No Sister of Mine (ARC)

by Vivien Brown

  managed to bag herself a boyfriend to die for!

  ‘This is my little sister, Sarah,’ Eve was saying, throwing her bag down on an armchair

  and bending to pat Buster as he bounded towards her, almost knocking her over. ‘And this is

  Buster.’

  Josh held out a hand and beamed a smile at me, and all I could do was grin like an idiot,

  squirm at the fact Eve had called me little, and hope my face hadn’t gone red.

  ‘Hi, Sarah.’ He gripped my hand and pulled it up to his lips for an elaborate kiss, his

  eyes twinkling with amusement. ‘Nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.’

  ‘Have you? You shouldn’t believe it, whatever it is she’s said.’

  ‘Oh, no, it’s all good, honest. Eve talks about you a lot. About when you were kids and

  everything, sharing a room, decorating the Christmas tree. All the fun stuff. I wish I had a sister I could show off about. Or a brother, but it’s just me. Anyway, I hope you don’t mind me

  staying, crowding your space and all that. I’ll try not to get in the way, I promise.’

  The thought of coming down in the mornings to find this gorgeous man asleep, and

  quite possibly only partially dressed, on the sofa where I was now sitting, was something I was sure I wouldn’t mind at all. I put the magazine down and budged along, hoping Josh might sit

  down next to me.

  ‘Ooh, Josh, someone seems to have taken a liking to you,’ Eve said, and for a moment

  I thought she meant me, that my face had given away what I was thinking, but of course she

  was talking about Buster who, as soon as Josh sat down – not next to me but in Dad’s armchair

  – was struggling to haul himself up on to his lap.

  ‘Animals always know who their friends are,’ Josh said, helping the old dog up and

  rubbing his head. ‘And it looks like we’re going to get along just fine.’

  ‘Do you want a cup of tea, or something cold?’ Eve sat on the arm of the chair and

  patted Buster too, her fingers joining Josh’s as they worked their way over the wiry hair behind 68

  the dog’s pointy ears. ‘Mum’ll be home soon, and I know she’s planning a big welcome meal, so we’d better stick to drinks only. I won’t offer you a biscuit.’

  ‘Tea’s fine, thanks. And I’m not hungry. I had a sandwich on the train.’

  ‘Well, I’d like a biscuit,’ I said, trying to make sure I wasn’t going to be ignored. Now,

  or for the next ten days.

  Eve looked at me and shook her head. ‘I’m not your slave, Sarah. You know where the

  tin is.’

  And from that moment on, I knew exactly how it was going to be. Josh this, and Josh

  that, and me expected to just disappear into the background.

  I stomped my way out to the kitchen and grabbed three of the best and most crumbly

  biscuits from the tin and took them upstairs, where I sat down on Eve’s bed and made sure I

  dropped as many crumbs as I possibly could all over her covers.

  ***

  Tilly found herself a job that summer. It was only mornings, in a little bakery, helping out at

  the back of the shop with all the mixing and baking that went on at the crack of dawn and then

  serving in the shop when it was busy, but suddenly she was acting as if she was so grown-up,

  earning her own money, mixing with her new friends, and leaving me behind. The last thing I

  wanted to do was work unless I really had to, but I have to admit I was feeling a bit left out and more than a bit sorry for myself.

  ‘Are you not going out anywhere today, Love?’ Mum said, one morning over breakfast.

  ‘It’s looking like a lovely day out there. A shame to be stuck indoors. And, once you get your

  GCSE results, you may not get the chance quite so often.’

  I knew what she meant, of course. While they’d allowed me a few weeks off to enjoy

  the summer, it was only a matter of time until she and Dad expected me to plan my life, make

  the big decision, face up to my choices. Basically, either to go back to school for another two excruciating years, or find a job. But, having looked at my diary that morning and counted

  back, I had a terrible feeling there could be another option looming, and it wasn’t one any of

  us would have chosen.

  ‘Why don’t you see if Tilly’s free?’ she went on, absent-mindedly buttering too many

  slices of toast, even though everyone else had already left the table. ‘There must be something you girls would like to do together.’

  ‘Tilly’s working mornings, Mum. Remember?’

  ‘Oh, yes, I think you did say. Well, later then, when she finishes.’

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  ‘Yeah, maybe. But I think I’ll just sit in the garden. Read a magazine on the sun lounger, maybe try getting a tan.’

  ‘Up to you.’ Mum put the knife down and started digging a teaspoon into the depths of

  the jam pot, trying to hook the last strawberry. ‘Make sure you don’t burn though. There’s a

  bottle of sun cream in the bathroom.’

  ‘Yes, Mum.’ I raised my eyebrows and sighed. What did she think I was? Five? I think

  I knew how to look after myself by now. ‘Shouldn’t you be getting off to work? It’s nearly ten

  to nine.’

  ‘Oh, my! Is it really? Okay, Love.’ She stood up abruptly, still chewing on her toast,

  and picked up her bag. ‘I’d best be going then. Pop the plates in the sink for me, won’t you?

  See you later. Be good!’

  If by popping the plates in the sink, Mum actually meant I should be washing them up,

  then I supposed I’d better get it over with straight away, before the jammy traces stuck fast. I let the water run hot and dipped my hands into the bubbles. Washing up and reading trashy

  magazines, my insides fluttering about with a fear I was nowhere near ready to face, while my

  goody-two-shoes sister, with her brains and her perfect life and her oh-so-perfect boyfriend,

  was out having all the fun. Why did life have to be so unfair?

  Josh had settled in quickly, as though he’d been around forever. Mum liked him

  instantly, and Dad wasn’t far behind once they discovered a shared love of chess, a game

  neither Eve nor I had ever really got to grips with. He had that sort of mathematical, logical

  mind, I supposed, as opposed to Eve’s ridiculous passion for English and my total disinterest

  in just about any school subject you could choose to mention. Still, I almost wished I had some Maths homework to do, just so I could ask Josh to help me with it. How Eve had managed to

  attract someone like Josh I would never know. What I wouldn’t give . . .

  I shook my head and got on with the dishes. What was the point of drooling over

  someone who had probably hardly noticed I existed? I only really saw him in the evenings

  anyway, when he was poised over the chess board with Dad, or Eve was either squashed up to

  him on the sofa or sitting with him at the table poring over their maps and plans. Dad made

  sure we girls were both upstairs in bed before Josh unfurled his blankets on the sofa every

  night, with a look that hinted of ‘no hanky-panky under my roof’ and Josh was always up and

  dressed by the time we came down again for breakfast, so I never even got a glimpse of him

  with his top off.

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  They were out early most days, Eve and Josh, off on a bus somewhere, or to visit a museum or a park, making the most of the time they had together, rucksacks piled high with

  Mum’s door-step sandwiches and Dad usually slipping them a few pounds to treat themselves

  to a drink or an ice cream. Of course, Josh
would be gone soon enough, back to somewhere

  miles away and, once he was working nine to five, who knew when we would ever see him

  again? Eve would be unbearable then. I dreaded it already. But then all the attention would be

  on her – as usual – and not on me. I would have some time to think about what to do, at least.

  ***

  I had forgotten just how boring sitting doing nothing could be, especially when thoughts I really

  didn’t want to deal with kept trying to force their way into my head. By half past one I had had enough sun and celebrity gossip and decided I might walk down to the shops and meet Tilly

  after all. Sometimes they let her take a few bits home. Bread rolls that had got a bit too burnt on top, doughnuts not quite round enough to put in the window. And I was hungry. Perhaps, if

  she emerged without the tell-tale paper bag in her hand, we could go for chips. With plenty of

  salt and vinegar, and the warm grease soaking through the bag. And then, maybe I would tell

  her . . .

  I saw her before she saw me. She was coming out of the shop, arm in arm with Lauren

  James, and I stopped, a few yards along the road, and watched them. Lauren was a year older

  than us and not someone we had ever hung around with before, but they’d both found part-time

  jobs in the same shop on the same day and I had tried not to let myself get jealous as the two

  of them had quickly grown closer. I hadn’t realised at first just how close, but I certainly

  realised it now.

  I had always known Tilly wasn’t particularly interested in boys, but girls? They didn’t know I’d seen them, of course. The giggling, their hips bumping along together as they walked,

  the smiles . . . and the brush of their lips, a kiss so quick I could have blinked and missed it, when they thought nobody was looking. No wonder she’d pulled a face when I’d told her about

  my fumbles in Paul’s bedroom.

  I didn’t go after them. I just stood and waited until they disappeared around the next

  corner, and then I turned back. I wouldn’t say I was shocked exactly. More surprised. That she

  hadn’t said anything to me, when we had always shared our most secret of secrets. That she

  had cut me out, chosen not to tell me. Why? She didn’t trust me, I guessed. Or thought I

  wouldn’t understand. Or approve.

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  Well, whatever happened now, this would probably be the end of the kind of

  conversations we’d always had before. About boys, and who we fancied, and who we didn’t.

  Come to think of it, they always had been quite one-sided conversations. And how was I meant

  to tell her that I’d seen them, and that I knew? Unless I pretended I didn’t, and waited for her to say something herself. If she ever did.

  My tummy rumbled noisily, and I headed for the chip shop. I fancied chips and my

  sister’s boyfriend, and Tilly fancied girls. Well, one particular girl, anyway. I had lost her. My best friend, and my confidante. First Eve had left me, and now Tilly. Just when I really needed someone I could talk to.

  ***

  I could tell they’d had a row as soon as they came in through the door. Eve went straight upstairs to get changed, and after a while I could hear the bath water running, so she was clearly in no rush to come back down. Josh was polite enough when Mum asked about his day, but he had

  that strained look on his face that made it pretty obvious he preferred not to talk.

  Dinner was awkward, although Mum and Dad seemed totally oblivious to the

  atmosphere, her running back and forth to the kitchen stirring things, and him just chattering

  on about the cricket and where the two ‘young things’ were planning on going the next day.

  Eve pushed her food around her plate at dinner, and muttered something about having

  promised to spend the next day with Lucy, who didn’t work on Wednesdays in lieu of having

  to do all day on Saturdays. In lieu? What sort of talk was that? Eve was starting to sound like she had a Latin dictionary stuffed inside her head, or up her backside, since she’d gone to uni.

  In lieu? The only loo we usually ever talked about being in was the toilet!

  ‘So Josh will just have to amuse himself for once,’ she said, sounding all haughty, not

  looking at him at all.

  ‘I think I can manage that,’ he replied. ‘I’d quite like to visit the Science Museum

  actually, which I’m sure is not your kind of place at all.’

  ‘Fine,’ she said, although everything sounded far from fine to me.

  ‘Maybe Sarah could go with you, Josh,’ Dad said, and I was just about to protest that

  science was absolutely not my thing when I realised it could mean spending time alone with

  Josh – maybe even a whole day – and the idea suddenly seemed far more appealing. ‘I hear

  she’s been at a bit of a loose end these last few days, mooching about the garden doing nothing.’

  ‘I have not!’

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  ‘Yeah, come on, Sarah.’ Josh gave me a dazzling smile. ‘You never know, you might enjoy it. It’s not all engines and molecules, you know. They’ve got a spaceship and aeroplanes

  and stuff about the human body . . . and besides, I could do with the company.’

  I knew he was probably only doing it to wind Eve up, but he had asked me, publicly, to

  go with him, so why not?

  We sat side by side on the sofa after dinner. Dad had gone out to play chess at the pub

  and Mum was in her sewing room, busy making some elaborate quilt blanket she’d promised

  for a friend’s grandson’s christening. Eve had disappeared upstairs again, looking sulky and

  annoyed, but Josh didn’t seem all that bothered.

  I found out a lot more about him that evening as we chatted while watching TV. He

  talked about Leeds and his mum and dad and how sorry he was not to have any brothers or

  sisters of his own. ‘You can be my honorary sister,’ he joked, but the last thing I wanted was

  to be his sister. We sat so closely together that I could feel the warmth and solidity of his leg against mine, right through his jeans.

  ‘Is everything all right?’ I finally found the courage to ask. ‘With you and Eve? Only,

  she doesn’t seem very happy today.’

  ‘I don’t know.’ He sighed, turning to look at me. ‘She can be a bit . . . complicated, can

  your sister.’

  ‘Can she?’

  ‘Well, maybe that’s not the right word. More confusing. Contradictory. I don’t know,

  but it’s probably not something I should be talking to you about anyway. It’s . . . private stuff.

  Personal.’

  ‘Oh. You mean sex, don’t you?’

  For a moment he looked shocked, but then he threw his head back and laughed, long

  and loud.

  ‘Sarah! You surprise me. You’re not quite the little girl I was led to believe you are. To

  listen to Eve, anyone would think you’re still in pigtails and playing with dolls. What can you possibly know about sex? You’re only fifteen.’

  ‘Sixteen! And a half.’ Things between him and Eve were not as perfect as Eve had led

  me to believe. Maybe I had a chance after all. ‘Not so much younger than Eve. And I haven’t

  had a doll for years.’

  ‘Sorry. My mistake. Or Eve’s. Do you know, I think we might just have lots of fun

  tomorrow, you and me.’

  73

  He had that look in his eyes then. Like fun could mean much more than just spending a day at a museum.

  ‘I’m sure we will.’

  ‘Time you went up to bed, I think.’ He pulled away from me, quite abruptly, his hand

  brushing
against my arm as he stood up. ‘It’s late, and we don’t want your old man to come

  home and catch us alone, do we?’

  ‘Don’t we?’ I put on my best innocent face and held his gaze for just a second too long.

  ‘Night, Sarah,’ he said, and then he did something he hadn’t done before. He leaned

  forward as if to kiss me on the cheek, but I moved my head just at that exact moment and

  managed to catch the last of it, just at the edge of my mouth, in a delicious kiss-that-missed

  sort of a way.

  ‘Oops!’ I said, the taste of him sending a sudden thrill through me. I took a reluctant

  step back and looked up at him, wanting so much more.

  He lifted his finger to his own lips and then across to mine, leaving it there for a few

  seconds. ‘Tomorrow, Sarah,’ he said, and pushed me gently towards the stairs.

  Eve never did say what had happened between them, why they had rowed. She was

  already in bed when I went up, and had turned her back, a clear sign she wasn’t going to confide in me. I lay there in the dark for ages, my hand lying against my still flat stomach, wondering if I could be wrong about my dates, and hoping so hard that I was. This wasn’t the time to have to deal with an unwanted pregnancy, or to have to think about Paul Jacobs, when I had already

  consigned him to the past, with a big ‘mistake’ label over his head. Not when all I really wanted to do was work out what I was going to wear the next day that could lift me, once and for all,

  out of little-sister territory and get the gorgeous Josh to see me as the grown-up potential

  girlfriend I knew I could be. Because if Eve didn’t want him, I certainly did.

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  CHAPTER 11

  EVE

  Five years later

  ‘Your sister’s had the baby.’ Mum sounded excited down the phone, but all I felt was a cold

  hard lump that suddenly appeared somewhere at the back of my throat, making it hard for me

  to swallow, let alone breathe. And a ridiculous urge to cry. ‘A little girl,’ Mum went on, utterly oblivious to my discomfort. ‘Seven pounds on the dot, and pretty as a picture. They’re calling