by K. C. Crowne
“Well, I’m surprised.” I moved to the couch: my legs had gone numb from sitting on the floor so long. Abby frowned, and I said, “It’s almost time to get ready for bed. You have a few more minutes to play, though.”
Abby no longer remembered that I had moved to the couch and set out to make the tallest tower she could make.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, man,” I confessed.
“I think you know more than you’re giving yourself credit for.”
“Nah, I just fake it. On the inside, I’m terrified. What will this mean for my life?” I asked, frowning. “I’m not cut out for raising two wee ones. I thought life was all about drinking and sex and bungee jumping, and I’m not sure how I can balance the two.”
Mike shrugged. “It’s possible, though I have to admit, racing became a lot less fun when I had to worry about leaving my kids behind. I thought about Michelle being left alone to raise them, how heartbroken they’d be, and that sat with me before every race. It really made me reconsider my own mortality. Eventually it just wasn’t worth it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still enjoy life. Michelle and I go on trips together, sometimes just the two of us, sometimes the whole hoard. There are a lot of great activities you can do that don’t include the risk of death at every turn, and you find joy in other ways too.”
“I hear ya, man. And honestly, I never thought I would say it, but I think it might be worth making some changes. These girls… they are something else.” I couldn’t even talk about Abigail and Emma without a smile on my face.
“I know what you mean, Liam, and I think you’re making the right choice. If you decide to keep them, that is.”
“Do you, though? I mean, you knew my da. He was a shi— a crappy da,” I amended, though crap wasn’t much better than shit. Thankfully, Abby was more invested in her new tower than what I was saying.
“Yeah but think of it this way - you know your flaws. You’re aware of them, so you’re gonna be more careful to not make the same mistakes your dad did. I mean, look,” he said, gesturing at me. “You’re not even swearing in front of them.”
“Sure, but I don’t even know what a good father looks like.”
Mike chuckled and took a long swig of his beer. “Just look in the mirror, Liam. Seriously, just look in the mirror.”
His words, while nice, didn’t really convince me of anything.
“I have to get going,” Mike said, grunting as he pushed himself up. “Almost bedtime for the kids, and Michelle usually needs my help wrangling them.”
“Oh yeah, of course. Thanks so much for the chat, man. I appreciate it,” I said, walking him to the door.
“Anytime. And listen, don’t let the other guys get to you,” Mike said. “Especially Clark. Sooner or later, I’m sure he’ll understand. We all grow up at some point, Liam, and you need to do what’s best for you and those two little girls.”
“Thanks, man,” I said.
Mike left, and I turned around, calling to the girls, “Bath time, you little monsters!”
Emma was still seated in front of the blocks. Abby’s tower was destroyed and laying at Emma’s feet. But Abby wasn’t there.
My heart raced as I called out, “Abby?” I expected a response from behind the couch or in the kitchen. No answer.
I walked around the couch, expecting to find the feisty little devil hiding from me. No sign of her.
“Abby, this isn’t funny,” I called.
I picked up Emma and walked into the kitchen with her, which was empty. The back door, which I’d left open earlier for the breeze while I made dinner, was still open. The screen door was pushed open too, even though I had closed and latched it. My stomach dropped.
“Abby!” I rushed out the door, holding Emma tightly. “Abby!”
My heart nearly exploded from the blood rushing through my body. There was no fence in the backyard - just woods as far as the eye could see and a sloping hill that led to a deep pond.
“Fuck!” I cried out as I sprinted down the hill, fearing the worst.
Chapter 20
Alex
No way. No fucking way.
I stared at both pregnancy tests in shock. I’d read the instructions a hundred - no, a thousand - times, and it was very clear. The lines on the test were clear too.
But the doctors had told me it was very, very unlikely. That my chances of ever getting pregnant naturally was about less than one percent.
How could this be… I’d tried with Charlie for years before we visited a doctor for help. I’d never gotten pregnant in the countless times we had sex, even while monitoring my ovulation and everything. And now, when I wasn’t even trying, after I’d given up and adopted my sons, I was pregnant?
I’d considered running out and grabbing another pack of tests, but I knew it would likely say the same thing. Because the doctors were wrong. Or they weren’t wrong because they never actually said my chances were zero. They might as well have. All those years, I thought they were saying I didn’t have a chance, but really, there was always a chance. A small one, a miniscule chance, but they never once told me it was impossible.
It had only felt that way.
Sitting in front of me was proof that nothing was impossible, though.
I took a deep breath and leaned back against the toilet seat.
I was pregnant.
I had eighteen-month-old twins. I was single. And soon, I would be a mother to a third.
Three kids all under three.
All by myself.
Liam had made it very clear he didn’t want to be a father. He had his trial run with the girls and decided it wasn’t for him. There was no way he would respond well to finding out he’d be having a kid of his own.
I closed my eyes and sucked in a few more deep breaths. Even through the fear and anxiety, I felt happiness. I rested my hand on my belly. I never thought I’d get to experience this, knowing that I was carrying a life inside me. I thought the boys might be my only children, and while I was more than happy to have them, I’d always wanted a large family. It just didn’t seem possible, being single and all.
How are you going to do this, Alex? I asked myself.
I didn’t have an answer to the question, but no matter what happened, I knew I was going to do this. I’d figure out a way, and even if Liam wanted nothing to do with his child, I would raise him or her to the best of my ability. I didn’t need a man to help with my boys, and I didn’t need a man to help me with this one either.
I had to admit it would be nice not to be alone. Rachel couldn’t help me forever. She was going to marry her fiancé and start a family of her own one day. Once she finished her schooling, she’d have student teaching and everything else. Less than a year from now, she would have her hands very full, and I would be on my own.
You can do this, Alex.
You freaked out when you found out Charlie was leaving you and you’d have raise the boys alone. Yet you figured it out.
And you can figure this out as well.
There was a knock at my bedroom door. I quickly tried to hide the pregnancy tests but decided why bother. I needed to share the news with someone, and Rachel was the person I trusted most.
“Come in,” I said, standing up and wiping at my eyes. I’d cried, but they weren’t tears of sadness. On the contrary, they were tears of joy.
“Everything okay?” Rachel asked as she stepped into my bedroom.
“Well, yes, but I have something I need to tell you.”
I walked over and sat down on the bed, patting the spot next to me. Rachel sat down, her face crumpled in concern.
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know if I’d say it’s wrong, but, well, I took a pregnancy test and apparently the doctors were wrong about my chances.”
Rachel studied me for a moment, as if trying to understand what I’d just told her. “What are you saying?”
“I’m pregnant, Rachel.”
My best friend jumped off the bed and fist pumped the
air. “Oh my God, Alex. That is the best damned news I heard all year. When did you find out?”
“Just now. I took two tests to be sure, and both came back positive. I’ll call the doctor tomorrow to schedule an appointment, just to be sure, but I think the tests were very clear and it’s unlikely both were defective.”
“I agree,” Rachel said, grinning from ear-to-ear. “Holy cow, this is amazing. Are you excited?”
“I am,” I said, though tears welled in my eyes. “Excited. Scared. Happy. Anxious. I’ve felt every emotion under the sun, and likely some I never even knew existed.”
Rachel sat back down beside me, taking my hands in hers. “So is the sexy Irish lad the father?” she asked coyly.
“He is, yes. I haven’t slept with anyone but him since Charlie, and that was, God, ages ago,” I said with a chuckle. Remembering Liam caused my smile to waver. “I don’t know how he’s going to respond to the news, Rach. He doesn’t want to be a father.”
“But those two girls…”
“They’re his nieces, and he’s only caring for them temporarily.”
“Oh, I see,” she said. “So what do you plan on doing? You know you can handle this, even without a man, right?”
“Of course, I have no doubt about that. But if I’m being honest, I really don’t know how I’ll handle three kids by myself. I know your student teaching starts next semester, and I can’t ask you to live with me forever.”
“You know I’ll always be here for you,” she promised, giving my hands a squeeze.
“Thank you, I know, but you’ll have your own family soon, and I’ll admit, I’m a bit scared.”
I also felt lonely. So damned lonely. Most people had parents or siblings to help or at least to go to for moral support. I only had Rachel. Which I knew wasn’t healthy, but my family was gone.
“You are my family. Those boys are my nephews as far as I’m concerned,” she said, placing a hand on my flat belly. “And this little one will be a new niece or nephew for me, and that is exciting as hell.”
“Thank you, Rach,” I said, taking a deep breath. “I know I can handle this. It’s just, I can’t believe it. It doesn’t feel real.”
Before Rachel could say another word, the doorbell rang. She looked at me with a strange expression. “Could it be loverboy?”
“I doubt it, I haven’t heard from him in weeks,” I muttered. But part of me was hopeful that Liam had decided to come by, even if the thought of having to tell him about the pregnancy now filled me with anxiety.
I would have to tell him eventually.
I walked down the hall and hurried to the front door. I checked the peep hole just to be sure I wasn’t opening the door to a solicitor or something and groaned outwardly when I saw Charlie standing on my front step. I had half a mind not to even open the door. I didn’t want to deal with his shit, but it was the first time I’d heard from him or Tessa since their little visit and I was curious what he wanted. Tessa wasn’t with him, so that was a good sign too.
I opened the door and said, “If you want to see the boys, they’re in bed so you’re wasting your time.”
“I’m not here to see the boys,” he said softly. “I’m here to talk to you. Can I come in?”
I thought about telling him no, but something in his eyes made me rethink it. And remembering my run-in with Tessa’s mother made me curious as well. I nodded and opened the door wider for him to come inside.
He followed me into the living room and sat down in one of the chairs. I took the couch. He didn’t say anything for a few moments.
“Well? What do you want to talk about?” I asked, exasperated.
“I want to relinquish my parental rights.”
He spoke so quickly, I thought perhaps I hadn’t heard him correctly. “Excuse me?”
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, finally meeting my gaze. “I’ve decided I want to relinquish my parental rights. Completely. No custody, nothing. I just don’t have it in me to be a father, Alex, and even though I care about the boys, I think this is for the best.”
I studied him for a long time, wondering if this was some sort of game. “And how does Tessa feel about this?”
“She doesn’t know I’m here, but I think she would agree this is best. You saw her the other day. She has no idea what she’s doing,” he said. “She doesn’t want to be a mother.”
“So what was that entire show about then? Just to screw with me?”
“No.” He leaned back and stared at me for a second. “I shouldn’t be telling you this, but the only reason Tessa considered being in the boy’s lives was because her father threatened to write her out of his will if he didn’t get to know his grandsons.”
“Oh yes,” I said, letting my annoyance fill my voice. “I ran into her mom today and she had a lot to say about this. How did she even find out?”
“Well, I slipped up and said something in front of them,” he admitted.
I cocked an eyebrow.
“I’m sorry, Alex. I was angry, and you know how I get when I’m upset. I tend to lose my temper and say whatever it takes to win. In this case, we were arguing in front of her parents and I used the fact that she walked out on her sons against her. And that opened a big can of worms, as you can imagine.”
“Yeah, her mother is now threatening to come after them.”
“She has no rights.”
“I know that, but it’s still drama I would have preferred to avoid.”
Charlie nodded. “I know, and I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you or the boys. It’s all my fault. To be fair, though, her parents are good people, and they may be reacting poorly now, but that’s only because her mom really wanted a large family. I think once she realizes she has no rights and that the boys are in a happy home, she’ll back off. She’s just hurting right now.”
“Well, I’m hurting now too,” I said.
“I’m sorry about that, Alex. I really am,” he said. “I should have been honest with you that I had my doubts from the very beginning. You were just so excited about being a mother. I didn’t want to be a monster and destroy your dreams. I thought I would get used to the idea.”
Charlie looked at me with so much sincerity in his blue eyes, and I decided to ask him the question that had been weighing on me for over a year.
“Are the boys yours, Charlie?”
His eyes widened. “Wait, you mean, like biologically mine?”
I nodded.
“No! Tessa and I weren’t together back then. Why would you think that?”
“I wasn’t sure when the two of you started sleeping together,” I stated matter-of-factly. All this time, it had hurt me to think that Charlie could have fathered children with another woman - a woman who wasn’t broken like me. Even though Charlie hadn’t wanted kids after all, it still hurt me. And it hurt me even more to imagine him walking out on his own biological children.
But I wasn’t broken. I placed a hand on my belly and thought about the miracle inside me.
“No, Tessa and I weren’t together at the time. I know you have no reason to believe me after everything I put you through, but I can promise you that. She claims the father was a one-night stand while she was on a trip to Vegas. Doesn’t even remember his name.”
Relieved, I nodded my head. “I believe you.”
Not that it even mattered. Either way, the boys were mine. They were my sons, and soon, they would be only mine. Just like the child growing inside me would likely be only mine too.
“I should probably get back to Tessa,” he announced. “She’s going to wonder where I ran off to.”
“Charlie?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you. You’re doing the right thing, you know.”
“I know. After screwing you over so badly, I felt like you didn’t deserve Tessa’s games. She’s not going to be happy with me, especially if her dad is serious, but it’s for the best. Those boys don’t deserve to be pawns in her game.”
He st
ood up and I walked him to the door.
“I’ll try to talk to Tessa’s parents,” he said. “Just be warned, her mom is feeling a lot of crazy emotions right now, so I’d avoid her around town if you can, especially if the boys are with you.”
“I’ll do that, thank you.”
“And I’ll sign the papers first thing tomorrow and send them to my attorney,” he said.
As scary as it was to admit that I was really, truly alone in raising my boys - it was also a relief. No more games.
Tessa would have no way to get to them, not even through Charlie now.
We were free.
One less thing to stress about at least.
I needed to rip off the band aid with Liam.
He needed to know, and it was better if I told him now rather than later. Then I’d have more time to figure things out.
Chapter 21
Liam
I was on my way down the hill with Emma in my arms, screaming her lungs out. She could sense my stress, no doubt. I was dialing 9-1-1 as I tried to get to the pond as quickly as possible.
Part of me was scared of what I would find, but I had to get there. If she’d gone that way and fallen in, there might be a chance to save her.
Oh God, Abby… Please, I can’t lose her.
What the fuck was I thinking leaving the back door open? I thought she wouldn’t be able to unlatch the screen door, but obviously I was wrong. I fucked up big time. And if something happened to her because I was an idiot, I would never forgive myself.
I reached the bottom of the hill, and in the darkness, I couldn’t really see anything. I screamed, “Abby!” over and over again as I waited to get through to a dispatcher.
Finally, someone answered. “9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”
“Yes, um, my niece wandered out of the house and I can’t find her.”
God, I felt like a terrible person. No way social services would trust me with the girls now.
“Can I have your address, sir?”
I quickly spouted off my address as I walked the edge of the pond, my eyes adjusting to the darkness. So far, no sign of Abby.