Into the Gray

by Geanna Culbertson

  “But . . . it’s not just that.”

  The sky churned, the barrier glistened, and the countdown clock on my Dream Compass ticked on. Time was of the essence, and yet I knew I couldn’t get my friends to leave if I didn’t give them full honesty. Only that, maybe, would convince them to go.

  “It’s because all I do is take,” I said, admitting something that I’d kept buried for a while. “And I don’t mean just take life, I mean take from your lives.” I paused then sighed. “Look, maybe some of the things that make me strong make me weak too. Being selfless and brave makes a person prone to being a martyr. And wanting to always be in control and protect others makes a person prone to not letting others step up and do the saving. But if you put all that aside,” I looked at Chance, “the truth is that I got your castle attacked.” I addressed Kai. “I destroyed your city.” I turned to Daniel. “And I insisted you go to Avalon.”

  “We won on Avalon, Knight,” Daniel said. “What does that have to do with this?”

  “Nothing,” I said, cursing myself for almost revealing the secret of his sword. “Just . . . I honestly am different than I was at the start of this story with the antagonists. I trust you guys. I really do. But I have to save people whenever I can, and take the hit for you if I’m ever able, because all of this is my mess. I don’t have chosen-one syndrome. I have guilt. And I have fear. The latter of which comes from the simple truth that I am not good. At least not dominantly, as proven by the fact that I can take this Shadow. And if you combine that with Pure Magic . . .”

  I shook my head. “I have to balance out the bad, selfish, destructive energy I put into the universe with as much selflessness and goodness as possible whenever I can. It’s the only tether I have to the belief that I can make things right, that I can live in the gray without getting sucked into something worse. It’s the light that I need to emit in order to balance out the dark. That balance is what I have to stand for.”

  A long beat passed. I truly didn’t know if they would understand, but I’d given them my truth entirely. I’d given them my soul entirely. Eventually Blue spoke.

  “You don’t have to destroy yourself to stand for something,” Blue said, her tone soft and sad.

  It hurt too much to address that comment directly, so instead I offered her my wand again. She took it this time.

  “I’m sorry,” I told her. I looked at the others and said it again. “I’m sorry.”

  “I could try to take the Shadow now, trade places with you,” Blue suggested. She gestured at the floor. “I’m the only one who can; everyone else has a shadow.”

  “What’s she talking about?” Kai asked.

  “People who can accept Shadows don’t project their own in Dreamland,” Alex explained. “And you can’t take it from her, Blue. Mark was different. He wasn’t physically here so his Shadow was up for absorption. The only way to take an in-use Shadow out of someone is by exorcism and that won’t work in Nightmare. Believe me.”

  Jason looked at his Dream Compass. His expression sank with concern and conflict. He showed us the countdown clock. We were already down a couple minutes. My friends all looked at me.

  “I’ll be fine,” I said adamantly. “I can evade Arian and Tara. I’ll get out during the next full moon. You have to believe that. Come on. You need to leave.”

  I offered Blue a hug and though I could see she was still resisting, she accepted and we shared a quick embrace. Before I pulled away, my eyes fell on Daniel and Kai behind us. “Blue,” I whispered, my lips near her ear. “Keep an eye on Kai.”

  I pulled away brusquely at that and took several purposeful steps back from her and all my friends.

  “Knight,” Daniel tried to approach me, but I held up my hands.

  “No more goodbyes,” I said. “It’s easier this way.”

  “Crisa,” Chance tried. But I took another step back and refused him too. I didn’t want any more emotion. I didn’t want any more hugs or longing looks. I just wanted to surrender to this sacrifice and get it over with.

  “Go,” I said sternly.

  I could tell how much it hurt them, but they listened. Blue, Jason, Girtha, Chance, and Kai crossed the barrier. Daniel didn’t. He tried to step toward me once more, but I shook my head.

  He furrowed his brow, frustrated. “Why do you always have to do this?”

  “Do what?”

  “Make things difficult. How am I—how are we supposed to turn our backs on you, knowing you could get hurt or captured or lost in this place?”

  I ignored my better judgment and dared to take a step closer to him. “Faith, Daniel,” I said calmly. “We’ll find our way back to each other. We always do. And if for some reason things go wrong and I can’t avoid Arian and Tara . . . I guess the tables will have turned and you’ll have to save me. I trust you to do that. I honestly do.”

  Alex stood behind Daniel, expression carefully blank. I pivoted toward him. “Do you remember when we used to play chess?”

  He nodded.

  “Once I sacrificed a queen so the other players could move forward. She wasn’t the most important piece on the board then, so I made the calculated move and took the risk.”

  “You had faith that if the right follow-up moves were taken, the other pieces would get her back,” Alex said.

  “Exactly.” I readdressed my brother and Daniel together. “I had a vision of that game while we were in Dreamland. I think I had it for a reason. Maybe the dimension wanted me to learn from the past because I would need the courage to make another kind of queen’s gambit in the future.”

  Thunder lit up the backdrop of the dark palace.

  Chance stepped back through the barrier, removed his sword sheath, and offered it to me. “Just in case.”

  I accepted the weapon gratefully. Daniel followed Chance’s lead and offered me his Dream Catcher. “Since yours got broken.”

  I extended my arm and he strapped it on. Then I glanced at my Dream Compass—okay, they had to leave now.

  I took more steps back, glancing at my friends and my brother. “Get out of Nightmare then this dimension as fast as you can. I’ll see you at the next full moon.” I closed my eyes and concentrated on the Shadow inside me—I could feel it like a stomach cramp deep in my soul. With enough focus, I floated off the ground.

  Alex opened his mouth to say something, but then let his gaze fall to the ground and shouldered on, going through the barrier. Daniel did too. My friends gave a final wave before they turned and started heading away. I was about to turn myself when I saw Daniel stop and look back at me. Our eyes held onto each other for a moment. Then Kai noticed Daniel had stopped and glanced back to see why. She nodded at me and put her hand on Daniel’s arm to lead him on. I levitated in place and watched him, all of them, for another moment. Then I flew away.

  I didn’t look back again. I didn’t have the strength to.

  As I flew, I stayed close to the ground. I wasn’t sure where the antagonists were, but I reckoned it would be easier for them to spot me through the palace’s windows if I was high up. So I would stay low, but not out in the open.

  I made it to the small mountain the palace was built on and found a rocky outcropping to hide beneath. I couldn’t stay there forever, but I needed a pause to get my head together. I watched the minutes tick down on my Dream Compass until the full moon.

  Nine minutes. Five minutes. Three minutes. Finally, time was up. The full moon overhead shone powerfully and grew suddenly to five times bigger than I had ever seen it. The entire Nightmare realm vibrated lightly like a massage chair and the section of my Dream Compass with the “N” for “Nightmare” turned red. Per its Shadow safety regulations, this realm was closed for business until the full moon passed. I just had to wait for that, and for the extra barrier to come down.

  I closed the Dream Compass and bided my time as the ground continued to tremble. The Shadows overhead wailed loudly. Hysterical screams occasionally filled the sky and made my arm hair stand on end. I
clutched my knees to my chest, hoping my friends had made it out.

  Thankfully, before I knew it the full moon passed! It shrunk to normal size overhead, now with the tiniest sliver missing. My Dream Compass went back to keeping track of my regular timeline. Book only had one full moon every month, but the exact days in between each one varied. According to my Dream Compass, I had twenty-four nights until Book’s next full moon—two days less than the previous interval. Not a huge victory, but I’d take any win at this point.

  Unfortunately, the magnificent purple barrier around the Shadows’ hive remained activated. I had no way of knowing how much longer it would be.

  Should I stay here?

  That way I can make a straight sprint for freedom when the time comes?

  “Hello, Crisa.”

  My heart jumped into my throat and my face snapped up to where Tara stood—on a higher rock to my left. She raised her metallic-gloved hand.

  Eep!

  I dove to the side as she launched a set of electrically charged wires. They fried the rock I had been leaning against. I scampered away, trying to put bigger distance and obstacles between us as I climbed up the rocks. Soon the palace came into view—just as one of Arian’s antagonist soldiers emerged around the side of the compound. He flew toward me.

  I tried to levitate as well, but found myself unable to. I hadn’t had much practice and couldn’t focus on the energy as easily. I hastily raised my Dream Catcher and fired. The soldier evaded the net and then tackled me into the dirt. That was a mistake. Without pausing, I held down on the Dream Catcher’s launching button—firing and firing, the nets blasting my opponent away. I leapt up and shot one more net for good measure then ran, leaving the soldier trapped in a pile of sizzling webs.

  I glanced over my shoulder. Tara rose over the edge of the mountain and into view. My best move was still to hide, so I darted inside the palace and up the grand staircase. Tara wasn’t far behind. I tried to lose her in the different corridors of the palace, throwing myself around corners and holding my breath periodically, listening as her hastened footsteps ran, stopped, then took off again. We played cat and mouse like this for a while. I clutched Chance’s sword in hand, trying to find comfort in the weapon the way I typically acquired confidence from my own.

  I hadn’t been keeping track of the time, but after a while, I glanced out a window and saw my salvation. Just then the purple barrier started to lift; the magical dome was disappearing back into the sky. I could get out!

  I made my way through the labyrinth of the palace with renewed energy—glowing ice lighting my path, watery floors splashing underfoot. I needed to get back to the entrance.

  Eep!

  Tara came around the corner just as I rounded it and we collided. I fell against a door, but Tara just stumbled a few steps into the hall. She clapped her hands together and activated the electricity in her metallic gloves. They seized with power and she took a jab at me. I spun sideways and her electrified fist punched a scorching crater through the door.

  Her left glove remained charged. I fired a Dream Catcher net, but she whirled out of the way and it went sailing over the hallway railing. No time to fire another one. She rushed in. I slashed high with my sword but she ducked and went for a low strike with her sizzling glove. I sidestepped then came in even closer, grabbing her hair with my free hand and yanking her down. She fell onto the watery floor and we both suffered the consequences as her energized glove electrified all the water in the vicinity. Both she and I shouted and writhed until her glove finally extinguished.

  We both slowly sat up—hearts pounding, still recovering—and stared at each other.

  “You know . . . what I find . . . most sad about you?” Tara said, panting.

  I gulped and tried to regain my strength. Tara had taken a worse hit from the electrified water since she’d been wearing the glove. Now was my chance to get away from her.

  “I don’t care, Tara,” I said. I grunted and found the will to stand, whereas she could not. “Because everything is sad about you.”

  With that, I raced around the bend in the hall, which opened onto the grand staircase. Freedom was near. The stairs thudded loudly as I worked my way down. The anxious volume of my heartbeat increased with every step.

  I reached the staircase landing that branched to the separate wings. The foyer and the exit were a straight shot past this final flight. The palace’s epic doors remained ajar and beckoned me forward. That’s when Arian stepped into view.

  My foe stopped in the doorway, centered in its frame. He stood there for a moment, still and ominous like a wraith, his eyes shining black. I skidded to a halt in front of the large window behind the stairs. For a few seconds, I could only hear my breathing as my chest heaved up and down. Then came the wails and screams.

  Arian raised both hands and an insurgence of Shadows poured in through the doors behind him. I braced myself to try and drive away as many as I could by means of my Shadow power as I had before—I really wasn’t sure how this worked—but just as I lifted my hand, the window behind me broke with a crash, letting in another onslaught of Shadows. I dove to the floor as they poured in, trying to shield myself from the glass and the monsters. One shard punctured my thigh, and I cried out.

  When the glass had all rained down, I grimaced, pulled out the shard with a pained shout, and hobbled to my feet. As I stood there unsteadily, three separate currents of Shadows circled overhead. My sword had fallen down the stairs. Arian walked calmly across the foyer.

  I panicked. I didn’t have anywhere near the control over these creatures that he did. At least the Shadows couldn’t physically touch me; I just had to keep them from trapping me in one of their group vortexes.

  “Fun fact,” Arian said as he neared. My eyes darted back to him. “Shadows can’t touch a normal person unless invited in. Shadow Guardians, however, are a different story.”

  Wait, what?

  A rush of Shadows diverted from the streams above and came at me like an uppercut punch. The curving strike thrust me up through the massive, jagged hole in the window.

  I was tossed into open sky and the fleet of Shadows swarmed around me as I fell. My senses were blurred by screams and groans and wind until that same proclivity to fight that activated my Magic Instinct jarred the Shadow inside me. A swell of power filled me up then my limbs flailed out.

  BOOM!

  A gust of dark energy blasted from my body and drove the suffocating Shadows away. I floundered through the sky in free-fall for another second before I could focus enough to levitate. The Shadow’s power may have been different than my Pure Magic, but it appeared to respond equally well to immediate mortal peril and fiery will.

  I slowed my fall until I was floating in place—just in time to see Arian soar through the window. Two surges of Shadows flanked him.

  Oh crud.

  The creatures mirrored his movements and attacked me in the form of punches. I attempted to mimic Arian’s tactics by making blocking motions to divert his Shadows with collections of my own. It worked great! Until I began to weaken and sink in the sky. My ability for flight was wavering; my Shadow was running out of power. I couldn’t beat Arian. I had to escape him. It was my only realistic option.

  I urged the remaining energy within to propel me forward and my Shadow responded, perhaps sensing my desperation like it had previously. I flew across the plain. Arian was hot on my tail, but flying much higher overhead. He rained assaults of Shadows upon me, which came down like meteors of energy—punching into the ground the way comets did. I zigged and zagged to evade their onslaughts, but my flight only continued to wane.

  Dirt sprayed up as one big surge hit the ground close to me and I lifted my arm to shield my eyes. When I lowered my arm, I was only six feet from the ground. I glanced back quickly. My heart froze. Oh n—

  BAM!

  A blow of Shadows plowed me into the dirt. The impact of the creatures’ attack combined with the impact on the hard terrain felt like a
sandwich of shock.

  I blinked slowly, trying to see through the haze. Dust, dirt, lightning, darkness—my consciousness wavered as I adjusted to the semi-blinding ache of Arian’s battering.

  Owww. I groaned and tried to focus.

  I’d landed on my stomach and with some effort looked up weakly. Beneath me, something crunched. I fumbled for my Dream Compass only to discover it’d been shattered. My Dream Catcher was also broken. By the time I managed to sit up, Arian had landed. He stood a few feet away from me.

  Like a fool, I shot out my hand in reflex. I was so used to relying on my magic to save me. Maybe Nightmare vision Kai had been right; maybe I had forgotten what it was like to truly live without it, to be afraid of forces bigger than myself without a safety net.

  No power came to my rescue, and the Shadow within me seemed as drained as I was. I breathed heavily, still trying to garner focus after getting so beaten down.

  “For someone who claims they’re not trying to kill me,” I said in between breaths, “you’re certainly not holding back.”

  Arian shrugged slightly. “You put up a good fight. Keeping you under control takes a firm hand.”

  In the background I spotted two forms flying toward us—Arian’s remaining soldier carrying Tara. I gulped.

  “So is this the part where you tell me the rest of your evil plan?” I asked, compensating for my fear. I gazed up at Arian defiantly, despite the fact that I didn’t have a leg to stand on.

  “Crisa,” Arian said. “You talk so much that you forget to listen. You already know the plan. Nadia wants to turn you dark, then use your magic for our cause.”

  “No, I mean this—You. Here. You and Tara came all the way to Dreamland to take some of our magic sand? It doesn’t check out. You have Dream Compasses. Even if you didn’t get them from Sandman directly, it means you can procure Dreamland supplies on your own. And even if you couldn’t find the sand elsewhere, you could’ve tried to take it from us before we entered Dreamland. Your people have been funding the commons rebellion, and they broke into Chance’s castle, one of the most defensible places in Book. Surely you had the means to steal the sand some other way. Why come to Dreamland?”