by Clara Reese
A moment passes before the other end speaks, and my brows knit together as I try to decipher the hushed string of words. “‘Patricia—bad liar. No. Gabby—like a sister to me. No. Erin from accounting—not my type. No.’”
Blood runs cold through my veins. Though I know exactly who is on the other line and what he has just found, I play dumb, hoping to disguise my guilt. “Who is this? What do you want from me?”
Larry chuckles darkly on the other line. “Oh, dear Dawn. You don’t recognize your own flesh and blood? Only goes to prove you should call your family more.”
Anger builds within me, alongside the fear that has already pooled at the pit of my stomach. “Cut it out, Larry. What is it you want from me? I’m in the middle of dinner.”
“Don’t act daft, Dawn. You should be kind to me, especially now that I’ve left the chalet with your little list of lies. ‘Jamie—straight. No.’ Do you want me to continue? What is it you wrote down on the list for our friend...Gina, was it?”
My voice is hushed, and I turn away from the table so she doesn’t overhear my pathetic pleas. “I swear, it’s not what you think it is. Just a stupid list of my friends, it doesn’t mean anything.”
“Ok then…‘Gina—attractive, good with her hands, beautiful green eyes and a good liar. Yes.’ If those are all of your requirements for marriage material, I’m surprised you’ve been single for this long.” He pauses to laugh at his tasteless joke, and my face falls as I watch Gina peacefully eating her meal, unaware of the dangers we now face.
“Could you pour me another glass of wine when you get the chance?” Gina calls, fiddling with her fork.
“Yeah,” I say halfheartedly, placing my hand on the counter to steady myself. If he had never called, we would be a real couple by now and none of this would matter.
Larry breaks me out of my thoughts. “Face it, I’ve caught you red-handed in a lie. All you have to do is surrender the chalet to me. I’ll renovate the trash heap you’ve created, and turn it into a respectable country club for me and the guys.”
I keep my composure, aware that anything I say may be used against me later. “That piece of paper doesn’t prove anything. Once Gina and I walk down the aisle, there’s nothing you’ll be able to do about the chalet. It’s mine, and Gina is mine too; a little list of my crushes won’t be able to prove anything.”
At the mention of her name, Gina looks up at me with concern, and I do my best to force a grin. She sees right through me, and instantly flies to my side. “What’s wrong?” She whispers, and I hesitantly switch to speaker phone, knowing it’s too late to hide the truth from her any longer.
“Dawn, if you refuse to cede the chalet to me, I will reveal your marriage fraud to every last paper in this country. Not only will you be a laughing stock, but you’ll be investigated for defrauding the estate. So make your choice: give me the chalet or go to prison.”
Gina’s face pales and her hands move to cover her open mouth. “He wouldn’t,” she whispers through her fingers.
“You have nothing on me, no evidence and no proof. I’m not giving you shit.” I unconsciously grasp Gina’s firm shoulder for support with my free hand, and she wraps her arms around me.
Larry doesn’t seem satisfied with my answer, and he sneers a reply. “I have much more than I need, Dawn. I’m serious, there are no other options for you, other than to give me what I want. You have forty-eight hours.”
He ends the call there, and I toss the phone onto the counter. Gina and I embrace, fearing for the worst. When we pull away, she’s still rubbing my back to comfort me. “It’s going to be okay. He can’t legally make you do anything—your uncle gave you that chalet.”
Hopelessness surrounds me, and, despite Gina’s efforts, I feel no better. Instead, I feel pure rage and, against my better judgment, I lash out.
“He has every right! We’re nothing! We’re not dating, we’re not really engaged…this entire thing is a sham, and he knows it!”
Gina recoils, her emerald eyes going dark.
“I know that.” She stares at the floor as if she is unbothered, but I sense her hurt. Maybe she really does have feelings for me. “Look, it doesn’t matter if this is all for show—he has no way of proving that.”
Part of me wants to correct her right there, to tell her that she and Larry are both wrong, and that I want to be with her for real. Still, the tension in the room is high right now, and I don’t want to risk humiliating myself if she doesn’t share my feelings. “I wish I could get an outside opinion.”
In a stark contrast from her earlier mood, Gina goes back to the table quietly and coldly. “Try your lawyer.” She sits down, placing her head in her hands as she fiddles with the sunflowers in their vase.
Meg. As far as lawyers go, she is certainly unique. She would be able to give me an objective opinion without calling me out on my dishonestly. “Excuse me for a moment. I have to make a call.” Gina nods in response and I slip into the other room.
“Ms. Patterson,” Meg answers jovially, already confirming that I’ve made the right choice. “Or is it Mrs. Patterson by now?” Perhaps not.
“I just need some legal advice.”
“That’s what I’m here for. Is this regarding the chalet, or something else?”
I hesitate, wondering if I should disclose the nature of my marriage scheme to an employee of the law. “Hypothetically,” I begin, deciding that it would be best to keep my plan on a need-to-know basis. “If I were to marry someone only in order to keep the chalet from Larry…”
“Hypothetically,” Meg cuts in, “that would be illegal, and would be grounds for prison time, based on defrauding your uncle’s estate. Only hypothetically, of course.”
I bite my lip, treading carefully as I continue. “Well yes. But what options would I have…hypothetically…if Larry happened to find some evidence of a fake relationship, then threatened to expose me unless I ceded the chalet to him?”
“I would say that’s equally illegal; blackmail isn’t much better than fraud in most cases. But Ms. Patterson, I’ll have to ask you as a legal associate: this is purely hypothetical, right? You’re not really planning to defraud your uncle’s estate?”
I peek around the doorframe into the dining room and watch Gina pick at her dinner. I may have truly hurt her with my words a few minutes ago, and if I find that she really does reciprocate my feelings, I have a lot of making up to do. I decide that I may as well start now, by declaring my love for her to my lawyer. “No, I’m not—I’ve actually met someone.”
Meg gasps on the other line. “Congratulations! If you get married quickly, there’s no need to worry about your uncle’s codicil.”
“I’m not sure how quickly she’ll marry me, but one thing is for sure. I want her in my life for as long as I live. It happened fast, but I’ve really fallen for her smile, her wry humor, her creative drive. Gina’s always been around but I’ve only recently realized how much she means to me.”
I hear Meg release a small sigh. “Dawn, that’s beautiful. Trust me, you have nothing to worry about. Let me continue the investigation on the codicil. For now, if marriage within the next few weeks really isn’t in the cards, I would try to convince Larry to keep quiet about his hypothetical findings.”
“Thanks. I appreciate your help.” I shake my head and hang up, somehow feeling worse than when I began the call. She’s right that I have to convince Larry to keep his findings hidden while simultaneously keeping up the marriage façade. My biggest problem now is determining whether Gina will agree to stay engaged to me.
I wander into the living room, taking a seat on the couch with my head in my hands. I have no idea what to do next—hopefully Gina wasn’t too offended by my harsh comments. Either way, I have a lot of making up to do. I start by planning what to say to Larry. It’s going to be a long night.
26
Gina
As Dawn sweeps off into the next room, busily punching her phone screen, I just sit at the beautifull
y set table and stare.
In an instant, my whole world just shattered and rebuilt itself.
I was so excited for dinner, and she bought me such a beautiful bunch of flowers. What a fucking idiot, to get so excited about such little things. For assuming they meant something.
It’s just a deal, isn’t it? It’s all about the chalet, not about me. Never was, never could be.
I can’t seem to get up. I watch Dawn walking past the doorway of the room over and over again as she paces the hallway. She’s talking animatedly into the phone and not even glancing my way. Her body language is tight and withdrawn and I feel completely abandoned.
There’s a lump in my throat, but I’m not going to cry. I can’t remember the last time I really cried, and it would have had something to do with Carlo.
I’m not going to start now. Dawn’s amazing, beautiful, smart and funny. It’s not rocket science to say I want to be with her. Who wouldn’t want to be with her? The catch is, she doesn’t want to be with me.
The twisting in my guts, the sharp ache in my chest, and my burning eyes all try to force me up and out the door. I want to go. I can see myself running. Getting up quietly but quickly, slipping through the door and bolting down the street. She wouldn’t even notice that I was gone.
I don’t know why I stay sitting there. I hear her voice rising and falling in the next room. She still paces by the door but much slower, making little ‘uh-huh’ noises.
I look around myself, taking a deep swallow. It feels like I’ve been dropped into a strange universe where everything looks the same but feels alien.
The idea of running out the door is more upsetting than staying here for Dawn’s inevitable rejection. I hate myself so much right now I can barely breathe. So much of me is screaming, “Run! Run! Save yourself!”
While the rest of me waits calmly, patiently, knowing full fucking well I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving Dawn, no matter what.
I start to get a handle on the rollercoaster which is my thoughts. I feel like I’m riding it, wind in my hair and a screaming drop beneath me.
I can rationalize this. I need to remind myself that this is about more than just me.
It’s about Carlo, and all the people Dawn is planning to help with her shelter. I made a deal and I’m not going to back out of it. Even if there weren’t so many innocent people that would be affected by this, I couldn’t just back out of a promise.
She needs me even more now than she did before.
My heart literally twists in my chest. How many times have I pushed away my own wants and desires? For how long now have I had to deny myself to please others? Too fucking long. I was sick of it a long time ago.
Yet here I am, thinking about what Dawn needs, not about what I should do for myself.
I need to run, now. I need to get out of here and go far away. I can’t take this falling in love with her and losing her every day. I don’t know what this sort of pain and stress is going to do for me. I may not trust another human being ever again.
But that doesn’t change the fact that I can’t leave Dawn.
I’d like to say, I’m too honest to just break a deal. I’d like to say, I care so much about everyone that’s involved in this I won’t be selfish enough to bolt and let the whole thing come down like a house of cards.
I am being selfish. Ridiculously selfish.
I’m staying just so that I can see Dawn. So, I can pretend that it’s real, and we’re together. I feel weak and stupid, but I can’t help it. I just want to look into her eyes and feel her body against mine every chance I get.
I stand up slowly, heading through the apartment. I can’t hear Dawn on the phone now, so I walk up the hall until I find her sitting on the edge of the bed.
“Hey,” I say softly.
“Hey.” She looks up with dull eyes, sniffing. My heart breaks for her.
“Don’t give up, Dawn.” I try to make my voice encouraging, but not too intimate. I know she needs reassurance right now and I’m prepared to give it. I need to keep my distance though. I can’t help but hold myself back a little. I know I’m going to get hurt and keep getting hurt, every damn day. I’m the one choosing to do it, but I can’t help my knee-jerk reaction of keeping my heart held back.
She looks up, eyes red. “He’s got me. He’s really made a mess for me.” She’s so forlorn I just want to hug her and kiss the tears off her cheeks.
But if it was real, wouldn’t she be hugging me? If the love I felt between us was really there and not my fantasy, wouldn’t she be all over me right now? Wouldn’t she be full of contentment that she had my support, and that Larry had nothing on her?
If she’s this upset, then it’s truly a farce for her. She’s not even thinking of me like a partner.
“Dawn.” I let my voice hiss out on a slow breath. “I made a deal. I’m not going to back out on it. I told you, I’m in it for the long haul.”
She looks up at me and her eyes are swimming in tears. I want to hold her, but I keep my distance.
“No one can prove it, Dawn.” I let my voice push a bit harder. I won’t touch her. I can’t. If I do, we’ll be rolling around on that bed and I’m done, I’m utterly screwed. I’ll never recover from the loss of her love if I indulge in her even one more time.
“No one can prove we aren’t in love. He’s got a piece of paper, so what? He can create doubt, but he can’t sell it as the truth. Not if we stand together, holding hands and smiling. We just have to sell it, babe.”
Her dark eyes fix on me and her lip trembles. Sweet Jesus. I can’t do this.
“You think so?” The tearful gaze and small voice seem to hit me right in the chest.
“I know so.” I take a step closer to her, but I don’t touch her. “I’m going to be there for you, professionally, just like we agreed. There is no problem here. We just have to work a bit harder to convince everyone, that’s all.”
She nods, wiping her face. I hear her take a big gulp of her own tears as she sniffs, trying to pull herself together. I realize I’ve just signed myself up for an even worse fate than before. More nights together, public outings and displays of affection. What is happening to me?
She bounces up, smiling through her tears. She puts her arms around my neck and hugs me briefly. I touch her waist gently, but I don’t hang on when she jumps away.
“You’re the best, Gina.” She grins with relief. “We can do this. Everything will turn out okay.”
Her smile seems impersonal. She’s relieved that I’m going to help her with her legal problems. That’s all.
I take a step back, both physically and emotionally. I know where I stand now. Even though I stand with her, I have to keep myself safe.
I have to keep my heart from her. It’s not possible, I know it.
Because I already gave it to her.
27
Dawn
Gina makes me feel so much better, just by being there. I’m so touched by her words. I want to just give myself up to it but at the same time, I know I have to keep this as professional as I can.
Pulling back from the hug, I can see a lot of warmth in Gina’s smile, but it’s still not as intimate as I’d like it to be. I can fool myself if I want, but it’s pretty clear this is a business deal for her and nothing more.
I square myself up, pushing away the idea that there could be something real here. So many times, now I’ve thought that there is more to this than just our deal. Tonight, was going to be the big night, telling Gina I want her for real.
It’s like a sweet edge of pain, knowing that she’s there for me and won’t let me lose the chalet, but won’t stay to love me.
It’s a feeling I had even before Tiffany. That no one loves me. That no one could. Why would a warm and loving person like Gina fall for a basketcase like me? She’s solid, dependable and organized. I’m worse than the opposite of those things.
Someone like her would never fall for me.
Still, she’s come in here
and given me the confidence I need to keep going. I was literally out of hope a few seconds ago. Having her warm presence by my side is cheering me up as well as giving me confidence.
I look down at the floor, so I don’t make a fool of myself looking into her eyes.
“So, what’s our first move?” Gina’s voice is light, trying to change the tone of the room. For a moment all I can think about is rolling her into this bed and fucking her. That’s the only move I care to make right now.
My mind struggles for a few moments and my fingers actually move as if I’m scrabbling for the answers with my hands. I shake my head hard trying to knock sense into myself.
“Dad,” I whisper suddenly.
“Yeah? You got a plan, babe?” She sounds so eager, so ready to ride off and shoot down my enemies. Every time she calls me ‘babe’ I just melt.
Yes, own me. You, gorgeous creature. Only you own me.
“Uh, yeah. I think I do.” I try to focus on what I need to do right now. “They are all going to hang out at the summer condo tonight. We need to get out there. If we can convince Dad, we have them all. No one will argue with him, not even Larry.”
“Tonight?” Gina asks uncertainly. I wonder what the hell is so important that she might not come with me.
“Yes. Now.” I get up and grab my bag, throwing a few things together. Gina does the same, a little more slowly.
There have been enough mixed signals so far that I really don’t pay attention. She said she was with me so she must be. I can’t think about anything else other than that.
We hurry out to get a cab and I give the cabbie the address. Gina and I sit on separate ends of the backseat, hardly looking at each other.
“If we can convince Dad, he’ll shut Larry up.” I speak with a lot more confidence than what I feel. “He doesn’t want all of us going to court and slinging shit at each other, legally speaking. If there’s any chance of avoiding it, he’ll take it.”