All That Goes Up

by Kirby Brooks

"You can use this, Professor."

  Professor Jordan took the knife, got up close to the plate, gave it atoss, and plunk! It flew over the plate and went straight to theceiling! And stuck!

  "Well, thank goodness, we know it's the present combination of voltageand frequency, and not a series of changes," Jim said, relieved.

  "Yes, and size and shape apparently have little to do with it too,"the professor answered. "Now all we have to do is find out why. That'sour problem."

  "And how long it lasts too," said Jim, glancing up at me. Then turningto the professor; "Sir, I've been wondering what you think of the ideathat maybe these plates change the electrical charge of whateverobject is placed on them, or over them."

  "I had that thought too, Jim, when I found out we couldn't turn thatplate off. Any ideas how we might go about grounding or dissipatingthe charge?"

  "Or getting me down from here? I don't know if you or Jim realize it,but old Mother Nature is going to make things rather uncomfortable forme pretty soon. I've been up here for almost eight hours already, andI'm getting a bit uneasy, to say the least."

  For the first time the professor's eyes crinkled a bit at the corners,and looking up at me, he chuckled, "Mr. Wilson, you've brought up arather touchy subject, and we'll hurry as fast as we can."

  * * * * *

  Mary came in then with some more sandwiches and coffee, and I wentthrough the same routine with the straw, only this time I got choked.Thank Heaven I did! That sounds funny, but while I was coughing andsputtering, spewing coffee all over the place, Jim had walked over sothat he was right under me. He stood for a moment watching mesputter, then let out a whoop and hollered.

  "Hey! Dad! Professor! Mom! I've got it! I've got it." He paused asecond, then, "I hope...."

  I was still sputtering, but Mary and Professor Jordan both grabbed himand started asking questions.... "What are you talking about? What'syour idea?"

  "Professor, did you see what happened to the coffee?"

  "Your father got choked, why?"

  "When he sputtered, did you see what happened? The coffee went _up_!"

  "Well, yes, it did. But I don't see.... By jove! Wait a minute! I seewhat you're driving at!" And turning to Mary, the professor added,"Mrs. Wilson, do you have a garden hose long enough to reach into thisroom?"

  Mary was shocked. I was still listening between sputters.

  "Why, yes, we have. What are you going to do?"

  "I hate to tell you this, Mother," Jim said, "But if Professor Jordanis going to do what I think he's going to do, you're not going to bevery happy about it. Neither is Dad."

  "But we hope to get Mr. Wilson down," the professor said, "Even thoughit may get a little damp in here."

  "If you can get Ralph down, I won't mind how damp it gets," said Mary.And turning to Johnny, who was standing open-mouthed, "Johnny, willyou hook up the hose?"

  "Yes, Johnny, and run it through the window so it'll come inside theroom," Jim explained, quickly.

  * * * * *

  This whole thing sounded like Greek to me, but by now I had recoveredfrom the sputtering spell, and if a garden hose run through thebedroom window would get me down I was certainly in favor of it. "Willthis garden hose scheme you both seem to have thought of really work?"

  "We hope so, Dad. It's going to make a mess in my room, but it's wortha try."

  "What do I do, climb down it?"

  "In effect you do," said the professor. "We'll know in a little while,I hope."

  "Will someone unhook the screen?" Johnny was outside.

  Jim unhooked the screen and pulled the hose into the room. "Do youwant to try it, Professor?"

  "Yes, but first, let's clear things out of the way."

  "Hey!" I hollered. "You're not going to turn that hose on in here areyou?"

  The professor chuckled. "Hope you don't mind too much, but we hopeit'll get you down."

  "Well, I sure don't see...."

  "Dad, the professor and I had the same idea. Maybe I can explain it ...you see, apparently anything you come in contact with takes on a bit ofyour 'charge.' In the case of the coffee, the small drops became chargedand went up. I imagine that the plates and cups picked up a small chargetoo, while you held them, but it wasn't enough to make them rise. Is thatabout right, Professor?"

  "It seems that way, Jim. Anyway, it's worth a try." The professorlooked up at me, "Mr. Wilson, I'm afraid you aren't going to care muchfor this. As soon as we clear the room a bit I'm going to turn thehose on you."

  My mouth dropped open. "Turn the ho...?"

  "Yes.... You see, if whatever you touch picks up a bit of the charge,then about the quickest way to 'discharge' you would be to touch youwith a large volume of something. Water sounds logical, doesn't it?"

  "Well, I suppose so," I mumbled. "But, there must be something ...some other way...."

  "There may be, Dad," Jim said, "but you want to get down from therefast, don't you? OK! Here we go!"

  * * * * *

  So, Jim turned the water on and in a few minutes of course, I wassoaked through my bathrobe and pajamas, right to the skin. Johnny waslooking through the window laughing fit to kill, and with a look ofhorror on her face, Mary was watching the water cascading across theceiling and down into the room. Jim and Professor Jordan were watchingme like hawks. Waiting for me to fall, I guess. Fortunately theweather was warm, because the water certainly wasn't. This must havegone on for an hour, but it apparently wasn't, because when theyturned the water off, Jim said to the professor, "I hope you timedthat, sir. I forgot to."

  The professor had, and it turned out to be about ten minutes. Helooked up at me, "Do you feel any lighter?"

  "What do you mean, lighter?"

  He grinned. "I mean can you push yourself away from the ceiling?"

  I rolled over on my side and tried to push. By golly! I _did_ seem tomove a little easier! "I may be a little lighter, Professor, or maybeit's my imagination, but turn that hose on again!"

  Splat! On it came, and it's been on and off and on and off for, letme see, this must be the third day now. And I don't mind telling youI'm not going to need a bath for at least two months when I get down.When I get down! Do you know where I am right now? I'm about two feetfrom the ceiling, which puts me still ten feet from the floor ...hanging there in the air like the assistant to an Indian fakir! Onlythis is no trick.

  Oh, it's not so bad now; I'm wearing swimming trunks and Jim andProfessor Jordan with the assistance of Johnny and Mary, rigged a sortof trough arrangement to carry the 'charged' water out of the windowand up into the sky. The water that didn't pick up a charge and fellto the floor is being pumped out the window with a hand pump. Oh, yes,they had to dam up the doorway to keep the rest of the house frombeing inundated. And I shudder every time I think how much damage hasbeen done to Jim's bedroom. I'm coming down though, slowly, andProfessor Jordan has it figured that at the present rate it's going totake five to six more days. I don't know how he came to thatconclusion, but I sure hope he's right and hasn't underestimated. Theconstant soaking has my skin looking like damp corduroy. All over too.

  What about the transformer and plate? Well, I believe Professor Jordanis going to take a leave of absence and he and Jim are going to dosome full time research on the device, whatever it is. They both thinkit has many possibilities. So do I, but I'm going to keep my feet onthe ground. If they ever get there!

  * * * * *