A Rake at the Highland Court: The Highland Ladies Book Four

by Barclay, Celeste

  Eoin jerked awake as a fist landed against his nose. Fingers scratched his chest, his leine keeping the nails from tearing the skin. He didn’t move quickly enough to avoid the knee to his groin, but when he reflexively curled forward, another punch hit his cheek. Cairstine flailed as if she were in the fight of her life.

  “Get off me! Let me go! Don’t. Eoin, help! Help!” Eoin worried she’d wake the entire keep. He wrangled her wrists, fearful that he would hurt her as he pinned them to her side. He rolled to straddle her but realized if she woke to find a man, any man, on top of her, she would panic even more. “Don’t touch me! Eoin, help!”

  “Cairstine, wake up.” He released one hand to shake her shoulder. He was rougher than he wanted to be, but he needed to rouse her. “Cairrie, it’s Eoin. I’m here. Wake up.”

  “Eoin,” she whimpered.

  “Yes, Cairrie. I’m here,” Eoin crooned. He lifted her into his lap as the door slammed open. Edward, Andrew, Ewan, and Fingal stood in the doorway and passageway, brandishing their swords. Eoin looked up and shook his head. He pulled Cairstine closer, her eyes open now and filled with terror. She looked around and began to panic, disoriented and unsettled. Eoin tipped her body toward him, shielding her from the men standing, armed and half dressed, just a few feet away, and to shield them before Cairstine caught sight of them and screamed the keep down. “Nightmare. She had a horrible nightmare. Go away.”

  Ewan nodded, understanding Eoin needed to be alone to comfort Cairstine. His name had been clear as she screamed. At first, it had sounded as if she wailed because Eoin was attacking her, but as the men charged toward the commotion, it became clear Cairstine was yelling for him to help. Ewan tapped Andrew on the shoulder and tilted his head away. Andrew took a last look at the couple before stepping back. Fingal did the same, lowering his sword, a sad smile playing at his lips. Edward appeared frozen as he watched Cairstine tremble in Eoin’s arms. He looked helpless and unsure what to do. Eoin bade him to come into the chamber, and Edward laid the sword on the far side of the bed before coming to where Eoin sat holding Cairstine. She heard the movement and curled tighter into Eoin’s embrace.

  “It’s yer da, Cairrie. Yer da is coming to see that ye’re all right.” Eoin didn’t notice his burr until Cairstine sighed. She nodded and looked over her shoulder at Edward.

  “What can I do?” Edward kept his voice low.

  “There’s naught to do, Father.” Cairstine struggled to sit up, Eoin helping to prop her. “I’m all right now.”

  “Do you have nightmares like this often? I’ve never heard you scream,” Edward reached out his hand and brushed hair back from Cairstine’s sweaty, tear-drenched face.

  “I just need to be alone with my husband,” Cairstine voice was clear despite being barely more than a whisper. Eoin attempted not to let the surprise register on his face as Edward nodded and backed away from the bed.

  “I’ll let your mother know all is well. I forbid her from leaving our chamber until I knew what was happening.” Edward said from the door. Eoin registered that Edward admitted he and Davina shared a chamber. Eoin now understood why Davina assumed he and Cairstine would too.

  When the door clicked, Cairstine moved to sit on the bed beside Eoin. “I suspect that had I let you share the bed with me all along, I wouldn’t have had so many dreadful dreams.”

  “There’ve been others?” Eoin stroked her head as she leaned against him.

  “Aye, but none so bad as tonight. I remember them in the morn, but they haven’t woken me since that first night. I’ve had more as the gathering draws closer.”

  “Will you tell me aboot it?” Eoin prodded, hoping that speaking about them would free her mind of the terror.

  “The first one wasn’t as bad as the second. In the first one, I was running through a forest, being chased. I was searching for you. I knew if I could just find you, I would be safe from whoever was chasing me. I ran and ran, but the woods seemed endless until suddenly I was standing on a cliff. I looked down, and all I could see was a loch that seemed too far to survive the drop. When I turned to look where to run next, four faceless men were surrounding me.” Cairstine looked up at Eoin, her smile delicate. “That’s when I heard you calling to me. You told me to jump, that you’d catch me, that you’d hold me forever. I did. The next thing I knew, I was awake, and you were holding me.”

  “You’re a brave lass, leannan. I’m proud of you.”

  “I’m not brave at all. I was running away in my dream, and I keep having these dreams because I’m running away in real life.”

  “What’re you running from?”

  Cairstine’s eyes filled with tears once again. “You. And I’m so tired of running, Eo. I just want you to hold me forever.”

  “Cairrie, I’m going to. I love you.”

  “I love you, Eo. With my whole heart.”

  That sat together, Eoin kissing Cairstine’s forehead and temple until the need for more dominated. Cairstine twisted to kneel as their mouths fused together. They couldn’t get enough as they seemed to devour one another. When they couldn’t go another moment longer without a breath, they pulled apart. Cairstine sat facing Eoin.

  “Will you tell me what happened in the second one? I think I know, but I think you should tell me.” Eoin took both of Cairstine’s hands in his. She nodded as she composed herself.

  “It was the same four faceless men, but this time I could see red in their plaids. I know that doesn’t do much good, since plenty of clans have red in their pattern, but it’s the first time I’ve remembered that. I was at a fair again, but I wasn’t still six-and-ten. It was the present day. I got separated from you somehow, and I was searching and searching for you. Bram was with me this time, and he was helping. But as we passed a booth on the outskirts of the market, someone clobbered Bram over the head and pulled me into the trees. Then it was the same thing in my dream as it was when it really happened. I could feel the pain all over again, the fear, the shame. But rather than it being the Sinclairs and Bram who found me, it was you. You killed all four of them. That’s when I woke up, and I was where I needed to be.”

  “Cairstine, I will always come for you. Always. If you’re scared of the gathering, I’ll make sure you’re by my side always or with family.” Eoin smiled as he kissed her forehead. “I might even be so trusting as to let Fingal guard you.”

  “It felt so real. I just kept thinking I can’t let this happen again,” Cairstine sighed.

  “Cairrie, there’s something I probably should have told you before we even arrived here.” Eoin feared she wouldn’t forgive him for the secret he kept. “Mo chridhe, you’re still a maiden. Whatever they did, I know it hurt you, but you’re a virgin.”

  “That’s can’t be. It can’t. It hurt too much.” Cairstine couldn’t process what Eoin told her. It was the opposite of what she’d believed for years.

  “Cairrie, when we were at the riverbank, I thought I felt your maidenhead, but I couldn’t reconcile it with what you’d told me. Then I got distracted,” Eoin flashed her a guilty smile. “When I felt it again, I almost told you, but I didn’t,” he finished lamely.

  “How could you not tell me that? How dare you keep such a secret from me?” Cairstine sat, stunned.

  “Would it have changed aught? You might believe you have more choices for husbands, and you do, but would it have erased the fear, the sheer terror of having a mon that close to you?” Eoin tried to keep his frustration from his voice, but it was a losing battle.

  “I don’t have more choices for a husband.” When Eoin made to object, Cairstine put her finger against his lips then traded it for her own lips. She pressed a tender kiss as Eoin relaxed. “I don’t have more choices because I’ve already made mine. You’re my husband, Eoin. Or I pray you will be. You’re right. Knowing wouldn’t have changed everything. I feared a husband finding out I wasn’t an innocent less than I feared being forced into bed with someone.”

  “Cairstine, I’ll never force you. I
want you to be my wife in whatever manner you feel comfortable with. I won’t push you. I just want you by my side. I want to grow auld with you. If we are a doting aunt and uncle, then so be it.”

  Cairstine shook her head, but kissed Eoin again when he looked crestfallen. “I told the truth that morning after my bath. I knew what I was doing with you. I can’t ignore how my body feels when I’m with you. It’s been ready to couple with you longer than my mind has. I want to be your wife. A real wife,” Cairstine leaned forward for emphasis. She needed Eoin to understand he wouldn’t be living like a monk, nor would she live like a nun. They would live as a married couple should. “Will you teach me?”

  Eoin wanted to get up and pace, he wanted to hold her, he even thought he might be ill. There were too many thoughts and emotions jumbled around in him, but the loudest and most pressing was his conscience. “Cairstine, you had two horrid nightmares that upset you. You dreamed of being attacked all over again. I don’t know that tonight is the right time to make love for the first time.”

  “Make love?” Cairstine head the sincerity and rawness in Eoin’s voice. “Isn’t it the same as coupling? I want to know what that’s like with you. I won’t let these nightmares stand in the way.”

  “It is not the same. At least not in my mind. Coupling is what I did in the past. It was enjoyable, but it was never with a woman I cared aboot. It felt good, then it was done. You’re the only woman I have ever loved. I want your first time,” Eoin shook his head. “I want our first time to be special. I don’t want the lingering shadows of your dreams haunting you. And I told you before, I won’t make you my mistress. We aren’t married; we’re not even handfasted.”

  “Eoin, will you marry me?”

  Eoin tickled her ribs before kissing her. “I was going to ask that. Yes, I’ll marry you.” Eoin looked around the chamber they’d shared for weeks, and it felt like theirs rather than hers. They didn’t have any witnesses, but they weren’t required to make a handfast binding. Only the consummation could do that. Even if they’d exchanged vows for real that day in the meadow, the handfast could easily be dissolved before the year and a day because they hadn’t coupled. Eoin couldn’t imagine another day without knowing Cairstine was his wife in truth, and he wouldn’t allow anyone to take her from him. “Will you handfast with me? Right here, right now?”

  “Aye. Right here, right now.”

  Eoin pulled his length of plaid from over his shoulder and bound their hands with it. It wasn’t the cord that was the norm at a handfasting or a wedding, but it was Gordon plaid. He was swearing his oath on his honor as a Gordon, and he was welcoming Cairstine into his clan.

  “I pledge to you that it will be your eyes into which I gaze every morning,” Eoin began the ancient vows. “I pledge to you this life and the eternal, each equally in your care. I shall be a faithful shield for your back, and you for mine.”

  “You cannot possess me for I belong to myself.” Cairstine gazed into Eoin’s eyes as she made her promises, and she found nothing but love and acceptance shining in them. “But while we both wish it, I give you all that is mine to give. You cannot command me for I am a free person, but I choose to heed your guidance.”

  “I shall not slander you, nor you me,” Eoin continued.

  “I shall honor you above all others,” Cairstine smiled.

  “And when we quarrel, we shall do so in private and tell no strangers our grievances,” Eoin finished their individual vows. They spoke the next words in unison, their voices blending into one.

  “This is my wedding vow to you. This is the marriage of equals.”

  They sat gazing at each other, both in awe of what they’d just sworn, but they couldn’t contain their smiles for long. Eoin cupped Cairstine’s jaw as he pressed the most tender kiss to her lips that he could manage, pouring every ounce of his love and devotion into in. Cairstine returned it with the same fervor.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Eoin was certain he was on his way to his heavenly reward. He was holding the woman he loved deeply and had just pledged his eternal life to. Her hands roaming over his body felt divine, and her taste and scent made him lightheaded. He’d suggested they wait because his conscience urged him, but Cairstine’s reassurance and his long-restrained need were powerful forces. Their kisses began gently, almost sentimental as they absorbed the significance of their promises, but it wasn’t long before their desire burst like a powder keg. Eoin pulled at the laces to Cairstine’s kirtle as she fumbled with his belt. Frustration forced them apart as they stripped bare, in awe of one another’s beauty. Eoin ran the back of his hand over her pebbled nipples as Cairstine pulled him in for another kiss. His hands slid to her bottom as he lifted Cairstine, her legs wrapping around his waist. His sword sought her sheath, the tip grazing her entrance. Eoin laid Cairstine on the bed, but she held up a hand before he joined her.

  “You’ve seen all of me before, or at least certain parts of me more often than I’ve seen certain parts of you. I barely caught a glance of you before. I couldn’t keep my eyes open for much of it, it felt so good. But now I want to see all of you,” Cairstine explained. Eoin was certain he’d spill yet another time without Cairstine touching him when she ran her tongue along the bottom of her teeth, as though she was plotting her line of attack.

  “You’re teasing me,” Eoin growled.

  “Maybe a little,” Cairstine giggled.

  “Then you shall get as good as you give.” Eoin grasped her ankles and tugged her back to the edge of the bed. He bent over and caught one of her nipples between his lips. He suckled and nipped, Cairstine curling off the bed to bring herself closer. Her head fell back as waves of need coursed through her, making her breasts and core ache for Eoin’s attention.

  “Eo, please,” she begged.

  “Nay. Not yet, leannan.” Eoin grew serious for a moment. “This is your first time, Cairrie. I’m not a small mon, and it may hurt even though I would do aught to prevent it. I must make sure you’re ready for me.”

  “I am ready,” Cairstine protested.

  “Your mind and your desire might be, but your body needs to be.”

  “I’m telling you, it is.” Cairstine grasped Eoin’s wrist with both of her hands, pressing it down her belly to her mound. Another shiver spread through her at his touch. She pressed his fingers against her entrance and knew they would come away coated in her dew. “See,” she crowed triumphantly.

  “Aye, you are ready, but I’m not.”

  Cairrie snorted, “You look ready.”

  “Cheeky. I meant I’m not ready for it to be over that soon. I won’t last long once I bury myself in you, and I would make our first time be a journey, not a sprint.” Eoin returned his mouth to her breast, licking, suckling, nipping until Cairstine tugged his hair, needing his mouth back on hers. Eoin’s fingers remained within her, working the silky core and the tiny pearl that was the secret to her pleasure. Cairstine writhed as she attempted to raise her hips so she could brush her seam against his hard length. Eoin draped his body over hers and kissed her. “Uh-ah,” he chided.

  Eoin kissed his way down her belly to the hollow between her hipbones, praying one day his seed would take root and they would build a family together. He sank to his knees, hooking her legs over his shoulders as he savored his first taste of his wife’s honey. She was his wife now before God rather than their own false word, and she would soon be his wife in deed.

  Eoin swept the flat of his tongue along her, from stem to stern, feathering his teeth over her nub before unexpectedly drawing it in with enough pressure to make her hips buck. He worked her with his mouth and his hands until he felt her tense, her muscles spasming around his fingers. As she settled back against the bed, she watched him, her eyelids dropping. He licked his fingers clean as he prowled toward her and climbed on the bed. Eoin wondered if Cairstine would need a moment to catch her breath before he dared continue his onslaught, so he was unprepared for her attempt to push him over. He let her, curious t
o see what his bonny bride had in mind.

  “That’s twice you’ve done that. I may have turned out to be an innocent, but my ears aren’t.” Cairstine lost her confidence for a moment as she confessed, “I’ve heard what you like.”

  Eoin was on her in a flash, rolling her onto her back, but he was tender as he brushed the backs of his fingers along her temple. “Cairrie, that’s the past. It bears no relevance to now, or to our future. There is no one but you, and there never ever will be. Whether we make love today or never, there will only be you. I can’t change what I’ve done, but I can swear to you that what we share will only ever be with you.”

  “I believe you, Eo. But you didn’t gain the skills I marvel at by being a hermit. I may not have the experience you’re used to, but I want to.” Cairstine frowned, uncertain that her words sounded how she meant them. “I mean, I want to learn the ways to bring you the pleasure you bring me. You give me everything, Eoin. Without reservation and without expectation. I want to give to you.”

  Eoin saw the sincerity in her gaze and heard the earnestness in her voice. He understood that if he turned her away, the rejection would hurt her and bruise the trust they’d developed, and if he were being honest with himself… “St. Columba, I have dreamed of your mouth on me, all over me. But Cairrie, it’s not something all women enjoy. I told you, I know I’m a sizeable mon. I don’t want to scare you, and I don’t want you to feel pressured into aught. The only thing I expect from you is that you enjoy what we share.”

  “I told you, my ears aren’t so innocent. Many of the women at court don’t care if they’re overhead by the ladies-in-waiting. I think they take pleasure in flaunting their knowledge and their conquests.”

  Eoin shifted, uneasy thinking about what Cairstine had heard about him. He and Ewan hadn’t gone to court often, but they had earned their reputations. She ran her hands over his chest and nuzzled his neck. Before gazing patiently into his blue eyes.