Chasing Impossible

by Katie McGarry

  Abby glares at me. “Don’t you dare talk bad about my baby. He’s just pleasantly plump.” Then back to the bunny. “Aren’t you? Don’t worry about what he has to say. You’re perfect just the way you are.” Then back at me. “And his name is Thumper.”

  I join Abby on the floor. “Thumper? A bit cliché, don’t you think?”

  “You can leave.” She flashes that I-can-murder-you-now-or-later grin. “His name is Thumper and that’s how it is.”

  A smile stretches over my face as Abby nuzzles the huge fluff monster with massively long ears. “Then that’s how it is.”

  “I had a rabbit once,” Abby says as she cradles the bunny on her lap. “Dad gave it to me as a Christmas present when I was six.”

  “What happened to it?”

  “He died. Old age. Dad didn’t know he had bought an old man.”

  Guilt flickers through me. “I didn’t ask how old this one is.”

  “Thumper is his name, not this, and it’s okay.” Abby gives me one of her rare genuine smiles. The type that lights up a room. The type that steals my breath. “Age doesn’t bother me. Old fellows deserve a good home as much as a baby.”

  “Hungry?” I ask.

  Abby nods as she places Thumper back in his cage. “But I don’t want to eat. Not right now.”

  She then leans in and kisses me. “Thank you for my bunny, Logan.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Abby stands, offers me her hand, and I let her guide me to her bed. “Did you mean it? Will you take care of Thumper for me? Until I can take care of him myself?”

  “Yes.” I ease onto the bed beside Abby and let her hair fall from my fingers. “Does that mean I’ll hear from you again?”

  “You bought me a bunny. How can I not call you after that? Kiss me, Logan.”

  I hear what she’s saying and I draw an arm around her tugging her closer to me. She needs me to kiss her in a way that we’ll both remember. In a way that will help when the day’s too long and the night’s too dark.

  With her body pressed into mine, I can feel her heart beating through her skin. I move until our foreheads touch and she places her hand over my chest as if she also desires to feel how my heart is pounding.

  Abby touches me. A brush of her fingers along my arm and my mind enters a haze. One where I’m wrapped up in Abby’s sweet honeysuckle scent. One where every sweep of her fingers creates a slow burn in my blood. One where I’m compelled to hold her tighter and taste her lips.

  Together we shed clothes and explore. Never asking for more than the other is willing to give. Only offering the complete emotion in our souls and Abby whispers that she’s only willing to go so far. I understand. Abby’s been further than me, but the physical combined with the emotional is new to her and while we explore our emotions, she wants the chance to take it slow.

  Our kisses grow hungrier, our touches consuming.

  Awe overtakes me at how perfect she fits underneath me, at how perfect the two of us are together. I kiss and Abby kisses and I become lost.

  Our hearts beat harder, our breaths come out faster, and it’s a rush that’s like no other rush I’ve experienced before.

  She’s holding me, I’m holding her, and when she opens her eyes and I see the love pouring from her, I know that this can’t be the last time I ever lie beside her. People like Abby and I, we’re once in a lifetime and I’m not going to let this go...not without a fight.

  Abby

  Dressed and feeling so full that I might explode, I finish the queso as Logan tests. Thumper sniffs my hand as I cuddle him on my lap and I almost consider telling Logan what’s going to happen tonight, but then stick to the original plan. Logan’s a risk taker, but I’d bet he’s the type that prefers to be the one in danger. He won’t like my plans, he’ll try to change my mind, and I can’t say that I wouldn’t let him change it.

  He’s built this world in his head where somehow my father and his past and how I’m connected will somehow blow over like a quick storm. Maybe it can, but first I have to change the way I’m looked upon by certain puppet masters.

  “You think dancing is a wise choice?” Logan asks as he pricks his finger.

  “Dancing is always a wise choice.”

  “Not what I mean. Going out in public. Is that wise?”

  “We’re heading to a sports bar that’s near the frat I sell to. That’s why Rachel can go. They sell more fried cheese sticks than they do beer. It’s small enough that nobody I know will be around. Eric and Ricky might think they have eyes and ears everywhere, but they don’t. I want to have fun before I have to leave. Let me have fun.”

  Logan puts his testing stuff back in his bag. “I don’t feel like you’re asking.”

  “Since when do I ask for anything? Demanding is the only way to go. If you say it with a smile at least then people will feel good as they perform. Just saying, there’s a reason why Harvard loves me.”

  Logan opens the top of the cage. “There’s a lot of people who love you and they’re waiting on us. If you’re bent on doing this, put Thumper away and let’s roll.”

  * * *

  Rachel and I twirl each other to the rhythm of the music and we both laugh. Heads back, eyes glittering, stomach aching from giggling too much. This is joy. Spending time with my best friend. Our laughter is never mean. Never at anyone else’s expense. It’s because we’re together, because we’re friends, because we’re alive.

  She almost died a few months ago in a car accident and, recently, I was shot. We’ve both been given a second chance at life. Both been given this gift of friendship. We’re no longer capable of taking something like this for granted.

  Near us, West is dancing with his girlfriend, Haley. The boy definitely has moves as he dances close to his girl. West is all over her and she doesn’t seem to mind. It’s obvious they missed each other after their week apart. It’s even more obvious they are in love.

  At the other end of the sports bar, Logan and Isaiah are playing pool. Scratch that, they’re pretending to play pool as they watch the two of us. I blow a kiss in Logan’s direction and his lips tilt up. It’s impossible how much I love him. Impossible to almost believe I might make my dreams with him come true someday.

  Rachel grabs my hand. “I’m thirsty.”

  We head to the bar and she orders a bottled water, telling the bartender to put it on West’s tab. He declared he was buying tonight and I don’t argue with free cheese sticks.

  “I’m still mad at you,” Rachel says as she wipes the sweat from dancing off her forehead. “I’m still mad at them, too. None of you should have frozen me out.”

  “I was trying to freeze you all out,” I say as an explanation.

  “Still not okay. Promise me you won’t do that again.”

  Considering I don’t plan on getting shot again, I concede. “Promise.” I tug at a lock of her long blond hair. “Up for dancing some more?”

  “I’m always up for dancing.”

  I link my fingers with Rachel’s and we discover the middle of the dance floor again.

  Logan

  Abby’s on fire tonight. A living breathing fireworks show. She’s danced with Rachel, with West, has even dragged me out a couple times, but I can’t admit to doing much more than touching Abby’s hips as she moves to the music.

  A song ends, another begins, but Abby leaves Rachel with Isaiah on the dance floor and she joins me at the pool table West, Haley, and I have been playing on.

  Abby’s covered in a fine sheen of sweat, and in her typical fashion, she swipes my bottle of water and drinks it down. “What time is it?”

  I check my cell. “Eleven thirty. Rachel has about ten minutes left before she has to leave to make curfew.”

  Abby’s very protective of her best girlfriend, Rache
l, and it’s been good to see the two of them reunited if only for a short period of time.

  She sets the bottle of water down and laces her fingers with mine. “I’m about to be arrested.”

  A surge of panic runs through me and I automatically scan the room searching for the cops. Abby reaches up, places her hand on my cheek and forces my gaze back to hers.

  “It’s okay.”

  I tighten my hold on her hand. “We can get you out of here.” And then my mind catches up like slamming brakes at a hundred miles per hour. “Why would you be arrested?”

  Abby’s so damn cool that it’s causing my skin to want to peel off the bone.

  “In my back pocket is a baggie of pot. Enough to cause me problems, but not enough to cause me big problems. Over there at the bar, there’s an undercover officer waiting for me. The big dude that people are scared of. I mean really? That’s the undercover person they go with? The one people are naturally terrified of? Maybe that’s what I should do with my life. Become a consultant on how to actually catch the bad guys. Anyhow, I digress.”

  I glance over and Abby’s right. There’s a man there at the bar and nobody sits or stands within two feet of him. He’s big and he’s bald and he’s watching me and Abby.

  “I will go over to buy another bottle of water. He’ll ask me if I’m drinking anything tonight. I’ll tell him no because I have something to smoke later. He asks if he can partake. I’ll say no. He’ll then ask if he can buy it from me and then I’ll say yes. He’ll put handcuffs on me, he’ll read me my rights, and then he’ll escort me to his lovely police car. After that, I will be arraigned and I will be put into juvenile detention. I will stay there. I will have my day in court and I will be sentenced to that juvenile detention center for a period of time.”

  “Am I hearing this right?” West joins us and I’m guessing I’m looking just as pissed as he appears. “Place is loud, but I think I just heard you describe getting arrested.”

  “You did,” Abby says with a brief shrug. “We will now go over a list of what you will not do. You will not stop me. You will not go anywhere near me once I head over to the bar.”

  “Isaiah!” West yells out. “Get over here. Abby’s gone fucking nuts.”

  Abby doesn’t skip a beat as she continues, “You will not say a word to the police officer. You will not follow me out to the car. You will not show up at my arraignment. You will not try to bail me out of jail. There will be no bail.”

  She points at West. “You and your sister will not beg your rich daddy to pull strings. You will all let me rot in that detention center until the system decides to let me out.”

  I keep staring at Abby, feeling the coldness of shock, and she doesn’t take her eyes off of me. Isaiah joins us and West gives a brief rundown of what’s going on and Isaiah’s talking. Fast. Saying the words I want to say, getting pissed like how I want to get pissed, but the way Abby tilts her head and squeezes my hand, I understand she has a plan.

  “Why this way?” I ask, and Isaiah shuts up.

  “I can stay in Louisville this way,” she says. “Ricky won’t touch me physically and he won’t ask me to sell with law enforcement watching me as a possible dealer. If I do this, I don’t have to give up being me. I don’t have to leave town. I don’t have to be anyone other than Abby and I like being Abby. Almost as much as I love queso and bunnies.”

  “How long?”

  Abby briefly glances away and then slowly breathes out. “I made this deal and I asked them to keep me until at least a month before I graduate from high school. That way I won’t be in the foster system for long.”

  West is shouting, “Hell no,” Isaiah picks up the pool stick and tosses it across the table, knocking several of the balls onto the floor. I step forward and cradle Abby’s face, lowering my forehead to hers. “Why?”

  Her hazel eyes search mine for approval, for understanding. “Because I need to graduate. When I leave, I won’t have anything. Mac will sell the house to take care of Grams, there isn’t a social worker on the planet that will return custody to him. I don’t want to be in the system for long. I turn eighteen right before I graduate and I need to graduate. In juvie, I’ll have a somewhat stable place to live, hot meals, and an education. Since I walk out of there a ward of the state, I’ll get to take advantage of them paying for my college education.”

  She smiles but it doesn’t meet her eyes. “Can’t you see I’m working an angle? Harvard wanted me, Logan. That means I got a shot at something decent if I can pull myself out of this mess.”

  I breathe in, trying to memorize her scent. I kiss her lips, promising myself and her that I’ll do this again. “We still together?”

  She nods. “There’s a bunny I plan on collecting at the end of this and I will be really fucking pissed off he dies before I get to hold him again.”

  I haul Abby into me, hugging her as if I can keep her safe from her past, but I can’t. In order for her to move forward, she has to pay for her past sins. Better now than later. Better this way than her payment being her life.

  “I’ve got to go,” Abby whispers.

  I release her and try to ignore the burn in my throat as she hugs Rachel and then sends a pleading goodbye glance to West and Isaiah.

  Abby blows out a long breath of air and when she inhales, back is the girl I first met at the garage. The girl who can face down death and not feel fear. That mask that has kept her safe, that will keep her safe, and will eventually bring her back to us as the person she wants to be.

  Abby turns away from us and when she reaches the halfway point, Isaiah steps forward. “I can’t let her do this.”

  I grab his bicep and press my fingers down hard. “Stay here.”

  He circles, his back to the bar, unable to watch his best friend be arrested. I keep hold of his arm and Rachel slides up to his other side and offers support as if he’s a house on the verge of collapsing.

  Abby leans over the bar to call the bartender and mouths move as she begins her conversation with the undercover police officer. After Abby shows him whatever was in her back pocket, in slow motion, the officers stands and shows her his badge.

  My eyes burn when Abby’s shoulders sag in relief. Relief. Fuck. What has this world come to that this is relief? He produces handcuffs and when she turns, it’s not only Isaiah that needs help. I grip his arm tighter and in return he’s gripping me and Rachel is now hugging her brother.

  “She’s coming back,” I say, and I hate how my voice comes out hoarse. “She’s coming back and she’s coming back to stay.”

  “God, I hope so,” mutters Isaiah.

  She will. Abby will because she loves us...because I bought her a bunny.

  Emails

  To: Abby

  From: Logan

  Re: I dare you

  Date: August 24

  Abby,

  Dare accepted. Twenty-five new things in three weeks. I’m feeling good on this dare. I’m not the one behind walls. My possibilities are more endless.

  I’m attaching a pic of your Grams. She asked for you today. Didn’t say much else, but she did say your name. Isaiah and West checked out some nursing homes for when the money runs out. Chris knows someone who works at a good place. All three are headed there this weekend. Mac put the house up for sale so he’ll have the money for it.

  Be prepared to lose the dare.

  Logan

  To: Logan

  From: Abby

  Re: I dare you

  Date: August 26

  Logan,

  Sorry about your luck, but trying out for your new school’s baseball team doesn’t count. You’ve already played baseball before. This has to be something totally new and different. And yes, I am cheating with our program of trying twenty-five new things in three weeks and that’s okay. I’m
the one serving a life sentence in girl hell. My roommate needs to stop crying or having emotions or maybe she has broken tear ducts—just saying.

  I tried crocheting last night. I decided I would have died before industrialization from exposure. Crocheting is impossible. There’s a girl here who is good at it. She scares me a little. I’m going to eat lunch with her tomorrow. :-)

  I’m in the lead!

  Abby

  To: Abby

  From: Logan

  Found something I like

  Date: September 6

  Abby,

  Try new things number twenty-three—working on the dairy farm with Chris. And before you laugh, yes, I was running out of ideas for new things to try. Did it just to check the box, but I liked it. Kept me busy, cows had the right amount of conversational skills that I prefer, and I saw how much money Chris will be making off of it when he inherits the farm. Not bad.

  Baseball is good. Team is good enough to go to state. I’ll play for the rest of the year, but I told the coach I’m not interested in a college scholarship. Something like that needs to go to someone who is passionate about it. A couple of schools are showing interest in me from those summer sessions. I think I’ll peruse those places for admission and money.

  Your rabbit took a dump on my bed last night. You should be happy Thumper is yours.

  Logan

  To: Logan

  From: Abby

  Re: Found something I like

  Date: September 6

  Logan,

  Have you thought of doing it? Being a cattle farmer? If that’s what it’s called? I think we should do that, but replace cattle with bunnies and then we don’t milk or eat the bunnies. We just let them multiply. Then we’ll take over the world. Me the queen. You the king. Our bunnies the army nobody can defeat.

  Mac told me they have someone interested in buying the house and that the seller has agreed to not move in until the day the money runs out for the nurses. Not sure how I feel about this. Sort of sad. Sort of...I don’t know.

  Tell Ryan thanks for the nursing home recommendation. Guess he got the name of this place from his mom. I emailed him a thanks, but I’d like you to thank him for me, too.