by Nicole Thorn
“You did that,” Hamilton said. “You’re heavier than you look.”
“Thanks. It figures that the first time I’m on top of a guy, I don’t even remember it.”
Hamilton barely glanced over at me. “First time?”
I nodded, bracing myself for some joke about the fact that of course I hadn’t sleep with anyone before. Who would have wanted someone like me? But I didn’t get a joke.
“I take it I’m the only one who’s gotten to see you sleepily throw off your pants then?” he asked.
I felt my face burning. “Yeah, I suppose.”
“Hmm. Good to know.”
I couldn’t imagine why. “Thanks for totally abandoning me there by the way.”
“Still on that?”
“Yes, still on it. It would have been nice if I didn’t wake up alone in a house I wasn’t familiar with, but I suppose seeing my face first thing in the morning would have been way too upsetting for you.”
I waited as Hamilton stepped away from the sign to see if it hung straight. When he did, he glanced my way again. “I really don’t know. I guess I would have to give it a try, wouldn’t I?”
I didn’t know what he’d meant by that, but I still felt my heart racing and my skin getting hotter. I decided that I needed to go inside for a drink of the coldest water he had.
Chapter Fifteen
Hamilton
“So, how’d the new spot work for you?” my father asked me a couple of days later, while I drove his car down the highway. I glanced sideways at him. He looked normal, staring out the front windshield, eyes focused on the road. If I didn’t know any better, I almost could have said that he felt normal.
But his hands rested on his thighs in fists, and he wouldn’t look directly at me. Nervous energy had poured into the car, but he seemed immune to it, whereas I couldn’t stop tapping the steering wheel and over-checking the mirrors on either side of me. I had started to feel like I’d get us killed.
“Eh,” I said. “The mall was better, but even there, we didn’t sell too much. Everyone who wanted something to eat just went inside, where they didn’t have to deal with the heat. Most of them were people in their teens or twenties, and they couldn’t appreciate a good product when they saw one.”
“And where’d you go yesterday?”
I sighed some more, my fingers doing a little dance against the steering wheel. “We went to the other grocery store, thinking that perhaps we’d have the same kind of traffic.”
“And?”
Tap, tap-tap, tap, tap-tap.
“It was awful. We weren’t even on store property, but the manager came out to scream at us and threaten to call the police. We had to pack up early and leave. The few customers that we got were scared off, and no one else wanted to buy anything before we had to go.”
“Sorry, kid,” Dad said. “I’m sure you guys will figure it out, find a new spot with less traffic.”
I grunted by way of answer. I didn’t know if we would figure it out or not, and the only time I could express such worries was when Jay didn’t sit next to me. The guy had gotten so bummed out over all of this that he took pessimism to the next level. “And for today, what are you doing?” Dad asked, still not looking at me.
“Well, I trusted Jay and Sam with the RV, and they’re going to find a new spot. They’ll text me when they get there, and we’ll figure it out. I’ll join them as soon as I’ve gotten you home.”
“You didn’t have to drive me,” Dad pointed out.
“I know that.”
“I could have gotten there all on my own.”
“I know that.” And yet, when he said that he had an appointment with his cardiologist, I’d immediately insisted on driving him. I knew that my father could take care of himself and had been doing so for years and years. If he managed to pull himself together after Mom died, then I didn’t see why one doctor’s appointment would throw him so off kilter that he lost his shit.
I’d still insisted on coming.
It made no sense, I supposed, but I’d been there for a lot of the other appointments. I’d driven him when he couldn’t drive himself for the first six months after his surgery, and I’d driven him after that as well, just out of mutual paranoia. So, when he told me what he had planned for the day, I just assumed that I’d be driving him.
We pulled off the highway and onto a quieter street. The three other cars that had existed before us stopped at the light, and we all mutually ignored each other. “What’s he checking for today?” I asked.
“The same thing that he’s always checked for,” Dad told me. “Just to make sure that everything is working all right.”
I nodded. Again, I understood that Dad seemed to be doing okay. He had come out of his surgery remarkably well, changed his diet and exercise habits, and he seemed to be doing fine. The light turned green.
“So, are you and Jay getting along better, yet?”
I glanced sideways at him, wondering what he meant by that. Had he figured me out? “Well, we’re not fighting constantly, but I wouldn’t say that we’re getting along better either.”
Dad grunted. “That’s a shame. He seems like a nice kid who needs someone to knock him upside the head.”
I snorted. “I’ll do that last part, if you want.”
“I don’t mean that in a violent way. I mean that someone needs to tell him to slow down. I only spoke with him for a little while, and I could tell that kid is heading for a cliff and doesn’t even know it.”
“He’s got a family that he thinks he needs to provide for,” I said, shrugging. “He’s not going to slow down as long as that’s the case.”
Dad sighed. “I’m sure his parents wish that he would just stop for a little while. Be a teenager and figure his shit out. That’s what I would have wanted if I had been his parent, at any rate.”
“You trying to give me a hint?”
Laughing, Dad shook his head. “No, I’d never. I’ve never gotten the feeling that you don’t have your shit figured out. I just get in the way of the execution.”
“Dad,” I groaned, turning into the parking lot of a sterile looking building with too many windows, not enough spaces, and trees that held birds just waiting to take a dump on my car. I selected a spot and threw the car into park. “Let’s not go over this again. I’m not mad about that, remember?”
“Maybe you should be.”
“Call me crazy, but I’m much happier to have my father than I am to be packing for college right now.”
“You could’ve had both.”
I glared at him, sitting back in my seat. Dad didn’t respond for almost a full minute before he finally sighed. “All right, all right. You can wait here. I’ll be out as soon as I can.”
He got out of the car and I leaned back in my seat, grabbing my phone from the empty cupholder. Jay had texted me the location of the newest spot, this one closer to a residential neighborhood, so that maybe we could get some people who would buy our wares on the way home. Not a bad idea, though I still wished that the food truck hadn’t taken up our best location.
How are things with Sam? I texted back.
Fine. But, um, does he always read sex scenes aloud?
I couldn’t leave him alone for two seconds… Usually. Just take the book and throw it. That’ll make him stop.
I don’t know about doing that. It just seems like an awful lot of sex for what looks like a short book.
Jay and I went back and forth for a while, as he tried to distract himself from Sam and all of his wonderful habits. I almost felt bad for leaving the two of them alone, but then dismissed it. Jay would need help with the RV and all the wares. If I couldn’t be there, why not Sam?
When we stopped texting, I started playing games on my phone. It took my father almost an hour to get back to the car, and my phone battery needed charging by the time he did. I glanced over at him. “Well?”
He patted his chest. “We’re all good,” he assured me.
I r
aised an eyebrow.
“Seriously,” Dad said. “Everything checked out and the doctor said that I’m doing a good job of losing weight, and that I should keep it up.”
“All right,” I said, dropping the phone back into the cupholder. I pulled out into traffic and realized that this would be the perfect time to tell my father the truth. The two of us were alone, we didn’t have anything pressing going on, he had just gotten good news… I could just tell him.
And I continued to think about telling him all the way home. For some reason, no matter how hard I tried, the words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. I had no problems being gay, and I didn’t think my father would care, either. But the words had taken on the weight of a secret. “Here, pull over,” Dad said. “I’ll drive you over to Jay and Sam, so that you don’t have to worry about getting home later.”
“You sure?” I asked, somewhat relieved, because this meant I didn’t have to tell him right then.
“Yeah, of course.”
I pulled over into a convenience store parking lot and we switched places. Dad took me over to the cross streets that Sam and Jay had told me about. I could see the RV with the table set up, and both of them sitting outside, without anyone around them. That didn’t bode well.
Dad pulled over and I got out. “Thanks, Dad,” I said.
“Any time. Let me know if you need someone to bring you dinner.” He waved at me and drove off.
Jay looked nothing short of relieved to see me approaching them.
“Have there been any sales?” I asked, dreading the answer.
“Yes, actually,” Jay said, glancing at the table. “We had a bump around lunch time, from people driving home to eat. We’re hoping we’ll get another one when everyone comes home for dinner, too.”
Sam yawned, fanning himself with a book that looked pristine. I took that to mean that Jay hadn’t tossed it onto the ground like I suggested. “It’s been boring here, all by ourselves. Jay and I have gotten to know each other, though, haven’t we?” He winked at Jay.
Hmm. Didn’t like that.
“Did you now?” I asked, dryly.
“We did,” Jay said, glaring at nothing. “He went through my wallet, took the phone out of my hand to talk to my sister, and he even talked about all the movies that he thought I liked. It was quiet a scintillating conversation.”
A smile tugged on the corners of my lips as I stared down at my feet. “Ah. I, uh, see.”
Sam stretched and got up. Then he walked around the table and flung his arm around my shoulders. He had to stand on his toes in order to do this. “Don’t look so bothered. You know that you’re still my number one. That’ll never change. I like the broody thing too much.”
“Broody?” I asked.
“Mm-hmm,” he said. “It’s all about the eyebrows, I think. If you don’t have just the right wrinkle in your eyebrow, then you just look like you’re pouting. You’ve got your eyebrow wrinkle down pat.” He pushed his hand against said eyebrow without permission and smiled at me.
“Fascinating,” I said. “I’ve always wanted to hear your opinion about what makes a man pouty versus broody.”
“I don’t blame you,” Sam continued, leaning heavier against me. “I’m the expert, really.”
“Weren’t you going to take a nap?” I asked.
“Good idea.” He ruffled my hair, grabbed his book, and went back into the RV, all without looking back at us. I fixed my hair and went to take his seat next to Jay… who had a weird expression on his face.
“Something wrong?” I asked, after straightening the jerky up a bit. Sam had clearly been the one to put it on the table.
“Huh? Oh, no,” Jay said, looking straight ahead and wiping the strange expression off his face. “It’s just been a long day.”
“Alone with Sam, I can imagine.”
“He’s your friend, right?”
I thought I heard him put emphasis on ‘friend,’ but couldn’t imagine why, so I dismissed it. “Yeah, we’re friends. I know I bitch about him a lot, but you’ve met him. Can you blame me?”
Jay snorted at that. “I suppose not. You just… have an odd relationship, I guess.”
“Weird.”
“What?”
“The word you wanted was weird. We have a weird relationship, and you’re right. We do. Sam annoys the crap out of me, but if we stopped talking, I don’t think either of us will be okay with it.”
“Why not?” Jay asked, and it seemed a touch more petulant that I had been expecting. Sam must have really gotten under his skin the last few days.
I shrugged. “Just because he’s annoying doesn’t mean I don’t care about him. Sam would be screwed if I stopped talking to him, because everyone in his family wants to deny that he’s bi. Which means that he’ll almost certainly end up with a girl, even if there’s a guy that he likes more.”
“Well, that explains what you do for him, but what does he do for you?”
I couldn’t really answer that, because Sam didn’t do anything for anybody. He could be amusing, if he was pointed at someone else. He could be downright irritating otherwise. However… “Does he have to do something for me in order for us to be friends?” I asked.
“No, I suppose not, but most friendships don’t work like that. Most relationships don’t, as a matter of fact. When I try to picture you and Sam dating, the image just looks wrong.”
“That doesn’t really surprise me. The two of us didn’t really work like that, but neither of us was willing to admit it. He was my first boyfriend, and then his family found out about him being bi, and things just went downhill from there. I do wonder if we would’ve stopped talking, if my father hadn’t had his heart attack and surgery right around when we broke up.”
Jay looked at me with surprise.
“Have I not brought that up before?”
“I don’t think so,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “If you did, you didn’t bring it up in this context.”
“Ah. Well, Dad’s surgery is why I can’t go to college. All the money that he had saved up for me went to medical bills. Staying in the hospital isn’t cheap, even with insurance. Not to mention the ambulance ride, after he collapsed at work. Those are fucking expensive. And that doesn’t include the surgery, medication, and subsequent doctor’s visits. If we hadn’t had my college money, I don’t know if we would have been able to keep the house. We’re just barely ahead of the debt right now.”
“Oh, wow,” Jay said, looking at the table.
“Yeah. Dad feels like shit about it, but I don’t really care. I wasn’t ready to bury another parent.” I stared down at the table, too. It felt like too much to actually say that while looking at another person. “Anyway, I didn’t really have many friends, so Sam came by two or three times a week just to check on me. Make sure that I didn’t need anything. No one in my family came down to check on Dad, so I was all alone in the house until he got out of the hospital. So yeah, I suppose that’s what Sam’s done for me.”
Jay rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, I feel like a dick.”
I laughed. “Don’t. I get it. Sam can grate on anyone’s nerves. Especially when you have to sit alone with him at a table in the sun.”
Jay squinted up at the sky, frowning some more. “I think it was the sex scenes that really started to bother me, to be honest. I wouldn’t have cared, except that he kept putting his arms around my neck while he read them.”
“Just be thankful he didn’t do that to you in the middle of lunch, where all the other students can turn to stare.”
Jay’s eyes widened. “He didn’t.”
“Yes,” I said. “And that’s the story of how the entire second lunch found out that I was gay, and how I ended up suspended for week because one of them punched me.”
“You got into a fight?”
“Nah,” I said. “He punched me, and then a teacher came over and started yelling. I wasn’t going to engage, but Sam was furious and getting ready to attack. Whi
ch seems odd, now, since I was usually the hothead between us. But I got suspended because no one believed that I hadn’t provoked the fight.”
Jay looked furious.
“Like I said, I was a hothead. It didn’t matter how many people said that I hadn’t done anything, the teacher refused to believe them. He never liked me, though. I was too much of a smart ass for him.”
“Still doesn’t seem right,” Jay said. “What did your dad do?”
“He took me out to dinner and told me to enjoy my vacation.”
Laughing, Jay shook his head. “I take it that means he believed you when you explained everything?”
“Of course.”
We probably would have continued the conversation, but a car pulled up filled with elderly women, all cooing over the honey. Jay got up with a winning smile plastered onto his face. The kind of smile that most people wouldn’t recognize as fake, because it looked that good. The women didn’t have any interest in jerky, but three of the five bought some honey in various sized jars. As they pulled away, Jay returned, sliding his money into the till box he kept under his chair.
The door to the RV banged open, and Sam leaned out. “What’s with all the noise? Can’t a guy get some shuteye?”
Chapter Sixteen
Jay
New day, new spot. New headaches. Since nothing seemed to work, we kept trying other places, hoping to find as much luck as we did in the one that fucking belonged to me. I hoped the owners choked on their shitty sandwiches.
“Have an awesome day!” I said with as much enthusiasm as I could shove into my voice. The man smiled back at me, toting his honey and jerky back to the car in the Home Depot Parking lot.
I felt Hamilton’s breath against my ear when he leaned down to me. “You look like you want to murder someone with your bare hands.”
“I don’t,” I growled.
“Mmm, convincing. Try not to scare the children.”
I left the table, going back to my chair in front of the RV. The head hadn’t gotten too bad, since clouds had overtaken the sun. I had Beatrice at my side anyway, knee deep in a book and halfway through a bag of chips.