to my room. Did we really just have a fight over my new puppy? I grumbled just thinking about it. I continued to play with Charlie, letting Jason slip from my mind.

  After a while, I actually forgot it happened...

  I sat with a new group at school now. They weren't extremely popular, but not non-existent either. They all seemed nice and chatty, so I got along with them. I saw a rather smoldering boy walk past, I then realised it was Jason. (Who am I kidding, I knew it was him all along).

  "Jason!" I called. He kept going as though he didn’t hear me, although it would be pretty hard not to.

  "Deaf," I muttered. I then remembered our fight. "Ah crap."

  "What?" A girl with crazy curls and large, green eyes asked me, causing me to jump in alarm. I think her name was Penny.

  "Nothing," I shrugged it off, hardly even acknowledging her. I was too wound up in thinking back to our ‘argument’. I didn't speak with him throughout English. We got a few looks as it was obvious something was going on. We didn't speak at all next class, or most of lunch.

  Okay, this was ridiculous.

  I stormed up to him. "Will you at least talk to me? So we can fix it?"

  "I have swimming." he replied bluntly.

  I sighed. "You know what, fine. Go. See ya."

  I didn't have time for him at the moment. I just couldn't be bothered.

  Be bothered?

  Wow, what was happening to me?

  I took a deep breath. I need to go apologise... But he just entered the Men's Change Rooms.

  I'll just wait outside, I decided, wrapping my arms around myself trying to keep warm. The cool breeze that had picked up was nipping against my exposed skin. I could really use one of Jason’s bear hugs right now.

  I walked over to the entrance and waited, resting my head back. I stared up at the pale sky, a sigh escaping my lips.

  "Have you nailed her yet?" Daniel asked.

  Ugh, boys and they're disgusting topics.

  "No," Jason replied.

  Oh. Great. Disgusting topics involving me.

  "What, so she's lower class and doesn't even put out?" he asked, sounding disgusted.

  "Pretty much." he answered.

  Now that hurt. Tears brimmed my eyes. Rolling my lips into my mouth, I firmly stared up at the sky, refusing to let any tears shed.

  "Why do you even bother?"

  He didn't respond, so that means he probably shrugged.

  Yeah, shrugged.

  Screw him.

  I stormed away angrily, wiping furiously at my now wet cheeks. All over a dog…

  "Oh no, trouble in paradise?"

  I knew it was Britney. I didn't stop, I didn't respond. I acted like I hadn't heard her at all, exactly as Jason had done to me only moments earlier.

  So. Jason and I were practically over.

  Great.

  I was actually really, really sad. Well, of course I was. He was the first boy to show any attention to me and took it away as fast as it came. Tears poured down my cheeks as though my eyes were leaking taps.

  I speed-walked all the way home and curled up in a ball, on my bed, Charlie snuggling his head into my chest as if he knew I was upset.

  I just cried.

  I didn't want it to end so soon! I should have tried harder. I should have done anything stop it ending up like this.

  Well... I guess maybe it was for the best.

  Didn't stop me feeling completely miserable though.

  18

  It was Saturday morning. I hadn't spoken to Jason for ages. Well, it felt like ages. It'd really been like two or three days. I'd lost count. Stuff was just muddling together for me as my brain was all foggy. I didn't bother apologising. I was a bit past that by down. I wrinkled my face as a brim of sunlight settled squarely on my eyes. I then felt the bed dip beside me.

  I slowly opened my eyes, expecting it to be Mel.

  I needed to stop doing that.

  At the sight of him, I sunk lower and buried myself under the blankets.

  "Can we talk?" he asked in a quiet voice.

  "I guess so." I mumbled.

  "I'm sorry," he murmured softly. "I overreacted."

  "Yeah."

  "Er- this is usually the time you apologise too."

  "I think I'm past apologising to you." I retorted angrily.

  "What?"

  "I already went to. But since I'm lower class and don't 'put out', I thought better of it."

  I felt him stiffen. I slowly removed the blanket from my head and glared at him, which gave me an excuse to see his reaction.

  "Thanks for that, by the way. Nice to know how you really feel."

  "So you were eavesdropping? Again? Clingy much."

  My jaw dropped. I felt like he'd slapped me in the face. I sat up, abruptly, ignoring my slight head spin. I jabbed my finger into his chest, hoping it left a bruise.

  "Are you actually being serious?" I snapped. "I went to you, to apologise but you'd gone into the change room. So I waited outside for you."

  His jaw clenched and he ran a hand through his hair, but didn’t interrupt.

  "I can't believe you think I'm lower class, frigid and clingy. Jesus, why are you even dating me?"

  He stared at me coolly. "So what? You want to break up?"

  "What? No!" I squeaked, horrified at even the thought of it. Yeah, I was mad at him but I didn’t want to break up with him. I was completely miserable at the thought.

  My heart started hammering. I wiped my palms on my blanket, feeling them began to get a sleek coat of sweat on them, much to my annoyance.

  "Maybe we should just take a break."

  My heart sunk right down to the pit of my stomach. I felt my face fall at his words. I almost re-buried myself under the blankets but refused the urge.

  That was practically like a break up, wasn't it?

  I swallowed, hard, fighting back the tears that had welled up in my eyes.

  "Define exactly what you mean by a break..." I whispered.

  "Well, we just give each other space. Let each other cool down."

  "Okay," I agreed, nodding. "That doesn't sound too bad. How long will this break last for?"

  A few days? A voice whispered hopefully in my head.

  He shrugged. "I guess as long as we need it. Why don't we try like a week and see how we go?"

  "A -a week?" I squeaked. I then cleared my throat, casting my eyes low. "Er- yeah. Fine b
y me. Whatever."

  He bit his lip, studying me. It was the first time I had seen him do it. Quite frankly, he looked adorable. Was it weird to call a teenage boy adorable?

  "Okay then. So, it's settled?"

  I tried not to frown and let him know how strongly I disagreed with this. "I guess."

  He leant down and brushed his lips with mine before leaving. I watched him walk out and I just stared after him, the feeling of numbness filtering through my veins. I sniffled, burying my face into the blankets, wanting to scream.

  What did I just agree to?

  Tears burned at my eyes and I curled into fetal position.

  This was not good.

  This was not good at all.

  19

  I felt something on my legs and I kicked out wildly, causing myself to fall. I landed with a thud on the ground, in a tangle of blankets. I flicked my hair hastily away from my face and frowned up at Mel, who was sitting on the lounge. Removing the smothering blankets from me, I managed to go into sitting position.

  "Someone's touchy," she snickered.

  I rolled my eyes and crawled back onto the lounge, resuming with my movie watching. Well, I'd technically been asleep, but before dozing off, that's what I was attempting to do.

  "Oh no." she said slowly and dramatically, realising what was on the T.V. "You're watching Hairspray. Again. Don't you like already know all the words?"

  "Pretty much," I replied, pausing it. "Pulled it out for old time sake."

  She just stared at me blankly, with those perfectly eye-lined eyes. Her golden ringlets cascaded down her shoulders, making me wish I had natural curls like that. I had waves, but not the tight curls that she was naturally born with.

  "Yeah, right. Are you coming to the party?" she asked. "Please, for me?"

  "I can't believe you even had to ask," I said in an overly high-pitched voice, flicking my blonde hair over my shoulder and battering my eyelashes.

  "Really?" Mel asked in surprise, her eyes widening. She looked at me suspiciously, waiting for me to laugh and say joking. She knew me too well.

  "No." I answered bluntly, abruptly stopping the 'It’ girl facade. "I'm not going."

  She groaned, hitting me with a pillow I'd dropped on the ground. "You have to! You're my wing man."