With his hand on my chair, he leaned into it like he planned to stay for a while. "Before me, or maybe even during me, she was seeing Reggie," he said to Kevin.
Kevin looked at me, and I could see he was uncomfortable and confused. I was humiliated and angry.
"Why are you here?" I tried to keep my voice down because I knew I was in a posh restaurant and didn't want to make a scene.
"What does it matter if I'm here? Should I add that to the long list of other things Jess doesn't want me to do?"
I growled in frustration. Hopelessly, I looked over at Kevin.
"Maybe I should go."
Kevin shook his head. “No. I’ll call over the host. I know they have really good security in this place.”
Carter laughed. "I'm going to enjoy this."
Kevin motioned for the host who'd been seating another couple. He came over to the table first looking at Kevin and then at me. He turned to Carter. "Is everything all right here, Mr. Strong?"
Of course, he knew Carter. Carter had money. Carter was exactly the type of person this establishment catered to.
"I'm doing very well, thank you." Carter answered with a nod.
The host studied Carter with an odd expression as if he too was recognizing that Carter wasn't running on all cylinders.
"It seems as if maybe these two patrons are unhappy. There was a time in my life when I made Jess here really happy. Four years ago, wasn't it, Jess?"
I looked down knowing that I was just going to have to endure this. There was a part of me that felt I deserved it, so I let him do it.
"But this time around, no, I wasn't good enough. I was ready to promise her everything. Give her everything I had. But no…"
I looked up when he didn't finish his sentence and I could see profound sadness on his face. I did that to him.
"Mr. Strong. I believe your brother is waving toward you," the host said.
Carter smiled broadly. "It's my brother Hunter. He met the woman of his dreams and they’re happily married, just back from a month-long trip through Europe. Couldn't have happened to a better guy."
"Oh geez," Kevin said. "You're Hunter Strong's brother?"
Carter nodded. "That's right. Looks like he's coming this way. He does really like to spy on the people in his restaurant."
Oh my God. We had inadvertently come to a restaurant that Carter's brother owned. No wonder he was pissed. He probably thought I was on a date with Kevin to rub it in his face.
25
Carter
I was already in a state that was too tipsy to drive when I arrived. Now having been a Cesare’s for an hour drinking and having appetizers in the private room with my brother, Hunter, I was pretty well drunk.
I wasn’t so far gone that I wasn’t aware that I was making a fool of myself, but what the hell? I’d already been a fool in front of Jess over and over and over again. In front of my grandmother. In front of Noah. In front of my father. And tonight, in front of Hunter. So, what was a few more witnesses from San Diego noticing a man who was completely crushed because he loved a woman who didn't love them back.
In my drunken state, I could easily blame her because she'd brought her date to my brother’s restaurant. Did she know I'd be here, and wanted me to see her with another man? Was this her way of putting the exclamation point on her resolve that she and I couldn't be together?
It felt like fucking salt on a wound when I saw her enter and meet with a man. It was like hot pokers gouging out that wound when I saw them talk so easily and laugh together. What did this guy have that I didn't anyway?
Jess.
He had Jess and I didn't.
Jess rose from her chair. "Kevin, would you excuse me for a moment? I'm going to talk with Carter."
I stood my ground. "Whatever you need to say, you can say it here."
"You say that now Carter, but you're drunk. Tomorrow you’ll regret it. Let's go have this in private."
"Not nearly drunk enough,” I muttered as I followed her outside to the sidewalk.
She walked down the street a little bit and then leaned against the building looking up as if she was asking God for strength.
In the back of my mind, I was thinking I probably embarrassed her, but right now I couldn't muster up enough energy to care. I walked up and stood in front of her, my hands on my hips waiting to hear what she had to say.
"Look, I'm sorry that we ended up here for dinner. I didn't mean to hurt you —"
I let out a laugh. “You didn't mean to hurt me, and yet you decided hurting me was the best option," I said, repeating the lines she'd given me when I had tried to explain why I had feigned a knee injury.
She looked down for a moment and took a breath before returning her attention back to me. "I didn't know that this was your brother's place. If I'd known, I wouldn’t have come here."
Her words were stabbed to my chest. She didn't feel bad or guilty about seeing someone else. She only felt bad that she ended up in a place that I would see her with somebody else. If that wasn't a sure sign this thing between us was over, I didn't know what was. But she was also lying, which under the circumstances seemed quite ironic.
"How come it's okay for you to lie but not me?"
Her eyes went so wide and her face pale, that I thought she might pass out. She didn't say anything for a long moment, so I decided I would clarify.
"You knew this was my brother's place and you came anyway.”
Her mouth snapped shut and the panic lessened immensely. What the hell did she think I was talking about?
"I didn't know that this was your brother's place."
"Yes, you did. We were talking about it that night we went to dinner with my dad. I told you how I didn't like going to Hunter's place if I felt like he was going to be spying on me.”
"I'm sorry Carter. I don't remember hearing that it was Cesare’s.”
"Well now you do. Maybe I'll give you a list of all the places I hang out so you can stop flaunting your Reggie’s and your Kevin's in front of me because it's fucking killing me Jess." I turned away and ran my fingers through my hair, hating that I was revealing so much of my pain to her.
"Reggie is not a boyfriend. Reggie is my roommate and she's a girl. Her name is Regina.”
I stopped short and let that sink in, which took a little bit longer than normal because my brain was soaked with alcohol.
"Carter?"
I worked to gather my wits together and turned around to look at her.
"I hate that I'm hurting you, Carter."
"It sucks on my end too."
She reached up her hand pressing the side of my cheek, and instinct had me closing my eyes, savoring her touch on my skin before I could put up any walls to guard against it.
Her hand slid down over my chest. "Carter?"
I opened my eyes and she appeared to be standing closer to me. "I'm sorry. I really am sorry."
I knew that look on her face. I'd seen it in my SUV just before she climbed in my lap. I saw it in the guest bedroom of my house, before she asked me to touch her. Once again, she was lifting up on her tiptoes, her lips moving ever closer to mine. My heart hammered in my chest and yearning exploded there. I wanted her. I wanted this.
My heart remembered what happened after we had sex in the SUV and after we had sex at my house. It remembered how she needed me, and I’d been there for her, but in return she'd rejected me.
I brought my hands to her shoulders to stop her forward movement as I stepped back from her.
She looked up at me in surprise and disappointment.
"I want you so fucking bad, Jess. But I can't do this hot and cold, back and forth, anymore. I'm sorry I just can't."
I left her on the sidewalk, going back into the restaurant, avoiding Kevin's table as I made my way toward the bar. I'd had a pretty solid buzz on a few minutes ago, but that was all gone now. I ordered a double shot, because I wanted that buzz back. I wanted to be numb.
A hand came onto my shoulder
and when I turned it was Hunter coming to my side. "Why don’t I take you home and we get drunk?"
I really appreciated that Hunter seemed to know what was going on with me without my having to explain it to him. He must have seen me talking with Jess, so he had to know how it hurt to see her with another man.
"If it makes you feel any better, I comped them their dinner —"
I looked at him in confusion. Why would a free dinner make me feel better?
"And then I told them that neither of them was allowed back in here ever again."
Again, I appreciated that he was looking out for me. Now that we were grown up, he didn't have to beat Kevin up. He just had to make sure Kevin was never allowed into the most prestigious restaurant in San Diego.
"I'm sorry I bailed from the back room like that."
Hunter shook his head. "It was my fault for leaving you in the private room alone to go check on the kitchen. If I were in your situation and I saw the woman I love having dinner with another man, I would've stumbled out and embarrassed myself as well."
I grinned. "I did embarrass myself tonight."
"In spectacular fashion. I'm very proud of you. I'm usually the one that ends up embarrassed in public."
I felt guilty at that. "I didn’t embarrass you, did I? Or hurt the business?"
Hunter laughed and patted me on the back. "No, you didn't, little brother. Come on, let's get outta here. We’ll go to your place. It's really big. Maybe we could play hide and seek. It’ll be hilarious when you're drunk."
"Maybe I'll really fall down the stairs and hurt my knee then."
Hunter shook his head. “Let's go.”
Fortunately, the drive from Cesare’s to my place wasn't too far. Before long I was in my own parlor, drinking my own booze, while my brother sat on the opposing couch and did what big brothers do: get drunk and commiserate.
"You know that the time that Natalie and I were on the outs, she came into Cesare’s with Kellie and Andy, and was dancing in a barely there dress with that asshole Jason Tollison." Hunter took a long gulp of his drink as if the memory was taunting him. "I wanted to fucking rip his head off."
I nodded. I could say that I wanted to rip Kevin's head off, but I might've been happy if Hunter did it.
"Do you think if things with you and Natalie hadn’t worked out that eventually there was somebody else out there that you could be with?"
Hunter's jovial manner dissipated and he looked down. "I don't know, man. Actually, I believe Natalie is the one. It was her or nobody. But I don't want to say that to you. I have to believe that despite how painful this is, Jess isn't the one for you. There was a time before Natalie that I thought I'd met someone and it hurt when that didn't turn out, and then I met Natalie, so in that scenario, yes, there is another person."
"So, Jess isn't my Natalie or Kellie?"
"Yes, that's right."
I downed my drink. "It's too bad Natalie and Kelly don't have another sister."
Hunter laughed. "One of the things I've always loved about you, Carter, is your ability to have humor when you feel like shit."
I tried to smile, but I was pretty sure it came out as a grimace. "Isn’t there a saying about something is so bad you can't help but laugh?" I didn't know what the hell I was talking about, but it did seem like something I'd heard before.
"What you need is another drink." Hunter stood, going to the bar for the bottle of vodka and bringing back. He poured us both another shot, then set the bottle on the coffee table, I guess, so we wouldn't have to go so far to have more.
"Won’t Natalie miss you tonight?" I asked. I felt guilty about taking him away from his lovely wife. I knew he'd called her to tell her what was going on, but it still seemed like a lot to ask of my brother to spend time with me when he had a new wife.
"I hope she does." He grinned. “And then when I get home, we’ll have quite a reunion."
I knew Natalie well enough to know that she understood how important family was to us. She was family now, so of course she would support Hunter and the rest of us.
I wondered, who Jess had for support? She never really talked about family. I suppose she had her roommate Reggie, who, as it turned out, was a woman. I did feel a little stupid for being jealous about that, but it didn't change the fact that Jess wasn't interested in me, and in fact was going out with another man.
"I'm thinking of going to the Amazon."
"Of course, you are," Hunter said under his breath, so I don't think he meant for me to hear it. "Let's get drunk and then sober first, and then you can see about going to the Amazon."
"I like that idea of the Tibetan trek too."
"One thing at a time, little brother. One thing at a time."
26
Jess
There was something seriously wrong with me. I was on a date with one man but had tried to kiss another one. I had successfully rejected the one man that I loved, and yet once again started to throw myself at him. But most cruelly, I was keeping this man, who was clearly in pain from my rejection, from knowing about his son. It was difficult for me to reconcile the woman that I believed myself to be with the one I was turning out to be.
I was hurt when Carter rejected me just now, but I couldn't blame him. In the end, I was glad that he had the strength to do it.
I might have simply gone home, but with all my faults, I didn't want to add abandoning a date to the list of my obnoxious behavior. So, I reentered the restaurant, scanning it to see where Carter had gone. He seemed to avoid Kevin, and instead went to the bar. I worried about him drinking so much, but then I remembered this was Hunter's restaurant so hopefully Hunter would look out for him.
When I arrived at my table, I was about to sit, when Hunter arrived.
"I apologize for any embarrassment that my brother may have caused you," he said. His voice was smooth and even and I got the feeling he didn't really mean what he was saying.
"Maybe you need to send him to rehab —"
I flinched at Kevin's comment as I sat down. Hunter's eyes narrowed into menacing slits.
"It's okay. We shouldn't have come here." I said, thinking that perhaps it was time to leave.
"I've gone ahead and comped you your meals to make up for any discomfort my brother may have caused you."
Kevin nodded as if he thought that was a fair deal. "Thank you. We appreciate that."
I looked at Kevin and maybe he didn't realize that he'd invited me to dinner but the man paying for it was the brother of the man that I had hurt.
"I hope that you will enjoy tonight's meal because it will be the last one you have at Cesare’s. After tonight, I don't want to see either of you back in here again."
Kevin's jaw dropped. My heart fell, feeling chastised, just as it should. How did I let my life get to be such a mess?
"Maybe we should go," I said to Kevin after Hunter left our table.
Kevin shook his head. "If this is the only meal that I’ll have at Cesare’s, I would like to enjoy it." Then, as if he realized he was being insensitive, he said, "I'm sorry, if you're uncomfortable we can go. Or we can stay and not let the drunken anger of your ex get in the way of our having an enjoyable time."
He had a point. But to me, staying felt like I'd be rubbing salt into Carter's wound. I'd be rubbing salt in my own wound.
"Kevin, I really enjoyed meeting you, and had we gone somewhere else, I'm sure we would've had a lovely evening. But I can't stay here. Not now. I'm sorry." I rose from my chair, and grabbed my purse.
Kevin watched me a little bit surprised. It occurred to me that had it been Carter sitting there, he would have risen from his chair with me. Carter had immaculate manners, his recent drunken confrontation notwithstanding.
I watched Kevin for a moment, and he seemed torn as to what to do. I couldn't blame him. He was going to have a free meal at Cesare’s, the only meal he would ever be able to have here, if Hunter stuck to his guns. I wasn't going to take that away from him.
"You st
ay and enjoy the meal. I don't want to ruin your evening."
He stood. "It doesn't seem right to just let you go and stay here for dinner."
I waved his comment away. "Please stay and enjoy it. Really, it's okay. I want you to."
He seemed to think about it for a moment and then nodded.
"I really was having a good time, and I'm sorry I ruined it —"
"You didn't ruin it, Carter Strong did," Kevin said.
I shook my head. "No, all this is my fault. Have a lovely dinner Kevin." I turned and left the restaurant. When I got my car, I considered driving out to the beach or someplace where I could sit and think, but instead I just drove home. Perhaps I’d get there in time to put Tanner to bed.
When I walked into the house, the living room was empty, and all was quiet in the kitchen. That meant Reggie was probably putting Tanner to bed, so I made it just in time.
I made my way up the hall to his room and peeked in to see Reggie reading Tanner a book.
"Mommy, you’re back," Tanner exclaimed, not at all looking sleepy. "Did your friend think you are beautiful?"
I leaned against the door jamb to watch him. "He did. Thanks to you."
Reggie rose from sitting on the bed. "You’re back earlier than I thought you'd be."
I shrugged and managed a smile because I wasn’t going to tell her what a disaster it was in front of Tanner. "It was an interesting evening."
She watched me for a minute and then said, "That sounds like we need a glass of wine and to talk. Here you can finish reading Tanner his book and I’ll go get the wine and see you in a few."
I nodded because wine sounded really good right now.
I sat on the edge of the bed and Tanner told me where Reggie had been in the book before I interrupted him. I finished the story about a train, and then tucked him in.
I loved him so much, and the guilt at keeping him from knowing a wonderful man like Carter was more than I could bear. Not that my fears hadn't waned. I knew Carter would be a good father, but would he believe that Tanner was his son? And after everything that I had done to mess this up, would he try to take Tanner away from me?
Wrong to Love You: Strong Brothers Book 3 Page 13