I didn't want to go on a date with Kevin or anyone, but maybe I could use the distraction. And if he didn't have any expectations of me, then maybe it would be a good way to take my mind off my guilt.
Reggie reemerged with two glasses of wine, handing me one.
"Okay, but it's just a friendly date. No promises,” I said, taking the wine from her.
"It'll be great. Really."
"Mommy, it’s your turn again." Tanner let out a little growl of frustration.
I reached over and turned over the card but this time I moved my man myself.
"This could be just the thing you need to get Carter out of your system," Reggie said sitting on the couch and dialing on her phone.
It seemed impossible that I would ever completely get over Carter, but it was definitely something I was going to have to try to do because once I told him about Tanner, there would be no option.
I was such an idiot to not have realized my feelings sooner. Actually, it wasn’t that I didn't know sooner, it was that I didn't believe in fairy tales or happily ever after. But it was becoming clear to me that despite that, I really wanted to try. And I knew that Carter had wanted to try too, which made my actions all the worse. He had essentially offered me everything I wanted, and I pushed him away cruelly because I was too afraid to take it.
Be careful what you wish for.
23
Carter
I was deeply hurt and extremely pissed Jess's reaction to my little deception. But if she walked through my door right now and wanted to make up, I would do it in a minute. It made me even more antsy to get away. To distract my mind from all the hopes and dreams that had disintegrated in front of me a few nights ago.
Of course, my grandmother and Noah had warned me, so I suppose I should expect an I told you so from them once they learned what had happened. Still, I really would've thought Jess would understand that my intentions were to love her.
Then again, I suppose she and everyone else was right, that a relationship couldn't be started on deception and expect any chance of surviving. Along with my own deception, I had to wonder what it was that she had been so guarded about herself. What was her relationship with this Reggie person?
I sat at my desk looking busy, but the numbers were all a blur. There was a knock at my door, and I was grateful for the distraction.
"It’s open," I called.
The door popped open and Hunter walked in. Hunter had always been the epitome of tall, dark and broody, but the man who walked in had a smile the size of Everest. He looked rested and extremely happy. I was ecstatic for him, even as I was jealous.
I stood. "Hey, you're back." I came out from around my desk to give him a hug.
"We just got in the other day. But there is jet lag we had to get over before coming in."
I rolled my eyes knowing that they probably spent all their jet lag in bed. Again, another reason to be jealous because I knew for a fact there is nothing sweeter than making love to the woman you are destined to be with.
"Marriage looks good on you."
Hunter grabbed a water bottle from one of the many sitting on my bar and then took a seat in one of the chairs. I took a seat in the other chair across from him.
"Marriage is fucking awesome. If I’d known it, I’d have done it sooner."
The truth was, as I later learned it, Hunter had actually almost got married once before. But as it turned out, the woman had only wanted him for his money and status, and to make it worse, she publicly humiliated him.
"I understand everything with the European expansion is going well. All the market tests went through without any glitches."
He nodded. "Yep, that's why I'm here." He handed me a file that I knew would have data about marketing and sales. I scanned through the numbers and they all looked good, which meant I could probably arrange to go somewhere else other than Europe. I could take time off, and go get lost in the Amazon of South America for a few weeks.
"Natalie and Kellie are having some sort of girls night, and Ryan is out of town and Noah is wherever Noah goes, so I'm tagging you, Carter, to come to Cesare’s tonight for drinks and dinner on me. To be honest you look like you could use a night out yourself."
A wave of sadness swept through me and I looked away, as I didn't want him seeing the truth of it. It wasn't that I didn't want him to know, but he was so happy now, and I didn't want to bring him down, with my own troubles.
"What's going on with you?" he asked.
"It's a long story that I don't think you want to hear. I'd rather hear about you and Natalie's honeymoon. At least the parts that are PG."
He cocked his head to the side and studied me for a minute. "No, really, man, what's going on?"
I was actually sort of surprised that no one had told him already, but perhaps I was the first person in the family he was seeing since coming home. "You know dad’s physical therapist?"
He nodded. "Yeah Jess. She was nice. She seemed to do a good job. What about her?”
“I knew her before.”
Hunter arched brow. "Do you mean ‘know’ in the biblical sense?"
"Well yes, but also more than that. I went on a cruise a few years ago and met her there. She was amazing and I realized I'd fallen in love with her, but we'd made a deal that it would just be a shipboard thing, so we didn’t exchange any information to get in touch with each other once the cruise was over. I always regretted that. And then I got to dad's house and there she was."
"So, what's the problem?"
"The minute I saw her, it was like I was full on head over heels again. But she keeps pushing me away. And before you tell me that that is her answer, she's not pushing me away when she's in bed with me."
Hunter nodded. "Natalie and I were like that in the beginning. It was fucking frustrating, and I was the one doing the pushing away.”
"The thing is when she finished working with dad, there was no reason for me to see her. So, I decided to pretend that I had a knee injury, and tried to hire her as my physical therapist."
Hunter gaped. "You do have a bad, don't you? I'm surprised because it doesn't seem like you dated anyone seriously in a long time. Now that you’ve found someone that you want to be with, the fact that she's not equally as interested in you, I have to wonder whether something is wrong with her. Let's face it Carter, you’re about as perfect a guy there is."
"Well, she would beg to differ, considering I lied to her."
"I tell you that Cupid is a hell of a beast, isn’t he? You meet the person that you're destined to be with, but he doesn't make it easy. And you have to endure it, because after meeting that person, there's no one else that will do."
I nodded. "That's about how it feels.”
"You know Nat and I didn't even get along in the beginning, so it's amazing that we came to this place. But once I recognized what I was feeling, the idea that I wouldn’t be able to be with her was like a fucking anvil on my heart."
He definitely understood how I was feeling, but fortunately for him he came out the other side with his happily ever after.
"It's kind of crazy and a whole lot terrifying how much I feel like she's the one you know?" I said.
Hunter nodded. "I absolutely know."
"But maybe the woman I met on the cruise isn’t the same Jess I’ve met again now. In many respects is the same, in others, she’s very different. I can't help feeling like she's hiding something."
"Noah did a background check on her and there was nothing wonky although I'm not sure how deep he went. Maybe you can ask him to take a deeper dive on her. See if she has any skeletons."
I shook my head. "Noah likes her, and he thinks I'm being unfair to her."
Hunter frowned. "Noah likes her? I thought he was just joking with her."
I waved a hand. "He says not like that. Like as a person, a friend." I let out a breath and stood going to my bar deciding I wanted a stiff drink. "It could be that she's not even single. She's living with some guy named Reggi
e so maybe when she was sleeping with me, she was cheating on him."
"Well if that's the case, then she's definitely no good for you."
That was true, but it didn't change how I felt about her.
"It's all the more reason for you to come down to Cesare’s tonight. I need to check on it and I could use a drinking buddy. Plus, the chef has mussels on the menu tonight. We can eat well and either talk about how to fix this thing with Jess or figure out a way for you to move on."
Growing up, the brother that I usually would go to with cerebral problems had been Ryan, because he was always serious and even keeled. Hunter had been the brother to go to if I needed someone to be threatened or beaten up.
I suppose now that we were all adults, and Hunter was married with a happier temperament, perhaps, he was the one that might best help me figure out what to do about Jess.
"I'll be there."
He stood and clapped his hands together. "Excellent. I’ll reserve us the private space so no one will bother us. And of course, there's a nice view of the dance floor, if you decide to take your mind off of Jess through another woman. I'm sure they'll be plenty to choose from."
I rolled my eyes. At one point, finding women on Cesare’s dance floor had been Hunter's solution to his female problems. I’d rather have a drink.
Hunter made his way to the door and then he stopped and turned to look at me. "Dad likes having you around, so don't be going making plans to go on some sort of Tibetan trek or something, which I know is what you're thinking about as a solution to this problem."
I was surprised that he knew that. Hunter had always seemed the most self-centered of my brothers, but I guess he was more insightful than I’d thought.
"I plan to be around for a little while, but no promises about Tibetan treks."
Hunter gave me a wave and then exited my door. I went back and sat down behind my desk, opening the folder that Hunter had brought for me. I did my damnedest to study the numbers, which wasn't easy, and required me to get another drink.
By the time I left that afternoon I’d had several drinks, so I decided to hire a car to drive me to Cesare’s. I knew if I got sloppy drunk, Hunter would make sure I got home. It had been a long time since I'd drunk away my despair. The last time had been the first night after the cruise when I was alone without Jess.
24
Jess
I couldn't believe that I was getting ready for a date. Why? Dating was a way to get to know a man that could eventually become a husband, and in my case, a father figure to Tanner, but Tanner already had a potential father figure and I'd messed that all up. Or more accurately, I hadn't fixed it. At least not the part where I told Carter that he was Tanner's father.
I really wanted to cancel the date, and the only reason I hadn't was because Tanner seemed to be getting a kick out of helping me get ready for my “play date” as Reggie had explained it to him. Reggie had promised him their own play date, which was going to include dinner at a fast-food restaurant that had a playground. As far as I was concerned, she was going to have the better date.
"Wear this one mommy. It'll make you so beautiful." Tanner held up the fake cubic zirconia bracelet. I took it from him deciding why the hell not. I wasn't very interested in looking my best for the date anyway. If I looked gaudy, all the better.
I pulled out my makeup and began applying it. Tanner went to my box pulling out all the different shades of lipstick and opening them.
"Can I wear some mommy?" He immediately brought the tube with the brightest red lipstick up to his lips and began applying the sticky substance.
I smiled, but tried not to laugh, as he looked a little bit like a clown. "You look very handsome."
He grinned, which made the whole scene worth it.
"Are you about ready?" Reggie asked from the doorway of my room.
"Which one?" I asked.
"The both of you." She noticed Tanner and smiled. "Well, you've made yourself extra handsome for me, haven't you little man?"
"It's just like my mommy."
I gave him a hug because he often made me feel such love that it had to be expressed physically. That thought brought me back to the afternoon I spent with Carter, when I asked him to touch me and he did with such care and tenderness. Had he been expressing love to me?
I shook my head because there was no sense going there. Whether he had been making love to me or not, didn't matter at this point.
I rose from my little vanity station and grabbed my purse. "What is this guy like again?"
Regina rolled her eyes, and I couldn't blame her because I only asked her about hundred times before. "He’s smart, he's funny, he's good looking. He’s successful in his career and I've always thought he was a straight shooter. No games."
The no games comment made me think of Carter's deception. I held my arms out to the side. "Well, what do you think?"
Her brow rose at a couple of the elements Tanner had added to my ensemble, but overall, she nodded her head. "You’re gonna knock them dead."
I gave Tanner a hug and thanked Reggie again for watching him as I headed out on my date.
I drove down toward the restaurant, pulling up to the valet feeling very awkward giving him the keys to my clunker. To his credit, he didn't seem fazed by it.
I’d heard of Cesare’s before, of course, but never thought I'd actually eat there. Along with the expensive price, it was also known to be a place where the young, single, and free would go to hang out. I might be considered young, and technically single, but I wasn't free. I didn’t mind it though because Tanner was worth way more than spending my nights clubbing.
I stepped inside the restaurant portion of the establishment and quickly looked around. A host came up to me and I told him who I was waiting for.
"He's just arrived. Let me take you to your table." The host led me toward a table sitting near the edge of where the restaurant ended, and the club section began.
Reggie was right, the man was handsome. He stood and was wearing an impeccable charcoal suit. He looked about as nervous as I felt, as he extended his hand. "I'm Kevin."
I took his hand and shook it briefly. "I'm Jess."
He helped me to my seat and then sat across from me. He ordered a bottle of wine for us, and then for a moment we sat in silence.
"I'll admit I've never been set up on a date before," he said. "I was really nervous about it."
I smiled. "Nervous that you’d embarrass yourself, or nervous that I wouldn't be a good date?"
He smiled, and it made him even more handsome. "Admittedly, I was initially worried that you wouldn't be a good date, but now I'm worried that I'm going to embarrass myself, because…" He looked down and his cheeks blushed.
"Because what?" I asked.
"He laughed. "I was going to say that you're very beautiful, but I was afraid that might make me look shallow."
I smiled, "You can say I look beautiful. Women usually like to hear that."
"Whew." He wiped his brow with the back of his hand as if he escaped a dangerous situation.
"I had a bit of an adventure getting ready for this evening as I don't normally go on dates either. My son helped me out.” I showed him the tennis bracelet.
"I've heard great things about your son from Reggie," Kevin said.
A wave of guilt came over me as I realized I just told my date that I had a son, but hadn't told Carter. Why had it been so easy to tell this perfect stranger but not Tanner's own father?
Kevin frowned. "Is everything all right?"
Realizing my emotions must be on my face, I worked it into a smile. "Yes, of course. He is a wonderful little boy, and he and I are so blessed to have Reggie in our lives."
The wine arrived, and after a couple sips, I began to settle down again and enjoy my dinner with Kevin. Maybe in another time in my life if I met him, I might have seen more than just the handsome friendly man who made for an enjoyable dinner partner.
But I wasn't at another time in my
life. I was in a time after having had a shipboard romance with Carter. It was after the time that he and I had been bumping into each other like balls on a pinball machine, reigniting all those feelings and sensations. I wondered for a moment if I was going to have to settle for a life of spinsterhood, or for a nice man like Kevin, who would probably make a fine life partner, but wouldn't have the passion of someone like Carter.
We were just enjoying a laugh when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked up into Carter's fierce but glassy eyes.
"Carter?" Panic rose inside me, although I wasn't sure why. "What are you doing here?" Had he followed me? Had he decided he wasn't done trying to pursue me after all? That question should have given me hope, but all I could feel right there looking up into his angry eyes, was deep despair.
"This is a public place. I can eat here if I want to. Looks like maybe you've moved up in the world. Perhaps you had a windfall."
There was something about his demeanor that was off-putting. I knew he was suggesting that I'd taken his money and was now using it to lavish on myself without fulfilling my end of the deal. That wasn't nearly as bothersome as the suspicion that I had that he was drunk. I'd never seen Carter drunk before. Even when we were in Mexico and drinking quite a bit, I was usually the one with her head over the toilet bowl while Carter sat with me singing Mexican bar songs. God, I'd forgotten about that. Another sweet thing he'd done, even though at the time I was mortified that he was watching me puke my guts up.
Carter turned and looked over at my date. He extended his hand. "Carter Strong. You must be the famous Reggie."
I gaped. What?
Kevin's brow furrowed. “No, I'm Kevin," he said, shaking Carter's hand.
Carter jerked back, his expression one of surprise as he looked at me. "Wow. You move on quickly, don’t you Jess?"
Anger boiled from the pit of my stomach. I had the urge to stand up and slap him across the face.
Wrong to Love You: Strong Brothers Book 3 Page 12