Into the Gray

by Geanna Culbertson

  I smiled. “That checks out. Good luck with everything, Peter.”

  “You too,” he said. “And thanks. Also for everything.” With that, Peter flew around the side of the building.

  My spirit felt lighter. Speaking to him had been deeply satisfying. I had felt drained after Merlin’s lesson, but helping Peter work through his problems and inspiring him to make a change had replenished me.

  The ultimate cure for not feeling good is doing good for others.

  “Jason and Blue gave me the birthday present you all brought me,” SJ said. “It is a charming quill set and I love the letter sealer with my initials engraved into it. I would use them to write you and the rest of our friends proper thank you cards, but as Camelot does not deliver mail cross-dimensionally, I hope you will understand if I break ladylike tradition and just say thank you now.”

  “You’re welcome,” I said. “Glad you like it.”

  “I was also hoping you remembered my folder.”

  “Of course.” I took off my backpack and unzipped it. “I’m notoriously curious, not forgetful.” I presented her with the item and she smiled as she took it.

  “What’s in there anyway?” I asked. “I didn’t look just in case it was private.”

  “That was respectful of you,” she mused, checking through the folder’s contents. “And it is not private really. This is a file of blank patent and copyright applications.” She leaned the open folder toward me so I could see the official paperwork. “I picked these up years ago when my family took a trip to Century City and I visited the Capitol Building for the first time. Most government bodies have their main offices there, including the Patent Registration Office and Copyright Master. I thought the documents might come in handy one day. I was right.”

  “You’re going to apply for a patent?” I said.

  “I am going to apply for six. And a copyright too. I think it is high time I begin legally claiming my ideas—the portable potions, the Questor Beast poison antidote I am brewing, my SRBs, and a few other surprises I am working on. Speaking of which, would you like to borrow my SRB for a moment? You look like a wet dog.”

  SJ removed the lanyard bracelet from around her wrist and fastened it around mine. Within seconds, the potion-based enchantment did its work. I was dried off in a whizz of silver sparks.

  I handed her back the bracelet. “Thanks. And congrats on the business initiative. You’ve brought to life tons of great ideas this year and there’s probably loads more where those came from. You deserve to have them properly recognized. I’m proud of you.”

  “You know, I am proud of me too,” she said with sincerity. “I feel like for the first time I am making moves based solely on my own vision for my future. And I am beginning to think that there is no limit to what I can grow into because of that.”

  “Of course there isn’t,” I replied. “You’re a princess, a hero, a potionist, a super apprentice, and one of the greatest friends a girl could ask for. You’re quite literally amazing.”

  SJ smiled. “Someone has gotten good at giving pep talks.”

  I shrugged. “It’s easy when you’re speaking the truth. Anyway, I’ve had to really lean into optimism to deal with everything I’ve got going on in Book. Extending those vibes to others is cake in comparison to convincing myself not to give in to soul-crushing defeatism.”

  There was a pause as SJ’s expression turned empathetic mixed with a bit of sadness. “Your trial will turn out all right, Crisa,” she said kindly. Thunder rumbled menacingly in opposition of her statement. “I am certain of it,” she added with more conviction.

  “How can you be?”

  “Because good always wins in the end,” SJ said simply. “It may take some detours, but it gets there. You will see. Things will be okay. After all, you are a princess, a hero, a Twenty-Three Skidd master, a hilarious and brilliant leader, and one of the greatest friends anyone could ask for.”

  “You’re not so bad at pep talks yourself,” I responded.

  A flash of lightning was followed so closely by a crack of thunder that we both jumped. It was so loud it sounded like it broke part of the sky. SJ gestured for us to move inside and I followed. The rain would likely start at any second.

  “I am going to try and make it home for your trial,” SJ said as we walked up the hall.

  “SJ, you don’t have to. The potion to get Mauvrey’s memories is way more important.”

  “They are both important,” SJ corrected. “And anyway, I am not neglecting one thing for the other. We are getting close to finishing the potion. Merlin overestimated his original projection about how long it would take. He had never made it before and did not account for how much quicker things would move with two people working on it, or how good I am at my job.”

  “That’s refreshingly uncharacteristic of him,” I said. “I feel like he always has everything figured out.”

  “Yes, he does give off that appearance,” SJ replied. “But if it makes you feel better, I have seen through that façade a few times. I can tell that he cannot figure me out completely, and when we have been conferencing with Julian in Oz over the Mark Two, our Emerald City wizard throws Merlin off his game too.”

  “How is Julian anyway?” We turned a corner as we proceeded back to the throne room. Guards nodded at us respectfully as we passed.

  “He is coping. When your wife leaves you to reclaim the mantle of ‘evil witch,’ there is only so much that therapy will do. But we talk several times a day to work on Mauvrey’s memory potion, and we have also covered a number of additional potions topics as part of my apprenticeship with him. That helps. He seems to like being a teacher, and it is definitely a good distraction for him. Once the memory potion is complete, I am planning to travel to Oz to continue my training with him in person. But for now, I respect and admire how much thought he has put into my lessons and our general collaboration over the Mark Two.”

  We arrived at the throne room. “I told Jason and Blue to meet us inside.” SJ gestured at the doors. “I also asked Merlin not to come see you off. I figured you would appreciate that.”

  “I really do,” I said. “And I really appreciate you too.”

  We exchanged a hug. My insides fluttered with anxiety—a swell of reluctance about the future, the fear I felt for myself, and the fear I felt for the people I wanted to protect as well as the responsibilities I needed to care for.

  I sighed as we separated. “It’s scary, you know?” I said softly, not specifying anything in particular, but hoping she would understand.

  “I know,” SJ said gently. “I think we all do.”

  liked making an entrance.

  I never considered myself to be an overly dramatic person, but it was admittedly fun to arrive in style. Sadie flapped her glowing wings as she and I descended with the glare of the sun on our backs. It was Wednesday. Chance had asked me to meet him outside the main entrance of Lord Channing’s Twenty-Three Skidd arena. He was waiting on what looked like a white horse, but I suspected it was a Pegasus that hadn’t activated its wings yet.

  “Hey.” Chance’s smile lit up like Sadie’s glistening wings.

  “Hey,” I replied. “So where are we headed today? I told Lady Agnue I’d only be gone a couple of hours, so we can’t go far.”

  “We won’t. Follow me.”

  Chance gave his steed a light kick. The creature sprouted sparkling navy wings. I egged Sadie to follow his lead and we jumped into the air and circled above the arena. Beneath us, Twenty-Three Skidd players flew around on their Pegasi. Classes had finished a half hour ago. Blue and Jason’s team, the Crusaders, had practice until 4:30 and then the Jacklebees would take the field. That was the team Jacqueline Day Ripley was on.

  I took in the beauty of the grounds while keeping an eye on Chance. We headed toward the main school compound and I got excited. When the girls and I made it onto Twenty-Three Skidd teams, Lord Channing had sent out a memo stating that, while we could use the other parts of the outdo
or campus to train between practice sessions, we weren’t allowed near the main buildings. I wondered if Chance had gotten special permission for me today. It wouldn’t have surprised me. He had a way with people and was particularly gifted at convincing them to act outside their comfort zones. Just look at me; I’d ditched magic practice with Liza today to go on a second mystery date with him.

  Lord Channing’s main school was constructed of dark gray stone with chrome finishes. An abundance of towers topped with navy turrets sprouted across the institution. The academy’s navy flag emblazoned with a silver crest flew proudly above the main entrance. In the center of the school resided the mightiest of all the buildings—taller than the others with a blue steel cupola.

  Chance descended toward the cupola and landed on a balcony that extended just below it, which was big enough for both our Pegasi. We tied our steeds to the chrome railing, giving them plenty of slack. Chance pulled out a couple of beefy carrots from his saddlebag and gave one to his Pegasus and the other to Sadie. She whinnied in appreciation and he patted her mane.

  My date opened the balcony doors and we entered the building. Maps of stars and constellations covered the walls, golden telescopes were mounted on racks, and numerical charts of every variety—radiant in their own mathematical way—sat upon easels. It was clearly an observatory. In the middle of the room a picnic blanket with an assortment of throw pillows was spread out. A basket sat amongst them with plates and glasses next to it.

  “I thought we could just hang out today,” Chance said. “I got the kitchen to make us an afternoon snack.”

  “Why here?” I asked.

  “This is my favorite place in school. It’s better when the stars are out, but it’s cool during the day too. Watch.”

  Chance went over to the wall and cranked a lever. The cupola split in half, each side sinking into the walls to reveal a gorgeous view of the blue sky and its poofy white clouds. Chance nudged me and pointed down. The floor shimmered; every tile was some sort of enhanced mirror that reflected the outside. I walked across the space and it felt like I was strutting across the sky.

  “You’re right. This is very cool,” I said.

  Chance motioned me toward the picnic basket. He sat down and began to unpack containers. “I asked Blue what some of your favorite foods are and went from there,” he admitted.

  “What’d you settle on?”

  “Chips and guac.”

  “This is a good date.” I smiled and sat beside Chance on the blanket. I gazed up at the sky. “You said it’s better in here at night. Are you into astronomy?”

  “I am. My family’s castle has an observatory, and because it’s located so high in the mountains, the stars always look really clear. When I was younger I started going up there to hide from my siblings. It was needed given how many of us there are, and how we’re all super competitive. They’re a lot to handle.”

  “I’ll bet,” I said. “I only have two older brothers, but when I was little I definitely felt the pressure to try and be on their level. I know what it means to hide in your own home. Why did you choose the observatory specifically though?”

  “My grandfather, King Midas,” Chance replied. “He died when I was nine, but he always told me that counting the stars brought him peace in a chaotic world—they were constants that would be there forever. And he said observing them was also good for humility. He would take me to the observatory and point up at the stars and say, ‘Sonny, there are much bigger things out there than you and I and even the people we love. We have to think bigger, but not let our heads get too big in the process.’”

  “I like that,” I said. Then several follow-up thoughts brushed my mind and I bit my lip to hold them back for politeness’s sake.

  Chance noticed even so. “What?”

  I hesitated to answer at first, but then resigned to speaking the truth.

  “Sometimes, you don’t add up,” I admitted. “You’re a lot kinder and more down-to-earth than I expected, but that contradicts so much of what I knew about you before this year. You’re telling me about how you were taught to embrace humility from a young age, but in the past all I’ve seen from you is cockiness and self-importance. I don’t mean to insult you, but it’s hard not to feel like you might be putting on a front.”

  “I’m not insulted,” Chance said plainly. “What you’re saying is completely fair. For years at school I acted like a jerk and like I was better than everybody else. I didn’t come here planning to be that way, but I definitely leaned into it to an unhealthy level. That’s not who I am though.”

  “So you’re telling me that the guy you’ve been at school the last few years—he’s the front?”

  Chance nodded. “My little brothers and sisters are small and cute and need my parents more, so my mom and dad are often occupied tending to them. That’s fine. I can deal with that. The real problem is that I have five older siblings. I got pushed around by most of them when I was young. I lived in their shadow and they made me feel like I didn’t matter. Then I came to Lord Channing’s, and what should’ve been a fresh start was another place where people continued to compare me to them. Why aren’t your powers as strong as Cereus’s? Why aren’t you as quick thinking as Sammi? Why aren’t you as good a fighter as Trenton? That’s literally a slew of questions I got asked during orientation on our first day. At our first ball later that night, Trenton strutted around like he owned the place, and I saw how his cockiness made other guys feel inferior and girls like him. That’s what I thought I wanted, so I mirrored his behavior.

  “It worked for the most part. And as time went on, acting that way just became my norm at school. It was a mask I could put on and I liked how it made me feel superior and untouchable, something I never felt at home. That was worth the price of keeping people at a distance. But then you came along and I . . .”

  He looked away for a second. My heart softened when I saw the shame cross his face.

  “Mauvrey and I were a couple for years, but I always had a crush on you. When I finally got the nerve to act on it last semester, you handed me my butt on a silver platter and called me on my bull. Then you vanished on a quest and I was left to simmer on your cutting words for weeks. It was a radiant, horrible reality check. For the first time, I started to regret the front I put on. The front that I’d let consume me. You were someone I liked and respected, and you thought I was a complete tool. It made me reevaluate what I’d become and what I actually wanted people to think of me.”

  He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “So, I changed. I’ve been trying to change, anyway. Not just around you, but everyone. I apologized to the guys in my year at the beginning of the semester, and I have been trying to do right by everyone and make amends every opportunity I get. I don’t know if I can repair all the damage I’ve done, but some of the kids at school have been receptive to it. At least that’s a start.”

  “Jason mentioned something about that,” I remarked. “Though you may still have a lot of work to do. I know that Daniel, for instance, isn’t fond of you at all.”

  Chance’s brow furrowed a bit. “Honestly, I’m not nuts about him either, but since you guys are such good friends, I’ve been trying to be as gentlemanly as possible.”

  “You don’t have to be gentlemanly with Daniel to earn his respect, Chance. You just have to be a real person. Knowing Daniel, if you’re being too much of a prince charming he’s probably just getting annoyed by it.”

  “I don’t believe that’s all that’s causing the tension between us,” Chance replied wistfully. “But I’ll keep trying if it matters to you that much.”

  “It does,” I stated. “Not because I need his approval, but because I know he’s good at reading people. He’s seen through my own bull a hundred times.”

  “I’ll try my best, Crisa,” Chance said carefully. “But the person whose acceptance I care most about is yours. And I hope you won’t hold it against me if I can’t win over everyone.”

  I held Cha
nce’s gaze for a beat before staring up at the clouds drifting above us. “I wouldn’t be here if my feelings for you weren’t shifting, Chance. I do accept that you’ve changed, and I like learning more about you every time we connect. In fact, the more time we spend together, the more I feel like I should’ve paid more attention to the very first lesson all protagonists are supposed to learn.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Don’t judge a book by its cover.”

  “Knight!”

  My mind was on a dozen different things. Not a good mental state to be in when you’re flying a Pegasus and battling teenage boys. I barely heeded Daniel’s warning in time to dodge a player who came out of the clouds.

  We were wrapping up Thursday afternoon practice with a scrimmage match but I was . . . distracted. My trial was the day after tomorrow and while I was going to embrace Merlin’s counsel and own my power with pride and confidence, that didn’t change the fact that I was nervous.

  Someone scored in the distance. Javier blew his whistle and we descended. We went through the motions as the captains gave notes.

  “Last week’s win was awesome, team,” Gordon said. “Daniel in particular was on fire.”

  Some of the guys hooted and cheered in approval.

  “We need to keep up that momentum,” Gordon continued. “Unfortunately, Crisa and Daniel won’t be able to make this week’s game because of . . . a prior engagement.”

  “You mean Crisa’s trial,” Dillain said, sneering at me.

  “Yes,” Javier replied. “But hopefully that should be her last absence for the season.” He pivoted toward me. “Right?”

  “Yup,” I said. “Once I’m cleared, I won’t have any more weekend obligations and no more naysayers can hold my magic against me. Even dillweeds like Dillain will have to deal.” I shifted the glare I was giving Dillain into a sweet, innocent look at Javier. “I mean dillweed in the most respectful teammate-friendly way, of course.”