Could Have Been Us

by Corinne Michaels

  Delia tilts her head with wide eyes. “Duh. You’re getting on in age, Jack. It’s time to settle down, and Winnie is a catch.”

  “I’m thirty-four. She’s turning thirty this year.”

  “And I’m thirty-two. I’m glad we’re all aware of our ages. My point is that she’s young and pretty and has a great job. She laughs at your awful jokes. Plus, young is good, right? You’ll have someone to change your diapers when you’re ancient and decrepit.”

  “You can change my diapers.”

  She laughs. “Ha! I will be single forever.”

  “Because you’re unwilling to let go of Josh.”

  Delia doesn’t deny it. And, honestly, I shouldn’t judge. I’m the same fucking way. It’s Friday night, and I’m at a bar with a letter burning a hole in my pocket because Stella reminded me of it all.

  It’s true what they say, I really am an idiot.

  Chapter 4

  Stella

  Being a Parkerson means weathering disasters and cleaning up messes that others make. Mostly, my father’s messes.

  “I have to go,” Grayson says as he tosses things into a bag.

  “I get it, but why you? Why the hell aren’t you telling Dad to fuck off?”

  He sighs. “Because Oliver asked me to come, that’s why.”

  “Oh, because once again, Dad fucks up and we’re stuck doing damage control.”

  Apparently, there’s a problem at our Wyoming Inn, which isn’t even fully operational. My father bought it—without talking to anyone—and pushed Oliver to go out there to make it worthy of the Parkerson name.

  Instead of allowing my brother to actually . . . do his job . . . Dad spent a lot of time around there, watching over the refurbishing. Which translates to him spending time with a new girlfriend. I can only imagine what has Gray going out there.

  “It’s either I hang Ollie out to dry or I go help. Which would you rather?”

  “I’d rather none of us be saddled with his piss-poor decision making.”

  “Yes, well, that’s not an option, Stella, so . . .”

  I get it, we do what we can with the options we have. “I know. I’ll keep Melia. It’ll be a fun weekend and we’ll do all kinds of girl things.”

  He kisses my cheek. “Thank you.”

  “While you keep acting like you’re not a complete and total mess about Jessica, which is why you volunteered to go instead of letting Josh or Alex, who don’t have a kid or any responsibility, handle it.” I add that last part on for good measure. Grayson may be using Dad as the reason he’s going, but I’m not an idiot.

  “That’s not why I’m going,” Grayson denies.

  “Oh?”

  He glares at me the way that only older brothers do. “It’s not.”

  I raise my hands. “If you say so.”

  “I do.”

  “You sure do.”

  “Anyone ever tell you that you’re annoying as fuck?” Gray asks with a note of admiration under the words.

  “Only my four older and stupid brothers.”

  He laughs and then hoists the bag onto his shoulders. “Yes, I’m in love with her. Yes, I’m pretty sure she’s in love with me, but we won’t work, Stell. We are two different people who want different things. I have to think about Amelia.”

  “Who is madly in love with her,” I point out.

  “Yes, she is. She loves Jess and asks about her daily, which is why I need to keep my distance.”

  I touch his cheek and press my lips into a thin line. “Oh, Gray, you’re a wonderful dipshit. You and Jessica can’t stay away from each other any more than two magnets. But I admire the effort. Go kick my twin’s ass and tell him I miss him.”

  He looks away. “Don’t let Melia eat KitKats for dinner.”

  I shrug with a playful smirk. “You won’t be here, and you can’t stop us.”

  He groans and then heads out the door.

  I gather Melia’s things, making sure I have enough clothes for two nights, and then bring the bag to my house. I’ll pick her up from daycare that she goes to once a week later because I have learned all too well that one does not remove that girl early.

  She loves her friends and her food and doing art after nap time.

  I rank rather low on her list of priorities come to think of it.

  I head into work, smiling at everyone as I walk through the front grounds.

  The Park Inn is a five-star in a town of nothing but twos. When I took it over, it was already great, but Grayson and I made it into a diamond. There have been small renovations to the interior that keep with the charm but add to the opulence, but it’s the outside that is the showstopper.

  We’ve worked relentlessly to make the views stunning.

  The biggest improvement we made was to the staff. Our chef is renowned, making this a perfect location for a date night or a corporate event. We hired a new gardener, who has made this place gorgeous, and we brought on a new activities coordinator who gave us more appeal to families.

  My office faces the back of the property with a tree line and mountain views for days. I spend the next six hours going over paperwork, addressing complaints, and doing some billing. It’s a nice day, filled with very few issues thanks to Jessica.

  Hiring her might have driven Grayson crazy, but it is the best thing we have ever done. She’s smart and has taken a lot of the burden off me. I get up, stretching my arms over my head and gazing at the sun, which is starting to move behind the bigger mountain top. I hear the buzzing on my cell and smile when I see it’s my brother.

  “Hey, Meatball,” Alex’s deep voice says on the other line.

  “One day, you’re going to stop calling me that.”

  He chuckles. “Not likely. You were shaped like a meatball as a child.”

  “I’m not a child anymore.”

  “You’ll always be our meatball.”

  I roll my eyes. I hate brothers. “What do I owe the pleasure of your call?”

  Alex launches into his concerns with the property he manages. It’s doing well, but there’s been a steady decline in bookings. The Savannah is beautiful, but where Dad put this particular inn makes it very destination oriented, especially since the main road leading from town to the property washed out over a year ago.

  While the views are stunning, the drive is a nightmare, and it has led to a lot of complaints and the reviews online aren’t favorable.

  “Have you spoken with the mayor again?” I ask.

  Alex has worked very hard to get the road repaired. None of us are sure why the mayor there is so against it, but he’s blocked the funds each time.

  “Yeah, he said that there are more pressing matters the town needs than a road that only benefits one proprietor.”

  “He’s not wrong.”

  He groans. “He’s not right either. It’s going to be my ass that has to listen to why revenue is down.”

  “Do you want me to come out there? Is that what you’re asking?”

  My brothers are great, but their ability to just ask for help is sorely lacking.

  “No, I don’t need you to fix this. I just need you to tell me how to fix it.”

  I roll my eyes even though he can’t see it. “Of course. First you need to figure out—” As I’m about to launch into the ways he needs to try to get this situation rectified, my phone beeps. “Hold on.”

  I look down at the number and my heart stops. It’s Misty. She never calls.

  “Alex, I need to call you back,” I say quickly.

  “Wait I need—”

  I don’t hesitate to click over.

  “Misty?”

  There’s a sound at the end that I can’t decipher, and then it’s Samuel’s voice. “Stella, I . . . I wanted to call because we just got your letter.”

  “Is everything okay?” I ask because his tone is off.

  “No, it’s . . . we lost her a few days ago.”

  My heart stops. Everything inside me is tight as the words roll around my h
ead. “Lost who?”

  Each breath feels as though someone is pulling razors from my chest and slicing me from the inside out. One. Two. Three. I wait, needing him to tell me he doesn’t mean Kinsley. I can’t . . . I can’t live in a world where she isn’t at least out there.

  I plead with God, begging him not to let him say her name.

  And then Samuel speaks between a sob. “Misty.”

  I shouldn’t feel relief.

  I shouldn’t, but I do.

  “What do you mean?” I ask, feeling breathless and uneasy.

  “She went into the hospital because she was weak and her head hurt. It wasn’t . . . she was . . . she’s gone.”

  Even though there’s a slight part of me that is grateful my daughter is fine, I’m shocked and heartbroken that Misty is gone. I don’t understand how this happened. Her letter made it sound like she was okay. Why didn’t she tell me?

  We shared a kinship. An understanding between two women who loved someone so much they put everything else aside. While she didn’t birth Kinsley, she was her mom. While I wasn’t her mom, I’m her mother.

  “I don’t know what to say. I’m so incredibly sorry.”

  He sniffs a few times, and when he speaks again, his voice is raw. “I don’t know what to do without her. We were together thirty-six years. She was my world.”

  “Oh, Samuel, I don’t know what to say.”

  “I don’t either. She was doing better, and the treatment was working, but . . . here I am—without her and a single parent now.”

  He’s a single parent. That thought sobers me. Their entire world is different now.

  “How is Kinsley doing?” I ask, both hesitating to do it and knowing there is no way I could not ask.

  Samuel clears his throat. “She’s not holding up well. As much as I need Misty, Kinsley needs her more. Well, that’s a lie, right now, I’m just in denial.”

  “I wish I could say something to make this better.”

  “Me too, but I wanted to tell you immediately.”

  “I’d like to—” I pause and then forge on. “I’d like to come pay my respects. I don’t want to intrude or make things worse, so if you don’t want me to . . .”

  “No, please, come. Misty would’ve wanted you here.”

  “Just let me know when Kinsley won’t be there. I don’t want to confuse anyone.”

  “Of course, tomorrow is the first service. Kinsley will be at the morning one but not the evening service.”

  “I’ll leave tonight so I can be there,” I say quickly.

  “She loved you, you know.”

  I do know. Even though I never went to visit, Misty became a great friend. Someone who I got to know a lot about over the years and who became more than just my daughter’s adoptive mother. She was the only person in my life, other than Jack, my parents, and grandmother, who knew of Kinsley’s existence. I could tell Misty about things, talk with her, feel like I was even somewhat a part of Kinsley’s life, even if just from a distance.

  My heart is breaking because I’m going to miss my friend.

  A tear trickles down my face, and I wipe it away.

  “I loved her too.”

  “As did I. And now,” Samuel’s voice shakes, “I have to learn to live without her, and I’m not sure I know how.”

  “I know you’re in pain, but you have your family and friends to support you. Lean on them when you feel weak and of course, you can always talk to me. I know we weren’t close, but you’re extremely important to me, Samuel. I will always be here.”

  “Thank you, Stella.”

  “Of course, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  We hang up, and I sit here, looking out at the horizon that seems foreign to me. She was doing fine. She said that the doctors were happy with her prognosis. Misty had plans and a life, it wasn’t fair that they were taken from her.

  Dread and a mix of something else starts to take root. I am going to Georgia for the first time since that night. I’m going to see the town where two loving people took my daughter and loved her as though she came from them.

  How am I going to handle this?

  My phone pings with a text from Alex.

  Alex: Thanks for hanging up on me, Meatball. Call me after you get Amelia to bed so we can talk through this.

  Amelia.

  Shit. I have Amelia for a few days.

  I pace my office, trying to think of what to do. I have to leave in an hour if I’m going to make it down there at a reasonable time. My mother is out of town, so she can’t watch her. Jack has another wilderness tour going out tomorrow, so he’s off the table.

  There’s really only one other person, and she owes me.

  I text Winnie.

  Me: Can you watch Amelia for me tonight? It’s an emergency.

  Winnie: I wish I could, but I have two client meetings that I can’t reschedule. Is everything okay?

  Me: I’m fine. I just need someone to keep Amelia. I have to go out of town, and it’s important.

  Winnie: I’m assuming you already went through the short list. You could always ask Jessica. She loves Amelia.

  Of course. She’d be perfect. Amelia adores her and Grayson trusts her. Regardless of the dance they’re doing, he knows she would never do anything to hurt his daughter. Still, the guilt of having to ask her eats at me.

  I don’t want to put Grayson in this predicament, but this isn’t just some random thing. It’s a funeral for the woman who has been a mother to my daughter. No matter how uncomfortable I am, I need to go.

  Me: I know I said I’d watch Melia, but something has happened with a friend. I need to go out of town tonight. If this weren’t an emergency, I wouldn’t ask, but it is. Do you mind if I ask Jessica to watch Amelia tonight at my place?

  The reply is immediate.

  Grayson: I have a million questions, but I know that you wouldn’t be asking me if it weren’t really important. So, yes, I am okay with that.

  I really love my brother. No matter what I’ve said in the past, he is an amazing human and I am so very lucky to call him family.

  Me: I love you. Thank you.

  Grayson: We’ll talk when I get back.

  I’m sure we will. I rush out of the room, suddenly propelled by the need to get out of town as fast as I can so I don’t change my mind and hide.

  I enter her office. “Oh, good! You’re here. Thank God.”

  “What’s wrong?” Jessica asks with wide eyes.

  “I need you to help me.”

  She stands. “Of course, what’s up?”

  So much, but I can’t tell her anything. I need to come up with something that makes sense and that she can’t refuse. “I have to watch Amelia this weekend, but something has come up . . . an emergency with an old friend, but she has dance tonight and can’t miss it.”

  “Okay . . .”

  “I promise, I wouldn’t ask you this if there were any way around it. If there was another option, I swear, Jess, I wouldn’t do this. But I’m desperate, and I have to leave right away. I know it’s a lot, but can you please take her for me?”

  A moment passes between us, and I see the hesitancy in her gaze. “Where is Grayson?”

  “We had a huge issue out in Wyoming with Oliver’s property, and he flew out first thing this morning.”

  “Oh.”

  My heart is racing as I search for another angle, a way to reassure her. “Look, I know it’s a big ask, and I wouldn’t ask if I hadn’t already cleared it with Grayson and he said it was fine if I had no other options, and I don’t.”

  “What about Winnie?”

  “Winnie said she’s bogged down at work.”

  Please, Jessica. Please, I need you.

  “You really have no one else?” she asks.

  “I promise, I wouldn’t ask if I did. I swear, if I didn’t need to leave within the hour, I wouldn’t do this.”

  “I can’t drive,” she says, the defeat in her voice makes me want to cry.

  She
’s going to do this. She’s going to help.

  “I know. It’s fine. I will drive you to my place and you can hang out with Melia there since it’s in town and a block or two away from her dance studio. She has her own bedroom, and there’s a guest room, so you’ll be completely comfortable. Please.” I beg with my hands folded in front of my chest and then I go for the only thing that might sway her. “If you say no, I’ll have to take her with me, and she’ll be crushed that she’s missing dance.”

  “I guess, but I still get nightmares and don’t want to scare her.”

  Victory. Jessica is in, and I can get out of Willow Creek without anyone knowing what’s going on.

  “You won’t. I promise. She would sleep through an entire army marching through her room.”

  “All right. As long as you swear Grayson is fine with it.”

  Chapter 5

  Stella

  There’s a hole in my chest, one that’s getting larger the more it settles on me that Misty is gone. I got home, packed a bag, and made sure all the letters were in the safe. As I placed the last one in, tears fell relentlessly.

  It’s the last one that I will ever get from her.

  I’m going to miss her.

  Now, I’m standing on Jack’s doorstep, turning to the one person who will understand. The only person in this town I can come to, and I pray he doesn’t turn me away.

  After a few seconds, I gather my courage and knock.

  “One second.” His deep voice booms from the other side of the door. There is some shuffling and a bang before he curses loudly.

  Then the door opens, and my breath is stolen from my chest.

  He’s glorious. A God among men as he stands here, hair wet from the shower, chest bare, and basketball shorts slung low on his hips.

  “Stella?” He tests my name as he stares at me.

  “I . . .” I stumble over the words, not only because he seems to have scrambled my brain but also because the reason I’m here breaks through. “Misty, she . . . she died.”