by Nicole Thorn
“I don’t think so,” I said.
“It feels like the first time.” He pointed his jerky at me while waving his current beer with the other hand. “You’re such a dick, maybe it’s just the first time you’ve said it without being a dick!”
“Doubtful,” I responded, raising an eyebrow. “Have you ever drank before?”
“Mmm, jerky,” Jay said, shoving some more into his mouth. I took that as a no and tried to figure out what the hell I’d do with him for the rest of the night. I couldn’t drive, not after the three beers that I’d already had, and I didn’t know how to break it to my father that I’d gotten my not-friend drunk for the first time.
“Why don’t you slow down?” I suggested as Jay took another painful looking gulp. At this rate, his parents wouldn’t be getting a son back, but a beer filled boy-shaped balloon.
He slammed the bottle down onto the table and then stood up, wobbling dangerously as he made his way over to the couch. “Slow down? We can’t slow down! We have to figure out how to get those people out of our spot!” His words didn’t sound quite right, so it took me a second to figure out what he actually said. In that second, he grabbed my shoulders and shook me.
“Whoa there,” I said, getting off the couch in the hopes of stopping him. “Jay, why don’t you sit down?”
“Let’s go chase them out right now!” he shouted. “I’ve got thousands of bees and I’m not afraid to use them!”
“Let’s not commit bee genocide,” I said.
He turned to me, but he moved too quickly and lost his balance. Jay crashed into me and the both of us fell backward, onto the couch, him on top of me. We hit the cushions hard enough that I grunted. Of course, that might have happened because Jay’s fist landed in my gut on accident, but who really knew?
Jay’s face rested on my shoulder, while the rest of our bodies aligned in pretty much the worst way that they could. I tried really hard not to move, lest this turn into a more awkward situation. Jay didn’t bother, flopping around and drunkenly slurring things.
“Hey, Jay,” I said through gritted teeth. He had shifted around enough that we were about to be in a very… strained situation. “Could you maybe get up.”
He groaned, and not a happy groan. More like a ‘too drunk to move’ groan. I let out a breath, trying to figure out how to get his dead weight off me before he started to shift around again, without actually dropping him onto the floor.
“Jay.”
“Wha?” he asked.
“How about you roll to the side?” I offered.
He grunted and did not shift.
Great, just great.
“Boys?” my father called a second before the door to the den opened. I heard a pause as my heart started to thunder in my chest. Would my dad figure it out? I didn’t think he would be upset, except for this small voice in the back of my head that always whispered things. I’d always wanted to tell him about me, but it always felt like the worst time. Had Jay’s drunken antics taken away my chance to do that?
All these thoughts formed in the two seconds it took my father to start laughing and shaking his head. He came over and pulled Jay off me. Jay, for his part, looking like he had passed out. His mouth hung open slightly while he snored. “Did you try to catch him?” Dad asked, rolling Jay over so that he could rest with his head against the opposite arm.
“Uh, yeah,” I said, because it would be easier than trying to explain the truth to my father.
Dad shook his head. “You should always let them fall on their face the first time they get drunk,” he said. “That way, they’ll think twice before getting drunk a second time. Well, he ain’t doing any harm sleeping right there. I’ll call his parents and let them know he’s all right. You okay, Ham?”
“Yeah, Dad,” I lied.
Chapter Fourteen
Jay
I wanted to die. I really, really did. I woke up with my face against cushions that didn’t smell familiar. My head pounded and flipping over onto my back proved harder than it should have been. The ceiling didn’t look familiar either. It only took me a couple minutes to figure it out.
My pants laid on the floor. I couldn’t recall taking them off, but there they sat, not on my body. Everyone could see the Super Mario boxers I had on.
I tried to stand, swaying on my feet and hearing every noise around me like it had been blasted through speakers. I tried hard to push that all away, bending to pick up my pants.
“Hey,” I rasped, hoping someone would hear me and lead me away from the couch. With no idea where to go, I couldn’t be trusted to do it myself. My voice came out weak and raspy. Did beer do that to a person? I couldn’t even remember how much I’d had.
Seconds later, a kind man appeared in the room. He laughed at me. Harry gestured for me to follow him, so I grabbed my shoes and walked out.
“Hungry?” he asked.
I groaned.
“That’s what I thought. Come on.”
I shuffled along behind him. We headed to the kitchen. Hammy already sat at the table, and he snorted out a laugh when he saw me. I would have flipped him off if my hands hadn’t been full.
“Eat,” Harry said, pulling my chair out. “It’ll make you feel better.”
I dumped my stuff on the floor and did as he told me to. How could food smell so good at the same time it threatened to make me sick? If I puked on Hamilton, he probably wouldn’t give me rides anymore. Fine then. He could keep his rides to himself.
“How’re you feeling?” Hammy asked with a smirk, shoveling eggs onto his plate.
“Not as good as you, I see,” I said. “Fucker.”
Harry laughed, adding nothing.
“Not my fault I can handle my booze,” Hamilton said. “And at least all you did was pass out and… take your pants off.” His eyes roamed, probably judging my underwear choices. Well, he could bite me.
“Nice that you totally abandoned me, by the way. Thanks.”
“What? Was I supposed to sleep with you on the couch?”
The answer, obviously, was no. Yet… yeah, maybe he should have stuck around. Maybe I wouldn’t have minded if he had. It would have been better than waking up alone, feeling like shit that my whole life had started falling apart.
I sipped a glass of water instead of answering.
“I know you boys are worried, but I think you’ll be okay,” Harry said. “There are plenty of spots in the world. Hey, maybe you’ll get lucky. You two found each other at the last place you were at. Maybe you can find some cute girls at the next.”
I smiled at him. “I’m incredibly gay.”
He blinked at me, taking a moment. I could feel the tension from Hamilton at my side. Am I not allowed to say I was gay in front of his dad? We hadn’t established rules. My being gay didn’t make it less obvious that Hammy was too.
Harry nodded. “Hello, Incredibly Gay. I’m Dad.”
Hamilton groaned, rolling his eyes. “Really? Do you feel good about that joke?”
“Yeah.”
“How dare you?”
“Oh, I dare.”
“You proud?”
“I am. One day, Ham, you’ll have children. Then you’ll understand the joys that come with embarrassing them and also making them ashamed to be related to you.”
Hammy shook his head, sighing before he got back to his meal.
I tried to eat, even with the headache. There were only three chairs here, I’d noticed. I wondered if my chair used to belong to Hamilton’s mother. He’d barely told me a thing about her, and I had to assume he didn’t want me to know much. I wouldn’t go asking him. Not when the answer and the story behind it might hurt him.
“The point being,” Harry went on, “is that you don’t know. Somewhere else might have something better for you.”
I smiled again. “I hope it’s death.”
Someone knocked at the door, so I started cursing them out for the pain in my head. Harry laughed at me as he got up to answer it. I stayed
sitting, wishing something would hit me in the head hard enough that I would forget how to be awake.
Suddenly, I had hands on my shoulders, yanking me back.
“Good morning!” Bea yelled in my ear. “How are you, my drunken brother?”
My body filled with utter horror. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I called your family last night,” Harry said, returning to his seat at the table. “I wanted them to know you were okay and safe in the house. Your sister sweetly offered to come get you.”
She smiled kindly at him. “Thank you so much for the call, Harry. My parents really appreciated it.”
I didn’t hear what he said in response, because I was too busy staring at the table and wondering if I could find a new place to live if I started running now. It would have solved most of my problems if I started living on the streets. I would have had to leave my bee children behind, but they were better off without me.
“I should get you home,” Bea said, taking my clothes and shoes up in her arms. “Hey, you finally get to do a walk of shame. Neat.”
I glared at her, still chewing on my toast. “I hate you.”
“You love me. Say goodbye to your best friend and his dad. We have to get you in a shower so you stop smelling like booze.”
Beatrice dragged me up from the chair, ignoring my protests as she brought me away from my food. No one made a move to help me, which I found mean. All that food would go to waste.
She dragged me outside and I still didn’t have pants on. I got a few stares, but I had moved past caring about something like that. I just got in Mom’s car and hoped that my parents wouldn’t kill me when I got home.
I didn’t bother getting any of my stuff out of the RV. I would have to do it later, figuring out how I would get back here and all the details that went along with it. My brain couldn’t do much at the moment. I just wanted more sleep, and I knew a list of about ten chores and a shower stood between me and that.
“You’re in such deep shit,” Bea said as we got closer to the house. “Like, prepare yourself for hell.”
“What?”
“Yeah. You think Mom and Dad are just cool with you getting wasted at someone’s house? Really? They’re gonna kick your ass.”
I stared straight ahead, deep in thought. “What would they even do to me? I don’t have friends to ban from the house, and I only leave to work? They have nothing to punish me with.”
Bea snorted. “Keep thinking that. They spent like two hours last night talking about it.”
I wanted to open the car door and roll out so that the car behind us could run me over. Hell had better things waiting for me than what I had here on Earth. But Bea wouldn’t have let me kill myself. Selfish of her.
When we got home, I had my pants and shoes in my arms, staring at the front door. I didn’t want to go inside, but my sister shoved me in. I stood in my living room, waiting to die.
“Morning, my pants-less child,” Mom said as she walked past me in a hurry. “Did you come home like that?”
I blinked at her. “Huh?”
She stopped at the mirror, trying to fix her hair. She had dressed weirdly nice for the day. Mom had on what looked like a suit, but all girled up. She had a skirt, a vest, and a tie.
She looked over her shoulder at me. “The pants? Did you come home like that?”
Where is the wrath? Where is the fury? “Yeah.”
Mom laughed. “Well, that’s cute. How’s your head? I remember my first hangover. Your dad was such a sweetie. He made me breakfast and got you all taken care of for the morning.”
I looked to Bea, who tried not to laugh. I would ruin her later for freaking me out, but for now, she was safe.
“I’m fine,” I said. “You aren’t pissed at me?”
Mom snorted. “Why would I be pissed at you? You were upset and you relaxed a little. You were safe and did it in a house with an adult there.”
My brow furrowed. “You’re awfully chill about your eighteen-year-old getting wasted and passing out.”
She shrugged. “You’ve been working since you were twelve, got amazing grades, and never got in any real trouble. I don’t see any reason to be upset. Plus, you work so hard cleaning, making your honey, and taking care of the kids like a little daddy.”
“Mom,” I admonished. “Don’t… don’t—”
“Little daddy!” Bea shouted. “Oh shit, there’s your new nickname.”
“Oh god.”
Mom looked confused. “What? What did I say? He acts like a little daddy, taking care of the kids for us.”
AJ walked in. I gave Bea a look of warning that she didn’t take, and then I decided that I would be down one sister before the day ended. I would have to get creative with her murder. I had so many bees. I could just make it look like an accident, as if she tumbled into the wrong spot and pissed them off. Yeah, it would be easy.
“Hey, little daddy,” AJ said. “I have a jar I need you to open.”
“I hate you,” I said to Bea.
My siblings started singing my new nickname, and Mom looked just as confused as she had at the start. I wouldn’t explain where she went wrong, and I couldn’t be upset when she didn’t even know what she had done.
Finally, my littlest sister came jumping into the room, already dancing even though she had no idea what happened. Surely Bea would find it in her heart not to encourage our baby sister to call me Daddy of any sorts.
Dad walked in dressed for work. He had been looking at the kids until he saw Mom in the room. Then he grinned, sliding up to her like some dude in a bar.
“Hey,” he said, his arm slipping around her shoulder. “Look at you.”
Her cheeks turned pink. “Do I look dumb?”
“You look great. If our children weren’t in the room, I would tell you exactly how I think you look.”
I turned my head when he started kissing her cheek. Mom giggled, lightly protesting so he didn’t ruin her hair.
“You’re gonna do great,” Dad told her. “You’ll make them all shake in their boots.”
“We wish you luck,” AJ said.
“With what?” I asked.
“Mom’s got another interview,” Dad said. “She’s gonna go wow some big names today. Everyone needs to give her their hugs and kisses now. We’ve gotta go.”
I wanted to ask more questions, but it didn’t sound like she had the time for it. I gave my mom a hug, then watched her take off.
***
The shower did nothing to make me feel better, but at least I was clean afterwards. I put on new clothes, brushed my teeth twice, and then realized I would have to figure out how to work.
Those people most likely parked in my spot again, and I didn’t know if it would have been best to stand my ground or move on. I didn’t want to move on. I’d made that spot my home over the years. Hammy had come in, but I didn’t mind him as much as I had. He could stay. The others, they couldn’t.
“You have a guest,” Beatrice told me, poking her head into my room. “Thought you’d wanna know. Maybe pretty yourself up.”
“What? Why?”
Hamilton came into my room. I hadn’t been expecting it. I suddenly became hyper aware of the clothes on my floor, the dog passed out and snoring on my bed, the two Wheel of Fortune posters on the wall, and how cramped everything felt. Bea vanished, but Hamilton remained.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
He leaned against my doorframe, looking around at my things. “Picking you up for work. Obviously.”
“I wasn’t expecting you. We kind of got screwed out of the spot, so I don’t see where to go from here.”
“I was working on that. You said there’s a place by the mall that gets a lot of traffic. I thought we could at least try it for a day and see what happens.”
“Together?” I asked.
“Together.”
“But we’re sworn enemies. Are we just selling our stuff as a team now?”
Ha
mmy cocked an eyebrow. “You don’t have much choice, truck boy. Either you can come with me, or I can call up Sam and do this with him.”
Something in me jumped, not at all wanting him to call Sam. “Fine. Let me get my shoes on.”
The two of us made it all the way out into the living room before the assault. Dee Dee came at us at first, tumbling in to give Hammy hugs. I had no fucking idea why she liked him so much, but she did.
“Did you miss me?” she asked.
Hamilton knelt down to talk to her at eye level. “Of course I did. How have you been?”
“Good! Bea says that she wants me to tell you Jay’s new name is Little Daddy. And you have to call him that.”
“Beatrice!” I shouted. “What the hell!”
Bea laughed from somewhere in the house.
“Um…” Hamilton said. “Okay then. Well me and your brother have to get to work. I’ll see you when I drop him off later.”
He managed to peel my sister away from him so we could go.
We didn’t talk on the ride up to the mall. I didn’t feel good about our chances of selling there, but we didn’t have all that many choices. Our spot had been stolen and I was too tired to rant and scream about it. I would try my hardest to trust Hamilton, though I couldn’t see how this would go okay.
Hamilton did most of the setting up outside. I felt slow and disheartened. Not to mention, still hung over. I shuffled along, doing my best.
“You wanna just sit down?” Hammy offered.
I sighed at him. “No. And remind me never to drink again. It wasn’t worth it.”
“Oh, I think it was worth it. You did try and kill me though.”
“Huh?”
He set a couple bags of jerky out for display before working on getting the sign put on the truck. “I was minding my own business, then you went and fell right on top of me. Very rude. You wouldn’t even get up when I asked you to.”
“I did that?” I couldn’t really remember much. When I strained to, I had the tiniest memory of my head on either his chest or shoulder. It was so fuzzy that I couldn’t tell if it actually happened.